Work Text:
Sometimes when Yoo Joonghyuk looks at the crowded streets when he's on a grocery run, he wonders.
He wonders when he sees busy office workers and harried university students.
He wonders when he sees people walking to a destination with purpose, people who are so at ease with their grasp on what they want.
He holds the plastic grocery bag tight. He wonders if he will ever have a purpose in this world free of the apocalypse.
He shook his head and continued on his journey back to their shared house. He was in charge of dinner today.
***
The plastic bag hit the counter with a soft thump as he rolled his sleeves back and tied the apron around his waist. He had done the mise en place before leaving, doing final preparations before he heated up the wok.
His mind was blissfully empty as he added sesame oil to the wok, the crackle of garlic and onion a soothing melody that was familiar to him. Tossing the noodles in the air was second nature, the savory smell of it was like the embrace of a loved one. The orange-yellow of the yolk as he cracked an egg with a hand and added it to the noodles was pleasing, the richness clear from its slow trickle across the noodles. The pop and sizzle of the skin of the pork meat he added to the iron skillet felt satisfying, the press of his fingers into the malleable flesh made him anticipate the juiciness of the cooked meat.
When he cooked a meal he didn't need to think about what was next, he didn't need to think about how his piece in the jigsaw puzzle of life was janky. In that moment in front of the stove, he was just creating. In that moment all that mattered was the slow bloom of raw ingredients into something delectable, thoughts about the end product were secondary.
It felt as if he'd come to the surface and broke through the water when he finally set the dishes neatly on the dining table. Han Sooyoung leaned against table like she was waiting for Yoo Joonghyuk to finish his ritual before she spoke,
"You need to get Dokja today. No one else can."
She said simply but Yoo Joonghyuk understood.
He stiffly nodded and a grunted in affirmation before he left to go to Kim Dokja's bedroom.
While cooking was something of a comfort with its sense of constancy, Kim Dokja was a different sort of comfort.
"Kim Dokja,"
He said softly into the darkness of the room. The window was open, a cool draft of breeze making its way in. He would probably have to close that soon. He heard a rustle of sheets and the soft hush of breath. Silence greeted him but he wasn't deterred.
He turned on the lights, walking into the room. Kim Dokja was leaning against the headboard of his bed, a book carefully opened at a 90° angle to prevent the spine from cracking was held in his hands. He looked up in surprise at Yoo Joonghyuk like he hadn't heard him call, blinking before he slipped in a bookmark and gently shut the book.
This was one thing that they had in common. They were always in another realm of conscience when they were doing something they loved.
"Your room has light fixtures. Don't strain your eyes in the dark."
Yoo Joonghyuk berated as he stepped closer, taking the book from Kim Dokja's hands and keeping it on the bedside table. Kim Dokja huffed, rolling his eyes. His hair was soft but the tips were damp like he'd taken a shower.
"I don't need the light to read, besides…I'm saving electricity,"
Kim Dokja said with a mischievous smile. His nose scrunched up cutely when he did. Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to bite it. He sighed before he sat beside Kim Dokja on the bed, their shoulders brushing. Kim Dokja smelled fresh and warm. He really did go through the trouble of taking an evening bath.
"Did you draw a bath by yourself?"
Yoo Joonghyuk asked as he looked at the other man from the corner of his vision. Kim Dokja scoffed as he slumped against the headboard, his oversized shirt bunching up. Yoo Joonghyuk squinted. Okay, it was Yoo Joonghyuk's shirt bunching up.
"I can walk , Joonghyuk-ah, I have crutches."
Yoo Joonghyuk nodded almost apologetically, humming in acquiescence. He moved closer till Kim Dokja's shoulder tipped in front of his broader one. His hair had grown longer, Yoo Joonghyuk noted. It curled at his nape and brushed his long lashes. Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to tuck his hair behind his ear.
"Dinner is ready, I came to pick you up,"
He murmured, looking down at their laps. Kim Dokja's hand was smaller than his, the delicate bones of his wrist prominent. He wanted to lace their fingers together. Kim Dokja leaned against Yoo Joonghyuk, his soft hair tickling his chin.
"Mm. Carry me down…?" He asked, softly.
Unsurely. Like he was still afraid that he was stepping out of line with Yoo Joonghyuk. He hummed in reply, wrapping an arm around Kim Dokja to pull him closer. He leaned down, his lips brushing hair. Almost a kiss. Not a kiss. He pulled the blankets back with his other hand and slipped it under Kim Dokja's knees, shifting him over to his lap before standing up.
Kim Dokja hummed, leaning his head against his shoulder, a hand resting on his chest.
"My Sunfish has become a gallant knight from a feral wandering swordsman."
Yoo Joonghyuk scoffed, butting his chin lightly against the top of Kim Dokja's head.
"I'll drop you." He threatened, with no heat.
