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Lexa and Clarke have known each other for 3 months now.
They’ve been in the same school for the last 2 years, but Lexa is older than Clarke so they don’t have any classes together. They’ve just known about each others existence.
Lexa’s been out ever since she’s transferred schools and got to the same high school as Clarke.
She was one day bullied in the cafeteria for being gay.
Clarke was the only one who stood up for her. (not fully knowing that in fact she was somewhat defending her own sexuality)
Ever since that day, they’ve been talking all the time and they’ve been seeing each other as often as Clarke had time.
Clarke has been with Finn for a few months now, so spending time with him and his friends was quite time consuming.
Lexa didn’t care to admit it, but she was jealous. Not only of Finn, but everyone who had the chance to spend time with Clarke.
She was however grateful that she could call Clarke her friend.
Friend… right. She had a crush on her. Okay maybe more than a crush. But she definitely started feeling something for her ever since that day in the cafeteria. And those feelings have grown tremendously since they’ve been talking every day.
No one liked Lexa. Everyone thought she was a weirdo, just because she wasn’t the most sociable person. She had a rough childhood and being gay was not helping at all. She didn’t care however. Being different was not a problem to her. She liked being alone. She cared for people, but she kept it to herself. That’s why everyone thought she was heartless.
But not Clarke. She could see right through her. Clarke knew Lexa was only wearing a stoic mask, because life practically made her do it. And she was glad that she was the only one Lexa took it off for. However Clarke was the popular girl in school. It wasn’t a secret she was friends with Lexa, but she was different toward her when being surrounded by people in comparison to how she behaved when it was just the two of them. But Lexa didn’t care. At least that was what she was trying to convince herself of.
Even though they were talking a lot, they both thought the other was still a mystery.
Lexa had a tough time opening up to anybody about anything since her girlfriend, Costia died and she practically blamed herself for it. She was afraid of getting close to another person, but Clarke was like a magnet. Even though she promised herself she wouldn't fall for her, she couldn’t help it. Clarke was texting her and then texting back so yeah.
And Clarke had trust issues ever since her parents got a divorce. She blamed her mom for it. What she had with Finn was just causal having fun in her mind, she never had serious plans for it, even though everyone thought they would last. She trusted Lexa however. For some reason that day in the cafeteria she felt the need to stand up for her. She knew she wouldn’t regret it. Lexa radiated trustworthiness, righteousness and loyalty. She knew she was about to make a friend for life.
Friend… right. Clarke knew how Lexa felt about her. One night she confronted her about it. After Lexa admitted her feelings for her, Clarke got slightly scared. In the pit of her stomach she felt something she’s never felt before. She couldn’t quite explain it. But she didn’t want to make thing weird and she definitely didn’t want to lose Lexa. So she told her that it’s fine, that she’ll even probably flirt with her, because that’s just who she is, but that Lexa shouldn’t get her hopes up, because she’s got Finn and…
So yeah, they’ve been talking every day, knowing all of these things. And Clarke tried not to think about it and Lexa promised herself she wouldn’t get her hopes up and that she would be happy just having a great friendship with the blonde girl.
Lexa went to the baseball game that night. She went alone, because Clarke went with Finn, Raven, Octavia, Monroe and Harper.
She was looking around to find her seat, earphones in, but music wasn’t playing yet.
Her eyes found Clarke with Finn and the rest of them.
They were sitting not far from where she was standing to the right.
Finn said something and all of them suddenly looked at her and Finn continued talking saying something and the only thing that caught Lexa’s ears was the word dyke and then all of them were laughing including Clarke. Her eyes were not laughing though.
So Lexa turned around and went back the way she came. She didn’t care about her seat anymore and she was sure she wasn’t going to be able to concentrate on the game anyway so she just walked around the stadium, grabbing a hot dog, then soda, then popcorn, then chocolate, glancing at the field from time to time.
She passed by Clarke after she got herself her second drink. She didn’t stop to say hi, she didn’t even look at her, she just kept walking, eyes pinned to the ground.
She passed Clarke by once again when she left the restroom. The same as before she kept her eyes on the ground and her mouth shut.
The third time she walked by Clarke, the blonde girl was probably waiting on her friends. Lexa planned on doing the same thing as before while she made her way toward the entrance to go home after the game was finished.
But this time Clarke started following her while she called out to her:
“Are you serious?” the blonde didn’t shout, still Lexa could hear her loud and clear in the noise of the crowd pushing toward the exit.
She promptly stopped, half startled. She turned around with a hand raised, wanting to gesticulate something as she took a step closer to Clarke. She opened her mouth to say something. But then she dropped her hand, shut her mouth, turned around and walked away.
She was taking long steppes wanting to quickly escape the suffocating atmosphere of the stadium, taking deep breaths to calm herself, while she was trying to remind herself that she wasn’t supposed to have expectations. But still, she thought Clarke was her friend, even if nothing more.
A few minutes later Clarke caught up to her, trying to catch her breath. She was clearly running.
“Crazy game, don’t you agree?” started the blonde playfully, breaking the silence, which was not uncomfortable, but it was still suffocating for Lexa.
“What are you doing Clarke?” Lexa asked with no emotion showing in her tone. Really she just wanted to be alone after all of that, not even knowing what that was.
“Walking home with you of course.” Clarke said slightly confused.
“Don’t you have a date?” Lexa spat back, eyes still pinned to the ground.
“I asked Finn to take the girls home. He’ll pick me up. I wanted to go change anyway.” Clarke shrugged her shoulders.
Lexa didn’t reply, she just kept walking, increasing the speed of her steps.
