Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Marcy stares at her ceiling.

Anne and Sasha are on about some dumb boy band again, if Marcy wanted Asian men her father is literally one call away.

But hundreds of miles away.

Like was in California now in Virginia type of away.

And something burns inside of Marcy, maybe it’s the stab wound, but Marcy thinks maybe not.

It’s the feeling of abandonment again. The feeling that she wasn’t enough to make people stay.

But alas, what can Marcy wu do about this pain?

Listen to her sad playlist on Spotify with one ear, and listen to Sasha and Anne’s conversation with the other!

There’s no need for sad, gloomy, droopy thoughts when you’ve got your forever besties!

But if we’re going back to thoughts, Marcy really is surprised she made it this long in life. 14, what an achievement. But Marcy wouldn’t be surprised if she died before she drank for the first time.

Sasha and Anne are still talking, they’re excited about a concert. Some band that they both like are going to be doing signatures and poster signings.

Marcy wonders when was the last time she was happy.

Everything feels so numb now, like life’s not been worth living.

The girls and their connection with amphibia is pretty good. They all have mini portals they can open, and phones to call their loved ones. But for some reason, Marcy can’t bring herself to even try to communicate with anyone there.

They’re a living reminder of Marcy’s faults.

And Marcy’s faults have changed her so so much.

Now, she can’t say a sentence without it laced in sarcasm. She can’t go in public without some type of headphones to cover the noises. She can’t even stomach 2 meals a day.

She’s become everything she never wanted to be.

“Hey, Marbles, what’s your favorite boy band?” Anne asks out of curiosity.

Marcy has no idea. The few boy bands she can muster would probably be BTS, One Direction, BackStreet Boys, and Imagine Dragons.

Wait, wasn’t that a rock band?

“Fifth Harmony.” Marcy jokes, unwilling to carry the joke any further because she is just so tired.

She’s been tired for her whole life, but in the latest weeks… wait no, months it’s been much worse.

She can’t even tell what day it is anymore, it’s just rinse and repeat. Like a fanfiction where Marcy is on a time loop, but this time she doesn’t give a fuck.

“Wow Marcy, someone’s snappy today! What did Fifth Harmony do to you?” Sasha jokes, eyes happy and full of glee because she is hanging out with her friends and-

Why doesn’t Marcy feel that happy?

Marcy can’t help but feel envious and mad at Sasha. Mad because Marcy has been snappy for such a long time, but no one is noticing! No one cares enough to stop by and ask how her days going. This has been the first time she’s seen the both for 3, no, 4, weeks!

And envious because.. Sasha is just so free spirited now. She has no guilt on her shoulders, because she is confident the people around her forgive her enough to be with her. She’s got nothing to hide and no one to blame.

It’s like the roles reversed.

But Sasha deserves to be free spirited. She’s gone through hell and back. Marcy can’t shit talk (think?) Sasha now, she owes Sasha her life! She can’t shit talk (think?) One of the girls she loved!

Marcy also knows that if Anne or Sasha commanded her to do so, she would jump off the ledge she’s on.

Marcy hums in response because yet again, Marcy can’t muster the energy to speak. What’s the point? She’ll be ignored anyway. All Marcy is there for us to do the group project.

She’s clumsy, clueless, naive, little Marcy! She can’t handle herself, much less others! She can’t feel pain either, always the passive one who doesn’t cry (unless if physically hurt). She’s a walking puppet, a blank slate. She can be anything you want or need her to be, for free!

And Marcy.. she wants to be clumsy, clueless, naive, little Marcy again. She doesn’t want it to just be an act, like how it is now. She wants it to be reality, like how it used to be.

Marcy wu wasn’t stupid either, but she sure as hell was dumb. She could solve the equation, but she could never act on it. She could help plan the battle, but never would she lead it. She was a follower, not a commander. There had been times she wanted to be the commander like Sasha, or be the motivator like Anne. But Marcy is well aware of this role she had, the medic is just as important as the warrior! Though, for some reason now.. she didn’t want to be either.

