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Chapter Text

An Ding is pissed.

This isn't saying much considering Shang Qinghua always manages to find at minimum 17 disciples daily that are angry, outraged or outright threatening to decapitate every single Peak Lord that makes trouble for their Shifu.

(Shang Qinghua is none of these disciples. He is much more level headed, a lot less hostile and has a healthy amount of fear towards outsiders. He vents his frustrations by writing down ways to destroy anyone who pisses him off in a mix of Pinyin and whatever English he managed to retain. Like a mature and responsible adult.)

But today is a different kind of anger. The special kind that permeates the air like a strange miasma.

The special kind that happens whenever their beloved Zhangmen-Shibo made a choice that made Shifu furious.

"This master worries he has heard wrong and asks his disciple to please repeat what he has said."

Disciples chattered and debated and the news travelled faster than a fish in a river. Shang Qinghua heard them talking as he ambled up the trail towards Shifu's home in a daze. He felt their pitying gazes and pats on the back, but couldn't bring himself to look at them, keeping his gaze firmly on the ground.

"This disciple really does not want to say it again."

He keeps his eyes on the table, the only space clear of the scrolls and boxes. Ruan Hai spilt a bit of tea over the cup after hearing the news but wasn't able to clean before he was shoed away by Shifu.

Honestly, Shang Qinghua was more embarrassed but An Ding has always been an overdramatic Peak.

"This master must be losing his hearing then."

"Shifu has heard perfectly well."

Guo Shulei sets his cup down and massages his temples, keeping his creepy 'I will kill Zhangmen-Shibo next time I see him' smile. He drags his finger over his cheek but doesn't put enough pressure to dislodge the bandages over his right eye. His long black hair curls a bit under his chin and spills over what he notices is a blue hanfu. Strange since Shifu wore anything but the Peaks colours as another way to spite his martial siblings.

"A marriage..." He says. "Of all the petty bullshit that man gets up to. Our beloved and oh so wise leader thinks that marriage is the solution to all of our problems!"

Shang Qinghua plays with the hair ribbon he took off when his head began hurting from the stress. He thinks Shifu's plastic cheery tone is making it worse.

His Shifu brushes his finger under his working eye, against the eye bag that was slightly worse than his own.

"Well, not all our problems." Shifu taps his nail against the cup exactly four times. "Who was he looking at when he made his grand declaration?"

"Yue-Shixiong and Shen-Shixiong. And Liu-Shidi and Qi-Shimei. At the start." Shang Qinghua says. He twirls the ribbon on the table for a bit. The pain behind his eyes turns into light burning after saying it.

"Of course. His favourite disciples." His Shifu gets up to grab a booklet which is precariously balanced atop a mound of scrolls and chests, then an inkpot on the shelf next to it. "Always thinking about what's best for us, Shixiong..."

He looks up when his Shifu trails off, not realising he had closed his eyes. His Shifu's smile softens and he tuts as he comes closer. He leaves everything on the table and sits next to him.

Shang Qinghua has no time to escape before his Shifu drags him into his steel trap hug.

"Shifu!"

"This Master has told his favourite disciple many times not to be upset over someone else's brainless choices." He says in a sickly sweet tone. And he does not blush at the compliment.

He will punch this man once he frees his arms!

"That pampered royal pain in the ass has always been stuck in his ways. Obviously, he'd think marriage is a good idea."

"Obviously..." His answer is muffled by Shifu's chest. His headache lessens as his Shifu cards his fingers through his hair, transferring Qi. He melts into the hug.

"Obviously."

They stay like that for a bit. His Shifu keeps up the treatment, staving off what he now realises was a minor Qi deviation. Shifu asks the standard questions, 'When was the last time you slept?' 'How much work have you been doing?' 'How much training have you done?'

Deviations happen so often on An Ding. Shang Qinghua is careful to avoid them, too many people depend on him getting shit done so their own lives aren't miserable.

(He knows his definition of careful is skewed. He knows that normal people don't consider a week of constant work intermittent with 30-minute naps every 12 hours and melon seeds as his only food source being careful.

But he has never been normal, why start now?)

Every disciple has been trained to deal with them so he has no issue finding disciples to help him deal (mostly he sticks with the brats he's raised), but his Deviations are almost always taken care of by Guo Shulei. The man seems to know whenever he has one and quickly deals with it.

The worst has passed and he feels kinda sleepy by the end of it. Maybe he should have taken a nap before attending the disciple meeting...

"Qinghua~" His Shifu's cheerful tone sends shivers down his spine. He wiggles free from his grip and bows and spills out apologies.

The last thing he wants is another chat about proper care from his hypocrite Shifu.

"...and this disciple will endeavour to take better care of himself!"

"Maybe your new spouse could help with that."

"Shifu..." Right in the heart and with a smile too. What a callous man! "Don't joke about that..."

"I assume that is what pushed my disciple over the edge into a proper deviation?" His smile remains, as it always does. "Is this disciple stressed over the prospect of marriage? This master would think he'd be excited over finally having someone he could share his paperwork with!"

"That would be nice Shifu." And would also imply any of his martial siblings would want to marry him in the first place.

He knows what they all think of him. A cowardly rat that barely deserves a second thought. Too young and too weak, it's a wonder he even made it to his position.

He knows what they all think of his Peak. Made out of washed-up has-beens that were kicked out or not wanted. Filled with weaklings that take care of all the grunt work.

A Peak that deserves no respect.

Who in their right mind would ever want to marry him?

"This disciple looks forward to sharing his duties with whoever he's saddled with." He looks to the side, his smile a pale imitation of his Shifu's.

"You're not going to pick one?" His Shifu's eye narrows and he doesn't know if he's being sarcastic or mocking.

"In a month, the Lords will decide for those who haven't picked." He hunches in himself, and then covers it up as a bow. "This disciple will focus on his work in the meantime."

"This disciple will focus on resting he means~."

He wishes he could master the art of unnerving people with his smiles like his Shifu delights in doing.

He nods and tries to scamper away. He feels a brush of fingers on his arm and turns to look at the older man.

"Qinghua..." His smile was just a bit off. More sad than intimidating. "This master will do everything in his power to make sure you have a good match, but If you can..."

