Chapter Text
"Quick!"
Ragged breath, heavy pants, a t-shirt flying on the other side of the room.
Hands are all over him, stripping and kneading and squeezing hard, leaving hot traces of pleasure at every touch. Gulf throws his head back feeling those lips attacking his neck and chest while he dives his fingers inside the mop of silky hair hovering above him.
It's barely 11pm and it feels unreal to be in Mew's bed, half naked with a growing bulge pressing on his thigh and his throat dried for how much he's trying to hold back. It's like he's become a teenager again, hiding behind a closed door, always on alert that his parents could pass by or he could be heard through the walls. It definitely feels the same as Mew keeps covering every inch of his skin with open mouthed kisses, whispering soft ' ssht ' every time Gulf becomes a bit too vocal and reminding him that they're not home alone.
Gulf knows, how could he forget, but it's been way too long since the last time he and Mew got frisky in bed and he can't bear another lonely session with his hand. He wants the real deal, he deserves a proper orgasm this time around.
"Where did the lube go?"
Gulf reaches out in search of the bottle while his boyfriend is too busy taking off the last piece of clothes he's wearing. When he finds it, he doesn't get to grab it because Mew is back devouring his lips, moaning and licking inside his mouth with so much hunger Gulf is turned on instantly. He laces his arms around the older man's neck and pulls him closer grinding against him in that way that always makes Mew shudder and curl his toes, that has him kiss harder and groan deeper and, oh God, Mew needs to hurry up.
It's clear that Mew wants it just as badly, the man has that spark in his eyes, that glint that makes Gulf feel so submissive and defenseless, ready to give his lover everything he wants and needs. Nothing can stop them, they have waited for two weeks for a lucky night and at this point Gulf wouldn't be able to stop even if he wanted.
Suddenly Mew's head springs up staring into the darkness.
"I heard something."
No way. No fucking way.
"No you heard nothing."
The younger says cupping his boyfriend's face and pulling him down to resume their kiss, but Mew responds absentmindedly, eyes rolled back toward the door as if he's still waiting for the noise to come back.
Suppasit, c'mon, focus.
Gulf is about to slip a hand under the cover to bring back Mew's attention on him when a soft knock echoes in the room, startling the both of them.
"Shit!" Mew hisses, jumping up and collecting his pants so quickly Gulf only has the time to hide below the duvet before the man is opening the door.
There's a tiny figure standing in front of the door, with sleepy eyes and fists rubbing at the eyes. Mew picks the kid up and brushes off the bangs falling on her face, throwing a glance full of guilt behind his back and letting Gulf know that their night came to an end.
"I had a nightmare." The little girl whines resting the chin on her dad's shoulder.
"Let's go to bed, papa will stay with you."
Oh great. Fucking great.
The sigh escaping Gulf's mouth isn't exactly subtle but he also knows his boyfriend has duties he can't overlook while raising a 4-years-old daughter by himself so he lets Mew go with a nod. In return, Mew murmurs a soft sorry and disappears down the hallway carrying the kid.
It's not the first time that something similar happens, Gulf should be used to it by that time but he still slumps back on the mattress and waits a couple of minutes to see if Mew returns in record time.
He obviously doesn't, which means Gulf has to do the walk of shame to the bathroom and take care of his problem alone.
Fifteen minutes later, he's emerging from the private bathroom inside the bedroom fully dressed, yawning at the man sitting on the edge of the bed. Mew looks hurt when the younger boy approaches him.
"You finished? I thought we could continue from where we left."
A small giggle bubbles up Gulf's throat. He bends just enough to peck Mew's forehead and hands him his pajamas top.
"Chom will probably call you again and you're not hard anymore. It's okay, there's still next time."
It's really okay, Gulf is twenty-four and constantly horny but in the four months he and Mew have been dating, he quickly accepted the fact that children always come first. Sometimes it's annoying but only because Gulf seeks Mew's attention as much as the little girl does and that's also the reason why the kid isn't very fond of him.
"Aren't you staying? Please?"
Mew's eyes are pleading, asking for forgiveness as if spending the night spooned against the man could make up for the lost orgasm. On another day, it probably could.
"I have the afternoon shift tomorrow, I want to sleep late and your kid is kinda noisy in the morning. What about Thursday? I was thinking about going out on a date."
"I will call my mother and ask her to babysit Chom. Should be home before eight."
"Call."
Gulf pecks his boyfriend's lips and rubs their noses together. He hates to see Mew brooding just as much as he hates to see him feeling guilty for being a good father. Gulf is okay, he's fine with their relationship and he knew what was about to come when he accepted to date Mew. Prioritizing his daughter is what Mew is supposed to do, what every good parent would do and Gulf admires him so much for that. It's just that he doesn't know how to not feel bothered.
He disagrees with his own feelings but he will never show Mew how greedy he is, because Mew would never give up on his daughter and if the alternative is to lose him, Gulf would rather spend the rest of his life in the man's bathroom alone.
The atmosphere is a little awkward while Mew leads him to the front door, he still looks a bit unsure to let Gulf go but after the younger kisses him goodbye (using that tongue trick Mew loves so much), he seems more reassured.
"Text me when you're home."
"So you can read it tomorrow, you old gramp. Don't pretend that you won't fall asleep the moment I close the door."
Mew doesn't laugh but shows one of those half smiles that holds all the adoration he has for the boy. Gulf almost squirms in happiness.
"Goodnight babe. Love you."
They share one more kiss, lingering in the moment for one second too long.
"Love you too, old gramp."
When they part, Gulf sighs once again. He hates to drive during the night and he still has a weird feeling buzzing through his body. For a moment he ponders to turn back and ring Mew's door but then decides against it. Everything is fine, they also have a date on Thursday, right?
While he walks to his car, Gulf tries to ignore the sense of restlessness embracing him.
Two weeks. They haven't done it for two weeks… and still counting.
The first time Gulf met Mew was totally unexpected. He was working his shift at the Siam Paragon Mall welcoming customers with a bright smile and kind gestures as his usual. Being the only guy employed at Cartier, Gulf has to work his ass off to show he actually knows how to do his job and that, no, he isn't the electrician repairing the broken leds from the displays. Mew walked into the store next to a woman grabbing tightly at his arm. It's funny how Gulf never paid attention to most of the customers but Mew was hot and ready to buy his mother Cartier, which meant he was probably rich too.
It was only curiosity at first but ten minutes later Gulf was already wooed by how much of a flirt that man was and he even thought about writing his number on the receipt.
When Mew bought two identical pairs of earrings, Gulf's face almost dropped thinking that one must have been for his partner, but Mew collected the bag and said "Do you accept returns? I don't need the second pair but I need an excuse to come see you".
Mew was sweet, caring, handsome and even funny. The whole fucking package. Gulf had always been proud of his job, he loved the excited expression his friends made when he said he worked for a luxury brand, but when Mew told him he was an executive assistant for Netflix Thailand, the younger really thought he had hit the jackpot.
He knew better, though, than to trust such a perfect man. Something was missing, Mew had to have at least a flaw.
Said flaw turned out to be a girl. It's always a girl, or better, a kid: Chompoo.
Gulf found out in the worst way, while Mew's lips were sucking marks into his neck inside a public toilet stall and he had already unbuckled the man's belt.
"Is your place near?"
"We can't, my daughter is home."
It was their first date and Gulf seriously thought to end whatever they had built in those few days. A child wasn't something he had planned, nor wanted. Gulf was young and looking for a different kind of daddy . He still doesn't know what made him change his mind, either the mind blowing sex or the way Mew kept texting him sweet nothings making him feel so appreciated and valuable. Eventually, Gulf decided Mew was worth a try.