She stares into the unused TV like it was a mirror, and examines her reflection.

Her eye bags are humongous for how much she sleeps. Her hair is now at her shoulders, because she can’t bring herself to cut it.

She feels like shit, she can’t even do anything anymore. She just sits around, drinking soda and listening to Spotify.

Who the hell has she become?

Everyday is rinse, repeat, redo. Since the girls and her missed so much school, they have to do it on the weekends. Marcy chose to do online school, while the other decided to do it in-person. So for 7 days a week, Marcy wakes up, attends classes online, does the work, and sits in her bed after.

She isn’t even passing social study’s now. She was supposed to be the know it all! She learns fast, she knows the subject, so why can’t she bring herself to finish her fucking assignments?

Who the hell is she if she can’t even be the top of her school?

She’s the intelligence gem for fucks sake! Why can’t she pass social study’s?

And Marcy knew that she should would never be able to lead with a passionate fire, like Sasha. But she knew she could help! She knew she could give the battle strategies. So why isn’t she motivated now?

Marcy can’t stop or lose her cool. But what’s the point anymore?

But who would love her if she didn’t live up to their expectations? Who would love her if she wasn’t clumsy, clueless, naive, little Marcy?

She’s not naive little Marcy anymore. But she wants to be!

And while Sasha and Anne are having the best time, visiting amphibia and the skating rinks near by, she sits at home with the TV on, looking into the ceiling, not even paying attention to the screen.

Marcy has no idea what she needs to get better. Because she doesn’t even know when this.. nothingness.. this numbness will end. It’s frustrating but she can’t bring herself to do anything about it.

She’s anxious and nothing is helping. The pills, the therapy, nothing. Nothing. Her therapist doesn’t understand why she’s sad, her psychiatrist can’t find the perfect prescription for her because of her physical health issues (and the core really fucking up her mind).

So all she can do is hope for better days. Where she can feel herself, because clearly the pills are too much.

And Marcy doesn’t want to die. No way, but she can’t help but feel like it would be so much easier if she was invisible. But she’s also so tired of sinking.

And Marcy’s hanging on a thread here. The only things keeping her here is Anne, Sasha, and pure spite for the people who thought she wouldn’t be able to make it. Because here she is, surviving (but not thriving)

And could you count this surviving if you don’t feel human?

She useless to everyone around her. She gives nothing to the group. She can’t even help with her friends with their homework anymore because of how little she see’s them.

And, everything bad always happens to her! She got possessed and couldn’t do anything about it. She knew Andrias has something up with him but didn’t do anything. But how could someone so smart be so useless and naive? But Marcy wasn’t to be naive again! But -

“Fuck these mood swings.” Marcy grumbled to herself.

Sasha and Anne looked at her with concern. And Marcy couldn’t help but notice how her heart flutters because they were so pretty.

Marcy can’t tell if she loves them or wants to be them.

“You ok Marcy?” Anne asks softly.

This was Marcy’s chance to ask for help! To vent, to tell people about her feelings. Maybe get help, maybe feel human, maybe feel happy! This could be her cry for help!

“I”m fine, thanks for asking.” Marcy says without a smile.

Because, How could she burden others with her pathetic feelings? That was wrong. She had harmed the two so much, how could she even think about making them try to help her.

Anne and Sasha share a look, like how they always do. When’s the last time Marcy shared a look with the either of the girls? Who’s she kidding, she probably looks like she smokes weed all day right now. She’s the epitome of “don’t do drugs and wear sunscreen. Or else you”ll look like her”.

Marcy really wishes she was a pure, perfect girl. She isn’t though. And though she’s never smoked or used drugs, she sure as hell gives people the impression she did. How did she go from a cute little girl to someone who couldn’t keep her sanity in close touch and looked like she would seduce your mom. She wants to be someone who you would think ran the chess club. But she looked like Rue from fucking euphoria.

Well, if she looked anything like Zendaya she would be much happier. But she doesn’t.