"This disciple is afraid that convincing anyone to marry him would be a bit... difficult." He cringes at his own words.

"Nonsense~," Shifu says. And his smile softens back to his galivant tone. "Anyone would be lucky to marry my favourite disciple."

Shang Qinghua blushes and scoffs at his teacher's optimism.

Guo Shulei watches his Head Disciple leave hiding his exasperation. He turns back inside his home, wading through scrolls, chest and lose papers until he reaches a drawer full of wooden talismans.

He picks up a blue one and it flashes with his Qi as he walks back to the table and opens up his booklet to record Gao Shujing's latest blunder.

A hand stops the door before it can close in front of the intruder's face.

"Can we talk?"

Shen Qingqiu quietly seethes as he glares at Yue Qingyuan. He wishes he had a fan so he could throw it at the man's face.

"No."

"Please."

"There's nothing to discuss."

"Please."

The look on the man was truly pitiful. If anyone came across them another rumour of Shen Qingqiu's disrespect would come up.

He opened the door to let him in. Yue Qingyuan's shoulders slumped, though he was still tense. He stepped into the entryway, but no further.

Good. He didn't want to waste his breathe stating the obvious.

"Has... Have you decided-?"

"If Yue-Shixiong has come to ask for my hand in marriage, he can leave this instant."

He doesn't change his expression and keeps his voice as monotonous as he is able, though some of his spite comes through. Yue Qingyuan slumps further and his expression resembles a wet dog left on the street. He does his best to try to hide it, but it comes through, as always.

He cannot understand how this man became Head Disciple of Qiong Ding Peak when he can't do something as basic as masking his emotions.

"I... This... This Shixiong knows he has committed many wrongs-"

"An unspeakable wrong." Shen Qingqiu corrects. He takes a step forward but holds himself back from doing anything drastic.

"This Shixiong is aware." He murmurs. The older man straightens his back and gazes at Shen Qingqiu with soft eyes.

It sickens him, the way this man still has the nerve to pretend he cares. After he left him for a better life. After he forgot about him.

"If this Shidi has made his choice on who to marry this Shixiong won't interfere." He clenches his fist when he hears the word. To marry. Of all the ridiculous things... "However if there is no one else..."

"This Shidi is surprised his Shixiong would entrust such important duties to this dirty street rat." Yue Qingyuan flinches. "Seeing as how we will both be sharing our duties, shouldn't Shixiong find someone more suitable."

"Qingqiu-Shidi is suitable." Yue Qingyuan takes a step forward. He fights the urge to take another back. "There is no one else I trust more."

This... This man.

How dare he play with him like this? How dare he pretend he still cares?!

His sadness boils up and fuels his rage, reaching levels that have him on the cusp of another deviation.

He takes a breath and notices Yue Qingyuan had reached out to do who knows what. He slaps his hands away and moves further inside.

"This Shidi cannot say the same." He stops before entering the room but only shows Yue Qingyuan his back. "This discussion is over, Shidi would advise Shixiong that he leave before he is missed and this Shidi is blamed for your kidnapping."

He fully enters his study and sits by the table. Only when he hears the door sliding closed does he finally relax.

His meridians are fine thankfully, he wouldn't be able to focus on straightening them out in the state that he's in.

He understands his predicament, what Yue Qingyuan was implying but didn't have the guts to say. With his reputation and personality, his marriage options are... Limited to say the least.

He sighs and lowers his head to both his hands. Why?! Of all the punishments the Sect Leader could come up with did he have to choose... Marriage?!

He needs to focus. He needs to think of a way out of marrying Yue Qingyuan. Knowing him, he'd go into next week's meeting without a spouse and he'd get saddled with that bastard because who in their right mind would marry the scum cultivator known as Shen Qingqiu?

No! He had to think. There is a way out that he isn't seeing. He has another ten martial siblings, surely one of them...

...

Wait...

Shen Qingqiu takes a small stack of paper that was on the table, a near-empty inkpot and a brush that has seen better days. He writes down a name, pauses, and then writes several other names on different sheets.

As the sun sets, he wrote every advantage and disadvantage of marrying each of his martial siblings. But the first name he wrote reigns as the best option out of all of them.

"Shang-Shixiong?!"

"Shixiong... I had no idea..."

"To think that Shixiong would be into that kind of man..."

"Sh- shut up." He whines. Na Ma giggles at his reaction, covering her painted lips with her sleeve. He hears Li Xiulan scoff, tugging the piece of hair she's braiding to emphasise her disappointment. He whines at the treatment. "Why would you even ask if you're just gonna make fun of me."

"You're brain needs to do something while Shifu holds your work hostage." Song Hui says as she messes up her make-up even more. Na Ma stands up from the pillow next to Shang Qinghua and moves around the table at the centre of the room. She takes the brushes from her hands. The taller woman sighs and wipes her face with a cloth glaring at the full body mirror.

Na Ma applies the make-up on Song Hui's face properly as the other girl promises to do better next time. Na Ma's masterful technique manages to hide any traces of exhaustion while also highlighting Song Hui's features.

He should have told his Shifu that he was going to try to find someone to agree to an engagement. Guo Shulei would have noticed his lie immediately, but it was better than being stuck in his stupidly big bathroom preparing for a sale out of the mountain in the middle of this marriage fiasco.

Don't get him wrong. He doesn't mind spending time with his kid. And he's glad Na Ma can spend time with her own charge, Song Hui, and take a break for once. 

Come to think of it, many Core Disciples have been too busy to spend time with their charges as of late, including Shang Qinghua.

Not good. They needed to find time to prepare their disciples for the future. He'll figure out a way to reduce their hours, maybe figuring out-

"Come back Little Lord." He snaps out of his reverie when Xiulan taps his face. He frowns at her actions but she smirks back as if they were in on a funny joke. "There we are."

"Don't call me that."

"Of course." Na Ma answers for the girl. She finishes up the last of Song Hui's make-up and leaves the woman to pack up as she walks back up to him and Xiulan, who is just about to finish with his hair. "But why him?"

"Shouldn't we focus on the mission instead of useless gossip?" All three of them turn to stare at him. He sighs. "He just... Well, who else would I pick?"