Four months later the boy is still glad of his decision, he never regretted giving Mew a chance but sometimes he can't help but wonder if they're walking the same path. While Gulf wants to enjoy his last years before adulthood, Mew has fallen completely into the parent role. They balance their lives quite well but sometimes it's impossible not to notice how different they are. Gulf bought a 100,000THB watch with his employee discount while Mew makes sure to keep spare clothes and wet tissues in his car. That time Chom vomited inside the kitchen sink, Gulf felt repulsion and annoyance while Mew wiped the mess off her cheeks with bare hands.
He's not a father so he can't understand why someone is willing to sacrifice so much for a child, but he does know he's only enduring it for Mew. Because no matter how hard Mew is trying to get him and the young girl to create a bond, it's simply not a life Gulf yearns for.
On Thursday night Gulf is sitting on a club stool sipping beer after Mew had to cancel their date. Chom caught a fever and daddy went as far as taking a day off work to take care of her.
It's a pity but there's nothing they can do, and it was a stupid date anyway.
There's no resentment, only a bit of sadness since Gulf had been anticipating their date for days. Still, he tries to ignore the feeling and focus on the cute video of Chom in an Olaf pajama sitting on top of her dad while she tidies Mew's hair in an apple sprout.
"Hey papa boy, why don't you come dance with us?"
After Gulf had started dating Mew, he ended up doing what every person in love has ever done in the same situation: he ghosted his friends. So when Mild heard that the date was called off, he immediately took the chance to drag Gulf out for a fun night along with his old friends circle. It's not that they don't text or see each other, given that Mild himself works at Bvlgari right across the Cartier store, it's that Mild can be extremely dramatic and Gulf needed an excuse to keep his mind off certain thoughts.
"I can't dance and I still haven't finished my drink." Gulf deadpans taking another swing of his beer.
Mild occupies the seat next to him and soon an arm surrounds his neck in a choking grasp.
"Hello Gup, it's nice to see your face around."
The table they have reserved becomes a little busy as Boss and Golf also take a seat, they quickly order snacks and drinks and wipe the sweat off their faces.
It's like the old times, it feels familiar and pleasant to play around with his friends although Gulf is still the center of all their teasing.
"So, P'Mild said your boyfriend ditched you." Boss says nonchalantly, stuffing his mouth with a bunch of chips. "Are you still dating the married man?"
"He's not married, just a father."
His friend scrunches his nose in confusion. "Divorced? I knew he was older but not old ."
There's a reason Gulf rarely calls his friends, they're nosy and annoying and likes to pick on him. Mostly, they're very similar to him, so Gulf can see their concern because it's the same way he would probably feel if the roles were swapped.
Gulf is dating a single father six year older than him and the question everyone is refraining to ask is why ?
The only way to convince his friends he's not a gold digger or completely crazy, would be to explain how Mew makes him feel every time they're together but Gulf has never been good at expressing his feelings and whenever the topic is brought up, he always starts questioning his own actions.
"He never got married, his ex ran away before the wedding."
It's a bit frustrating how his friends always refer to Mew like there's a generation gap between them. It's not deep, Gulf shouldn't take it by heart but sometimes he feels like Mew also sees him as another kid to take care of instead of a lover. It's the reason he never invited Mew out with Boss and Golf, their age difference would stand out even more.
"And how's it going with your foster daughter? Do you pretend to drink from fake plastic cups sitting in a tiny pink chair to entertain her?"
Golf asks with a smirk, looking around to make sure everyone is enjoying the joke.
In all honesty, Gulf isn't in the mood, he doesn't want to make his friends feel bad but he slightly has the sensation of being in the wrong place with the wrong people. Mild throws him a worried look, confirming that the younger isn't doing a good job in hiding his discomfort. In the end he sits up and smacks Boss and Golf in the head gently.
"You think that's all you do as a father?" Gulf knows no one is looking down on Mew, let alone the effort he puts in to raise Chom, but he still feels the need to defend his boyfriend. He wants to show his friends that Mew is worth the love, the trust and patience because just like he's a great father, he's also a great partner. "You have to wake up early, cook breakfast, check that all the right stuff is in the school bag, wake the girl up, repeat until she actually wakes up, get her ready, make sure she brushes her teeth, pick clean clothes.. oh and you have to get her hair done, that's a mess trust me those ponytails are evil. Some days you need to load the washing machine, call her friend's mom because you're going to be late to pick the kid up from the daycare and drive her there. And this is only the morning routine before leaving for work."
There's a moment of silence, his friends look stunned and a bit taken aback by Gulf's words. The boy is almost tempted to snort a sassy reply such as 'you know, parenting', when Boss frowns and bites into his lip.
"Sounds busy. Does he even have time for you?"
It's like getting thunderstruck. Suddenly his biggest insecurity is out on the table and everyone seems to be very aware of it. Mild is looking at him with pity, Boss and Golf exchange glares like they can't believe Gulf is really accepting to live in this kind of relationship.
There's not much he can do, Gulf chuckles and nods trying to look cool. Mew has time for him, Mew makes time for him. They're fine and even though they're both busy, Mew never fails to make him feel loved.
"P'Mew is a good time-manager."
He says eventually, scraping his head and swinging the last sip of beer at the bottom of the glass.
Luckily, Mild tries to shift the attention to a different topic.
"Look at this boy being all proud of his boyfriend!"
A general laugh follows, despite Gulf can still see a glimpse of uncertainty in Boss' eyes. His friend wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt and flicks his tongue.
"You must be so fucking proud of him If you're still dating him even if he'll, like, always prioritize his child."
"Boss, that's enough."
Mild reprimands his younger friend but the way Boss is watching Gulf with a mixed feeling tells that he's actually worried.
"I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, it's just that I know you Gulf and you were never fine to be the second choice."
The second choice.
Is Gulf really Mew's second choice? Isn't he like an equal first choice along with Chompoo?
Who is he kidding, he and Mew have been dating for four months and what's four months compared to the girl you brought into the world?
But isn't it okay? Isn't Mew treating him good enough?
The problem isn't really being the first or second choice but rather if Mew loves him as much as he loves Mew. Gulf hates to even think about it, he feels like he's betraying Mew's trust, but at the same time it's obvious how much Gulf needs attention and care from his boyfriend, and sometimes he can't help but wonder if Mew would feel empty without him or if Chom is all he truly needs.
"Ahh. Don't worry, he never made me feel left behind."
It's the last attempt to pretend he isn't affected by his friend's words. Gulf shows his best smile and punches Mild's shoulder right next to him to hide the nervousness. Boss also seems to relax.
"If you're really fine with this setup, then I'm happy for you. I mean it."
Another drink is placed under Gulf's nose and he picks it up to join the cheer.
He shouldn't have gone out. Why does he feel so lost and lonely?
For a single moment, Gulf's eyes cross Mild's. They're deep and protective and Mild has always been the most observing among them, Gulf isn't surprised to see his friend staring with so much intensity like he's trying to read how much of what Gulf's said is true.
On a whim, Gulf unlocks his phone and looks for new messages. There are no new photos but a text wishing the boy goodnight with a father-with-daughter emoji and an unnecessary long string of hearts. I t makes Gulf's heart a little lighter.
/ I love you so much. Wish I was there, I miss you. Goodnight ❤️
It's not really a reply, more something Gulf wants to take off his chest to indulge his need of hearing those same words back.
When his phone chims with a new message, the boy almost jumps from how quickly he rushes to open his Line app.
/ Love you too. Soooo muchhh. Chom says 'goodnight P'Gulf, dad gave me three very big kisses today'. I wish you were here too, my bed is too big for me only. Be careful and text me when you're home ❤️
A smile blooms almost instantly on Gulf's face. He doesn't know which part of the message made his cheeks blush, maybe the confirmation that Mew misses him too or Chom's cute way of showing possession over her dad.
For now, everything's fine. He doesn't have to worry about stupid insecurities and second choices.
For now, he's indeed happy.
On the weekend Chom’s fever is gone and Gulf is invited to a very special date at Mew’s place that includes a Disney movie and tons of sweet popcorn (plus a smaller bowl of normal popcorn because Gulf doesn’t have a sweet tooth like the Jongcheveevats).
