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“There's a darkness up ahead
I will see you
Where the shadow ends
Cross the badlands to rise again
I will see you
Where the shadow ends”
“Childe.”
“Childe!”
“Ajax, where are you?!”
The voice was frantic, starting out as a cautious call of his name to a panicked yell.
The source of the voice stood in the middle of a dark field, the stench of blood flooding his nostrils and choking him. He ignored it, pressing on, until the sight of bright red hair broke the dark fog surrounding him.
Kuni screamed.
He was at Ajax’s side before he was able to process it, collapsing to his knees and sliding the rest of the way down the hill. He stared at the broken and bloodied form before him, his heart beating so fast out of sheer terror that he felt like it was going to jump out and run away.
“Ajax,” he choked on his air, sounding like he was being strangled.
“Ajax, please, don’t leave me . Not yet, I —”
Ajax was smiling up at him. It was weak, and broken, and hopeless, but so full of love that Kuni was sobbing before he realized it. He placed his hands on Ajax’s cheeks, smearing blood but not caring as he leaned down and pressed their foreheads together. His tears slid down his face and fell on Ajax’s.
“It's okay.“ Kuni’s voice shook. “It's okay, you’ll be okay. I love you. I’ll get you back, it's not too late to get you a healer. Please stay with me, please.”
The smell of blood was forgotten, the drizzle of rain that began around them went unnoticed. The world around Kuni shrunk until it was just him and his broken boy, taking in breath after breath with wheezing lungs.
Ajax placed a warm hand on his cheek, trembling. Kuni sobbed.
“Promise me something,” he whispered, brushing his thumb gently over Kuni’s cheekbone.
Kuni leaned into the hand, his shoulders shaking with the strength of his sobs. “Anything. Anything for you.”
Ajax’s hand dropped as the strength left his arm and yet he still smiled weakly up at Kuni. A single tear fell from the corner of his eyes and mixed with the blood on his forehead until it disappeared into dirty ginger hair. He wasn’t supposed to cry. He was supposed to smile and laugh, back at home where they were safe.
“Live for me.” Ajax whispered, trembling weakly. “Don’t miss opportunities for yourself because I’m not there.”
Kuni stared before slowly nodding. Everything felt so surreal suddenly, as if he wasn’t really there right now. As if Ajax wasn’t dying in his arms.
Pleased with his answer, Ajax’s head fell back and he was staring at the dark sky. Rain fell into his eyes but he didn’t seem to care very much.
“Sing for me.” He requested after a too-long silence.
Kuni stared at him for a moment longer.
He couldn’t be serious.
But he was.
And so, Kuni did what he did best.
The Balladeer sang for his Ajax.
“In the rising wind where the black waves call
To the bones of ships on the ocean floor
To your hopeless heart left on the shore
There's nothing left here anymore”
They were supposed to make it out of this alive. The two of them had made plans to run away together, to leave the Fatui behind. Kuni had the gnosis now, he could protect them both in a crisis. But it had been too late.
He was too late.
He failed to protect his Ajax.
“There's a great unknown from you to me
And when your prayer’s unheard and you don't believe
So put your faith in the devil and the deep blue sea
Put your trust in the light that you cannot see”
Kuni didn’t believe in fate or destiny, nor did he believe in karma. He believed things happened randomly, that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. It didn’t matter, it never did, what anyone did because in the end, everything was the same.
But for just a moment, he wondered if this was his punishment. If Kuni had to watch Ajax’s admiring smile as he struggled to breathe, listening to Kuni’s strangled singing voice and knowing that would be the last thing he ever heard.
“There's a darkness up ahead
I will see you
Where the shadow ends
Cross the badlands to rise again
I will see you
Where the shadow ends
I will see you
Where the shadow ends”
Ajax frowned, and Kuni stopped singing immediately. Why was he frowning? Why did his beautiful smile disappear?
“Don’t cry,” Ajax whispered to him, worry in his eyes.
Kuni almost laughed. Ajax was literally dying, and he was worried about him?
Instead of responding, he merely shook his head and continued singing.
“When you can't go round and you can't outrun
What lies behind, what stands in front
Through the broken gates of kingdom come
I will see you again when the night is dawn”
Ajax wanted to get a dog at some point. Kuni wasn’t a dog person, and so he bickered, saying they would only get caught if they had to carry around a loud smelly creature with them. He never admitted he wanted one too, if only to see Ajax happy. He never admitted that he would have gotten Ajax a dog the second they settled down.
Maybe he should have. But it was too late to matter now, so Kuni said nothing.
“There's a darkness up ahead
I will see you
Where the shadow ends
Cross the badlands to rise again
I will see you
Where the shadow ends
Where the shadow ends
I will see you
Where the shadow ends”
Perhaps, in another life, they could have been normal. Maybe Kuni and Ajax could have a happy life together, uninterrupted by stupid duties and concerns about a war they’d never make it to participate in anyway. He thought about that quite often.
A life where they were simply happy.
Kuni knew it was impossible yet he craved it anyway. Because that’s what he does best, wish for the unrealistic. Like for Ajax to survive this night.
“I can see the lighthouse through the smoke
Everything is lost, I know
Underneath the roaring of the storm
I can hear the breaking of the dawn
Can you see the broken rays of light
Caught into the dead of night
And I know that I'll see you again”
Ajax’s breathing had slowed again. It was almost impossible to tell he was breathing in the first place, and if Kuni hadn’t been there to feel how his lungs moved with each wheezing breath, he would have thought him dead already.
He shouldn’t be here singing a stupid song. He should be getting Ajax to a healer, saving his life somehow.
But if this was what Ajax wanted, then Kuni wasn’t going to complain.
After all, if Ajax was going to die, he’d rather the man die happy with his wish granted than unhappy in a clinical room somewhere.
“Where the shadow ends
Where the shadow ends
I will see you
Where the shadow ends”
Ajax interrupted him again. “I love you,” he managed, barely able to get the words out.
Tears mixed with the rain that was now pouring around them, spilling down Kuni’s cheeks.
“I love you too, my beautiful Ajax.”
He pressed a gentle kiss to Ajax’s forehead, listening to him repeat those three words like a lifeline. Kuni stayed still, not saying a single word as Ajax finally trailed off with a quiet whimper and fell silent. He wasn’t breathing anymore.
It was hard to open his mouth again, but Kuni persisted. Anything for his Ajax.
“Can you see the broken rays of light
Calling through the dead of night
And I know that I'll see you again
Where the shadow ends”
And then Kuni was done.
His head fell back, his mouth wide open, tears streaming freely down his face. His fists clenched so tight that his nails broke skin and blood mixed with the rain.
And then he screamed again.
And again.
And then again.
Kuni screamed and sobbed and wailed until he was stuck gasping for air, his throat raw and pain flooding his mind until he couldn’t think anymore.