"None of them." She glares at the floor and he thanks the gods that Xiulan finished his braids. He doesn't want another painful yank. 

"He has to, as decided by our beloved Leader." Song Hui says. "Although..."

"I would have picked someone a bit softer for you Shang-Shixiong." Na Ma says. "Maybe Mu Qingfang or Pan Qinghe."

"Pan Qinghe will definitely marry one of the girls." Shang Qinghua says.

They all silently agree.

"Mu Qingfang isn't a bad choice, but there's no way he'd be able to handle the paperwork on top of his medical duties."

"What about Yue Qingyuan."

Ah. Na Ma. Do you want me to die?

"Are you insane?!" Song Hui yells as Na Ma laughs.

"What! He wanted someone who could handle his duties so why not marry the Sect Leader in training?" Na Ma says.

"Because he is the Sect Leader in training. I think the entirety of An Ding would kill the man before their wedding day." Xiulan would be the first in line he's sure.

"Or I'd be killed by Shen Qingqiu for taking the only person he'd be willing to marry."

Na Ma is about to make a joke but stops short when she sees his face. He tries to cheer up, but he's not as good as his master at hiding behind false smiles. Her expression sours a bit as the mood is brought down.

"What's so great about Shen Qingqiu to make him your first choice anyway." Xiulan huffs, becoming even more upset. "Seems like another pompous rich lordling to me."

Shang Qinghua holds back a laugh. Shen Qingqiu is many things but a rich lordling isn't one of them.

Instead, he drags his charge close to his hip. She keeps looking away from him her arms crossed.

Xiulan is taking this hard...

"Well he is pretty hot."

"Na Ma!"

"Oh come on Song Hui! You know it's true."

"It's not that."

"Then what is?" Na Ma moves and lies down on his back, her head over his shoulder whispering to spill the beans on his infatuation, turning him redder by the minute and Xiulan greener with disgust. He pushes her face off and she laughs at his shyness as the other two look exasperated.

"It's not just about his looks alright." He starts. "He'd be able to handle the work and actually do it well for one."

"Really?"

"Yes." Shang Qinghua says. "Shen-Shixiong is a smart guy and a hard-worker and the only outsider I trust would be able to handle my position. Plus, he'll be the Sects strategist. The amount of plays we could pull with the spy division would be hilarious."

There were just so many things that would help both sides. The alliance of the spies with the strategists would be so cool to witness.

Having Shen Qingqiu's insight into Peak matters would be interesting too. None of the other Lords research as much as Shen Qingqiu, or try to come up with better and more efficient solutions like Shen Qingqiu did.

Honestly, if he had to pick anyone to be married off to, it would be Shen Qingqiu regardless of Sect Leaders demands. Shang Qinghua just feels potential whenever he thinks of Shen Qingqiu involving himself of An Ding's affairs.

At the women's insistence, he keeps coming up with more benefits to an alliance between the 2 Peaks while turning down the others. An Ding would improve any Peak they were saddled with, he had no doubts about that. But none would better An Ding as much as Shen Qingqiu could.

"You really though this through..." Xiulan says.

"I've considered it." He chuckles. "But it's never gonna happen. Shen Qingqiu would never lower himself to marry the Head Disciple of An Ding. It would be a dumb move, to downgrade yourself like that when the Head Disciple of Qiong Ding is begging to marry you."

"It would be a dumber move not to accept." Xiulan says, staring at the floor. "If he marries anyone but you, then he isn't as smart as you played him up to be."

He does not blush at the compliment. Not at all.

"Don't count yourself out just yet! Maybe Shen Qingqiu hates Yue Qingyuan enough to consider marrying you."

They all laugh at the joke, relieving the tension. On their way to the sale they keep throwing out ideas on how the pairings will turn out, coming up with more and more unrealistic ships and some truly dumb names.

Shang Qinghua had wanted to avoid all the bullshit, pretend it wasn't happening and get back to work. But of course, the Peak Lords demanded that they meet once a week to discuss arrangements.

He immediately headed towards the melon seeds and scooped a handful. This was going to be a long day.

The room was the same they used for meetings, but it seems smaller with all the food and plush pillows. There were multiple circular tables instead of the grand curved one and a few decorations that made the place even smaller, such as the unlit candles.

What a pain in must have been to organize this mess. They should have just kept it as it was.

Qi Qingqi and Wu Qingai had already decided they would marry almost the day after the announcement. If the Lords hadn't said that they could only marry one other person he's sure the two ladies would have included Deng Qingbao in their arrangement.

Thankfully Pan Qinghe had stepped in to save her from being swarmed by the straights. Since neither were present he assumes that they cottoned on to the fact that he was completely uninterested in relationships. He's pretty sure that guy would have been considered Ace/Aro in his time.

Unfortunately, that means he's now surrounded by straights and gays pretending to be straight. Yaaay.

They all looked at each other awkwardly, not saying a word.

"Do any of my Shidi's have any preference in marriage?" Yue Qingyaun says. His gaze briefly lingers on Shen Qingqiu.

Very subtle Sect Leader. Though he doubts anyone but him and Shen Qingqiu noticed.

"I'd have preferred a woman." And now we start.

His table was the furthest away from all the action, thank god. He's become an expert at tuning out unwanted noise so he makes use of the skill to ignore his martial siblings. He takes out 2 booklets from his spacial ring, one to catch up on his work and another to communicate with Ruan Hai to get the information that he needs for his plan to improve working hours while he burns through the seeds.

He's making pretty good progress. The meeting isn't a complete waste of time it seems. The rest are willing to ignore him to bicker amongst themselves and he's never been more grateful.

Ruan Hai reminds him that his obligatory sichen is up so he starts packing to leave. He's about to touch the door-

"-Shang-Shidi?"

He turns and flinches when he sees fucking Shen Qingqiu right in front of his face.

Shit, he zoned out too much.

"What?" He says. Shen Qingqiu looks down at him from behind his fan and he hunches a bit into himself.

"I asked Shang-Shidi where he thought he was going."

...

Why the fuck do you care?!

