Chapter Text
“We’ve been broken up for four months, there’s no reason why I should still be in love with her.”
“Why not?” Isabel sends Yelena a challenging look and Yelena sighs, twisting the rings on her left hand and pressing her lips together. Isabel continues, “Love isn’t something you can control, Yelena. You know this. Why do you think that there should be a timeline on how long it takes for you to not be in love with Kate anymore?”
“I want to move on,” Yelena says bitterly, “I know I’m on medication now and it’s helped with the depression and anxiety and whatever other shit I have, but something still feels wrong. It has to be Kate Bishop.”
“Have you made amends with her yet?” Isabel asks, watching her carefully.
Yelena decides that she doesn’t like the question much and instead focuses on her hands, twisting the silver ring on her thumb and thinking about how she’s bored of the color of her nails right now (they’re a simple light blue right now that Natasha picked out, but part of her really wants to paint them a dark color).
“Yelena.”
She brings her focus back to Isabel, who gives her a look, “C’mon, have you made amends with her yet?”
“No,” Yelena huffs, “I haven’t spoken to her since September. She hasn’t reached out to me, either.”
“Why do you think that is?” Isabel asks, leaning back in her seat and pulling one leg up to rest underneath herself.
“I’m not Kate, I don’t know,” Yelena bites out, skin crawling.
“Has anything happened recently? Why are you getting defensive? You know I’m only here to help you,” Isabel says. Yelena’s sure that if this was a month ago, Isabel would’ve had that fake sympathetic tone that makes her want to throw up, but this time her tone is direct, far more wanting to get to the bottom of things. Yelena appreciates it somewhere in the back of her mind.
“Nothing’s happened,” Yelena twists the ring again, “but something’s wrong.”
“And you’ve deduced that it has everything has to do with Kate,” Isabel summarizes.
Yelena can’t help but feel like Isabel’s making fun of her, even though she knows in the smart part of her brain that she’s not. She furrows her eyebrows, “What else could it be?”
“Let’s start with how long you’ve been feeling this way. Then we’ll take it step by step, okay?” Isabel carefully folds her hands together, a habit that Yelena’s noticed in the almost three months that she’s been working with her.
“It hasn’t been that long,” Yelena picks at the sleeve of her jacket, focusing her eyes on the arm of Isabel’s chair instead of her face.
“So, a couple of days? A week?” Isabel asks simply.
“A couple of days,” Yelena replies slowly, eyes shifting to her lap where her legs are crossed. She notices a bit of dirt on her boots and rubs at it with her finger, hoping it’ll dissolve away.
“Did anything happen?”
Yelena shakes her head, “No. Um, I went out with Natasha on Thursday, she brought me to a bakery and they had these giant chocolate chip cookies that were still warm and they got chocolate all over my fingers. It was kind of gross.”
“Gross in a good way?” Isabel asks now, and Yelena looks up at her and nods.
“Yeah. She also got ones with walnuts in them, they were kind of like rocky road ice cream, but without the marshmallows. Natasha said she’ll bake me that at some point. Probably the next time we go to the Bartons,” Yelena tells her, pulling at a loose thread on her jacket, “Natasha’s a really good baker.”
“So you’ve told me,” Isabel replies with a soft smile, “did the mood start before that? Or after that?”
Yelena shrugs, “I don’t know. I just… I woke up one morning and it was raining and I didn’t want to get out of bed.”
Isabel nods and Yelena continues, “I took Fanny for a walk, I watched a couple of movies because that’s what the internet said you do on rainy days. I think it was like… god, what do you Americans call it? Sleet?”
“Sleet’s the weather where it’s between rain and snow if that’s what you’re talking about,” Isabel confirms.
“Yeah, that,” Yelena bites her lip, thinking, “I think that was Saturday. I didn’t want to do anything and Natasha left me with all of her movies. And I thought it was just like… a boring day, but since then I’ve been…”
“In a mood,” Isabel finishes for her when she doesn’t, and Yelena nods. “You’ve been keeping up with your medication, right?”
“Yeah,” Yelena groans, “I don’t like this. Something feels wrong. And I think I’m still in love with Kate.”
