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The night used to be full of sounds and voices blurring into a mass of incoherent background noise accompanying Leone on his drunken escapades. The screech of car tires, the stamping of feet, the laughter of customers in the bars. The creaking floor of his ratty apartment, the static noise of his old TV, the loud screaming of his neighbours. All served as a pleasant white noise while he poisoned himself with liquor. Reassuring him that he's still connected to reality.
Yep, Still here. Still alive. It's still not enough.
It's awfully quiet right now. Leone hates long uninterrupted silence. It makes his thoughts ring too loud in his head. He needs the noise to keep them shut.
Their lone little cottage by the sea provides no background noise to focus on. Just the sound of the waves and crickets that aren't good enough for a distraction. Too simple. Too repetitive.
It worsens the ringing in his ears if anything.
He misses the busy hum of the city sometimes, but that's a small price to pay for living with Bruno permanently. In his family house. Almost like he has been accepted as one of the Buccellatis.
Because he has.
He married Bruno Buccellati not too long ago. So he's technically part of the family now. He's Leone Buccellati…
God, this is so bizarre.
He's said that to himself countless times before whenever he looks at the personal data on his new documents. Or whenever someone from their old friend group refers to him as 'Abbacchio' and Bruno - his husband - corrects them playfully.
He's not 'Abbacchio' anymore. This is so bizarre…
The name that is associated with so much hate and disappointment - one that's been following him like a fucking curse his whole life - is not his anymore. He's been freed from it. . .
Just to disappoint again!
What's worse, he is disappointing Bruno. The one person he wants to make proud of himself. Bruno, who's always so eager to use his newly acquired husband title, who calls him the sweetest pet names. Bruno who's been kind enough to agree to share his surname even though he initially wanted to take Leone's.
"It'd be a fresh start for me", he said. "I'd like to sail new waters with you as my guide. Together we could put a new meaning to your name."
But no! Leone just had to stick to his guns and ruin the fun for him. All because he hates himself and his cursed family name so much. Thankfully, dear and kind hearted Bruno accepted him into his lineage regardless of the disappointment of not being able to start his life from scratch - new name, new identity (Leone can imagine that even if Bruno loved his father so dearly his time in the mafia definitely put some negative connotations to his own family name). He didn't even put up much of a fight. Far from it, he embraced the fact that his beloved now bears the same name as his deceased father.
"He'd love you as his own son if he'd ever meet you"
Leone can tell just by reading the air that Bruno is really fucking proud of his family name. Even more so now that he got Leone to join it. He's proud of him . He's directing all those affectionate feelings toward him .
And Leone just … can't quite return it.
The fleeting touches, endearments, casual mentions of them being married to random people on the streets. Public display of affection in general - is fucking unheard of for Leone! He is ruining their relationship by not being able to be an attentive, affectionate and loving husband.
Being emotionally detached is something that used to come in handy in all his past lives: his home, school, the force, the streets, the gang. He's never taken any means to 'fix' himself because he didn't need to. Bruno used to be pretty emotionless as a mafioso too, but he's withdrawn from it. Recently he's been so cheery and bubbly and just all and all full of youthful vigor, a side that he's never shown back in his Passione days (he simply couldn't show it back then). Bruno's changed.
Meanwhile, Leone entered a whole new life and he still can't adjust to the situation.
He still makes a fool of himself sometimes by introducing himself as Leone Abbacchio. He's grown too used to his foul name and the rotten feeling on his tongue whenever he says it. It's on him. Though, Bruno told him many times that he loves the sound of it.
Bruno also loves the eerie silence. "It's calming" , he says "listening to nothing, filling the silence with your imagination, not counting the time, turning off your thoughts" . It's something he used to indulge in back in Passione too by locking himself in his Stand's pocket dimension to 'listen to silence'. It was kind of sad how the only quiet place for him was Sticky Fingers's void. He definitely wasn't used to the noisy city of Napoli. He wasn't feeling at home.
Leone, being born in Pompei and later in life having moved to Napoli has always belonged to the urban areas. He grew up in a historical town frequently flooded with tourists, from whom he's picked up some foreign phrases. He studied and worked in a city with a population in millions. Needless to say, he's not new to the feeling of insignificance and being just a small cog in a very large system.
Here however, in this small fishing village, Bruno's hometown, Bruno's family house… he feels out of place. Everyone here can recognise you on the streets and there's no crowd to get lost in. Leone feels somewhat bare, unprotected, observed . Especially because he is the husband of one well known Bruno Buccellati, son of the warmly remembered Paolo Buccellati.