"Zhangmen-Shibo... s-said we only have to stay for a Shichen." He fidles with his ring. "The time..."

"True." Why does he keep staring at him? Why is everyone staring at him? "This Shixiong shall leave with you then."

Everyone starts talking over each and Shang Qinghua can barely follow the commotion that always follows whenever Shen Qingqiu makes even the tiniest of choices.

"Shen-Shixiong, it would be irresponsible for you to leave before making a choice." Wei Qingwei says. "As the Head disciple of the Second Peak-"

The man is silenced by Shen Qingqiu when he turns away. He can't see the look, but if his lowered fan and tense shoulders is any indication it must be pure disdain.

"I have already made my choice."

Shen Qingqiu walks out room and he trails behind ignoring the stares of shock at Shen Qingqiu's declaration.

He doesn't know why they're shocked. He assumed that Shen Qingqiu would have a list of candidates along with their pro's and con's.

He wonders who it is. Yue Qingyuan makes the most sense, though he wouldn't be surprised if he picked someone less difficult.

Or maybe he decided to go 2ith the flow, who knows.

The two somewhat walk together, him a step behind, until they are outside. A light breeze shifts their hair and Shang Qinghua can't help thinking how beautiful this man is. The moonlight reflects off him perfectly, enhancing his elegance tenfold.

Whoever it is, he hopes they realise how lucky they are to have this beautifully ruthless villain by their side.

"-Shidi."

Shit. He can't believe he zoned out again!!

"Sorry Shixiong..." He rubs his hands together and attempts a smile. "Could- Could you repeat..."

"You-" Shen Qingqiu visibly restrains himself, closing his eyes and taking a breath.

Please don't kill me-!

"Has Shang-Shidi chosen someone to marry?" He twitches at the question, but does his best to smile.

"No, this Shidi wouldn't-"

"Perfect. Marry me then."

"... What?"

"Marry me."

...

Shang Qinghua opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out is-

"Okay."

OMAKE

"-And I agreed."

Ruan Hai takes his hand from around his waist, traces the word 'Shifu' on his palm and he burries his face further on the kids back.

"No, I didn't tell him. I don't want to even think about his reaction."

Ruan Hai sighs and leans back into the distressed Shixiong who is using him as a hugging pillow after staving off another Qi deviation.

Hey. If his Shifu can do that to him, he can do the same to the kids he practically raised.

Said teen traces 'Siblings' on his palm.

"You're the only one I told."

Ruan Hai pats his arm as an awkward attempt at cheering him up. It's not very effective.

'Calm down.'

"How can I calm down? Shen Qingqiu asked me to marry him!"

'Good thing or not?'

"I don't know!"

Shang Qinghu's head flashes in pain before it's drowned out by Ruan Hai's Qi.

"Sorry kid..."

OMAKE 2

Shen Qingqiu takes in the breeze and wishes it blew harder. Hard enough to take away his fear. 

He hadn't thought he'd be afraid. The violent feeling taking over isn't what he'd associate the task he's set for himself. 

But he is. And he doesn't want to understand why.

He doesn't want to know he's afraid that Shang Qinghua will say no and leave him to the wolves that are his martial siblings. 

He doesn't want to be afraid of being ridiculed by the only person in the Sect he knows might have an inkling as to how it feels to be treated like dirt. That could possibly even believe him over others and not turn on him on a whim.

He doesn't want to be with Yue Qinyuan.

He wants to be safe.

Safe.

And when Shang Qinghua agrees with barely a second thought, he thinks he might be.

Chapter Text

The music from the Guqin fills the garden with tranquillity, the water surrounding the Pavillion as still as the figure within playing the tune. The leaves danced in the breeze not daring to grace the woman's hair that cascaded down her back from her jade crown.

Qiang Shuwen does not turn to look at Shen Qingqiu who stands behind her. She doesn't speak or acknowledge his presence. Not until the end of her song does she even lift her head.

"Disciple Shen may explain his actions." She says. Her voice is calm, but he knows not to trust it.

"This disciple thought his actions would not require justification since the choice was of a personal kind."

"Oh?" Her back straightens a bit more, her emerald silk robes rippling somewhat with the movement. "This disciple believes lying to this master is a wise choice?"

To that Shen Qingqiu is silent. His hands clench from behind his back but he keeps any expression off his face.

"Disciple Shen may explain his actions." She seethes. He's pushing his luck it seems.

"This disciple believes Shang-Shidi to be his best match and chose to act on it before he lost the opportunity."

"Opportunity?" She turns her head and he can finally see her face contorted in anger as much as she would allow. Her painted lips and lashes marking her scowl, her brows emphasising her dislike. "As much opportunity as marrying a desperate beggar." She whispers harshly.

"Shang-Shidi is a resourceful and capable man. An Ding has only improved since he began as Head Disciple."

"That boy is an undignified lowborn who is in charge of a Peak of labourers. He is not worthy of Head Disciple's hand." She says as if it was an obvious fact. "Shang-Shizi may be cunning. He may be shrewd. He may be anything my disciple wishes to believe. It means nothing, as he remains the leader of servants and maids."

He ignores the sting of the comment. "This disciple believes his Shizun's judgment may be clouded."

He cuts himself before saying anything more when his Shizun's eyes lands on him. He'd known he'd incur the woman's ire with his decision, but looking at her smouldering glare he realizes how much it must have offended the Lords.

He does not regret proposing to him. Far from it, he believes that with enough time and dedication the two of them will become an unstoppable force. Unlike the rest of the Sect, he hasn't made the mistake of letting preconceived notions cloud his judgement of the youngest Head Disciple.

The man may be a cowerdly wreck, but he's also competent, intelligent and knowledgeable. Ever since he began his tenure as Head Disciple the Sect has improved in social status and power. Most importantly, it has become an important economic force in the cultivation world, second only to Huan Hua due to its generational wealth. All easily attributed to choices or programs made by Shang Qinghua.

While Shang Qinghua won't be much help to Qing Jing's artistic pursuits, he's sure that he'll excel at any business-related activities considering the number of connections An Ding is privy to. The marriage could even help reduce An Ding Peak's isolation, making their resources more available.

There was so much untapped potential that an alliance could bring forth. 

