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your affections

Summary:

He suspected that they were all a little bit in love with Quatre Raberba Winner.

Late (as always), but written for Quatre Day '22.

Notes:

warnings: very quick mention of a past suicide attempt

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

He suspected that they were all a little bit in love with Quatre Raberba Winner.

Honestly, it was hard not to be. Quatre was a rare person; genuinely compassionate, fiercely loyal, and remarkably selfless. During the Wars, he’d surprised them all with his tactical brilliance and fighting ability. The way he’d brought them all together. The way he’d made them all stronger. Because Quatre cared about them, about each one of them. Deeply. And it was hard not to return those affections.

He’d been jealous, before. His competitive instincts had kicked in, temporarily viewing them as a threat to their budding romance, before. Before he really understood that the ways the others loved Quatre (and the ways Quatre loved them in return), were wholly different from how Trowa loved him.

But still, it was a strange concept to him. Love. The sheer multitude of ways you could show it. He was still learning, always learning, his incredibly strong observation skills serving him well in this particular quest for knowledge.

Heero’s affections were evident in the way his face, all the way to the sharpness in his eyes, would soften at even the mention of Quatre’s name. Like simply thinking of Quatre was like a balm to his very soul. Trowa wasn’t entirely certain what had happened between the pair of them in the Sanq Kingdom, and he mostly didn’t ask. It was clear that Quatre wasn’t keen on talking about it ( “It was bad, habibi,” was the most he could usually get out of him), and Heero was tight-lipped as well, likely out of respect for Quatre. From what he had heard and pieced together, Trowa suspected it involved a suicide attempt and a resultant bond through Quatre’s empathy.

It was Trowa’s only lingering regret from the war, truthfully, that his actions had broken Quatre so thoroughly. Regardless, he was sure he would make the same decision, over and over again, because their alternative had meant killing him, and the world needed people like Quatre.

But, whatever it was that had specifically transpired between them, there was a marked difference in their relationship Before and After. Before, Heero was suspicious of Quatre, as he was of everyone, which wasn’t helped by Quatre’s brief foray into absolute madness. But After…After Heero trusted Quatre completely. If he was unsure, he looked to Quatre. When he needed support, he looked to Quatre. After the Wars, when he felt lost and rudderless, he looked to Quatre, even when Quatre had declared himself just as lost.

Everyone had swooned over Trowa and his constant vigil over Quatre at MO-II, but Heero had been there the entire time as well, hovering outside of the recovery room if he wasn’t inside with him, watching and waiting just as intensely as Trowa had. Just as worried as Trowa had been.

If he thought Heero’s affections were subtle, Wufei’s were even more so. Trowa could still spot it, though. Most recently, he saw it when Wufei had ultimately been the one to reject Quatre’s Preventers application, citing questions about his mental stability. Quatre had been furious, heartbroken that Wufei still held what he’d done under ZERO’s influence against him, but Trowa had seen it for what it was. Protection. Wufei didn’t want Quatre in the Preventers any more than Trowa did, didn’t want him needlessly placing himself in danger when there was so much important work he could do for the world elsewhere. Important work that Quatre was already doing elsewhere.

Trowa had pressed him on it, just once, noting the softness that crept into the hard lines of his face before Wufei quickly hid it away. He’d made light of it, simply saying that he didn’t want to deal with a grieving partner in Trowa when Quatre inevitably got himself killed.

Wufei was only that intensely protective of the people he cared about and when Trowa had pointed that out to Quatre, he’d actually seen the realization wash over his features. The next time the three of them were together, Wufei had immediately been enveloped into a warm, full-bodied hug from Quatre. Trowa had just shrugged at the questioning glare shot his way, smirking at his partner over his mug of coffee.

While Heero and Wufei’s fondness for Quatre flew under the radar, Duo’s affections for him were broadcasted loud enough for the entire Earth Sphere to hear. Duo made up for all their subtlety in boisterous exuberance.

It had unsettled him, at first, when he and Quatre started dating. Duo was very physically affectionate with Quatre, always greeting him with bear hugs and smooth kisses to his cheeks, frequently invading Quatre’s personal space with an arm casually slung over his shoulder or a hand touching his arm. It didn’t help that he knew Quatre and Duo had been somewhat intimate with each other during their time hiding in the desert, despite Quatre’s assurances that it was merely a combination of Duo’s bored hormones and Quatre’s genuine curiosity.

Still, each time he saw Quatre lean into Duo’s touch, it caused that spike of jealousy again.

It wasn’t uncommon that Duo would find his way into their bed during his visits, snoring loudly with his limbs entangled in Quatre’s. (Though, to be fair, all of them suffered from nightmares that often drove them to seek out comfort from one of the others. Trowa had found himself in all of their beds and one point or another, and he knew Quatre had as well.)

