Work Text:
Four legs are better than two because:
1. Pizza Guy can't balance as well on two legs, and Pizza Dog can knock him over to get to the food.
2. The better to hold down the pillow with.*
3. He's closer to all the good smells.
4. Pizza Girl won't sit down when she's tired unless he waits at her feet until she reaches down to pet him.**
5. Pizza Guy loves people with four legs best.***
*Pizza Guy makes an awesome pillow.
**Pizza Girl needs to sit down more often.
***Proof: Pizza Guy only pets people with four legs.