“Whatever you say Marcy.” Anne still looks concerned, but she also looks like she’s ready to move on. The duo continue to talk about boy bands.

Marcy continues to spiral down in her own thoughts. Wondering what she did to get here. She, at one point, falls asleep. Marcy knows she fell asleep to escape her thoughts.

She only stops when she hears a shuffle.

She looks up to see Anne standing up, with her bag on her shoulder. Marcy looks at the time, it’s been approximately two hours since she fell asleep

Anne and her make eye contact.

“Oh! Marcy your awake! I was about to head out, but I didn’t want to bother you.. how much sleep have you been getting.” Anne says worried.

“Yea Marcy you’ve been out of it..” Sasha says softly.

Marcy wants to be truthful and say, “all day everyday!” But she knows she can’t. They would see her as weak for not being able to stay awake, for not wanting to make investments in this life that has only failed her.

“Not a lot, but that’s because of school, I”ll catch up later!” Marcy promises, still not sounding genuine. But Anne and Sasha don’t spare her a second thought.

“Alright, I’m heading out.” Marcy decides, getting up and taking her backpack with her.

Sasha and her way to pretty for an ex-war criminal eyes only glimmer while she waves them off.

Marcy’s heart scrunches up, did she want to be them or be with them? Why does this feeling keep on appearing?

Marcy heads her own way again. She makes her way home.

There’s cans of soda everywhere, blankets sprawled around random places. Marcy know she’s been living in filth, but that’s ok. What’s the point of clean up anyway?

Everything is too confusing. To much brainpower. And this is coming from the girl who was prophesied to use the wit gem.

The roads twist and turn like her mental and physician health.

She lives in the cheapest part of LA. Well, As cheap as LA can get.

And because of this, the area looks like everyone who inhabits it looks like they mug people or they get mugged all the time. Marcy has no idea what category she falls under.

Somehow, Olivia was able to get this apartment for her. She has no idea how Olivia pays for this. Olivia mentioned something about crypto currency and that’s when marcy zoned out.

Olivia did so much for Marcy, and what did marcy do? She ghosted her. Any attempt Olivia made to communicate with Marcy would always fail. Marcy couldn’t bring herself to speak to her pseudo-mom. She can’t, she doesn’t want Olivia to see her like….this.

Marcy had a singular credit card that gets around 1,000 dollars a month to buy basic necessities. Marcy’s pretty sure it’s payed from the government. Marcy in full realization doesn’t know or care. She doesn’t like to question things anymore.

Marcy heads back to her room to sleep again. Ready to rinse and repeat for the next month or so before Anne and Sasha even think about asking her to come over again.

Chapter Text

She ends up stop taking the pills entirely. To much weird moments where she feel numb and loses her trail of thought.

It's not like Marcy didn't want to get better, that was simply untrue. But at the same time, there was no need to get better because there was just so little to live for. The only thing keeping Marcy Wu alive, up-and running was pure spite. Spite telling her to not listen to anyone else. Survive when they said she wouldn't.

Marcy looks back at those nights spent with Olivia.

"Surviving isn't the same as living Marcy." Was what Olivia had said.

It was a shivery night, the fires were out and so was Marcy's strength. She was tired and grumpy, and had already taken multiple all night-ers. But she was Marcy Wu, straight A student, president of the Chess Club, and newly appointed ranger of the night guard! She needed to finish that paper work.

So when Olivia came in, asking Marcy quote on quote "When in the world did you sleep?!" In her posh newtopian fancy lady accent, a drowsy Marcy just replied with "Haha What Sleep Magic Newt?".

Needless to say Olivia did not get the reference, but Marcy who has the able sisters in her head on loop frankly didn't care.

Olivia draped Marcy in a blanket and gave her a cup of tea.

"Marcy go to sleep, its important to get rest." Olivia had said in a careful tone, like if she made the wrong step Marcy would start sobbing out of pure tiredness.

"I'll survive..." Marcy replied, looking like she would pass out any second now.

"To survive isn't to live, little one." Olivia replied with adoration.