It’s the Saturday night plan, also known as letting Chom decide the movie and the snack so she will be focused enough to not care about Gulf receiving all the attention. Singing Disney songs and eating sugar will lead to a very hyped girl for a couple of hours and a very tired one just when sleep time comes. It’s perfect because Chom always sleeps like a log after the Saturday plan and Mew’s level of worry subsides and gives space to his (slightly more) wilder side in bed.
Gulf has never watched Moana before but Mew definitely has, seeing how he’s singing Maui’s song by heart feeding popcorn to both his daughter and boyfriend at the same time.
It’s cute how they’ve found some kind of a routine for their movie nights: Mew sitting in the middle of the couch with Chom leaning on his right side and Gulf on his left shoulder. It’s a compromise they found after the little girl almost threw a fit one night because her dad draped an arm around his boyfriend and she got upset about not receiving the same treatment.
“Maui is sooo cool. Eheh, tippity-tappin .”
Chom sings munching on a handful of popcorn.
“Actually, he seems pretty stupid to me.”
Two pairs of eyes immediately glare at Gulf who raises his hands in defeat. Mew looks strangely offended too.
“Hey! Maui is me.”
“Ah, yes. I can see the resemblance.”
Mew’s glare turns into a pinch on the side and when Gulf starts snickering, his boyfriend teases him trying to slip a popcorn inside his nostril.
“You brat. You should be punished.”
Gulf doesn’t even flinch, he just smiles and eats the popcorn from Mew’s fingers making sure to peck the man’s lips as an apology.
In return, Mew stretches his neck to kiss Gulf again but he’s soon stopped by his daughter who has climbed into his lap extending her tiny arms.
“Me too!” She cries.
While Mew showers Chom's nape with small kisses, Gulf rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
If he had to look back at the first time he met Chom, the child had been nothing but a ball of sunshine. He doesn't really remember when she started to feel the weight of the competition but Gulf figured it happened after the third time he stayed over for dinner and Mew decided to kiss him in front of the child. Since the very beginning, Mew had introduced him as 'Phi Gulf' without giving their relationship a proper label, so Gulf was even more shocked than the little girl, he didn't expect to come out so suddenly and before prior talk. On her part, Chom didn't look bothered by the kiss as much as the realization that she would have had to share her dad with another person. From a previous date, Gulf had already learned that the girl didn't have a good relationship with her mother and Mew had already talked with her about the possibility of finding a new partner. She was ready to replace a mother she never really knew, but wasn't ready to let another person be involved in what she and Mew had.
Flash forward and the things hadn't really changed. Chom is still incredibly possessive but she also finds it normal that P'Gulf sleeps in the same bed as daddy sometimes, she squeezes the toothpaste out for him too when Gulf sleeps over and takes out a third spoon if he's around during dinner. It's like she has set a number of rules that allow Gulf to stay as long as he respects the dad-daughter boundaries. From time to time, Gulf wonders if the kid really raised a wall or if it's just how he perceives it.
Does he find it annoying? Sometimes, but most of the time he appreciates Chom's thoughtfulness and ability to adapt to any circumstance to ease his dad's burden. For being only four, she's incredibly mature and Gulf often sees many aspects of Mew's persona mirrored by the little girl.
"Dad is Maui and P'Gulf is…"
"Moana?" Gulf snorts, pinching Chom's nose.
The child giggles and hides her face in the crook of Mew's neck, like she knows she's about to be scolded for her words.
"P'Gulf is the pig!"
She starts laughing in a very high pitched voice while her dad turns toward Gulf with a smirk.
"Yeah, I can see the resemblance."
His words are accompanied with a wink that makes Gulf roll his eyes even harder.
The movie reaches its end soon even though Chom is still on her sugar rush and is now sharing an ice-cream with her dad, which means more sugar and no sleep for the next hour. At least the teasing has died down and the kid is so excited for the new movie they've played that Mew has the chance to secretly steal a couple of kisses from his lover.
Gulf has never liked cookies and cream ice-cream, but everything tastes better if savored from Mew's lips.
They hold hands hidden between them, sing along with Chom and encourage her to dance during the music breaks until the girl slumps on the couch exhausted. She rests her head on Mew's lap and yawns loudly fighting to stay awake and see the end of the movie.
"She's almost gone." There's a hint of mischief in the way Mew is whispering in his ear, a further meaning that Gulf knows too well and is starting a fire inside him. He feels his neck burn in anticipation, tries not to react when his boyfriend's thumb begins to smooth over his thigh. The movie will end in about fifteen minutes, then Mew has to tuck his daughter in bed and finally they can be alone. Gulf answers with a small kiss on the neck, rubbing his forehead on Mew's cheek to show a bit of affection. Apparently, he isn't subtle at all because Chom is looking straight at him but for once she only giggles and yawns again. Maybe she's too tired to feel jealous.
Suddenly, Mew's phone starts ringing from the kitchen, startling all three of them. It's the work ringtone, the one that sometimes rings very early in the morning or very late at night and no matter if it's a weekend or a holiday, Mew has to pick the call. It's the part of his job that Gulf dislikes the most, the pressure and extremely high expectations that come from an important position and that forces Mew to always be available, to cancel plans often and find a quick solution to watch over Chom when she isn't at the nursery.
"Sorry, I have to take it." Mew mumbles visibly annoyed, but he still retrieves his phone and walks into his bedroom to not disturb the movie.
Gulf doesn't feel awkward around Chom, they've spent enough time together to be used to each other's presence. It's just that he's not very good at handling her, nor does he know what to say.
For a few seconds the child tosses and turns on the couch emitting weird noises, then she huffs and sits crossing her legs. Gulf sees her stealing a glance in his direction but he pretends that it never happened.
After a few more noises and a very big laugh because her favorite character did something ridiculous, Gulf sees the little girl crawling closer to him. Her eyes are just as big as Mew's, Gulf always had a weakness for those eyes so he can't help but also find the kid adorable.
"P'Gulf can I have three more popcorn?"
Chom nudges at his arm softly, her tone turning a bit pleading.
At first Gulf is left dumbfounded, the popcorn bowl is right in front of the kid so why is she asking him? The realization hits him slowly, as he watches Chom waiting for a reply. Gulf understands that she isn't asking for a favor, she's asking for permission. Mew is absent and while her dad isn't there, Chom sees Gulf as the adult, the tutor, someone she must listen to. A spark runs up his spine and his cheeks feel suddenly very warm.
Chompoo, his boyfriend's daughter who always competes with him for Mew's attention and made sure to set boundaries is now treating Gulf like he was responsible for her well being.
It's terrifying, because Gulf has no idea of how to treat kids and his parenting motto is 'if the child is alive you are good enough'.
But deep down inside his fluttering belly, it's also cute. It's cute how Chom is trusting Gulf to make the right decision for her, even if it's only about three popcorn and she really had too many sweets for the night but he somehow feels the need to indulge her request.
For a second, Gulf thinks he can see Chom with Mew's eyes.
He nods quickly and takes a handful of popcorn, many more than three, feeling his chest stiffening a bit when the little girl starts to eat directly from his hand, picking each popcorn one by one.
It's the closest they've ever been in four months. It's almost as if one brick just came off the wall between them.
Chom chews loudly with her mouth open watching the last scene of the movie, her eyes are halfway closed but she's probably trying to stay awake until Mew comes back. The two main characters on the screen share a kiss, making her laugh and then coo at the cute moment.
"People give kisses because they love each other." She says out of nowhere, nodding her head like she just gave very wise advice.
Gulf smiles in her direction, knowing it's probably something she heard from her dad and offers the last popcorn before Chom can continue her important speech.
"Chompoo loves daddy, P'Gulf loves daddy and daddy loves both Chompoo and P'Gulf."
Another thing she must have heard from Mew, but this time Gulf thinks he can use the chance to clear the air between them.
