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One day, Bestie was on his way to the shops. When he saw Amity’s dad, he gave him a dirty look, as if daggers were shooting through his eyes. Then suddenly daggers were shooting from his eyes. He’s a magical child who has now committed mass murder by complete accident. The police scream. The adults scream. Everyone screams. Of course everyone screams a child just committed mass murder.
Bestie screams because his eyeballs are now bleeding profusely because most eye balls aren’t built for blades. However, his friend’s are built for blades. His friend is a robot. It’s an interesting friendship. Said robot friend soon shows up at the scene and just stares, trying to process that they are friends with a magic child. Bestie looked at his robot friend and started crying while screaming because his eyes are still bleeding. His friend tried to make the blood stop but they’re not a nurse or doctor, they may be a robot but they aren’t made for healing.
“Help me!” Bestie cries, but his robot friend only shakes his head. Turns out they aren’t a friend at all.
“I can’t I’m too gay to help you,” Their friend says, shaking their head with a robotic squeal. Bestie looks at them in betrayal, shooting daggers out of his eyes again, aimed at the robot.
“Any last words?” The now murderous child asks. The robot turns to the camera like this is The Office and smiles as their circuits begin to malfunction due to the daggers sticking out of them.
“ OwO .” With that, the robot falls down and stops working. The police just stare, having never been trained for this kind of situation. How do you train for a child shooting daggers from their eyes and murdering robots? Easy you practice now when it’s actually happening. I can’t believe the police department never trained them for this, like what failure of a department doesn’t train their officers for the OwO murdering child.
Bestie’s mom ran into the crowd, grabbing her child and dragging him away from the crime scene. Bestie screamed and tried to get away from the woman. He’s in a delusional state of denial, claiming this woman isn’t her mother. She sits him down on a bench and produces the birth certificate from absolutely nowhere, like the way fictional villains produce weapons from every single area on their body even where it shouldn’t be possible, and shoves it in the child’s face.
As bestie stares, he has to come to terms with a painful truth. He is not a he named bestie. His real identity is an Oogabooga named OwO. Which means the robot’s last words make a lot more sense. Instead of just nonsense, they were saying OwO’s name, trying to inform him of his real name. Then, suddenly, OwO freezes. His mother watches as her own child, her own Oogabooga, has an identity crisis and goes through all 5 stages of grief at once somehow. His mother frowns and is about to ask what’s wrong when OwO opens his mouth.
“someBODY ONCE TOLD ME-” and with that, his mother runs. She screams at the top of her lungs, trying to get away from the possessed murder child. Everyone stares as she seemingly runs from nothing. A kind helpful old lady stops the woman in her tracks.
“Are you okay dearie?” The old lady looks at the younger woman in concern. The mother looks around, seeing her possessed demon child everywhere. He seems to be multiplying. and she cannot get him to go away. She trembles in fear as the child closes in, eyes threatening to shoot daggers out again, even though they haven’t recovered from shooting daggers earlier.
The passerbyers stare at the woman as she seems to have a mental breakdown over nothing. The old lady gets a phone and tries to call for help when the phone is suddenly ripped from her hands. As she turns to see who did it, she is faced with the spooky dagger child that the younger woman has been screaming about. The old lady joins in the screaming, everyone staring at the two while debating calling the police to take the psychos away. They cannot figure out why there is two ladies just crouched in fetal position on the ground screaming about daggers shooting from a 10 year old’s eyes?
As police arrive at the scene and while trying to take the women away, they too get hit with the daggers shooting from the child’s eyes. As the child’s mother sees this, she gets hit with a ✨ Lightbulb Moment ✨
“The second you try to help me, you can see the child too. He just wants to torment me. Leave me and him be, he is having a crisis…”
Suddenly, the child screams and appears in front of everyone. “GIRLS BROS AND NONBINARY HOES LISTEN UP!”
The audience stops and stares at the child, fearing he may hit them with daggers too. However instead of daggers, pride flags suddenly shoot from his eyes. He has been upgraded from a dagger shooting child to a pride flag god. “I AM ALL THE GENDER YOUR GENDER IS MINE!”
People rejoice as the terror has finally ended and the pride parade starts. As darkness fell and the clock struck midnight, the crowd rejoiced. For it was officially June 1st and Pride could officially begin.
The pride god bestowed upon everyone pride flags and the joy of being fucking gay. However, their gender is no more. The pride god has stolen all of their gender.
How a 10 year old became a god, I don’t know. Nor do I care to find out. All I know is that he is fucking gay and all the gender.
One of the citizens kneels down at his feet, silently hoping that he does not suddenly switch to daggers again.
“Oh generous god may I have a smidgen of gender please?” Their voice shakes as he looks at him. Shaking his head, he dismisses the citizen and disappears, leaving the citizens of Prideville with no answer as to where they have gone.
The last statement heard from the town before they are silenced for good is one spoken with utmost despair.
“Oh no! Our gender! It’s gone!” (but to the tune of oh no our table its broken)