Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Stop me if you’ve heard this one before,” said Nick Fury, arms wide and a gun in each hand, backed up by ten SWORD agents behind him who also had guns drawn. “SWORD, the Ten Rings, and the Hogwarts rejects all walk up to a parking garage…”

“All of you need to leave. This situation is far more dangerous than you realize,” said Dr. Strange from where he and several monks had stepped out of a magic portal moments ago. They were in a similar formation to Fury, only with glowing circles at the ends of their arms instead of guns.

“It certainly is,” said Xialing from her side of the three-way standoff, next to the corner her group had just turned to get to the front of the parking garage. She had already dropped the blade of her rope dart, and her men had their weapons of choice ready to go. “It’s about to get much more dangerous if I don’t see my brother and Katy in the next ten seconds.”

There was a whoosh, a thud, and the sound of pavement buckling slightly. Right in the middle of the triangle that Xialing, Fury, and Strange had made, the new Captain America stood up from a crouch before raising his hands in a placating gesture.

“Sorry I’m late to the party,” said Captain Wilson as he folded back his wings. “Can’t wait to find out which one of you is my secret Santa.”

Xialing’s first in command, who might have had a name once but now everyone called him “Razor Fist,” turned his head upward and shouted, “Is there anyone else who’d like to join this standoff? MI6? Coast Guard? Care Bears?”

“Care Bears are above our paygrade,” said Fury.

“I hate that I don't know if you’re joking,” said Wilson. “But if any other agencies or Saturday morning cartoons show up I’ll tell them the same thing I’m telling all of you: we’re not fighting here today.”

“Why are the ones who start fights with me always the ones who refuse to carry through with them?” Xialing asked no one in particular as she began to swing the bladed end of the rope dart in a slow pendulum.

“If it’s a fight you’re looking for, it’s a fight you’ll get,” growled Strange, and the glowing shields at his palms brightened.

“Promises, promises,” said Fury, adjusting his grip on his guns.

A small drone shot out of the top of Wilson’s gear, and before anyone could react, there was an extremely loud chirping sound. No one dropped their weapons, but everyone winced and stopped talking.

“Thank you, Redwing. Now, here is what is going to happen. All of you are going to lower your weapons, and we’re going to talk this out like adults so we can figure out what the hell is going on, without violence,” said Wilson.

“And why should we do that?” growled Razor Fist.

“Because right now my partner Lieutenant Barnes, who you might know as ‘The Winter Soldier,’ is camped on that rooftop over there, and if he has to shoot anyone to stop y’all from fighting, his therapist is going to be very upset with me.”

Everyone glanced toward where he was pointing. On a nearby rooftop, a man with a metal arm gave a jaunty salute but didn’t pull his sniper rifle from where it could be pointed at any of them.

“The good news is that I don’t think any of us here actually needs to fight today. Because I don’t think any of us knows why everyone else is here,” continued Wilson, which was such a transparent lie that Xialing decided she’d had enough and moved to shut down whatever idiotic trick the new Captain America was trying to play.

At least, that’s what she tried to do. But at the same time Xialing spat,“This isn’t the first time someone tried to take the rings,” with enough venom to signal she was done with playing dumb and ready to fight, Wilson added, “Personally, I’m here about the beacon,” Fury chimed in with “Bullshit, one of them has my agent,” and Strange asked, “What else could they want but the artifact?”

As Xialing processed that the situation was far more complicated than she’d thought (and it had been very complicated already), Wilson grinned, shook his head, and said, “I don’t wanna say ‘I told you so,’ but… well, that’s a lie, I really do. Is it against the Captain America rules to say ‘I told you so’? Steve didn’t leave a handbook.”

“What kind of beacon?” said Fury.

“I would love to answer that question, maybe pull a proper Canterbury Tales and get everyone here to share their story, but that’s not going to happen if you all decide to play rock-paper-scissors with magic, bullets, and… whatever that swingy rope thing is.”

“Call the soldier down from that rooftop and we’ll talk,” said Xialing.

“Promise?” said Wilson.

Xialing stowed her rope dart but didn’t signal her men to lower their weapons.

“I’m just here for my brother and Katy,” said Xialing.

Nick Fury glanced at the agent to his right, a woman with a severe expression and brown hair pulled back in a tight bun, then holstered his guns.

“I want my agent back,” he said.

“And I’m after the artifact,” said Strange as he lowered his arms and his magic circles dissipated.

“And we want to know about the beacon. Isn’t that right, Buck?”

Xialing turned and watched as the Winter Soldier strode from behind her men, took his place by Captain Wilson’s side, and nodded stiffly.

Everyone gave the signal at the same time for their people to lower their weapons.

“There, isn’t that better?” said Wilson.

“That’s yet to be determined,” said Strange.

“Gentlemen, my men and I have just flown across the entire Pacific Ocean on the fastest aircraft outside of Wakanda,” said Xialing impatiently. “If none of you are holding my brother and his friend captive, would you kindly tell us who is, so we can all go about our day?”

“I’m afraid it’s not that simple,” said Strange. “It’s not a who, it’s a what, and we have no idea who’s put it here or why.”

“Sounds like you brought the most interesting thing to show-and-tell today, Doctor,” said Fury. “Why don’t you go first?”

“Or, here’s a thought,” said Strange, “All of you can spend the next two hours or so partaking in the various delights San Francisco has to offer, and by the time you’ve finished your Ghirardelli’s sundaes, the artifact will be dealt with, your associates will be freed, and you can all mail your thank-you notes to Kamar-Taj.”

Barnes chuckled and said, “Glad to see you haven’t changed, Gandalf the shite.”

“Thought you said he wasn’t a wizard,” said Wilson with a smirk.

“You try rhyming with ‘sorcerer’,” said Barnes, smirking back.

Xialing rolled her eyes, fished her phone out of her pocket, and said, “None of you would make it a week in my organization. I’ll go first.”

And then she pressed play on her most recent recorded phone call.

SIX HOURS EARLIER