"Does Chom feel bothered that P'Gulf loves daddy?"
There's a moment of silence in which the kid looks down and ponders her answer. Then she tilts her head and says "I don't know what it means".
It's a bit unexpected but Gulf should have seen it coming, maybe it's not the right time to face this issue when Chom is only four years old and about to fall asleep. He still can't help it, so he doesn't question further but tickles her side affectionately.
"Wait-!" The little girl shrieks, holding her stomach and wriggling away from the boy. She's laughing, though, face lighting up all of a sudden like she lost all the sleep. In a moment Chom is jumping on Gulf and tickling him everywhere, straddling his lap and screaming happily.
Chom doesn't like to do skinship with anyone who isn't her dad, so it's surprising that she threw herself on Gulf on her own but it only makes the older boy feel a particular thrill, like an itch that he doesn't want to scratch off. In all honesty, Gulf isn't even ticklish, yet he pretends to be just to make the experience extra funny for Chom.
He throws his head back and begs for mercy until the kid stops the tickle fight watching over her back.
Mew has ended the call and is leaning on the wall watching the scene in adoration. In his eyes there's a mix of contentment, longing and pleasure, as if he had waited so long to see his favorite people bonding together.
"You're back!" Chom says stumbling off the couch and asking to be picked up by her dad. Mew complies, keeping his eyes fixed on his lover.
"I thought you weren't ticklish."
The teasing tone is pretty obvious, Gulf has just been caught and of course his ears have to turn that deep shade of red he hates and Mew loves. There's no reason to feel shy, Gulf didn't do anything wrong, it's just that he never really hid the way he felt toward kids and he doesn't want to get Mew's hopes up for something so small.
A brick came off the wall but thousands of others are still standing.
When Mew finally brings his daughter to bed, Gulf can still feel the weight of the little girl over him. He cannot say that he changed his mind, it's still a life that is so far from his and he still bears it because of Mew, but he guesses he doesn't mind spending his Saturday nights like this, tickle fight and all.
In the morning Gulf will wake up next to the man he loves, then he will find toothpaste on his toothbrush and a third spoon on the table.
It's a life he never needed, but he had never realized how much he already got used to it.
Morning shifts are Gulf's favorite because the first couple of work hours don't bring many customers and by the time he goes back home he still has time to enjoy some free time.
After a shower and a power nap, Gulf wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing twice. He rubs his eyes and checks the caller ID to find that it's Mew. It's weird, Mew never calls in the afternoon when he's at work, unless an emergency comes up.
"Hello? You okay Phi?"
Mew's voice comes a little distorted, Gulf can sense a hint of concern in it.
" Are you done with work for today? "
"Yeah."
" My mother has an appointment today, I was supposed to pick up Chom at school but I'm stuck in a meeting. I already tried to cut it off but they won't let me go and -"
It's obvious how anxious and angry Mew is, he's worried about his daughter and his parents live forty minutes away from the city so it's not like they can rush to help their son.
Gulf was getting ready to play a new video game he bought recently and surely his plans didn't include a kid jumping around his condo but he would be a terrible boyfriend to not volunteer, more so when Mew's cry for help is so clear. Before his lover can stress further, Gulf calms him down.
"I'll go pick her up, don't worry. You focus on the meeting and let me know when you get off work."
" Are you sure it's not a problem? I know it's sudden and it's your free afternoon, I don't want to bother you ."
"Just tell me at what time I should be there. I'm free anyway and I get to see you later."
Mew sighs from the other line, a sigh of relief.
" In ten minutes actually. You're saving my life, Gulf ."
It's not a big deal, Gulf only has to pick Chom up from school and drive her back home but it's nice to hear Mew saying those words. Before starting this relationship, Gulf never thought he could be such a sap, now he knows there's nothing he wouldn't do for the other.
"Okay, on my way. Will text you once she's in my car, busy boy."
" Have I ever told you that I love you? "
"Love you too, now go back to the meeting!"
In the span of two minutes Gulf is going out of his apartment and starting the car, punching the daycare address into his phone navigation system. He has eight minutes to reach the place even though Mew already alerted the school that he will be a bit late.
In the four months he has dated Mew, Gulf never knew the daycare was so close to his work, which only tells how little help the boy provides in Chom's care. Actually, it's not like Gulf is her tutor, but he feels a little ashamed for leaving all the burden on Mew's shoulders. The immature need to have Mew for himself is probably the reason why the man never asks for help, almost like he knew Gulf feels forced to comply because of their relationship. On a side note, it's exactly what Gulf wants but as he parks his car in front of the daycare, he wonders how he can expect to be included in Mew's life when he himself can't accept the fact he's not the only one for him.
Maybe this is the chance to get close to the little girl, Gulf has no idea how he should do it, but it's going to be very awkward without Mew mediating between them two so he better come up with a few ideas.
Children are running around the field right in front of the building, parents are chatting with each other keeping a vigilant eye on their kids. For a moment Gulf feels out of place, feels the stare of other parents on his back like they're judging him, whispering about how young he is and how wrong he looks in that environment.
It's obviously all in his mind, why should these people care? It's just that it's so clear that Gulf doesn't fit in, he is not a father, not even qualified as a proper babysitter. He knows it, Mew knows it and Chom never fails to remind him. Suddenly he wonders what would these parents think if he and Mew were to go get Chom together. Would they look weird? Would he look like the third wheel who isn't even part of the family?
Going up the stairs, Gulf is met by a woman raising an eyebrow at him.
"I'm here for Chompoo." He says hurriedly, looking around to find the little girl. The lady nods and shows the way down a hallway full of bright paintings and drawings from the children.
"Her dad called to say a relative would pick her up. Are you a cousin?"
Gulf doesn't have the time to come up with a lie because his eyes meet with another pair of familiar orbs.
Chom is standing in the hallway with her yellow bag and confusion written all over her face.
"Why are you here?" She groans scrunching her face and taking the lady by surprise.
"Ah-ah, she's kidding." Gulf is quick to clarify, stealing the bag from Chom's hands and throwing the lady an apologetic look. "Let's go home, daddy is waiting!"
At the mention of her dad, Chom waves at the caretaker and does some tiny jumps to catch up with Gulf, grabbing at his shirt to follow him.
They pass along a mother carrying her baby in her arms and in that moment Gulf realizes he has no idea of what he should do. Does Mew usually carry Chom too? She looks fine, stumbling on her feet and jumping a little while she hums a song she probably learned during the day, but is Gulf making it even more awkward?
Eventually Chom takes the initiative when they reach the stairs to climb down the building, she stops and clasps Gulf's wrist to help herself down every step.
"Careful." He says, slowing down his pace and staying on alert in case the little girl needed help.
It's incredible how much pressure Gulf is feeling just by helping the kid down the stairs, he's been babysitting Chom for a minute and a half and his heart is already racing in worry that she could get hurt somehow. How can parents go through a whole day?
Chom insists on jumping off the last step and that's when Gulf finally decides that it's time to hold her tiny hand for support and never let it go, at least until they're safe inside the car.
He thought it would be strange or that Chom would complain, but the girl is incredibly calm as they walk hand in hand. On the contrary, Gulf doesn't know what he's feeling. The way Chom's fingers are so small that she can only grab Gulf's pinky is cute, it sends a wave of warmth up his arm and reaches his cheeks. Gulf struggles between the need to let go before he gets too used to it and to tighten the strength to make sure the kid won't slip away from him.
"Daddy is working? That's why P'Gulf came?"
"Yes, but we’ll go meet him soon. Don't worry."
Chom nods vigorously, swaying their hands together in a playful way.
"P'Gulf never came to see me before."
It hits a little harder than Gulf thought. Chom doesn't lie, Chom is a kid and she only stated the truth and the truth is that Gulf never went to fetch Chom before because it has never been his duty. Gulf has never tried to get close to her, he only blamed a 4-year-old girl for being possessive of her father and expected her to remain a secondary character in his and Mew's story. But with that sentence, it almost seems that Chom is glad to see Gulf there.