But his Shizun doesn't want to listen.

"This master understands that his disciple does not wish to be bound to those he believes troublesome. She understands his desire and would accept someone equal to his station."

"This disciple seems to recall-"

"That Shang Qinghua is not." She says. "No knowledge of the four arts. No noble blood or powerful family. His cultivation is not strong enough for it to not matter. His reputation-"

"Is as bad as mine."

A little bit of Qi slips out of his Shizuns tight control. Her mouth now in a proper scowl.

"And who's fault is that Shen Qingqiu?"

His. Everything's his fault, isn't it? His fault that Liu Qingge hates him. His fault Qi Qingge can't stand the sight of him. 

His fault Yue Qingyuan abandoned him.

Always him and no one else.

He would have scoffed but he's done enough.

"Worry not though, disciple." She turns back around and plays a few notes on the guqin. "This master and her martial siblings understand that we have not done enough to encourage you to choose differently. You will be sent on various missions with acceptable candidates until you make the right choice."

His restraint slips and he is scowling at his master's back. The right choice, of course, would have been to marry Yue Qingyuan. The right choice could have been Liu Qingge or Qi Qingqi. The right choice is everything but what he wants.

He should have expected this, that a noblewoman like Qiang Shuwen wouldn't stand for anything less than Zhangmen-Shibo's plans for him. 

He should have known that his choice meant nothing to them.

But...

"This disciple won't change his mind." 

"We'll see."

He won't let them take it away.

Chapter Text

Shang Qinghua hasn't seen Shen Qingqiu since ✨The Proposal✨. Not shocking news since everyone wanted to break them up.

His theoretical fiancé's being dragged around on mission-dates left and right, the poor guy. Shang Qinghua lit a candle for him - yes he actually lit that candle, sue him - and had his disciples make his life as easy as possible under the threat of marrying Liu Qingge.

A valid concern since he has a habit of making shit happen, no matter how unlikely. It was part of the reason why he was made Head disciple, apparently it was an essential trait.

Many were sceptical though. Well, more like confused, suspicious and angry from what he's seen. He kinda expected it since Shen Qingqiu was one of the reasons for the whole marriage debacle, but it really leaves a bad taste in his mouth when he sees some of his siblings bad-mouthing his Shixiong.

It's not like Shen Qingqiu asked for this. Again.

Hopefully the missions make them see he's just as much of a victim. Then he wouldn't have to scold them every time they say a bad word about the man.

Maybe.

Shang Qinghua sighs, taking the teapot off the makeshift stove (a slab of rock with a heating talisman engraved. It was too dangerous to use fire with all the paper around his Shifu's office). The sound of thunder is far away enough that it's almost muffled by the heavy rain which serves to worsen his mood. 

He should stop thinking about this. There was still a huge chance that he was just a temp fiance until Shen Qingqiu runs off with someone worthy of him. Even if it wasn't Yue Qingyuan, Shen Qingqiu could decide Shang Qinghua wasn't worth the trouble and opposition and decide to try his hand at a more 'appropriate' choice.

He's left with this uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty while pouring tea in his Shifu's cup, who left the room a few minutes earlier after hearing the full story of ✨The Proposal✨.

He places the old pot back on the table near himself. After hesitating a bit, he drags the pot close to himself and uses it to warm his hands. The rain was ridiculously cold today, the chill setting into his bones even if he avoided getting wet.

He wishes he had a stronger Core or more time to develop it. He'd be able to afford to use his Qi to heat himself when the talismans in his robes didn't do their fucking jobs. Even Shen Qingqiu has a stronger Core than him, and his wasn't even fully formed!

Alas, he has talismans he needs to invent, teach and try out, sleep to avoid and work to speedrun. Can't waste it on preventing a cold.

The house was neater than the last time he was here and he didn't know if that was good or bad. He doesn't think Zhangmen-Shibo came in recently enough- wait, no, his Shifu doesn't organise his house for Zhangmen-Shibo anymore. Not since-

A blanket over his head cuts his thoughts. When he tries to look up, he's stopped by a hand.

"Shang Qinghua should spend less time in his head if he doesn't want to get stabbed in unfamiliar territory." His Shifu says. His voice sounds more sombre though. He wishes he could see him, but it's clear the man isn't in the mood.

"Shang Qinghua is in familiar territory Shifu." He says, borrowing himself in the thick warm blanket for emphasis. "Is Shifu going to sit down?"

He removes his hand and he hears a grumble suspiciously sounding like 'troublesome child' as his Shifu deigns to sit next to him.

Shang Qinghua sips on his tea and sneaks a glance, nearly choking when he sees his Shifu watching him, his smile worryingly absent. He reclines his head in his hand, a finger covering the bandages over his right eye.

"Is... Is Shifu angry?" He huffs and a small smirk forms on his lips which he can't see much of since his Shifu drags the blanket over his eyes. "Hey-!"

"Shifu is worried. Since his disciple decided to play with fire."

"What was I supposed to do!" He tries to pry his hands off to no avail.

"I don't know."

"Shifu!"

"I would have said yes."

"You hypocrite!!"

"I'm not."

"Get your hands off my blanket, hypocrite!"

His Shifu finally released him and he lifts it to glare at him. The blanket pools at his waste, so he scooches closer to the almost full pot for warmth. His Shifu lives off of misery, already looking a bit more cheerful.

"You're a sadist."

"Is Qinghua angry?"

"I thought you'd be happy with the arrangement, considering how much it messes with Zhangmen-Shibo's plans."

"Shifu wants you to think about what you just said Qinghua, very carefully."

His Shifu's smirk drops and he starts getting worried he's fucked up somehow. Well, more than he already has by accepting ✨The Proposal✨. He thought that out of everyone his Shifu would be the most elated at the potential opportunities and make fun of him until his face turned red...

..

Oh.

Oh no.

He feels a chill through his body.

"I'm dead."

"Shang Qinghua is very much alive."

"For now."

"He won't touch you." He says and has the audacity to roll his eye. He wishes he had that confidence. That his arms weren't turning numb and his chest constricting.

"Maybe I should call it off and save the two of us the trouble."

