Work Text:
"You're gonna be fine."
Robaire lost count of how many times he'd whispered that sentence to himself. After a while, it began to lose its meaning.
It felt impossible to be fine when all of the attention was on him, when he took the brunt of the band's criticism simply because he was the leader, when he shouldered their problems and bottled his own.
But he was fine because he had to be.
The other members looked up to him, relied on him, trusted him to keep all of their heads above the water. When one of them started to sink, they all went down, and it was Robaire that ultimately brought them back up to the surface.
The other members were lost without him, and he knew putting it that way made it sound bad, but it was true. He was the glue that held them all together. He'd brought them together in the beginning and he kept them together through the thick and the thin, the good and the bad and the worse.
But sometimes, Robaire couldn't help the feeling that perhaps he was using too much glue for the others and not enough for himself.
He felt it during rehearsals and sound checks and concerts, when they finished a routine and his only thought was
thank God it's finally over.
He felt it when he was listening to his friends' problems, offering his shoulder for them to cry on, and found himself wishing that just once someone would offer to return the favor.
He especially felt it when he was the only one home, and he locked himself in their studio (the only soundproof room in the house), and he let a few tears slip through the dam. He would never let the dam break, he couldn't ever imagine allowing himself to sob and bawl the way the others sometimes did, but he felt like it was okay to give himself the little bit.
And then, when he'd forced the rest of the tears back before the flood hit, he would wipe his face and take a deep breath, because if he started sinking they were
all
doomed.
"You're gonna be fine," he would whisper to himself, though the words had long-lost their meaning.
And he would open the door, and he would go about his day, and he was fine.
He was fine because he had to be.