"If you're a good girl, P'Gulf might come again. Deal?"
Gulf has to swallow around the last word, he doesn't even know if he can trust himself. Is it what he really wants?
"P'Gulf makes daddy smile."
It doesn't make sense as an answer but in Chom's head it surely does. Gulf doesn't ask, though, he helps the kid into his car and checks twice that the seatbelt is secured. He then texts Mew quickly to let him know they're on their way home but ten seconds later Mew is replying how he's still stuck in the meeting. Gulf technically has a copy of the keys of Mew's apartment, but the image of him and Chom on the couch alone for God knows how long feels too suffocating. He needs to resort to plan B.
"What do you usually do after school with granny?"
"We eat ice cream!"
Gulf is pretty sure the kid is taking advantage of the situation, the first ice cream shop isn't very close and Mew's mother is very unlikely to drive there. Nevertheless, it's not a typical day for Gulf too and seeing Chom so lively in his passenger seat is making his heart thump a bit faster than usual.
Before starting the engine, Gulf takes a selfie of him and half of Chom's face and sends it to Mew with the caption ' we are safe and we're missing you ', then he looks for a Disney playlist to play on the radio and has to bite his lip when the little girl's eyes grow wide in happiness.
"Ice cream it is".
Twenty minutes later, Gulf has to give up on the ice cream shop where people are queuing from outside the entrance and drives his car in front of Siam Paragon.
Plan C must work.
He had to think quickly and the first place that came into his mind was the mall. A mall is supposed to be fun for a kid and it has to sell ice cream somewhere, right?
"Have you ever been here?" Gulf asks while unfastening the little girl's belt.
"I don't know. Maybe."
Being an only parent, Mew is often too tired on the weekends to bring Chom touring, which is a pity because she's already four but hasn't seen much of the city beside the park and the small trips Mew's mother takes her to. The mall isn't exactly an educational experience but Gulf hopes she can still have fun.
Without Mew around, Chom is quite silent. She observes people walking by out of the coffee shop where she’s currently eating her huge ice cream and casually throwing a few random questions to the older boy.
“Do you like ice cream? I won’t give you a bite.”
Gulf snorts, sipping from his water bottle.
“Not as much as you and your dad and it’s fine, you won’t be able to eat it whole and I will have to finish it anyway.”
The waiter brings another spoon before Gulf can ask for it and Chom eventually pushes the cup in front of the boy shrugging at the unfinished treat.
It’s a win for Gulf and also a torture because the little girl ordered mint choco which shouldn’t be considered edible.
Chom is still looking out of the glass, pointing at funny things she sees that are actually perfectly normal, like a man holding an umbrella even though the weather is nice or a girl with an eccentric hairstyle. It’s cute how she can be mesmerized by tiny details that Gulf doesn’t even notice, it makes him feel the urge to teach her more about life.
“Do malls sell stuff?”
Gulf looks up, biting into his spoon and making sure Chom is asking for real. He still isn’t used to all the nonsense questions but it’s not like he knows any other child so he figures every kid must be clueless about pretty much everything.
“Yeah, that’s the purpose.”
“Can I buy gifts?” Chom rummages through her bag for a moment. “I have space to keep them!”
“You can, if you have money.”
For a few seconds, Chom stares into nothing, like she isn’t understanding the situation completely. A million scenarios seem to be passing in her head and Gulf has to wipe his mouth to hide the grin that betrays him. It’s like witnessing the personal growth of a movie character, only that the character is 4 years old and knows nothing about life. It’s funny but in a cute way.
The absence of Mew is giving Gulf pressure, because he knows Chom is under his total care, but at the same time he is developing a sense of protection that he didn’t think he had. For the first time the little girl isn’t just Mew’s daughter who often sticks around them, he wants to make sure she will stay this innocent for a long time, he’s putting effort to please her and he wouldn’t mind letting the competition between them fall once for all.
Suddenly Chom is reaching out her hands, one placed above the other like she’s asking for something.
“Can P’Gulf lend me some money?”
Gulf snickers and puts a bunch of coins on her palms.
"Let's pay for your ice cream first."
Running to the counter, Chom looks ecstatic to be holding real money. Gulf doesn't know if it's the first time she pays, worries that Mew might be against that but there's no harm in simply handing money so it should be fine.
Gosh, being a parent is so tiring.
The ground floor doesn't have much to offer for a kid but in all honesty, the other floors aren't better so Gulf decides to only stroll around the mall letting Chom decide which stores they should visit.
There aren't many people at that hour, it's pleasant to walk the aisles as a client and not a seller for once, even if Gulf's eyes can't leave the kid for a second. He knows most stores and employees of the main ground by heart so he's not surprised when his name echoes through the wall.
"You're not allowed here in your free afternoon Kanawut!"
Chom stops in her steps and peeks inside a store looking for the person who is screaming. The white shimmering sign reciting 'Cartier' hooves above her tiny frame, she looks almost intimidated by the elegant style of the store but Gulf places a hand on her upper back and leads her inside.
The woman behind the counter widens her eyes and bites her lips in excitement.
"Oh God, is she your little sister?"
During the two years they've worked together, Gulf surely mentioned a sibling but never went into details.
"Chom this is P'Mai, she works with me in this shop. Here is where I spend most of my day."
Before Chom can react and come up with another set of questions, Gulf turns to his coworker and whispers "She's my boyfriend's daughter. I'm babysitting today".
Mai opens her mouth in surprise, a little too much for the situation.
"That kid?"
"That kid."
She claps her hands and bows slightly toward the little girl.
"It's a pleasure to meet you N'Chom. I am a close friend of your P'Gulf."
Chom nods but her mouth remains serrated, a small frown darkens her face not really in annoyance but more like she's considering if Mai is safe or not.
When Chom takes a step back and rests her back against Gulf's leg to be shielded, Mai chuckles nervously.
"Don't you want to be my friend too?"
Again, she doesn't get a reply and is left standing while Chom grabs Gulf's arm and pulls him down to talk into his ear.
"Do you want to kiss P'Mai?"
Gulf inevitably bursts into laughter.
"No Chompoo, I don't want to kiss P'Mai nor she wants to kiss me."
He explains, still wiping tears off his eyes. The little girl seems satisfied with that answer and finally bows to Mai politely with a big smile.
"People give kisses when they love each other."
It's something that she's been saying often lately, Gulf wonders what kind of conversation led Mew to teach her about this.
Mai makes a weird noise like she's cooing at the kid and smiles brightly.
"Do you give P'Gulf many kisses then?"
Warmth rushes to Gulf's ears in a millisecond while Chom fakes a disgusted face and shakes her head quickly.
He's not hurt, he never expected anything different from that reaction but it's still uncomfortable to admit in front of the child that they're not close.
"We don't have that-"
They don't have that kind of relationship, would be the full sentence but luckily Mai seems to catch up on the hidden meaning and changes topic.
"The order for the new charms arrived a few hours ago. I've already sold some."
Gulf absentmindedly carries on the conversation trying to mask the sense of disappointment flowing through his body. He doesn't want to address it, he thought he was doing fine with Chom, but the truth is that buying an ice cream doesn't make him a good babysitter, let alone a good caretaker.
"I wanna see too."
Chom's whine brings the boy back to reality. She's lifting her arms for some reason and Gulf takes a moment to understand that she's asking to be picked up to look at the charms placed on a tall display.
Gulf has to pick Chom up. Chom is asking to be carried by him. Does it make sense after she just grimaced at the idea to peck him? Absolutely not but the panic has already kicked in so Gulf doesn't utter a word and lifts the kid, tightening the hold around her.