"Perhaps." He says. For the first time he drinks his tea and finishes it like a shot. His weird mood surrounds him like miasma, the rain echoing in the silence as his Shifu thinks about what to say.

Finally, his one eye lands on Shang Qinghua and his smile seems to grow wider.

"Do you want to?"

Of course I do. But the sentence is hollow in his mind. And the icy sensation gets worse. A cold fear through his body.

He grabs the blanket and tugs it over his head to avoid looking at his Shifu. The man calls out to him but he refuses to listen.

Zhangmen-Shibo was by far the most terrifying person he had met in this world, second only to Mobei-jun whose clutches he narrowly escaped when he was younger. There was an unstable aura that surrounded that man whenever he was in his presence that set his teeth on edge.

His actions against his Shifu were enough to strike fear in his poor cannon fodder heart. He doesn't want to be on the receiving end of his anger.

But... He wanted to marry Shen Qingqiu. Even if the man was terrifying himself, he was also a resilient genius that asked him to get married.

He didn't want to lose that.

And it's terrifying.

Because what if Shen Qingqiu realises that he isn't worth the effort? Would Shen Qingqiu even want to confront Zhangmen-Shibo just to keep him? 

It's not worth it. He knows he isn't worth it. This whole thing isn't worth the stress and fear and-

And-

And he doesn't know why he's so desperate to believe he can have something like this.

He feels a hand rub his back in circles. 

"My disciple is very lucky to have been proposed to." His Shifu's voice is so gentle it's painful. "Shang Qinghua must have been so happy that the man he had his eyes on reached out first."

"Shifu has the wrong idea..."

"Shang Qinghua wasn't happy?"

No, he was ecstatic that someone actually wanted to marry him. The fact that it was the guy he'd been gushing about to his Shimeis sent him over the moon. 

Before facing the consequences of his actions.

"Shifu won't interfere as he has no right to dictate matters of the heart."

... Matters of the what?!?

"However! Shifu will help his favourite disciple decipher his yearning and willingness to commit."

"What?!" He yanks the blanket off his head and gawks at his teacher, who looks back with childish innocence.

"Shen Qingqiu is being sent on a mission tomorrow, his longest one yet. I've decided to send Ruan Hai to help complete it, but if Shang Qinghua is willing I'd gladly send you instead."

He clutches at his blanket, squinting at his Shifu in suspicion. He's planning something, and his decision would determine how involved he'd be in his chaotic planning. 

"Shifu-"

"Shang Hua, if you want to go it's alright." The use of his old name shocks him for a second. The gaze levelled at him is still soft. "But decide, not for my scheme's, but for your heart. What do you want to do?"

He stares at his Shifu who gazes back. His arms still feel numb and his chest is a little tight. And he still isn't sure what he wants.

But he liked it. When Shen Qingqiu asked, no, demanded they get married. He liked it.

It felt... Like he was wanted.

"This disciple is willing."

Chapter Text

If Shen Qingqiu was forced to decide on what he hated most about these ‘courting missions’, it would be sharing a carriage with his forced suitors. 

Most had the good sense to sit on the roof, allowing him a few moments of peace. Though, if the roof wasn’t sturdy enough or too lavishly decorated, they’d take the place of one of the An Ding disciples meant to be at the driver's seat. He used to think this was a golden opportunity to extract information about his fiancé, but An Ding disciples were incredibly tight-lipped.

“Qingqiu-Shidi…?”

He goes over what information he gained as he completely ignores the traitor he has the unfortunate luck of sharing space with. From what little he gleaned from their behaviour, none of them are happy with him (except the girl currently braving the stormy weather at the driver's seat who looked smug whenever he treated the traitor coldly). He fears that, unless he can reach some understanding or secure a promise, they may convince Shang Qinghua to abandon the whole affair. And he can’t have that. He refuses to marry-

“Qingqiu-Shidi…” 

Ignore it. Shen Qingqiu continues with his eyes closed focusing on the appropriately fluffed yet overly romantic pillows that he’s leaning on. He hears a sigh. Cloth drags across wood. A light touch and his eyes snap open.

“Qing-”

“What?!” He seethes. The tired man puts his hand back on top of his sword that rests on his lap. He’s as tense as Shen Qingqiu feels. Unlike Yue Qingyuan, he’s smart enough not to show it. 

“This Shixiong just…” Yue Qingyuan struggles, clenching his fist lightly and looking anywhere but at him. The curtains over the windows, the pillows and blankets in the corner, the food between them. It burns through his patience.

“This Shidi suggests Shixiong spit it out before Shidi’s patience turns to ash.” He  remains calm, but judging by Yue Qingyuan’s hunched shoulders, his message was received loud and clear.

“... This…This Shixiong by no means wants to question. However, for… his own peace of mind. When Shidi asked Shang Qinghua’s hand in marriage-”

“Does Yue Qingyuan want to know if this lowly one forced his Shidi into agreeing?” Just like everyone else believes. 

Another unfortunate effect of these courting missions.

“Is that it, Yue-Shixiong? You want to protect poor Shang-Shidi from me-”

“ No. No. Shidi misunderstands.” He says. “This Shixiong just wants to know if… how… this information was received?”

…

Shen Qingqiu stares at his dumb idiot Shixiong, trying to understand what the actual question was behind the awkward phrasing. 

(He knows what he actually wanted to say. He knows and it hurts so fucking much because the worry reminds him of a Yue Qi-)

“What an idiotic question.” he says and Yue Qingyuan winces. “He accepted.”

“Of course.” He says. Like it’s obvious. And it’s kind of sad that the only person that believes that he didn’t force Shang Qinghua to marry him is also the man who betrayed him. “This Shixiong was just curious to know of his reaction.”

“There was. No. Reaction. He accepted. That’s it.”

“He just accepted."

“He just accepted.”

“He didn’t take a moment to think or ask any questions about the engagement?”

He wants to throw Yue Qingyuan through the tiny carriage window, but his question makes him think. It makes him actually think about the engagement, Shang Qinghua’s reaction.

“No.”

And what should be incredibly suspicious behaviour, for some reason makes the traitor smile.