Kim Dokja laughed, his hand tightening its grip on his chest. His breaths were warm against Yoo Joonghyuk's neck.
***
Yoo Joonghyuk grunted when he snapped awake from the pinch on his cheek. He glared at Kim Dokja who in turn glared at him.
"Don't fall asleep right before the dramatic reveal, idiot!"
Kim Dokja said as he pointed at the television screen, forcing Yoo Joonghyuk to look at it by squishing his cheeks with his other hand.
They were watching some action thriller movie but Yoo Joonghyuk failed to grasp the plot since he was looking at the man beside him every time something pivotal happened.
Yoo Joonghyuk didn't like watching movies. When Kim Dokja had asked him to watch a movie one fateful Friday, he agreed without a moment of thought. He regretted the decision immediately when he felt himself drifting off ten minutes into the movie, turning towards Kim Dokja to say he'd go to bed instead before stopping.
Kim Dokja was intently watching the movie with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, his soft pale lips parted just a little. The artificial light of the television shouldn't look breathtaking on Kim Dokja's pale skin but it did, the light catching even on his long eyelashes. When Kim Dokja had turned to look inquisitively at him, he realized he didn't want to go to sleep.
They made it a ritual of sorts now, watching a new movie every Friday and every Friday Yoo Joonghyuk stole glances at someone he found more enrapturing than a movie.
He was doing that now, looking at Kim Dokja’s face lighting up in pleasant surprise. His gentle eyebrows were sloped upwards, his starry eyes wide. Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't stop staring.
"Can you believe that the person behind all of this was the dead brother?! The attack from the first scene makes so much sense now—"
Yoo Joonghyuk hummed in agreement, his eyes not on the screen.
Yoo Joonghyuk ended up falling asleep anyway, the movie was long and tedious to watch. He didn't want to stare too long and alert Kim Dokja but that resulted in him dozing off.
He woke up to fingers brushing gently against his hair, the soft murmurs of a song making him want to go back to sleep again. The song was familiar, its warmth comforting. It felt like the click of two pieces coming together. It felt like coming home. The fingers stopped their soothing rhythm when he opened his eyes, their brushing resuming a short while after. The familiar song had gone silent.
"Ah…Are you awake? You fell asleep even before we hit the one hour mark,"
Kim Dokja said softly with a laugh, the fingers in his hair slipping down to pinch his cheek.
It's become a habit of sorts for Kim Dokja to pinch his cheek. He doesn't dislike it. He makes a noise in his throat before he moves to get up, butting his head against Kim Dokja's shoulder with a sigh. He tamped down the urge to kiss his neck before properly getting up, looking at Kim Dokja’s amused face.
"Movies should only be half an hour." He grumbled as he made to get up.
Kim Dokja chuckled as he raised his arms, Yoo Joonghyuk ducking to carry him again.
"Maybe you should make some gourmet popcorn for our movie night next time."
Kim Dokja said thoughtfully, patting Yoo Joonghyuk's cheek to make sure he was paying attention. He resisted the urge to kiss his soft palm and made a thoughtful noise.
"And what do I get out of this arrangement?"
He asked as he made his way upstairs. Kim Dokja playfully kicked his feet, tapping his chin in mock contemplation.
"My company ofcourse! Doesn't my little Sunfish knight like my company?"
He said with a laugh as he leaned against his shoulder, drawing small circles on Yoo Joonghyuk's chest. He huffed in amusement, not denying Kim Dokja's declaration. They shared a companionable silence as Yoo Joonghyuk carried him up the stairs. He could almost imagine this as something else—he could almost imagine this as him carrying Kim Dokja over the threshold of their shared house.
"Say," He said, interrupting Yoo Joonghyuk's increasingly delusional thoughts.
"You'd tell me if I was being a burden right? If you didn't….like my company…you wouldn't pity me…right..?"
He asked quietly. Yoo Joonghyuk paused. The clock in the hallway's ticking sounded loud in the quiet of the night.
"In this world right now,"
He said as he continued to walk again.
"In this world after the apocalypse. I was lost. I didn't have a purpose anymore."
The floorboards never creaked in this house; it was honestly miraculous. He adjusted Kim Dokja in his arms. He felt so small.
"I don't have to kill anyone. I don't have to fight to survive."
He felt Kim Dokja's soft hair tickling his chin as he leaned forward to open his bedroom door.
"But when I'm with you,"
He murmurs as he settles Kim Dokja softly on his bed. The other man looked at him with shaking pupils.
"When I'm with you, it feels like that doesn't matter."
He leaned closer and rested his forehead against Kim Dokja's.
"I might have no place in the world anymore but that doesn't matter when I am home with you by my side."
Kim Dokja cupped his face. His hands were shaking.
He leaned in, his soft lips brushing against Yoo Joonghyuk's dry ones. He felt his lips curve into a smile against his.
"Welcome home then,"