He's not sure if he's doing it right, he has never held a child for more than ten seconds and Chom is wriggling a lot in his arms to look over the display. Maybe it's too unexpected or maybe Gulf is just very scared to drop her because he can feel his stomach churning and his heart beating a little faster. It's the way the kid has automatically surrounded his neck with those tiny arms and is holding at him just as much as he's holding her. If Gulf had to describe it, he would say that it feels normal but also scary, fulfilling but also worrying.
The realization that there isn't actually a wall to break down between them but the problem has always been the distrust on Gulf's part. He only needed to open up earlier, to show Chom a crumb of affection so she could feel protected.
He has never seen the little girl asking to be picked up from her granny or relatives, only by Mew, yet she isn't even flinching as she hugs Gulf like a koala, stretching her head to inspect the jewelry.
Chom who makes disgusted faces at him but wants to be carried is the same Chom who mocks him for looking like a pig but asks him for permission when Mew isn't around.
Gulf can't believe how dumb and selfish he has been before, how pleasant is the sensation of being trusted. Being closer with Chom means getting closer to Mew, becoming part of their lives.
"Can I buy for daddy?"
It's embarrassing how sensitive Gulf is feeling, for a moment he's ready to satisfy every request of the child but then he remembers they're still at Cartier.
"I'm afraid I need to rob a bank first."
"Nong Gulf! He's kidding, he won't rob a bank sweetheart."
Chom stares at them for a while and then shrugs again.
"I don't know."
I don't know what it means.
Finally Gulf is starting to understand Chom's thoughts a little more and it makes him kind of proud.
"I will take you to a place where we can buy even prettier bracelets."
Mai shoots him a deadly look.
"Hope you're not talking about Tiffany."
"Far better than that."
A client comes in right at that moment, signaling the end of the conversation. Mai excuses herself and greets the client watching her coworker with the corner of her eyes. She's stealing glances almost as if making sure Gulf isn't leaving the store.
"Say goodbye to P'Mai. We need to go."
It's incredible how Chom is still holding tight onto Gulf's neck. She hasn't shown any hint of being uncomfortable nor that she wants to be put down and Gulf can't believe he also doesn't mind carrying her.
When the kid finally waves at Mai, the latter makes a sad face and double checks that the client isn't looking her way when she mimics something.
She has to repeat it three times before Gulf understands.
"Being a father suits you."
At first, Gulf laughs it off, but as he also waves at his friend, he can't help but blush a little thinking about the word 'father'.
Damn, Gulf isn't a father and he never thought he could be. He technically isn't even a relative, he's daddy's boyfriend, the one who has dinner with Mew and Chom sometimes and stays over on weekends. Chom calls him P'Gulf and Mew doesn't include him in any decisions regarding his daughter. No, it doesn't make sense, Gulf doesn't feel like a father and doesn't want to be one. Too many responsibilities, worries and burdens.
Sure, he would love to be part of what Mew and Chom have, he often feels like a guest visiting a home that will never be his and that's also the main reason Gulf engaged in that useless competition between him and the kid. She had all of Mew, she already was his family so why couldn't she leave Gulf that much?
The biggest issue, though, is that even if Gulf wanted to claim the role, he's too young and inexperienced, Mew would never trust him into raising his child and Chom would never let him get too close. Case closed.
The word remains stuck in Gulf's head for long, as he leads Chom to the Jewelry stall in front of the mall.
He puts Chom down in front of the stall and for about fifteen minutes the little girl ahws and coos at the cheap bracelets, deciding which are worth buying.
Gulf can sense the ghost of tiny fingers latching behind his neck and it reminds him that Chom won't probably ask to be carried a second time. When they go back home, they'll probably start bickering again like it has always been.
"I want these!"
Chom turns in Gulf's direction with a huge smile, holding three colorful strings.
"Daddy doesn't need three bracelets. Isn't one enough?"
Honestly, it's not about the money as the stall has very cheap prices, but Gulf is taking pity on his boyfriend who will be forced to wear them.
Chom shakes her head and pushes the bracelets into Gulf's hands to let him pay for them.
"One for daddy. One for Chompoo. One for P'Gulf."
A gift? For him?
It's not properly a gift since Gulf is paying but he has to bite into his lip to refrain from smiling.
The word 'father' comes back in his head, vivid and threatening. They surely took a few steps further but ending the day with Chom buying a gift for him is bringing Gulf on the edge of tears.
He has never been the emotional type, so just how much has he bottled up in those four last months to break down for a 20THB bracelet?
And more than anything, when did he start caring so much about the little girl?
While they drive back to Mew's place, Gulf thinks that his free afternoon has been surprisingly interesting. There's a blue string tied on his wrist and he can't stop glancing at it.
The neon lights are too blinding or is it Gulf’s sight playing jokes on him? He’s not drunk, maybe a bit light headed but he’s trying too hard to impress Mew’s friends to stop accepting shots. It’s the 10th anniversary of Mew’s colleague and his very hype girlfriend, something that apparently deserves a celebration with a bunch of friends and a lot of alcohol.
Chom is spending the night with her grandparents in their mansion a bit out of the city, which means he and Mew have a weekend for themselves after the party. For once they don’t have responsibilities, they can just enjoy a night out and forget about the curfew because no one will stay up waiting for them. No parents, no babysitter, no one at all.
They also hailed a taxi just so they can both drink and that’s what Gulf is doing, drinking shot after shot that is placed in his hand.
It’s not the first time he meets Mew’s friends and colleagues but Gulf knows so little about them that it's impossible not to feel a bit spaced out. Not only that, but Netflix Thailand surely pays well because even without a dress code, everyone looks so expensive. Gulf is used to dressing up for work, he thinks he blends into the group pretty well and Mew’s friends never excluded him from conversations, but he still wants to make a good impression, to show that he deserves to be Mew’s partner.
The main issue might be the fact that Gulf is the younger one among the group and he still has a three years gap from the next younger person. He’s not sure getting drunk is a good way to impress the group but considering how everyone is a little tipsy it seems to be working.
Mew is also drinking more than usual. He looks very relaxed and giggly, sipping his wine and chatting with the party couple, Nicky and Goy, listening to all their anecdotes about the ten years they’ve been together.
Just like Gulf has always been an emo drunk, Mew is apparently a cuddly drunk by the way he keeps caressing his lover’s knee. It’s sweet and pleasant. Sometimes the older man turns to make sure Gulf is okay, rubs the forehead on his shoulder and kisses his neck with affection.
No matter if it’s the alcohol driving him to act so lovely, Gulf is content and satisfied with the way Mew is claiming him in public and he can’t help but smile whenever Goy stares, grinning widely.
“How long have you two been dating?” She asks, pouring another drink but never dropping the eye contact.
“Almost five months.” Mew replies proudly, relaxing on his seat and resting his hand on Gulf’s tight in a reassuring gesture.
It sounds a bit pathetic in Gulf’s head, they’re celebrating a ten years anniversary, what are five months in comparison? No one is judging them, but Mew has surpassed his 30s already, he has a daughter and a past that Gulf can't forget. For Gulf it’s the first serious relationship of his life, but it’s clear to anyone that for Mew it’s a new beginning, a new chance for love and five months aren’t enough to prove they’re steady.
Or maybe that’s not the real problem, maybe it’s that Gulf isn't sure where they will be in ten years.
“Ahh~ L’amour, you’re still on that phase. Just wait till you reach our point and if you’ll still look at each other with those eyes I’m paying for your anniversary party.” Nicky raises his glass and clinks it against Mew's, but then his girlfriend hits his nape softly and shakes her head.
"Don't waste your money, can't you see how perfect they are for each other?!"
Gulf's cheeks are already reddish because of the liquor but he can feel them becoming even warmer at those words. They look perfect together? Aren't they too different?
"Let him talk." Mew says with a sleepy smirk, the alcohol is getting to him because he's becoming clingier. He squeezes Gulf's tight and rests his head on the younger's shoulder. "Seems like an easy bet to win."
Butterflies crackle inside Gulf's tummy as his lips stretch in a huge beam. He's not used to showing PDA, Mew has always been in charge of that but he really wants to kiss his boyfriend in front of everyone.