The town is full of nice people, who all know each other and speak a little weird (not quite unintelligible but still a bit odd for Leone). It's a peaceful place free of that ever present corruption that clogged his old city.
More importantly it's filled with Bruno's childhood memories. Long gone happy times that stay preserved in old photos, funny anecdotes and worse of all Moody's projections. They appear before his eyes as cloudy hallucinations or invade his dreams. Or Moody shifts into Bruno's child form when nobody's looking. All on her own.
She used to haunt him with unwanted memories in their early days too, back when she first appeared before Leone after a particularly bad alcohol-fueled panic attack. He'd thought she was a ghost of his partner at first, or his conscience that materialised to torture him for his sins. Well the latter might actually be pretty close to the truth…
Nowadays though, instead of showing him bloody flashbacks of his deceased partner, she's rewinding moments from his husband's younger days. Flashing images of Bruno in too big shorts and wellingtons (probably belonging to his father) picking shells on the shore, or him trying to transfer a fish from one container to the other just to be hit in the face by a wet tail. Bruno with his parents at the dinner table, laughing and smiling. A true image of a loving family - something that Leone's never had.
It's almost as if Moody was trying to tell him something with these…
"This place used to be so full of happiness. Look how much you don't fit here!"
Grazie Moody you fucking succeed! The flashbacks all have a bittersweet tone for him and make him feel like he's invading someone's life. Stealing happiness that's not meant for him.
(What's interesting is Moody never shows him any bad memories, of which he knows for a fact this place contains a good chunk. But perhaps it's his internal instincts stopping her? He doesn't want to see any images of Bruno crying and shivering anytime soon after all. Moody wouldn't want to either.)
All in all, the unfamiliarity of this new place, his Stand's insubordination and the pressure of performing well as a husband or at least not making Bruno look bad in front of the town's people, all culminates in the all too familiar stress. Leone is very prone to stress; his mother's high expectations made his hair go gray early. It's a weakness of his, something he beats himself for but ultimately has no control over. The only solution he knows is to stop caring, and for once he doesn't want to do that.
He feels trapped again. In a situation that should be a dream come true. Damnit , why can't he just be happy?! He must be broken somewhere at the core. He just keeps creating problems out of nothing. He'll end up disappointing Bruno and making him worry.
Or Bruno would finally see him for all that he's worth - nothing - and leave him. Honestly it wouldn't even be his fault, he's warned Bruno that this is a bad idea, that Leone is (and always has been) unsuited for marriage, but Bruno was too stubborn. He can't bring himself to blame Bruno though. He's too used to blaming himself for everything.
In moments like these where thoughts spiral out of his control, one that usually comes back to him in his lowest moments suddenly resurfaces - he was supposed to be dead. Not once, not twice but three times! And yet he's still alive somehow. He keeps asking himself:
How did I wound up here? What am I even doing here?
And yet it won't ever change the fact that he is here. Exists right at this moment and has duties to attend, expectations to meet. And all he's doing is wasting time again! Again!
God if Bruno knew that he's spiraling again…
…. Anyway, what's happening right now?
Right now it is about six in the afternoon. The sun is well on its way to setting for the day. It's done its job just like the fishermen that are starting to put away all their equipment, and moor their boats for the night.
That'd mean Bruno will be back home soon.
But he's not here yet. In fact, he's a little late. Leone might've started worrying if it hasn't happened before - Bruno likes to chat with people and he has a lot of common topics with the locals. Leone always feels awkward talking to them… that's why he decided against going to meet his husband on his way home, rather he usually waits for him with a prepared meal (one of just four different dishes he's learnt to make in the past two months).
There's nothing cooking today though. They still have that pasta pescatore Bruno's brought from their neighbor's nonna to finish before it goes bad. Leone should be heating it up right now. But he's sitting in the frame of their bedroom window and trying to listen to the crickets so that his thoughts go quiet.
It's not working. Again.
Right now he's taking another swing from the bottle of wine he bought today. Mastered the courage to buy something else than vegetables on the market for once. Wait. Courage ? No, that's not a good term. What's so brave about buying liquor? Indifference is a better word. He usually feels judged by that old man working at the grocery store, who always seems to peek in his basket. Today he was submerged too deep in his stream of thoughts to care.
As he lifts the bottle he notices how light it is in his hand. It's empty. Great. That's one full bottle in over two months.
Two months… that's how much time passed since he moved here with Bruno. Since they married he managed to stay sober, only drinking small amounts of champagne at their wedding. Bruno doesn't drink much (which is weird for someone raised among fishers and sailors but that's apparently an influence of his father) and doesn't keep alcohol in the house. He's still wary of Leone's past addiction. How lovely. But he underestimated him - left his husband unsupervised - now look at what he's done.
