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Jeongguk hates storms. He hates them with a fiery passion. Especially thunderstorms. They are unnecessarily loud and it scares Jeongguk. Terrifies him. He’s been afraid of storms since he was little, always running and hiding under his blankets when one hit, crying and shaking in fear. His mom always told him he had nothing to be scared of, storms can’t physically hurt him. But they can, Jeongguk knows they can. Thunderstorms have lightning, and lightning strikes. He’s seen trees and whole buildings going up in flames after being struck by lightning.
Storms can very well hurt him physically, and Jeongguk is afraid.
He thought he would grow out of his fear of storms, but he’s just as scared of them at 25 as he was at 5. It was manageable when he still lived at home and had his parents close by. Whenever a storm was brewing he could just crawl into their bed and they would hold him through it. But as he got older, he outgrew his parents' bed, and soon he had to deal with it on his own.
Luckily, thunderstorms don’t happen that often. They mostly happen during the warmer months, so it’s not something Jeongguk has to deal with everyday. But that doesn’t lessen his fear of them. Every time the sky is heavy with dark clouds, Jeongguk spends the whole day an anxious mess at the possibility of there being a storm. He can handle rain, but as soon as it turns violent and loud, Jeongguk starts to panic.
It’s only happened a couple of times that he’s been out of his house when a thunderstorm hits. One time he got caught in one during a grocery run and he had to ask the employee if he could use the restroom in the backroom, where he spent the duration of the storm having a panic attack. The other time, he was thankfully at a friend’s house, and they knew about his fear of storms so they could help him through it.
But he makes an effort to check the forecast extra whenever it looks like a storm might be brewing outside.
Today is one of those days. The clouds hang low and heavy, a dark grey, making the day darker than it should be at four pm in july. This summer has come with more thunderstorms than Joengguk can remember previous summers having. It means he is constantly on edge when there’s dark clouds obscuring the sky. Sometimes they only carry rain and wind, but other times…
Jeongguk looks out of his window at the dark sky and frowns. He can feel his heart picking up speed in his chest, his breath coming in short puffs. The storm hasn’t even started yet and he’s already panicking. It might not even be a storm, but Jeongguk isn’t willing to take any chances. He pulls his curtains closed and crawls into bed. Pulling his covers over his head does little to block out the noise of thunder but it does some to comfort him. He will put on his headphones and play loud music to block out the noise some more.
It’s not ideal to be alone during a storm, but Jeongguk has had to deal for years. Ever since he left home to go to university. He’s tried a lot of different things and ways to deal. Sometimes he would even call his mom and talk to her on the phone until the storm passed.
The first drops of rain hit his window and Jeongguk screws his eyes shut and tries to take calming breaths. He forgot to bring his headphones with him so he quickly leaves the comfort of his bed to grab them from his desk, then dives right back under the covers. He feels a little ridiculous sometimes, when he thinks about how he still is so afraid of storms to the point he sometimes has panic attacks. But he has no way of making himself less scared. All he can do is deal with it, get through it and, once it’s over, he can work on calming himself down.
The rain picks up, whips violently against his window. Jeongguk shoves the headphones on his head, fumbling for his phone to put on his music. He presses play on his lo-fi playlist and takes a couple of deep breaths. He focuses on the calm music in his ears and tries to forget about the storm happening just outside his window.
His parents used to tell him that the safest place one could be during a thunderstorm was inside a car. The metal of the car works as a conductor of the electrical current from the lightning and directs it safely into the ground. You would be able to walk away unscathed and safe. Jeongguk remembers a period of time after that in which he would run to sit in the car whenever there was a thunderstorm. But it didn’t last long. It was almost worse to be all alone in a car in the middle of a storm than to hide under his covers in bed.
The storm outside his window picks up. He can hear the wind whistling and feel the building sway with the force of it. Jeongguk turns up the volume on his music and screws his eyes shut tighter. He tries to remember some breathing exercises; breathe in for four, hold for seven, breathe out for eight. Breathe in, hold, breathe out.
Just as he’s thinking–hoping–that this is just a regular storm with heavy rain, lightning strikes and briefly illuminates his room even through his drawn curtains. Jeongguk sees it even with his eyes closed and whimpers, pulling the covers back over his head. Then the thunder comes. Jeongguk feels it more than hears it, shaking the whole building and rattling the windows. He can feel himself shaking like a leaf as his breathing exercise is more or less blown away with the harsh wind. Tears leave a salty trail down his cheeks as they fall from his lash line.
Curling into a tight ball under the covers, he tries to focus on the music still playing in his ears, but the rain and wind outside is louder. No matter how loud Jeongguk turns up the music, it still isn’t enough. Because he’s hiding under the blankets with his eyes closed, he doesn’t see the lightning this time and is unprepared for the thunder. It’s louder this time, directly overhead. He feels it in his whole body, vibrating through his chest and rattling his bones. His tears fall quicker and he suppresses a sob, biting down on his lip hard.
The thunder strikes again almost immediately, and Jeongguk gives up trying to hold it in. He releases the sob and it wracks through his body almost as much as the thunder.
The panic attacks are nearly as bad as the storms. They leave him drained and slightly disoriented. But despite how tired he is after, he struggles to go to sleep, scared that another round of thunder is going to come. It has happened. He would’ve struggled through one thunderstorm, finally fallen asleep after, only to be violently awoken minutes later by another clap of thunder. He doesn’t trust that they are done even when the last clap of thunder is far enough away that he can no longer hear it.
It leaves him on edge for days.