Mew thinks that staying together for ten years is an easy bet, he's determined to date him for so long and it makes Gulf inhale sharply while feeling his heart flutter.
Letting his shyness aside, the younger bends down to sniff kiss Mew's hair, receiving a bright smile in return from the man. It's such a simple moment, yet is all it takes for Gulf to feel so comforted. Of course he also wants to stay, he hates to be insecure about their relationship because if Gulf is sure about something is that he loves Mew unconditionally, it’s just that sometimes he needs a bit of reassurance.
Some of Mew’s friends make a face at the view and some urge them to ‘get a room’ but the man doesn’t seem to care, instead he looks quite pleased with the attention and rolls his eyes to hide a smirk.
“Not getting a room but I need to pee.” Mew downs another shot easily before kissing Gulf’s hand still resting on his shoulder. “Will you escort me to the bathroom?”
A general woo raises from the table. When Gulf agrees and the two lovers stand up from their seats, they’re interrupted by Nicky’s voice.
“Will you ever come back? I know you P’Mew, you sneaky bastard.”
Gulf feels an arm surrounding his lower back and Mew gently pushes him towards the toilet.
“Don’t wait for us then.”
It’s a joke, but it still elicits a reaction from his friends.
There’s a sort of excitement in the way Mew keeps showering the younger with affection, a warmth that tints Gulf’s neck and ears and makes him anticipate the next move. After all, the toilet must be an excuse, right?
The moment the door is shut behind their backs, in fact, Mew is attacking Gulf's lips fervently, with a desperation that makes the younger push back and pant.
The shock leaves him speechless. Gulf snickers and then moans when Mew dips his fingers in his hips, making his back collide with the door and dragging those lips all the way down the expanse of his neck. The toilet is empty but they're blocking the entrance and it's a matter of time before someone will start banging at the door.
It's exciting and a little overwhelming, from the way Mew trails his mouth down Gulf's skin leaving hot traces to the small huffs coming out the latter every time that his lover purposely presses a knee against his groin. Gulf feels hot and bothered, Mew's breath sounds almost obscene every time he bites into another patch of flash, squeezing his side, cupping his face and moving it on the side so that the man can suck on his jaw.
"Not here. People will come in."
Gulf says unwilling to stop his boyfriend. He knows they can get in trouble but he also can't help but tilt his head back letting the man claim his collarbone.
"Let them see. You're so sexy tonight."
Mew's voice is dark and hungry, his lips brush against Gulf's chest while the younger instinctively runs his fingers through those soft hair and gasps for air. Everything is burning, the room is becoming suffocating and Gulf knows that his pants will pop open if his lover doesn't stop immediately.
"You're drunk."
Mew must be really drunk because he's the mature one, the one who checks every movie rating to make sure it's family-friendly, Mew doesn't engage in sexual activities in a public place and yet he's… is he licking Gulf's nipple from over his shirt?
"Not drunk. Hungry. Wanna devour you." Mew's pitch is now husky and captivating, so low and thick that Gulf feels like going insane.
A very familiar sensation throbs inside his pants and that's when he tries to collect some sense and pushes Mew back.
"Unless you want to wake up with Chlamydia, you need to stop now."
Gulf is a little breathless, his body is moving automatically responding to every squeeze and touch but his mind is firm.
There's a wet spot on his white shirt that will be impossible to hide, his neck is colored with a shade of red that's more similar to purple and Mew's hair is a mess. They won't get away with it in front of the others, they will know the moment they lay an eye on the couple.
It's embarrassing to go back in that state, Gulf is debating whether he should at least let his boyfriend kneel down to solve one of the most obvious problems when Mew breathes against his neck and kisses him.
"I will go back and say that you don't feel well, then we can go home already. What do you think?"
"They will never believe you."
"Do we care?"
Gulf cares, a little. He doesn't want Mew's friends to think he's an impolite kid who runs away during a gathering but he's also not quite ready to face Nicky and Goy's remarks about their appearance. Plus, it's the first time in a while that he and Mew have a night all for them and Mew's friends should understand.
"Okay." Gulf gives in, pecking his lover's lips. "You say goodbye and I call the cab."
"Did I tell you that you look incredibly sexy tonight?"
Gulf doesn't let him finish the sentence as their mouths clash together once again.
Clean bedsheets, that's what they need. They're in desperate need of clean bedsheets and a shower because the wet mess sticking to Gulf's body every time he tosses is gross. They didn't hold back for sure, neither of them were in a clear state of mind when they got back home and it was nice to be completely free for once. Mew was a lot more careless without Chom around, to the point where Gulf had to ask for a break at some point and, on a second thought, he probably should feel ashamed of how much he begged.
Lying on the king sized bed snuggled up together feels like they're back to their first dates, when all Gulf had to worry about was to book a hotel room on time before leaving the restaurant. He doesn't really miss those days, he's still the same horny guy who wants to live his relationship to the fullest, but while he listens to Mew's breath even, he can't help but think that he wouldn't give up on their dynamics for more nights like this.
It's the reason why he cherishes these moments so much, because they're not the routine. A bit like how Mew doesn't tell him 'I love you' every day because it's more meaningful when it's not said often.
Gulf will turn twenty-five in a few months, he's young and he has all the rights to decide how to live his youth. Still, he spent so much time comparing his life with his peers' one, that he might have focused too much on what he's expected to want at that age instead of what he actually wants.
A shiver runs down Gulf's arms and Mew shifts to hug him closer. The tip of Mew's nose is nudging at his temple with affection, then a kiss is placed on Gulf's closed eye.
"You cold?"
Gulf swallows the sigh coming up his throat and shakes his head, scooting closer to his boyfriend and breathing into the warmth of his body.
How is he supposed to tell Mew how much he wants to be part of Mew's life? No, not only that. He wants to be part of his family. He doesn't want to only be P'Gulf who sleeps over on the weekends , he wants to be there when Mew needs him, when Chom needs him. Who cares if it means that they will never have another night like that, who cares if parents at the daycare will find him too young or too unfitting, if Gulf's friend will keep calling him papa boy. He would take it all, share the burden of raising a daughter with the person he loves, the weight of every decision, the bickering, the sulking, the countless Disney movies. He always thought he was doing it because he loved Mew but the truth is that Gulf wants to be part of all of this.
But…
How can he tell Mew? How can he ask him when it has always been Mew and Chom? When it's so clear that there's no space for him? Not yet. Not until Chom isn't ready and Mew doesn't have to constantly stand in between.
In a desperate need of comfort, Gulf holds Mew's hand and brings it to his lips, kissing the knuckles and resting his cheek on them.
"Tell me about your ex."
Mew huffs and brushes his lips on the back of the younger boy's neck.
"I already told you everything there's to know."
"Tell me again."
Gulf knows for a fact that Mew and his ex still talk, it's impossible to completely cut connections when a child is involved. He also knows that Chom doesn't like her too much, Mew said she can't see her mother as a parent but rather a relative who visits once a year to keep his conscience clean.
Listening to exes stories isn't Gulf's favorite hobby but it reminds him that Mew is over his past relationship and it usually ends with the older man declaring all the good changes Gulf brought into his life. It's always a relief to hear how Mew talks about their meeting as if Gulf was the hero of the story, putting an end to the cloudy years after Chom's birth and giving Mew new hope. It's a narcissistic need Gulf wants to indulge in.
Before starting his story, Mew turns to find a better position, slipping an arm under Gulf's neck and hugging the boy with the other.
"We started dating in high school, she followed me in the same university but she didn't know anyone and little by little she lost contact with all her previous friends. During last year I was offered an internship overseas and she was feeling really lonely. She thought the distance would break us apart and I wanted to comfort her somehow because I had already accepted the job."