Even knowing this, he couldn’t quite quell his jealousy the first time this happened, and had vented his frustrations to an unsuspecting Heero. After he’d finished his rant, Heero had just shrugged. “That’s just Duo,” he’d said. “Once I thought I was being strangled in my sleep but it was his stupid fucking braid.” Then, he’d learned that not even Wufei had the heart to kick him out of bed when he’d wandered in (Sally was another story).

When he’d brought it up to Quatre, the blond had actually laughed. “He’d hug you, too, if he wasn’t so sure you’d just deck his ass,” and suddenly, Trowa’d understood. Duo had plenty of affection for all of them, but funneled it all into Quatre since he was the only one consistently receptive to it. And Quatre, who’d spent his childhood practically starved of physical affection, soaked it all up. Cherished it, returned it to Duo whenever he could.

And Trowa, who was still very private (but also very generous, thank you) with his physical affections, could at least understand it. Those little pricks of jealousy and protectiveness didn’t pop up as often, and when they did they passed quickly.

Yes, they all loved Quatre, in their own ways. They cherished him, protected him, confided in him.

But he was still confident that no one loved Quatre as deeply as Trowa did.

He’d felt it the moment he’d first seen him, that genuine affection. It had fucking terrified him. He wasn’t used to trusting people, to letting other people in. That usually only led to him getting hurt, or the people he loved getting killed. He’d made a vow, when he’d first left for space, that he wouldn’t show a weakness like that again.

But then he’d met Quatre, who treated him kindly despite all of Trowa’s aloofness, who gave him support and resources, who gave him a secured commlink that he could use to call for help if ever he needed it. Quatre, who offered everything he could ever need, and never asked for anything in return. Quatre, who had called him his friend. Something he had longed for, for years, given so freely. So honestly.

All of his plans for self-preservation flew out the window.

And he had been right; he had gotten hurt. But for Quatre, it had been worth it.

The others all thought they got together during the Wars, but it wasn’t until later. Sure, they had traded kisses on numerous occasions, shared tender touches and glances just between the pair of them, spent more time on Peacemillion in the same bed than not, but it was still mostly platonic. They were young and trapped in a war much bigger than themselves.

After, they’d come to an agreement that they both needed to figure out how to live their lives after the war, how to be people again. Trowa had returned to the circus with Cathy, had taken online classes to piece together a high-school education before he decided what he wanted to do next. Quatre had gone back to L4, hoping to find his place in his father’s business, to try and cobble together a family with the sisters he’d never met. While he’d built a rather impressive philanthropic arm of the Winner Corporation that focused on war recovery efforts, he’d been largely unsuccessful on the familial front. Lonely as he was, it had been Quatre to make the first move. Showing up on Earth, outside his trailer where they were parked somewhere along the Mediterranean. Throwing his arms around and bewildered Trowa and kissing him deeply.

“I love you,” he’d said, face flushed with apprehension, blue eyes practically glowing in the evening light. “I want to be with you. I’m tired of pretending that I don’t.”

It wasn’t until he’d said it that Trowa realized he was tired of it, too, and that was that. They had been together practically every moment since.

Trowa smiles softly, hand drifting down to card through Quatre’s soft hair. The blond was pressed into his side, boneless and exhausted but utterly relaxed. A rarity, for Quatre, who could somehow still seem stressed even in sleep.

But today was his birthday, and they’d surprised them. All of them.

It wasn’t anything special, really. Just that they’d all made sure to find their way to L4, to W001 on December 12th. It had been months since they’d all managed to carve time out to get together, and Trowa knew that it made Quatre sad. Despite how well he hid it, he missed their friends dearly.

And honestly, Quatre had nearly ruined it, having been so engrossed in his current project that he’d lost track of time, but Trowa had shown up at his office, smiled sweetly at his secretary before dragging him to one of his favorite restaurants, ushering him into the private room in the back.

Quatre had nearly exploded from sheer happiness. Wufei had even smiled. A real one, that crinkled the corners of his eyes.

After several rounds of hugs (and a considerable amount of tears from both Quatre and Duo), they’d sat and ate and drank and talked. Talked like no time at all had passed since the last time they were together. And Trowa didn’t miss the fondness in Heero’s face when he looked at Quatre, or the way Wufei’s was soft and open. He didn’t miss the way Duo learned into Quatre or reached for his hand. And he certainly didn’t miss the absolute love that radiated from Quatre. He couldn’t imagine that any of them did.

Tonight, their apartment was full, the people they loved most of all tucked away in the guest room and on the couch. Quatre had kissed him and thanked him a thousand times once they’d retreated to their own bedroom, tucked warmly into his side and so, so happy.

And in the morning, he wasn’t at all surprised to find Duo snuggled into their bed as well.

Notes:

everyone-loves-Quatre trope is my fave.