Olivia would be incredibly disgusted with Marcy's state now. Sleeping way to much, being un-productive, listening to Spotify 24/7.

She was the opposite of the little princess Olivia grew to love. No responsibility's, No happiness, (No?) Friends.

A disgrace is what she was, and her parents didn't need to remind her about that.

Marcy was done with this. For Olivia, she needed to be better.

Marcy carefully reached over for her phone, not wanting to knock over any of the junk on her bed. The pillows and plushies covering her.

Once holding the phone, she called the person she felt safest around.

Anne.

"Hey? Mar-Mar?" Anne had said, whispering.

Unknowingly, Anne had just triggered some horrible memories for Marcy. That nickname. Someone used to call her that. he had a soothing voice and would comfort her in bad times. He would play flip-wart with her. He would read with her, and make plans with her. He also backstabbed her, let someone possess her, and manipulated her.

 Marcy could feel her chest crunching up and her heart beating faster. Slow your breathing Marcy Wu, don't let her know.

Marcy slows her breathing down. Than she hears it.

"Anne, stop using your phone we'll be kicked out!" She can hear Sasha whisper yell.

Oh.

Oh.

Sasha and Anne, at the movies, together. Marcy shouldn't be shocked, she shouldn't even be surprised. She had been separating herself from them, not the other way around. But Marcy can't help but wonder how many more times did they go out without her, how many more times did they not want her around?

"Out and about without me, ay?" Marcy (not really) jokingly comments. Damnit, she was supposed to say something sweet and kind about how it would be awesome for them to come over. Now she just sounds salty, which she is, but doesn't want anyone to know that she's salty, because she's Marcy!

And she can't help but feel.. upset. No, angry. Angry that they didn't even think to invite her. She shouldn't be angry, but she is. She's angry that they didn't even invite her. They haven't invited her over unless it was scheduled. AKA Their sleepovers, which have been schedules since they were 9!

Did they not want her over that much...?

As if Anne can hear her thoughts, she responds.

"Marcy, you know its not like that. We hang out enough, its just me and Sasha today. Like how sometimes its just me and you. We didn't want to bother you, we know you're busy." Anne says.

But Marcy isn't busy! She hasn't been busy since amphibia. And it hasn't been "just us" since amphibia! Nothing has been going smoothly since amphibia, nothing has been going anything at all! Its just day after day after day. Sometimes she'll have the occasional melt down, others she will rambunctiously dye her hair green.

"I know its just, I would have loved an invite.." Marcy says, she's quick to realize that it sounded to serious. She chokes out a noise. "Haha"

That would due, so Anne knows she's joking.

But she underestimated Anne. Anne can read her like a book.

"Marcy, I know you want to be with us, but we came over last week! Its fine, were fine. Why don't we come over next week?" Anne says, like its a compromise.

Because with Marcy, its always a fucking compromise. She can never be first choice, she has never been first choice. It's always Sasha this, Anne that. It's always Anne and Sasha who have to make time for her, how they are busy and she's just a clingy friend who no one even wants them to be there.

(She likes to tell herself that one prominent reason she made herself as busy as she was when she was ranger, wasn't so she can be the busy one.)

And it's always ben that way. memories of the past buzz in.

"Anne's so cool! Look at her go when she plays tennis."

"Sasha's soo funny! No wonder everyone loves her!"

"Sasha's party's rock!"

"Who's that one kid who always hangs out with Anne and Sasha?"

"Meet the local nobody, Marcy Wu! The only thing she can do is beat Zelda! I Honestly don't know how Anne and Sasha even tolerate her, she's wayyy to reserved"

"Why can't you be like Anne and Sasha! They're always so polite and grateful!"

The last memory had been the last thing was the last sentence he had ever heard her father shout, or even say.

And while Anne and Sasha were riding their bikes around L.A., going to the arcade and starbucks, Marcy was stuck at home finishing their group project. Because she's Marcy Wu, the nobody good for nothing (unless you want to pass your test or get some homework done.)

"Alright.. I'll see you later." Marcy whispers.