Mew's voice is calm, he doesn't seem nervous or angry, maybe a little regretful. The room is dark but Gulf can see his boyfriend's features an inch far from his nose. He's so beautiful, even when he's talking about the worst time of his life, his eyes are deep and shimmering like they were holding the whole universe.
"When she suggested to, well, build a family I was against it at first but she pushed the right button. I was already feeling guilty because I was leaving and we were both too young and unconscious of how much a child can change your life."
When Mew became a father, he was older than Gulf's actual age. Gulf doesn't point it out, but it's impossible to miss the hidden message. He also feels sorry because Mew just confirmed that he wasn't ready to take so many responsibilities. Gulf can only imagine how much he struggled in the past, trying to grow along with his daughter, questioning every action and decision.
On a side note, Mew must have changed a lot in the past four years, because Gulf knows by heart that the Mew he knows now could never agree to such a rushed suggestion, but he can't also blame him. There's a part of him that can't forget how Mew's personal growth began right after Chom's birth, a change that guided him out of a toxic relationship and right into Gulf's arms.
If Mew hadn't agreed to have a kid, maybe he wouldn't have become the mature man he is now. Maybe.. maybe he would still be dating his ex and they would have never met.
It's also the first time Mew is sharing so many details, he probably thought Gulf didn't want to hear the full version but to tell the truth he does, he wants to know everything about Mew.
"Did you leave for the internship eventually?"
Even in the dark, Gulf sees his boyfriend shaking his head and smiling bitterly.
"By the time I had to leave she was already pregnant and talked me out of it. Said she couldn't handle the baby alone."
"Damn, she guilt trapped you until the very end."
Mew chuckles a bit and pecks Gulf's forehead.
"At that time I was blind. My parents tried to make me resonate but we had been dating for so long I just couldn't see anything but the future I planned in my head. I was still tied to the young girl I met in high school and didn't see how she had changed. Whenever she threw a fit, I used to think she was caring for me and, honestly, I was also scared to start anew after so long."
A kiss is placed on Gulf's lips, tender and soft like Mew's voice.
"If I only knew what the future held for me, I would have broken up with her sooner."
Flattering. Mew can be a sap sometimes and Gulf falls for it every time so he kisses him back and makes sure to crawl even closer.
"And then she left?"
Mew sighs and stares at the ceiling for a moment.
"Ten months after Chom was born she said she couldn't do it. That she was suffocating and she wasn't ready to be a mother. I thought she was going through some sort of PTSD but she refused to see a doctor and her behavior was starting to affect Chompoo. She had made new friends at work and she simply wanted to live a different life. Yeah, then she left."
There's a hole inside Gulf's heart and inside that hole anger and resentment for the woman have taken place since long ago. Gulf never met her but he can't forgive her for how she made Mew suffer.
"Did you try to stop her?"
It's the same resentment speaking, the one who needs to hear that Mew let her go with an easy heart.
"No. When she left I felt it was the chance to be free. I had to take care of Chom, she was my priority over everything else. I had to protect her."
Gulf cups his boyfriend's face and stares into his eyes, proud of the man Mew had become and the path he decided to follow. Mew is so strong, it's not surprising that Chom feels so safe in his embrace because Gulf feels exactly the same and Mew deserves to know, so he kisses him again and again, until the older man is relaxing and responding with just as much emphasis. When they break apart, the tips of their noses are still touching and Mew's breath is fanning on Gulf's cheek.
"And you did amazing." Gulf whispers on his lips. "You raised a strong girl, you are a great father."
Mew's mouth stretches into a half smirk.
"I know. Life has rewarded me."
The next second Gulf feels a strong clasp on his side and suddenly he's dragged on top of the man. He's about to scold Mew but he's shut by his boyfriend's lips pressing on his.
This time they don't rush the kiss, but let their mouths mold into one another, sucking on tongues and biting into flash.
Gulf's cheeks are warm and his belly is acting funny still rejoicing of Mew’s words calling him a gift. He loves Mew so much it's almost impossible to bear.
When he falls beside Mew, still on his bliss, Gulf decides that it's a good moment to empty his heart, to let out his doubts while they're on the topic. He reaches out to hold Mew's hand and looks into the older man's eyes.
"Do you think Chom will ever miss having a mother?"
Mew raises an eyebrow.
"Why do you ask?"
Every word must be chosen carefully, Gulf doesn't want any misunderstanding between Mew and him.
"I don't understand if she doesn't like me because she wants nobody around or because she thinks I'm not the right person for you two."
It's impossible that Mew didn't notice Chom's behavior, so when the man furrows his brows and stands on his elbow like Gulf has just said some bullshit, it comes quite unexpected.
He doesn't look offended, though, only shocked.
"You think Chom doesn't like you?"
It takes Gulf by surprise, because in his head it has always been obvious that the kid was only bearing his presence for the sake of daddy's happiness . Chom wants to see Mew happy and can't oppose her father's will anyway, but she has always made sure to remind Gulf to respect the boundaries. Of course they took some steps forward but Chom's a child, children don't think too deep into their actions. Right?
At the same time, Gulf knows nothing about kids and the face Mew is showing is making him question every thought he ever had. He doesn't know what to say so he stays silent and that's when Mew breathes out in a very dramatic way and throws a pair of boxers in his direction.
"Follow me."
Gulf follows his half naked boyfriend into the kitchen and watches him stopping in front of the fridge.
At first the boy doesn't understand until his eyes land on a drawing that's been stuck on the door with fruits-shaped magnets. It's new, Gulf has never seen it and he would remember because the sight has an instant effect on him. Gulf's stomach churns as a thousand butterflies tickle inside him, his hands fall on his sides, trembling and sweating. He bites into his lower lip, trying to find the courage to ask if the drawing is what he thinks it is, but he only feels like breaking down already.
Mew comes to help, surrounding his waist from behind, resting his head on Gulf's shoulder and kissing his neck.
"She made it?" Gulf asks with a tiny voice. The hair on his nape is tingling under Mew's breath.
"Yeah, she drew it yesterday at the daycare."
Luckily, Mew tightens the hold around Gulf, because the younger is suddenly feeling very weak. He stares at the drawing like he's afraid it would vanish, all his worries and questions becoming so small.
In the picture, there's a small figure with two ponytails holding hands with a taller figure with a tie on the neck. They're surely Chom and her father. There's also a third figure, a weird stickman with a pig nose, ears and tail. Gulf remembers the day Chom called him after the pig from Moana and no matter if he's represented like a hybrid half human and half pig, he's still there. Gulf is there and he's holding stick-Chom's other hand like he's guiding her along her future, just like Mew is.
On the top corner of the drawing there's a printed writing with the subject of the drawing: ' My Family' .
It's like a slap. A bucket of cold water right in the face.
The realization that it has always been Gulf's fault. Whenever he thought Chom was being jealous of him, he was the jealous one, jealous of the bond Mew and the little girl had. He thought he wanted Chom's place when he actually wanted to share that bond with the both of them, to be part of it. The kid wasn't acting possessive, she was defensive because Gulf had never really tried to know her and it all makes so much sense now that he needs to take a moment for himself.
Mew loves him and Chom… she considers him part of her family.
A family.
The first sob comes before Gulf can even realize, followed by another and another until Mew has to embrace him completely because the sobs are turning into tears and soon Gulf is crying all his worries out. He doesn't care if he looks pathetic, he has never felt so relieved in his life. Mew is rocking him back and forth to calm his shaking form, whispering soft ' it's okay' in his ear.
Gulf hiccups and rubs his face on Mew's chest, trying to convey all the love and trust and gratitude he has for the man. In return, Mew pecks his hair, inhales his scent and pulls the boy a little closer. There're unshed tears in Mew's eyes, he's trying to hold back as he wipes his lover's cheeks and stares at him with pure adoration.
"You're part of the family, Gulf. We won't allow you to leave."
His voice is thin, quivering and it's everything Gulf needs to start sobbing harder, to cling into Mew tighter. And this time, Mew can't help but join him.
continue ─ »