He chugged the whole bottle in one sitting.
What an achievement…
Except now it's too late to cover this up and he'll have to face the consequences. The image of Bruno's disappointed face already forms in his mind. It reminds him of his mother's face, only hers always had a hint of anger, frustration or madness . He was a bad son. What indicates that he's going to be a good husband?
Why did Bruno marry him?
Just to have an alcoholic in the house with him in his old years? Just to go through a divorce just like his father had to? Just to be stressed all day that Leone is left home alone unsupervised?
God he deserves so much more than Leone can ever provide. He deserves someone better than him.
Perhaps he'll find someone else in the future…
Leone wouldn't even be mad if he cheated on him to be honest. Sure he'd feel awful, but he'd understand. That would be for the better wouldn't it? Because apparently Leone is unable to better himself even for his husband of all people.
He feels guilt when he looks at various pictures of Bruno's father scattered around their house. He feels judged by those all too familiar eyes. Dead and yet still very much alive. He's intimidated and scared of them. He's not sure if he believes it but he swears he can feel the late Buccellati's presence in the house. It's not driving him out but rather challenging him, presenting its expectations that Leone knows he won't meet.
He hid himself in the bedroom because it only has one family portrait standing on Bruno's bedside table. He doesn't dare look at it. He still doesn't feel like a part of this family. Which is heartbreaking. Bruno would be heartbroken if he ever heard it. That's why he keeps those feelings locked. Wants to preserve Bruno's happiness for as long as he can. It's the least he can do for him, being the shitty husband that he is.
Right now he hears the front door opening. His thoughts start racing all of a sudden. Ideas of where to hide the empty bottle, excuses for his behaviour, desperate promises of bettering himself. And yet he sits still, unable to move. That usually happens when he's under overwhelming stress. He freezes. And just lets things happen around him. To him. He mentally kicks himself for not being able to move your fucking lazy ass, go make things better for once, this might be your last chance , he screams at himself in his mind… until he gives up.
Today might very well be the end.
He loves Bruno too much to torture him any longer with his presence. He thought he was doing good, not drinking for two months. But today has proven that he's still the same failure of a human being that he used to be.
"I'm back! Sorry I'm this late, the day was long… Leo? Where are you hiding?" he hears Bruno calling for him and yet he can't respond.
There are steps on the stairs and then the creak of the door. But not to the room Leone's in. It's the bathroom.
So Bruno assumed the worst huh.
Leone's gut fills with shame at that. He doesn't want to see his husband right now. Too fucking bad he still. Can't. Move.
The steps reach him eventually. Leone keeps looking out the window, he's too scared to turn his head. It's gotten dark outside. The image of the room's interior reflecting clearly in the glass. The door opens and Bruno's figure appears. Leone can see him in the reflection but Bruno can't see his face. He doesn't know if it's better or worse but he can't look away. If Bruno plans on hiding any facial expressions from him, he'll have a peek.
Sure enough he looks concerned for a moment before he controls his face and a beaming smile lights his features.
"There you are," he says quietly, almost to himself.
Leone keeps his eyes on Bruno's reflection. He's still frozen. His husband probably noticed his stiffness because now his strong and sturdy hands are massaging his back. They're a little cold, he can feel it through the fabric. A bit wet too. The salty smell of sea water mixed with sweat is strong on his clothes. It's a smell Leone's grown very accustomed to in recent days. It's new to him. It doesn't remind him of anything but his husband. To Bruno it carries the bittersweet memories of his father but to Leone it's a smell of the peaceful life he never knew. It calms him a little.
Bruno moves closer, twists his body enough to stick his head in between Leone and the window frame. It makes one of Leone's glassy eyes visible for him. As usual Bruno's gaze is too intense to keep away from, and so Leone can't help but meet his eye.
Bruno's somewhat serious expression changes to a smile again. "Hello my darling, how was your day?" he asks casually.
Awful.
Plain and simple.
He woke up alone in bed because even if Bruno tried to wake him earlier when he was about to leave for the docks, Leone just grumbled to let him sleep. And so Bruno let him sleep. He's just too fucking good. Too good for this world. Too good for Leone.
He usually sleeps through most of Bruno's working hours and after he wakes up he has just enough time to clean and cook something for them before his husband comes back. The afternoons are free for both of them. No overtime jobs, no paperwork, no urgent duties. Just the two of them.
Sometimes Giovanna would call them for a simple task when specifically their skills are needed - mostly Leone because of his Stand's unique and very situational ability.
But that's a rarity. The young Don has many new people in his arsenal with plenty of useful powers.