“Then this Shixiong trusts Shang Qinghua’s promise is genuine. Shixiong’s mind is now at peace, thanking Shidi for his time and words.”

Yue Shixiong settles back and his mind is left reeling.

“How was this allowed to happen…?” Ren Shuwei rubs his temples hard enough to make anyone wonder if he’ll drive his nails through his skull. The Wan Jian Peak Lord’s question goes unanswered as each of them stews over the current pairings. 

“Ren-Shixiong should be jumping for joy with his disciples' luck, should he not?” Xie Shubi, Peak Lord of Xian Shu says. Her eyes are locked on the jewels on her glittering fingers and he wonders if her jubilant attitude is because one of them is new. “It seems he’ll end up winning the coveted spot on Yue-Shizi’s side!”

“Don’t even joke about that.”

“Is it not true?

“Shen Qingqiu will come to his senses.” Qiang Shuwen interrupts, quietly seething.

“Ahahaha! So much faith in your disciple. How can Qiang-Shijie be so sure?” The Bai Zhan Peak Lord says, reclining on his hands as his robe drops over his shoulder and exposes his toned chest. There’s an arrogant smirk on his face that vanishes when his brother, Tan Shuda tugs on his hair.

“Best not to laugh, dear brother. Must the exalted Bai Zhan Lord be reminded of his own absent disciple?” Tan Shuda says, miles more proper and bored, as is characteristic of a Qian Cao Peak Lord that’s been forced away from his work. Tan Shukai grabs his wrist and yanks it away from him.

“Must you be reminded of Liu Qingge’s plans for betrothal gifts? His family would be outraged if he didn't follow the proper courting procedure.”

“Oh, yes.” Says Chen Shucheng, sarcasm dripping over his thin beard. “The gifts for Mu-Shizhi. Or was it Wei-Shizhi? Forgive this one, Shixiong, as this lowly one is not quite certain of his intentions.”

“There are no intentions Chen-Shidi.” Tan Shuda says. “It is clear the boy is avoiding selection.”

And on and on it goes.

Guo Shulei is having the time of his life. All the fighting brings him such genuine joy that not even Pan Shuheng's jabs at his stomach can convince him to hide his smile.

"Shulei..." 

"Shidi’s son is very lucky to have been the only boy to snatch a wife, isn't he Shuheng?" He whispers so only he can hear. Not that any of the other lords would pay attention. He faces his friend – stupid seating has him placed at his right so he can’t see him – who looks right back at him. His peculiar light hair is dishevelled, showing the stress the last few weeks. 

"Are you planning something?” He says, just as quiet. “Shijie won't be happy if you decided to involve her disciple in your shenanigans." 

"Believe it or not, this engagement isn't my doing." The fighting begins to escalate, so much so that even Qiang Shuwen is starting to get visibly angry.

Shulei looks at Shuhengs apprehensive face as the chaos unfolds. A shame that he can't enjoy the 'free entertainment', as his friend's adorable Head Disciple would say. though he's trying his best not to think about him. Especially since his boy and the Shi Pin girl are the only ones who's marriage no one has an issue with.

He wonders, dressed as they all were in the wealth and power of the Sect, if any of them had ever considered the possibility of their plans falling apart . That maybe their disciples could just… decide not to follow their expectations. Surely not if their rattled expression was anything to go by.

Shen Qingqiu was the worst of them. An absolutely catastrophic and unpredictable mistake. A brat that had the audacity to have something as blasphemous as a brain, free will and a no nonsense attitude. 

Disgusting.

Frankly, they should have followed through with their threats to toss him to An Ding as soon as the rumours of his ‘awful behaviour’ started. They’d have avoided this entire spectacle and wouldn't have a future Peak Lord whose reputation is so shaky a gust of wind could knock it all over.

Unfortunately Qiang Shuwen hadn’t counted on the small inconsequential fact that Shen Qingqiu was smart enough to terrify his fellow disciples so much that no one would ever even attempt to take his place.

Truly a loss for An Ding.

And a huge mistake by the unparalleled strategist of Qing Ding! But since it was Qiang Shuwen’s mistake, it was everyone else’s fault.

And now they’re stuck with this mess.

"Who cares?" Tan Shukai whines. "Does it matter who he ends up with?"

"He's one of the reasons this plan was put in place. It matters quite a bit." 

Silence. 

The man at the head of the table stares back with a placid expression, frenetic energy coiling around him like invisible snakes. And everyone is silent. Shuheng grips his sleeve under the table. His smile falls. He stays as still as a statue. They all do. 

Gao Shujing's silver hair softens his features, contrasting his black obsidian robes that suck the light around him. He sits looking down on every single one of them from his chair, his throne. As if he was a tranquil and benevolent spirit instead of the man he knew.

“Zhangmen-Shixiong-!” Tan Shukai starts and is stopped by his hand, the black sleeve of his lowering a bit to reveal smooth almost translucent skin.

“Shidi is as disrespectful as ever.” He says with a soft voice. Tan Shukai shuts up. 

Gao Shujing taps his fingers on the table. His eyes pass over them. And then they land on him.

“This Shixiong is curious why his Guo-Shidi saw fit to interfere with the plans laid out for Qing Jing's Head Disciple.”

Guo Shulei smailes again. Pan Shuheng’s grip on his robe tightens.

“This Shidi didn't care enough for your plans to interfere in the first place.”

“Liar!” Ren Shuwei says.

“Zhangmen-Shixiong won't be tricked by your-.”

“Silence.”

They shut up. 

The energy crackles, invisible but clearly felt.

Shuheng’s grip move’s. He stops it with his hand. Gao Shujing is going to look at Shuheng-

“Shixiong~.” He says. Shuheng tenses even more, but Gao Shujing's eyes stay on him. “If I had planned for my disciple to marry Shen Qingqiu, I'd have told you the day you forced this inane idea on us just to make all of you seethe when it finally happened.”

The two stare each other down. Shuheng's nails dig into his hand, no longer trying to be subtle, but his smile is intact through the pain. Everyone's gazes bore into him, clawing at his skin like knives. The air gains a subtle electric taste.

“I must admit, this result brings me immense joy and satisfaction.” His hands brush the table.