Anne knows something was wrong.

For Olivia, Marcy needed to be better. But how could Marcy get better? She has no Idea what first steps to take and what to do? Would Olivia take care of her when she see's her like this.. or would she be annoyed and irritated by Marcy's incompetence. 

Frankly Marcy doesn't know. But what she does know is that the one time she has tried she was shut down. So back to her little safe space she goes.

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Anne knows officially something is up 3 weeks later. 

Marcy ends up throwing a last minute text saying "Srry cant make it tonight." And Anne thinks nothing of it, her and Sasha go out bowling, they even got a huge teddybear!

But its when her parents call her downstairs she knows something is up.

"Have you heard anything from Marcy?" Her dad asks, concern all over his face. He'll never admit it, but it was incredibly obvious his favorite amongst Anne's 3 best friends was Marcy. He loved Sprig and Sasha as well, but Marcy was his gamer-pal. 

"Ummm no?" Anne wonders if anything happened. Did Marcy get in trouble?

Since Marcy's actual parents have been out of her life, Anne's family is listed as her emergency contacts. It must have been really bad if they got a call home from school, since TJS was known for really not giving a damn about their students.

Anne knows what people think of Marcy now. The nerdy kid now a stoner, as what people claimed. Anne knows for certain these whispers in the hallways were completely untrue. Marcy was way smarter than that.

" The school called, she hasn't been attending classes for 2 weeks now." Her dad says. Anne's now extremely worried.

"I need to make some calls, but I have an idea." Anne says confidently.

So Anne heads to her room and makes a few calls to a certain frog boy who just so happens to be studying near the current queen of Newtopia.

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Marcy's bed is filled with junk. She's lying there, staring at the roof of her bedroom. She hasn't gotten out of her bed for 3 days. No shower, no food, a couple of unnamed drinks because if she isn't a stoner she isn't an alcoholic and a few Caprisun and water sprinkled along.

Marcy's depressed, stressed, and she's failing geometry. Life has been going much faster than it should be, but at the same time much slower. Its like she's not there sometimes, like she's detached from reality. Because to her, her reality was Amphibia. She thrived there. And sure she should be able to thrive there, because she grew up here. But at Amphibia, it was home. 

But home was also where Sasha and Anne were.

Two needs she couldn't have at once. But really.. She needed someone to live for. Because right now, the only person she talks to on the regular is her shit therapist who keeps on telling her to try harder. Marcy needs to figure out what to do to try harder, she doesn't know the first step to take!  Surely 4 years in college studying a phycology degree would tell you how to help a fucking depressed teen? Right?

She's not fine. Nope. not at all. But she figures this will pass eventually, right?

But Marcy's just so tired. her head hurts (most likely because of said unnamed drinks) and she feels like she's gonna pass out.. again.

She wonders, what would it be like if she just... wasn't born? Don't take this the wrong way- she doesn't want to die. But she might want to have just.. never been born. It would be easier. Not existing. 

Marcy hears a music box.. something familiar.

She see's a blue figure outside of her room. It might be a hallucination, sometimes Marcy gets those. Memories about being trapped in the core, waiting for someone to get her out because its so dark and cold and foggy and her chest hurts and  her stomach hurts and clearly her body is dehydrated because she has this massive headache and-

Said hallucination touches her face. She snaps back into reality to see a figure she needed and longed for.

Said figure starts tearing up. Marcy thinks maybe she is too.

"Oh little one, I'll help you." Olivia says, wrapping Marcy into a hug. 

Chapter Text

"It hurts Olivia" Marcy says through teary eyes.

Olivia looks like she might also start bawling her eyes out. And with those simple words, Olivia helps Marcy.

She helps Marcy get up from the tumble, helps her fly with those beautiful metaphorical wings she has always had. Like how she used to do with Joe Sparrow. Her hair glowing in the moonlight that showered her. Her laugh able to make the most cold hearted person smile. Her face feeling the wind, and letting Marcy know she is exactly where she wants to be.