“What’s up with you?” Clarke asked breathing heavily as she was trying to maintain Lexa’s pace.
“Like you have to ask.” Lexa scoffed.
“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.” Clarke said looking at her in confusion. Lexa could see it from the corner of her eyes as she was still looking at the ground.
“You were laughing with them.” Lexa turned her head so her green eyes could meet Clarke’s blue ones. She could only imagine how many emotions she didn’t want revealed were showing in that moment.
Anger, disappointment, hurt, hopelessness and even indifference.
Clarke didn’t say anything, she was just looking at her with wide eyes as they kept on walking side by side, clearly confused.
“Finn said something something dyke and all of you started laughing while looking at me.” Lexa elaborated. “Including you.”
Tears started stinging the back of her eyes so she quickly dropped her head again.
“I wasn’t even paying attention to anything that was happening in that moment. I just got off the phone with my dad like five seconds before. I didn’t even realize I was laughing with the rest of them until I saw you turn around and I thought you seemed angry but I didn’t know why.”
Lexa didn’t know what else to add so she just kept on walking.
“Hey you know I would never do that!” Clarke blurt out after realizing Lexa wasn’t going to say anything. “I’m sorry I hurt you, I didn’t mean to… I didn’t even realize…”
“It’s fine, let’s just forget about it.” Lexa cut her off quickly. “So what about that crazy game?” she changed the subject and sent a slight smile toward the blonde girl walking next to her.
Clarke smiled back at her while she was trying to stop herself from shaking.
The wind was wildly blowing by then, Lexa hadn’t even noticed it.
So she took of her jacket and carefully put it around Clarke’s shoulders.
The upcoming 15 minutes Clarke was talking continuously about the game and the players and the league and about how her friends know almost nothing about sports.
Lexa didn’t mind being quiet and she certainly didn’t mind listening to Clarke talk about anything to be honest.
Anyway she was distracted by the fact that the blonde girl was really close to her. Both their arms were swinging loose next to them as they were walking and their hands were even slightly brushing against each other from time to time.
Lexa was constantly looking up and down between their hands and Clarke’s face and she felt her stomach drop and she couldn’t swallow and her heart…
Clarke was just looking forward as she talked, looking at Lexa sending her a smile occasionally.
Lexa didn’t even know what got into her, but as if her body was moving without her consent she grabbed Clarke’s hand all of a sudden after it brushed against her once more.
Clarke’s feet suddenly stopped, now her body reacting subconsciously.
Startled as she was, she pulled back and shook Lexa’s hand off of hers.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” Lexa said quickly with apologetic eyes.
Clarke shook her head as if she was trying to bring herself back to reality.
“Let’s just go before I kiss you.” The blonde girl said and then she stormed past Lexa.
Lexa stood there for a long second not knowing what actually happened. She clenched her jaw after she realized it was slightly dropped.
She ran to catch up to Clarke.
She put her hands in her hoody’s pockets just to be sure not to make that mistake again.
After a few long seconds of walking like that side by side in silence, Clarke reached out and put her hand in Lexa’s pocket just resting it there.
Lexa didn’t think, she just curled her fingers around the blonde girl’s hand holding it carefully as if it could break if she wasn’t gentle enough.
They both smiled slightly under their breath, not wanting to notice that the other one did the same.
Silence was holding them in its embrace.
They had another 5 minutes to walk to reach the building in which Clarke was staying.
As they were approaching, Lexa noticed Finn’s car parked nearby. The boy was looking at his phone, leaned against his car.
She looked at Clarke.
She was silently crying. Her eyes were red from the salty tears stinging them. The wind wasn’t blowing anymore, so traces of her fallen tears were as clearly visible as the deep blue in her eyes.
So Lexa stopped. She carefully pulled their hands from her pocket.
She reached out and wiped away Clarke’s tears, then she gently rubbed her eyes trying to clear the redness, then she did the same thing with the blonde girl’s shoulders motioning for her to take deep breaths.
Clarke’s eyes were thankful and confused.
And then Lexa walked away heading for the opposite direction to go home.
“Hey you left your jacket!” Clarke shouted after her.
It took every ounce of power she had left of her self-control not to look back just for a second. She really didn’t want to see Finn’s face.
But she didn’t have to. After the next few steps she took, she heard yelling and fighting and she didn’t want to know what it was all about so she picked up the pace, trying to get her legs to move faster.
She turned on the first corner that got in her way and she leaned her back against the brick wall of an old building, trying to catch her breath.
In the distance she heard an angry and loud door slam and a car driving off in a hurry.
She was shaking, her head was heavy, her heart was pumping blood way too fast.
She was so confused. She didn’t understand anything of what happened that day.
As if she were turned into liquid, her back started sliding down the wall and the next thing she noticed, she was sitting on the ground with her back still against the wall.
She was looking at the sky, her head empty, just floating with the clouds in the air.
And then a shadow was blocking her view. Blinded by the sun before, she could only make out a silhouette standing there.
The girl in front of her took a few steps back and then walked to the other side of the small street, putting herself in the same position as Lexa was sitting in.
Clarke’s eyes were even redder now, tears constantly rolling down her pale cheeks. She was looking at her with tired eyes.
So Lexa got up and walked over. She motioned for Clarke to move and she sat herself behind Clarke. She leaned her back against the wall, wrapped her hands around Clarke and pulled her in for an embrace so the blonde girl could rest her head on her chest.
If she didn’t know any better, Lexa could’ve sworn Clarke fell asleep to the beat of her racing heart during those God knows how many long and silent minutes they spent just sitting there like that…