He’s too busy trying to control his breathing to notice the front door opening. Then his bedroom door. He does notice, however, when his covers are gently pried away from him. The cold air of his bedroom hits his skin and he opens his eyes to see Yoongi standing in front of his bed. He smiles softly, sympathetically, and motions for Jeongguk to scoot over to make room for him. Jeongguk does, careful to not jostle the headphones still firmly clamped over his ears. Yoongi lies down on the bed beside him and opens his arms, and Jeongguk all but throws himself into them.
With Yoongi beside him, holding him and stroking his hair and back, Jeongguk finds himself relaxing the tiniest. The storm is still raging outside, the thunder shaking the building with each clap, but with his head buried in Yoongi’s chest, Jeongguk feels safe. Yoongi doesn’t try to remove Jeongguk’s headphones even though they must be digging into his ribs uncomfortably. He knows Jeongguk needs them on; they add another layer of protection against the storm.
Jeongguk focuses on the calming music in his ears, the calming presence of Yoongi pressed against him. He tries to match the rhythm in which Yoongi is stroking a hand up and down his back with his breathing (he suspects Yoongi is purposefully doing the strokes slowly for that exact purpose).
Still, when the next lightning illuminates his room in a flash, Jeongguk flinches. Yoongi shushes him, his lips speaking words of comfort into Jeongguk’s hair that Jeongguk can’t hear. But it doesn’t matter that he can’t hear what Yoongi is saying, he can feel his lips moving against his skin and that’s enough.
This thunder clap isn’t as loud as the last one was, meaning the storm is moving away. But slowly. It always moves so slowly. Jeongguk would prefer it if it could be over quicker. Actually, he would prefer if the storms didn’t happen at all. They serve no purpose other than to scare Jeongguk.
Yoongi stays with Jeongguk throughout the rest of the storm. Jeongguk isn’t upset that he wasn’t here from the beginning, is just glad he’s here now. Two lightning strikes hit in quick succession and Jeongguk swallows another whimper as thunder follows. Yoongi tightens his arms around him.
The storm moves away; the lightning and thunder happen further apart from each other, and the thunder lessens in volume and intensity. But Jeongguk can’t relax until it completely passes. He stays pressed to Yoongi’s chest as the rain continues to patter against his window. But that too, is getting less violent.
Finally, after another five or so minutes, it seems to be over. The rain is a slow pitter patter now, rather than the violent whip earlier. The wind is no longer whistling outside his window and swaying the building. And Jeongguk can breathe. He takes a deep breath and slowly withdraws his face from Yoongi’s neck to check the coast is clear. Yoongi smiles softly when Jeongguk looks at him. He reaches up and wipes Jeongguk’s tears with the pads of his fingers. He knows to give Jeongguk a couple minutes to recover so he makes no move to remove his headphones. All of a sudden, Jeongguk is hit with how glad he is for Yoongi, to have him in his life. That he doesn’t judge Jeongguk or belittle his fears, but instead helps him through them.
Jeongguk turns down the volume on his music and removes the headphones from one ear to listen. It’s quiet, peaceful. The calm after the storm. He pauses the music and removes the headphones altogether. After he’s deposited them on his bedside table, he turns back to Yoongi. Yoongi brushes a strand of hair out of Jeongguk’s eyes. Jeongguk closes his eyes and breathes out a sigh. He’s no longer shaking but his heart is still beating fast so he focuses for a moment to try to calm it down some more now that the storm has passed.
Yoongi strokes a thumb over Jeongguk’s cheek and Jeongguk draws energy from Yoongi’s presence. Slowly, he opens his eyes.
“Are you okay?” Yoongi whispers into the silence.
Jeongguk nods against his pillow. “I am now that you are here.”
Yoongi smiles. His thumb continues stroking over Jeongguk’s cheekbone. “You should’ve called me as soon as you thought it would storm, I could’ve been here.”
Jeongguk hums. “I knew you had an important meeting today. I didn’t want to disturb.”
Making a hurt noise in the back of his throat, Yoongi scoots closer to Jeongguk. “You wouldn’t be disturbing, you know that. You never disturb me and you’re never a bother,” he adds like he knew Jeongguk was thinking it. “As it happened, I ended up ditching my meeting anyway as soon as the storm started and rushed home.”
Warmth fills Jeongguk’s chest and he smiles. His heart beat has calmed down, gone back mostly to normal. He always has an easier time relaxing after a storm with Yoongi beside him. “You ditched your meeting for me?”
“Okay, I wouldn’t say ditched… I rescheduled it. I didn’t want you to be alone.”
“I would’ve been fine on my own,” Jeongguk says quietly, barely believing his own words. Ever since Yoongi came into his life, he hasn’t had to deal with storms alone, at least not all of the time. As much as Yoongi can help it, he will be there for Jeongguk. Jeongguk is eternally grateful for that.
“I know,” Yoongi says and it looks like he believes it. “But just because you can do something on your own, doesn’t mean you have to.”
Jeongguk nods and it’s quiet for a moment. “I’m glad you’re here,” he says then.
“I’ll always be here,” Yoongi promises.
And he keeps that promise, like he has so many times before. Jeongguk hates storms. He hates them with a fiery passion. Especially thunderstorms. They are unnecessarily loud and it scares Jeongguk. Terrifies him. But with Yoongi by his side, holding him and stroking his back through it, Jeongguk isn’t as afraid. It’s like he shoulders some of Jeongguk’s worries so that he doesn’t have to do it by himself. Yoongi’s presence and being is enough to calm Jeongguk, soothe him.
He’s still afraid of storms and probably will always be, but at least he doesn’t have to go through them alone.