She starts of slow. Getting all of the filth out of Marcy's room. Seriously, that place was a dump. She then helped the girl take a shower and get changed into clean clothes. She helps clean her cheap apartment, and makes Marcy some actually fresh food.

Marcy is surprised how much the little things help. 

Small changes help get her on her knees.

Marcy moves forward. Olivia stays with her every step through it. She starts off with little things ad starts advancing to bigger things. 

Know, she takes a walk before she goes to classes. She makes fresh food and lets herself enjoy things she likes.

Of course, this isn't an easy process. It takes time, consideration. She has her bad days, where she can't even get up. Reminiscing on old times, and listening to Mitski on repeat. Others though, she gets up and goes to a Creatures and Caverns game. She has fun, and is happy. Laughing like she is flying on Joe again.

And when Olivia convinces her, she see's a new psychiatrist. She gets the medication she needs, and its actually working.

And also with Olivia's convincing, she talks to Anne and Sasha.

" I.. uh.. I don't know how to start this." She says, at their favorite coffee shop. Anne and Sasha look confused.

Marcy continues.

"Awhile ago, after Amphibia, I started suffering from horrible mental health issues." Marcy says. Anne look unfazed, they all were. Sasha furrows her eyebrows, Marcy has a feeling she knows where this is going. 

"It got to the point I was contemplating suicide." Its Anne's turn to look surprised, while Sasha has a sad smile.

"Mars take your time." Sasha comforts, Marcy softly smiles. She takes a breath in, she can do this.

"I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I'm on meds now." She says, almost finishing.

"Thank you for telling us Marcy." Sasha says. Was Sasha planning on becoming a therapist? Because Marcy suddenly feels safe. She makes a mental note to talk about professions with Sasha later.

Anne's face is still pale, she clearly wasn't very happy with the realization like they had been neglecting their friends needs yet again. 

"It felt like like I was purposefully being excluded, and while I know that it was probably just anxiety, it still hurts. Ya know? So Olivia told me to talk to you guys about it. " Marcy finishes.

Well, she doesn't actually finishes. Because the girls talk for awhile about how they can make this friendship stronger. After all, they aren't going to mess it up like last time. No way.

Marcy no longer is on her knees, she is standing up!

Marcy makes the final decision on a Tuesday after-noon.

She's going back to Amphibia baby!

After lots of contemplation, she decides that Amphibia would be best for her.

It gave her a sense of meaning. It was her home.

She packs her bag, and gets ready to leave.

Anne and Sasha are at the portal doors, ready to wave her off.

No ones crying, after all this isn't really goodbye. With Marcy in amphibia, it was no time till they would be able to send texts to each other. Plus, they would still have the portal to visit.

Before she leaves, Sasha asks her to talk for a second.

"What's up Sash?" Marcy ask. Sasha looks nervous.

"Marcy, I'm.. uh.. I'm planning on moving back to Amphibia soon. I wanted to ask you if you thought its a good idea for me to..  I don't want to leave Anne all alone, but its home. I don't know how much longer I can stand Maggie's annoying questions!" Sasha says ending it off with a laugh. Marcy giggles.

"Its up to you. Anne can live with out us here, we're literally bonded by a freakin' prophecy. We'll be fine." Marcy says.

Sasha stares at the ground, debating.

"I guess you'll have to tell Grime that his Lieutenant will be back from her leave soon." Sasha decides, smirking. Marcy grins.

When Marcy gets back to Amphibia,  she's surprised to see the opening of "Night Guard" open to her again. Though, it seems as Queen Olivia has placed some child labor laws. Marcy's shifts are drastically shorter, but Marcy's happy none the less.

Marcy isn't just standing up, she's fuckin' flying!

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"This is the second Time Marcy Wu and Sasha Waybright had gone missing, what's your take on this as you are two close friends of her?"  The news reporters ask.

Anne's response is a simple, short, and sweet "No Comment." as she walks about her day.

She knows the two of them are as happy as she is, smiling at the new photo they took a week ago.

Yea, They'll be alright.