Chapter Text
At some point, something started to change.
When did the sound of Utsushi’s eager voice encouraging you begin to move something deep inside you? A heart so steeled from the countless battles you have both lost and won. But no scratch you've suffered compared to what you've been feeling lately. It was different. A pervasive ache that was both intoxicating and terrifying. You thought you knew everything but...
"-... got that? Hello? Cohoot to Ace."
"What- Oh, sorry, what did you say?" A drop of sweat rolled down your cheek, and you knew you just made the last mistake of the day. You were afraid of what would come next.
"Hey, I know that you've been through quite a lot, since you did just go through the harrowing task of saving Kamura... But you've had enough rest and we can't just let you go stale. I've gotta keep you on your toes, since we never know where your adventures will take you."
"I know, Master Utsushi. And I'm really thankful that even now you still take the time to coach me on the finer points. I know there's still a lot I can learn, even this far in as a hunter. But I just-"
Just what?
What was wrong with you? And with that thought, you hesitated a moment too long and it was enough.
"Are you alright?" His tone changed, and the sudden shift made you flinch. Utsushi's always been chipper and supportive, probably more so than most instructors should be. He almost spoiled you, considering you were his favorite pupil. But you knew sooner or later he would catch onto... whatever this was. Utsushi was serious, and you felt like cursing yourself for pushing him to this point where he had to be so concerned.
But he also cornered you into this state just by being himself, so-!
"I want you to remember that I'm always here to listen if anything's bothering you. Haven't I said it before?" He reached for your shoulder. "If anything's happened, I feel responsible since I'm always watching you. I don't want whatever's going on to be a detriment to your work."
Always watching, he said. Those words made the ache pang again. It's that kindness and concern of his that reached further into you than it ever should. Does he know what he does to you? Do you even know what this is?
Whatever the case, you hit your limit. Not today, not now.
"If you're always watching, then why don't you..." You said it under your breath before stopping yourself. You didn’t want to regret your words. "I'm sorry, Master Utsushi. Let's end this session a little earlier."
You maneuvered away from his hand by an inch as you left the shrine ruins and headed back for Kamura. Maybe things needed some consideration over a cup of tea at Yomogi's. At least, you told yourself that to hide the fact that deep down, you wish he made contact before you could flee.
Utsushi watched you hurry off- the third or fourth time it's happened in the past few weeks. His amber eyes squinted with worry, following your wake.
"... You've gotta say something to me, Ace."