“So you’re blaming her?” Isabel asks.
Yelena shrugs, not really knowing what to say. It’s the reasonable conclusion, that’s how she came to it, but she knows that could have nothing to do with it.
“I think you’re experiencing a mood swing,” Isabel concludes after a few minutes.
“How?” Yelena asks, furrowing her eyebrows, “I thought that was a teenager thing.”
Isable nods, “Everyone experiences mood swings, Yelena. And, to be fair, from what you’ve told me, I wouldn’t be surprised if because you were under the control you had for so long, it stunted that development for you. You’re still learning to understand your emotions and that’s typically a teenage experience. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just the way this has happened for you. But hear this clearly, this is completely normal.”
“It still sucks,” Yelena decides, pulling at the fabric of her sleeve.
Isabel reaches over to the shelves she has next to her chair, grabbing something off of it and tossing it to Yelena, “Play with this. You can’t be hurting yourself. And I know it sucks, but if it’s any comfort, it means you’re human.”
Yelena rolls her eyes, taking the object and recognizing it as the infinicube. She fiddles with it for a few seconds before looking back at Isabel, “I really don’t like you.”
Isabel smiles, “I know.”
-
A couple of days pass and it’s Saturday night and Fanny’s sleeping and Yelena’s trying to figure out if she wants to talk to Kate again.
When she saw Isabel, Isabel told her to think about it, but now that she’s thinking about it, she’s more confused.
She can’t help but feel like breaking up with Kate was the wrong decision even though she’s the healthiest she’s ever been mentally. She knows that Kate wasn’t the main source of what was wrong with her, Isabel has helped her understand that this was a problem she’s dealt with for a long time that was only amplified by her fighting with Kate, and now that she’s healthy… she wants to talk to Kate with a clear head.
Who knows if Kate wants that, though? It’s been months and she knows that people move on, not to mention, what if she was right and Kate figured out that she does need sex for a relationship and she’s now better off?
“Why wouldn’t she mean it?” echoes in Yelena’s head and she decides that this topic is stressing her out and she hates it and she needs a minute.
epiphany begins echoing in her head and she takes a deep breath, feeling herself calm down.
Only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany…
She takes it a step further and pauses the movie playing on her TV, switching over to YouTube and playing the song loudly.
Keep your helmet, keep your life-
Her phone starts buzzing.
Yelena grabs it off the table and checks the name, seeing it’s just Sonya and decides that she can wait a couple of minutes. Yelena just needs to calm down, that’s all.
Just a flesh wound, here’s your rifle.
Her phone starts buzzing again, this time with a text saying URGENT and another call.
Yelena groans, pausing the song and pressing her phone to her ear once she answers.
“What do you want?”
“Calm down,” Sonya’s voice is level and quiet, but Yelena can hear the little lilt of panic laced in, “I need you in London.”
“Sonya, you have widows in London, and I’m nowhere near there, just call one of them,” Yelena replies, pinching the bridge of her nose and letting her head hang off the couch.
“I need you,” Sonya replies quickly, and Yelena can hear some rushed breathing before it calms down again.
“Why me?” Yelena whines, really not looking to get off of this couch. She’s still in her mood and she really just wants to listen to her music and go to bed with Fanny.
“Melina likes you,” Sonya says, “and I need to get information from her. She’s still pissed at me for the whole losing five vials thing.”
“She doesn’t like me, either,” Yelena reminds her, “Remember the whole gay thing? She and Alexei both don’t want to see me anymore.”
“Yeah, but,” Sonya switches accents, pleasantly asking for an iced coffee with six add-ons in an English accent. It’s a minute before she switches back to her muddled Russian, “You broke up with Kate. Just pretend you switched sides and get information from her and then meet me in London. Urgently.”
“Может быть, я приеду в Лондон,” Yelena comments, “и убить тебя.” (Maybe I will come to London, and kill you.)
Sonya’s quiet for a second, “Значит, ты приедешь в Лондон?” (So you’ll come to London then?)
Yelena sighs, tapping against her leg and glancing at Fanny, who’s asleep in her bed in the corner. Maybe a change of scenery will do her well.
“How long’s the trip?”