Chapter Text
“Who am I?”
It was a weird thing to say out loud, ‘who am I’. You could tell by the look on the person's face in front of you that she knew you. Too well. So well that it tore her whole world to hear those words coming out of your mouth.
How could someone who shared the same blood as Natasha feel like an outsider?
After their encounter, Natasha explained things to her. They both sat on her bed and Natasha said, your name “ some horrible stuff happened to you. You were freaking out it was terrifying for all of us to watch.” Natasha scanned your face for any sign of how she was feeling but it was hard to detect.
You didn't say anything. You didn't know what to feel or what to say. But even though she claimed to be her sister, you weren't comfortable with her. Your head just felt so empty, instead, you decided to look around your room. You didn't have any posters. Your room was painted blue and you had books in her room, but it was really just a plain room with your bed in the middle. There were windows so you could see the city of New york. your pre-memory self was probably never in here, always seeking to be with anyone in the tower. But you knew that now that would be a different story, you'd do everything in her power to stay in your room.
You didn't know them, why would you want to spend time with a bunch of strangers.
Natsaha broke the silence, “If you need anything just let me know, my room is next door.”
You broke your stare towards the wall and said , “Okay I will thank you.”
Natasha nodded and walked out of your room.
Right when she left you heard whispers next door, which you knew now was in Natashas room.
You heard one voice say, “It's like she didn't even know me, she spoke to me like she does when we greet people on the street or at dinners.”
Another voice spoke, “ Nat she doesn't know who we are, of course she's going to be like this. Just give her time”
Then a different voice spoke, “it's worth it guys, she went through hell. Her not remembering is way better than her thinking of that shit every day.”
You couldn't bear to listen anymore. You walked away from the wall. You were hearing strangers talk about you like they were your family and it irritated you.
One thing she did know for sure is your name and at least that was something,
———
Over the next couple of weeks you would stay in her room, they would give you food but she wouldn't open up. But you did get close with Natasha.
All the avengers care deeply for her, so at the sound of her screaming all 6 of them are immediately in her room. Thor speaks first, “So she's discovered her power.”
you turned your head and gawks, “My what?” Bruce hits him on the head, “You weren't supposed to say that.”
What else were they keeping from her? Could she fucking teleport too? “Well does anyone know how to get them off of me?”
Natasha moved forward, “Just I don't know, tell them to.”
“Oh please like it'd be that simple.”
Clint spoke up, “Well it could be that simple if a specific someone didn't take away your memories. You were good at controlling plants.”
Tony clicked his jaw, “ Look I saved the world so shut up.”
“Really? I don't recall.”, remarked Clint.
You stiffled a laugh, you really only had vauge memories of Tony so you would always be on his side no matter what but Tony was selfish and stupid at times.
Steve hadn't said anything, he was behind Thor, he never really spoke to you. Natasaha told you to not take it to heart. He didn't really agree with what Tony did. But honestly you didn't really like Steve, he was so self righteous it ticked you off. No person could ever be that good.
“Hey, hello you there.” Natasha snapped her fingers in front of your face and you blinked, returning to reality. And you realized that the plants were still curled around you wrists.
“Oh”, you breathed out. How the fuck were you gonna get out of this?
Natasha recognized that look on your face and sat on your bed, “Don't worry boys I got this.”
With that they left but not without Tony saying a little remark, “Nah you don't the plants are a part of her now huh. We should call her leafy.”
you both death stared him and he chuckled while leaving the room.
“Okay just close your eyes and listen to my voice okay, this worked last time.”
Last time. God that made you so angry. You dont remeber a last time because they fucking wiped your mind.
You got angry real fast.
Natasaha noticed, “hey whats the look for?”
“Last time? Really. I dont fucking remeber a last time.”
You were never good at controlling your anger, you exploded way too many times to count. And it always targeted Natasha or Tony.
“I can't control that I remember and you don't.” Natasha says back.
“I can't control that either Nat.”
Natasha looks up at her stunned ,”What did you just call me?”
“I- why? I don't know. I just said Nat.”
“You've never called me that before, at least before you forgot. You're remembering, aren't you?”
“I- well, No I don't remember anything, I just thought it would be better to call you Nat.”
She nods, “Okay well back to this.” She gestures to the plants holding you.
“Just think of them letting you go”
You closed her eyes and imagined just that. But nothing. It was frustrating. “Its not working.”
“No no you haven't tried. Do it again.”
It started to frustrate you. So you said some things she regretted. “ Look Im fucking brain washed so i cant do shit, just leave me the fuck alone.”
Natasha stood up abruptly, “Are you serious? I'm just trying to help.”
“ I don't need your help.”, you said back angrily.
Nat had enough. She shook her head. She was disappointed in her sister, “this is why we brainwashed you, you're such a brat you could never handle what we adults deal with.” And she turned and left the room.
even though still being tied up, you cried.
You could feel tears falling down everywhere, it annoyed you not being able to wipe them.
