Chapter Text
Today is a lot like most days. Bennett and I are inside his tent, sitting together. He didn’t have to do — what does he call them? — yes, commissions — today, which meant no stopping by the city! This made me glad. It’s not like I don’t like the city at all, but it’s too loud for me. Benny is loud too and talks a lot, but it’s the good kind of loud. He has a kind voice.
Look, he’s speaking to me now: “Want one?” He is holding up a yellow berry. “I grabbed these earlier when we left the lake.”
His hair is still a little wet from when we swam in the lake. We had splashed each other’s faces with water, and I remember seeing him smile and laugh many times. His smile is warm and bright… Reminds me of sunshine.
I smile at him now and put the berry in my mouth. It’s sweeter than usual when I bite into it.
“I remember when you used to not like these very much,” he says, picking another one up from in front of him.
“Me too.” I lay my head on his shoulder like I sometimes see couples do on Cape Oath. Benny seems to like when I lean on him; he’ll put his arm around me and bring me closer. Sometimes I think about kissing him, but I don’t know how. It’s not like the wolves could teach me.
Maybe I should ask him. I’m always too scared to ask him. The idea makes me get all tingly like a Wolfhook thorn.
“Benny?”
“Hm?” He looks at me.
Sunset makes the sky outside turn pink and orange, and some of the color gets into the tent. Bennett’s eyes are green, but I notice a little gold in the light. My heart beats quickly and I try not to freeze up.
“I’ve heard that sometimes people like us… Kiss each other? Razor doesn’t know how that works.”
Doesn’t sound right. Talking is even harder when I get nervous.
He seems tense all of a sudden. I hope I didn’t make him feel strange. “Oh! Um…” Using his hand, he covers his face. “How do I do this—”
After a second, he looks at me again. “Sorry. It’s hard to explain without sounding weird. I remember kissing you on the cheek once, but any more than that, and I’d probably fail miserably.”
Talking is one thing. Understanding was different.
He said he doesn’t want to explain. That, I know. And I remember the one time he’d pressed his lips to my cheek.
“Oh. That was a kiss?”
“Sometimes, there’s a bit more to it. I’ve never tried, though.”
“We can try together?” I’m not sure what that would mean, and I can’t tell how Bennett feels.
His cheeks are pinker than the clouds outside. “We could,” he laughs, but I am not sure if he means it.
“Only if you want—”
“No-no-no, I do! I’m just nervous. Aren’t you nervous?”
. . .
I find myself sitting on his lap, feeling so warm I could have been ill. But, I know it’s all just because I’m afraid of messing it up.
Bennett loses his words for a moment. “Okay. Well. How— Alright. Let me just give this a shot.”
He kisses me quickly on the lips and uses one hand to get my hair off my face. I still can’t get the warm feeling off myself, but I know I’m no longer scared.
I smile back at him. I still don’t know how this works. Maybe I’ll just do what I learned from the wolves. Sometimes they press their noses up on my face, and that kind of reminds me of what Bennett did when he kissed my cheek. I try it and hope for the best.
There is surprise in Bennett’s face. But it is a happy kind of surprise. The strange, warm feelings I have become less strange. Instead, I feel the same way I do whenever I sleep in a soft patch of grass, or when a breeze blows through the forest.
I feel safe. I feel like myself.
He lets out a soft laugh, and I know he means it this time. “Close enough,” he says. Sitting here long enough made me notice the freckles on his nose and cheeks, like stars in the sky.
“Should I try again?”
“Sure, if you want, though I actually didn’t mind the close enough version.”
I close my eyes and kiss him where his freckles are. Bennett puts his arms all the way around me and I do the same.
When I open my eyes, my nose is touching his forehead and he's smiling his sunshine smile. He cups my face in his hands, moving so we can see each other better. “Have I gotten around to telling you I love you?” he asks.
Thinking back, I don’t know if I've heard him say that to me. I don't know if I've heard anyone say that to me. “Razor is — I am not sure.”
“Well, I do,” he says. “Lisa has probably told you about love, right?”
I shrugged. She only ever told me a little bit about feelings, and it was so I could learn the words for them. Love, Lisa said, comes in different forms. She told me that love can be like Lupical, or it can be for friends. I don’t know what Bennett is trying to tell me.
“Oh.” Bennett looks away, but only for a short time. “I thought she’d say more. Anyway, I’m your Lupical, right?”
He was just saying what Lisa did, wasn’t he? “Yes, but I still don’t understand… love.” I say.
The word isn’t new. But hearing it from Bennett, that is a new feeling.
“Okay, so Lisa must have said that already. Well, love means caring about someone, and wanting to protect them and be with them often because of how they make you feel. People who love each other feel safe in the other’s company. Like, maybe literally, or like they’re safe to be who they really are. Does that make sense?”
I want to protect Benny, but I also want to protect others in my Lupical. But, he’s the one who understands me most. “That does make sense,” I say. “And that means that I love Benny.”
We hug each other even tighter than usual. If his smile is like sunshine, the way he hugs me… It doesn’t have words. Gentler than a breeze, softer than wolf’s fur, sweeter than any berry I’ve tasted. I think love felt like that too.
When we let go, Bennett keeps me close and talks quietly. “I’m usually the unluckiest person I know, but the opposite is true today.”
. . .
Night came, and Bennett lit our lantern using his Vision. He remembered he’d taken a book with him today, but never actually read it. I said I would read it with him. Reading is much harder than talking or listening, but I’ve read with him before, and it is nice. Lisa is okay too, but not the same. I don’t really like reading books with anyone else because they make me feel bad, whether they want to or not.
“So,” he said, as we sat on one side of the tent. “Are we taking turns like we usually do?”
I nodded and looked at the pages as he opened them: Legend of the Lone Sword. Bennett read it out loud. I remember the first time I saw ‘sword’ written out. It was strange. A lot of human things have been strange to me.
He turns the page, and there are lots of symbols all over it. When I first came to the city, I could hardly read the signs outside shops. Today, I think I can follow along with my favorite person’s voice as he starts to read, “A single sword's light pierced the night air, unchallenged by star or moon. The autumn wind in the mountains wept aloud, following the whirling dance of the lonesome blade.”
Some of it I can’t follow. But he knows and looks at me. “In case you can’t tell… I didn’t exactly get a light novel from the bookhouse in Liyue.” Do you think you’ll be fine?”
I smile and laugh quietly. “We can just read again one day.” I’ll be fine if Lupical is with me.
When it’s my turn, I still struggle with the words. But Bennett is kind, and I feel better. He and I know we will be up all night like this, but that’s okay. Everything is more than okay because he is here.
Today is when I got the most time I could have with him. Soon, he will have commissions again, and I will wait for him and hunt with the wolves. He knows I don’t always like to follow him into the city, but I make a promise. I will meet him in the woods when the sun is past its highest.
And next time he sees me, I know I’ll feel what I did today, a feeling brighter than starlight and more peaceful than the water at the lake. It’s a feeling called love.