Now life really is simpler than ever. Leone never thought that he'd end up as a lazy housewife. What's more to ask for?
Inner peace perhaps. Leone would use some of that. He's never really truly been at peace.
Unless he's with Bruno.
Bruno, who is still massaging his back and clinging to him. The sides of their temples rubbing together. Those skilled hands move to run their fingers through his hair.
"I see you weren't feeling like cooking today. That's good because I brought us a little treat and I was worried that it wouldn't fit." Bruno continues talking as if nothing happened. Like he didn't just find his husband curled on the windowsill with eyes wet from tears and an empty bottle in hand.
The bottle that he doesn't seem to notice…
"The sailors were having a little fiesta and invited me over. I couldn't stay for long so they gave me some of the food on the go--" Leone decides to outright shoot himself in the foot and abruptly shuts Bruno up by handing him the bottle. He turns his head to avoid eye contact.
"Leo…" is all Bruno says after he takes the bottle with caution confirming that it's not broken and very much empty.
And then he's awfully silent for way too long for Leone's comfort. So! He glances at him.
Bruno's eyes are wide and surprised. They have a shocked and determined look in them. As if they were asking: Again?
Ah, so he actually didn't notice the bottle before.
Leone looks down and nods. Answering.
Yes, again.
Bruno is quiet for another moment before he puts the bottle away.
"It seems today wasn't the right day to be back late" he jokes. Or at least Leone thinks it's meant to lighten the mood… but it doesn't work for him at all. He feels shame.
"I'm sorry–" he starts but is interrupted by his husband cupping his head and turning it so that they're face to face. Then he rubs their foreheads together, shaking his head.
No. Don't start that.
Leone can't fight the trembling whimper that stumbles out of his mouth and the wet that frames his eyes dripping down his cheeks.
He can't have this! Refuses to make a fool of himself in front of Bruno. Even if he already fucked up, he can still try to keep the bare minimum decency. Has to show him that he cares. Because he does, he really does!
He pulls away slightly to look at Bruno who lets his hands fall off of Leone's cheeks. He doesn't know what to say so he just stares at him. Bites his lower lip to avoid making more pitiful sounds. Tries to communicate his feelings with gestures alone.
I'm doing my best but…
Bruno grasps his hands into his own, entwining their fingers and squeezing them together. Cold and work stained chunky digits meeting the slim pale ones with long black painted nails. Their wedding rings rub on each other, the metal is warm from the heat of their skin.
Leone feels like his heart is gonna pound its way out of his chest with it beating this hard. He's biting hard on his lip to keep himself from outright bursting and feels something hot dribble down his chin.
Bruno's eyebrows fly up and then knit together with a hard frown. And the next second he's surging forward and connecting their lips. His teeth work to free Leone's bitten lip and his tongue licks up all the blood. Then he sucks on it, nursing it in his mouth. Meanwhile Leone is left whimpering quietly. He's always been weak to Bruno's all too talented mouth.
When they part from the kiss Bruno answers him with words.
"You are so brave, my Lionheart."
The words make Leone tear up again. Because he so desperately wants to believe that they're false. Just lies told to him to calm him down. But he knows he's wrong. Bruno is showing genuine compassion when he makes a point of omitting verbal communication that Leone is so bad at. He's always been told how expressive his eyes are, not able to hide anything. He better stick to speaking with them. Too bad they're full of tears right now.
His husband thinks of him as brave because he admitted that he fucked up the two solid months of sobriety he's managed to stay consistent for. As much as it confuses his mental moral code that mostly consists of blaming himself for everything lately, he can add that to his achievement list.
Does that mean he's actually showing signs of recovering?
How bizarre…
Bruno looks like he wants to say something but is interrupted by a sound of Leone's stomach rumbling. Great. Now it's revealed that he hasn't eaten all day.
But his husband just smiles and starts giggling, his laughter unmuted by his hands as they're still stuck entwined with Leone's. He has a crackling laugh when he's not controlling himself. It's all together charming.
God. Why is his heart pounding like crazy? How does this man make all his self doubtful thoughts disappear in an instant?
He stands, dragging Leone along by the hands they're still holding. Then he faces him with that same unflattering smile that Leone can't look at for the fear of going blind. And then Bruno brings their hands to his mouth, kissing the back of Leone's.
How come he got so lucky to have this man as his husband?
He's now tugging Leone by their still entwined hands towards the stairs, urging him to eat something.
They really don't need words to understand each other.
Outside it has gotten completely dark. The crickets dominate the silence of the night with their loud voices. The noisy thoughts give way to blissful calmness.