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Clarke always tasted like cherry chapstick and smelled like flowers. Her hair shone no matter the time of day or whether or not she was outside. Her curves were perfectly suited for any type of clothing she wanted to wear. She was one of a kind and Bellamy knew it, but that didn’t stop him from trying to find the perfect replacement after their untimely breakup.
Curvy blondes were everywhere, but none of them were Clarke. Try as he might, he’d never find someone to fill the hole in his life since she left him. He knew that, but he’d never stop trying. If he stopped trying, he’d drown in memories of her. And he was already so close to falling victim to that. He needed the distraction to live a semi-normal life in her absence.
Lincoln and Miller kept dragging him out on Friday nights, hoping he’d find someone that would last longer than a few hours and a romp in a public place. He never did, but they kept trying—probably at Octavia’s suggestion. He didn’t mind, though. Better the two of them than his friends that had remained closest with Clarke following the demise of their relationship. Monty or Jasper just made things even more uncomfortable. It was always unintentional, but it always caused Bellamy to drink away his sorrows more so than was usual lately.
“Bellamy.”
He bowed his head and bit his lip before turning around in line at Starbucks. “Clarke.”
“How are you?” She asked, timidly twirling a piece of hair behind her ear. A year ago, he would have done it for her.
“Great,” he answered, trying hard to keep the pain out of his voice. He went as far as offering her a halfhearted smile. “How’s the new boyfriend?”
“Bell,” she sighed with a tired roll of her eyes and he just shrugged.
“Come on, Princess,” he laughed bitterly, stepping back as he followed the long line toward the barista. “I’m a big boy. I can take it.”
“He’s great,” she answered, smile tight and eyes hard. He pretended it wasn’t a punch in his gut and nodded.
“I hear he’s a good guy,” he offered and she nodded. She kept her eyes on her feet as he continued to watch her. Instead of following the line again, he stepped toward her. “He anything like me?” He asked quietly and she looked up at him suddenly.
“What?” She asked, her voice coming out through ragged, nervous breaths.
“Your boyfriend? Is he anything like your last?”
“What are you getting at, Bellamy?”
She wasn’t nervous now, she was annoyed. That worked in Bellamy’s favor. He never could handle a nervous Clarke. Nervous Clarke was so rare, it terrified him into submission. Whatever she wanted was hers. He was like putty in her fingers. But annoyed Clarke? That was something he’d known long before they dated. That was a Clarke he could contend with.
“Well, every girl I’ve dated since you is just a poor man’s Clarke Griffin,” he shrugged and her eyes narrowed.
“Funny,” she smiled—too sweetly to be honest. “I didn’t think banging girls in supply closets and bathrooms counted as dating.”
Bellamy choked back a laugh and took another step toward her. At this point, they weren’t even in line anymore. But they were so blind to the dirty looks they were getting from the other patrons just waiting for their caffeine fix.
“That’s fair,” he admitted, eyes dropping to his feet. Too much time in Clarke’s presence and he felt his anger and pain slip away. He just missed her. “But, they can’t all be you. And I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I just wanted a coffee,” she sighed and he looked up at her through his eyelashes. “And there was Bellamy Blake. There he was, acting like he didn’t already have one foot out the door when I broke up with him.”
“I wasn’t going anywhere,” he promised her and she shook her head. “I told you that every single day. I may be a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them. I still haven’t gone anywhere.”
“I can’t believe we’re doing this here,” she said and he shrugged, urging her to say something real. “I want you to be happy, Bell. That’s all I wanted. Ever. And you weren’t happy when we were together.”
“You were the only thing keeping me afloat,” he told her and she turned her head so she didn’t have to look at him. “I wasn’t happy with anything else, but you? You made me happy. And then you left. And I had nothing.”
“Don’t put that on me,” she pleaded. “I couldn’t be the only thing making you happy. I can’t handle that pressure. You think all those girls in all those seedy bathrooms are going to help? They won’t. If someone who loves you more than anything couldn’t help, strangers sure as hell won’t.”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you just used the present tense,” he said slowly and her face fell when she realized the slip. He wanted to smile triumphantly, but she looked close to tears now. “I fixed everything else, by the way. I got a new job, a better job. I moved into a real apartment with walls and a bed frame and everything.”
“And you’re happy?” She breathed, keeping tears and emotions at bay.
He considered lying to her—telling her that he was—but he wasn’t a liar. “Nope,” he said simply and she nodded slowly. “And you?”
She worried her bottom lip between her teeth and finally turned her head back to look him dead in the eye. “He’s nothing like you,” she told him and his brow furrowed. “I’m no where near happy.”
And then Bellamy watched her as she took a deep breath and stepped on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek before turning around and walking out of Starbucks and away from his dumbstruck face.
--
Two days later when he opened the door to his new apartment to find her staring at him, he was still shocked into silence. “He wasn’t you,” she said simply and he nodded dumbly before stepping aside to let her in.