You had no idea who you were and Nat treating you like this hurt. You were 19 but it was honestly like you were 3 months old. With all your memories gone you really had no idea who you were.
——
Since Nats room was right next to yours you could hear her talking to someone, it was on the phone. Distinctively she heard, “yeah you're right Maria but she was in the wrong.” Then she heard her again, “Hill, how are you always seeing both sides.”
SHe heard Nat speak again, “Honestly the tower isn't that stable right now. We cant tell them about us, especially not fury. But I have told Clint I will tell him everything.”
Ah girlfriend then, this didn't really help your anger towards her right now. This did clear your suspicion that Nat was keeping things from you and who knew how many more things.
Although you were keeping things from her too. You would never tell Nat that you remembered their mom.
But in the memories she got Nat was never there. So she was lying. And you needed to find their mom, you knew your mom could help you.
Your mom was practically your best friend. She needed her. But right now all you could think about was the fresh fight that you just had, but apparently that helps. Anger helps, because more than anything you wished Nat died right now. And the plants unwrapped themselves.
They most likely did it because you were so angry that it was believable that you were going to kill her, so the plants let you go.
So now not only do you know your name but you now knows that you have 2 secret weapons plants and anger.
A couple weeks ago you didn't know who you were.
Youve been training more recently and Nat has been telling you that you needs to keep your emotions in check. But whyif Being angry all the time helps you focus on exactly what you want?
—
After their argument months passed and you never let on that you knew about Maria and Nat. But you did come to the tower once and they introduced and you really did like her. But you could tell by the look on Nat's face that this was a fling, a void to feel something.
You never had anything to do, you didn’t go to school. So you would spend most of your time in the lab or in the gym.
you were in the lab and Bruce was there and you decided to ask him a question. “so what exactly are my powers?”
“Yeah I’m not no.” Bruce said. He was always scared of interjecting with personal matters, even though he was practically your uncle and anything he had to say was as important as anything ton said to you.
You grabbed a little metal stick and poked him, “come on big guy.”
“You are just like Tony,” he scoffed,
You smiled and lifted up her arms as if to say, ‘what can I say’.
But he spoke anyway, “there’s more to your power than you know, so far you’ve only discovered the plant portion. But it’s called plant manipulation. That’s all I’ll say.”
You gave him a look, so there's more to you than just plants.
What exactly could you do?
He’s keeping things. Why is everyone keeping things from you?
Bruce noticed that look of you over thinking, “ we can’t tell you more than you know. Your memories have to come back by themselves or they won’t stick.”
You nodded, you knew you could trust him. He was the only one that was truthful.
“Here, try using your powers to help me. You want to fight with us right?”
You smiled, “well duh.”
“Good so with the stems of the plants pick up that pen from over there. Just to go simple at first.”
You nodded. You knew you could call them from her mind but that was only when you were angry so you used youy hands.
You raised them and did movements with your hand and the vines followed those movements through the air.
Bruce watched in awe, “excellent. Excellent.” he clapped.
And the plants wrapped around the pen but it was a lot for you and you dropped it. “Damn it.” you cursed.
“Hey it’s okay it takes practice,” he says.
You nodded, “maybe I’ll try again later. Thanks Bruce.”
He smiled at you kissing her hairline, “of course.”
And you did try later and you got it from weeks later you could move bigger objects. But it was only you and Bruce’s little secret.
He knew they wouldn’t be happy with training your powers but you was bored and he felt bad.
“I’m proud of you. I really don’t agree with what Tony did. But you did agree.”
You flinched, “I what?” How could I possibly agree to forgetting who I am?
Bruce pursed his lips, “ yeah you were scared you did something that traumatized you. You went along with Tony’s plan.”
You couldn’t think straight.
Maybe you didn’t want your memories back. You started to feel the anxiety kick in, One day you will rember, and it will probably be the death of you. Of everything that you are starting to build with your new life. But if you remember… well it could ruin you.
But you wanted to remember the avengers. “Is there a way to remember everything but that?”
Bruce shook his head, “Tony wasn’t thinking he was really scared for you and he just wanted you to feel better. We never thought you’d actually forget everything.”
“Well I have to go, it's almost 2 which means it’s time for Pepper to homeschool me,” you said.
Bruce nods. And you leave.
What they don’t know is not only are you training your plant power and not only is Nat showing you how to fight but on your own time your practicing fighting with a sword.
You like both swords and guns but you feel like a book character with a sword and it makes you feel like you have a purpose. And Bruce helped you figure out that purpose.
With you forgetting who you were its like you can implant your self in the characters that you read in those fantasy books that use swords all the time. Youve decided that guns will never be used unless your severly angry and want target practice. But youd always bring it with you.
Just in case.
You’re meant to be an avenger no matter what Tony tries to keep from you.
Even if you can’t be an avenger you’ll fight on the streets secretly. It’s your calling.
Not exactly to save people but to put your powers to use, you feel bad just using them and doing nothing.