“A dangerous conclusion.” Gao Shujing says, just as calm and contained. 

“Are we done yet Shixiong?”

“Everyone else is.” His eyebrows pinch a bit. “You are not.”

The rest take it as the dismissal it is and run away like the cowards they are. Pan Shuheng doesn’t let go, so he shocks his hand a bit with his qi.

“Good day, Shidi.” Go away. Now .

Pan Shuheng hesitates, but Guo Shulei waves him off with a smile. He reaches out but he moves his arm away and stands, turning to Gao Shijing and doesn’t dare take his eye off him. He has just enough defiance and disrespect in him that Gao Shujing barely spares Pan Sheheng's disobedience a glance.

And finally the door closes behind them.

“Shujing.” He says. 

“Enough games Shulei.” Gao Shujing gets up and walks toward the man. The energy gets stronger. “You know as well as I do that something needs to be done about those children. You're meddling will not solve this.”

“If you had bothered to listen-”

He feels a hand dig into his hair and his meridians sink into a familiar inferno. His knees buckle, unable to hold his writhing body for long. He twists his head to look at the man responsible, making him lose his balance even more and only being held up by the pull on his skull.

Finally, the pain stops.

Gao Shujing's scowl was dark, practically demonic. 

“I'm not in the mood for your petty stupidity Shulei.” He seethes. “Whatever clever little plan you've come up with you will stop .”

“The littlest things set you off.” He mocks through the pain. “What will you do, Shujing? Will you take my other eye for my audacity? Wasn't one enough?”

The question shocks him enough to let go and drop him. Guo Shulei grips the table before he smashes into it and shakily pushes to stand. He peeks at his Shixiong through his hair and wonders what sort of face he's making that has his Shixiong guard his anger.

Was he surprised by his defiance? Did he regret his actions? He doesn’t fucking know. There was no point caring.

"Shujing shouldn't worry so much..." He says, trying to sound nonchalant. He wonders if he succeeds.

"How can I not when you're involved."

"Your caution flatters me."

"You are not to interfere in this marriage, Shidi ." Gao Shujing's hand twitches. He steps closer and he crushes his urge to flinch away. He feels a gentle grip on his right cheek, a thumb brushing over his bandages. "There are worse things to lose than an eye."

Guo Shulei raises an arm to grab the offending wrist, but doesn’t have the strength to pull it away. "You're right, Shujing." Guo Shulei straightens and looks at his Shixiong. He looks and remembers.

And forgets. He tries to forget this man so much. What he used to be.

"And if you choose to, you can do so. I am your tool to use and command. To punish as you see fit. Aren't I Shujing?"

Shujing tries his best to glare him down, to spark any sort of fear in him as he does with everyone else in the mountain range. As if he was like everyone else on this stupid mountain range. But it doesn't work. It stopped working a long time ago. 

Instead, he gives him his most insincere smile. "Shujing, my dearest Shujing, do you truly believe I’m behind all this? That I would have my disciple chase after your precious tactician ?" He says, disgust a veil over his words. 

Shujing face twists, his fists clenched. He doesn't trust Shulei's word, but he can't refute them because, wonder of all wonders, he is being honest.

Truth be told, he doesn't want his Qinghua near any of these cowardly monsters or their spawn. Even if he does somewhat respect Shen Qingqiu, he wasn’t suicidal enough to encourage this particular brand of stupid. Hell, he had been planning on asking if there was a way Pan Shuheng's son, Pan Qinghe, could break off his own engagement and tie himself to his Qinghua.

He'd have dragged his disciple back home and prevented the two from ever meeting if he'd known this would happen. He was ready to lay down his weapons and have a truce with Qiang Shuwen and devise a way to separate the two.

He'd have done so, if his disciple had been forced into this marriage, he'd have done it immediately.

But he wasn't.  

"My only consolation is your anger. However, if circumstances changed, I'd present no protest aside from the loss of free entertainment."

His Qinghua wanted to marry Shen Qingqiu. He chose to take the risk and accept this stupid proposal. And Shen Qingqiu was doing his absolute best to keep this union.

"Do as you will Shujing."

So he has no choice but to help his disciple gain the future he wants. To help all of his disciples, even if that meant his own destruction. 

"I don't care either way."

“Shen Qingqiu is a bitter man that holds onto slights as a succubus holds a jealous man. He hates Yue Qingyuan due to a past slight, a betrayal of some sort from their childhood, yet is still incredibly loyal . To him. Zhangmen- Shixiong’s prized toy. Does Shifu truly expect this disciple to approve?” 

Guo Shulei fights to remain neutral and to not let the pain of Shujing’s negotiation tactics show. Easy enough, he’s lying on his daybed afterall. Shuheng says nothing next to him, but he feels his doubt as his Qi flows through his meridians as he fixes and straightens them back into place.

“After another private meeting … To allow Shang Qinghua to go on a mission with him, simply because his Shifu has once again gained Zhangmen-Shibo’s approval through torture?”

Sun Shui’s face is a blank page, but his tone is expressive enough. 

“With all due respect, Shifu. This disciple is completely against the idea and asks that he reconsider.”

“Unfortunately the plans are already in motion, Sun Shui.” He says, and the two stiffen. He sighs at their reaction. 

“There must still be time-”

“Shuheng.” He interrupts. “Shang Qinghua wanted to go on this mission.”

“Even so.” He says. “As his Master Shixiong should have denied him, for his own safety.

“Shang Qinghua will benefit from being as far away from this chaos as we sort out the issues between each of the disciples.”

“Two of those disciples will be on the mission with him.” Shuheng says, looking more agitated. “If it was just Shen Qingqiu I would have seen the wisdom behind the idea, but the other one… after what happened… How both of them-”

“Take him off.” Sun Shui says. Guo Shulei looks at Sun Shui and their eyes lock onto each other.

The tension in the room rises. Pan Shuheng shifts uncomfortably from his place on the floor, as expected from a Peak Lord who isn’t regularly challenged by his disciples.

A wonderful yet unfortunate fact is that he teaches his disciples how to have a backbone. Especially his Core Disciples. A traditional lesson passed down through the generations in order to make sure that most of the Peak survived with at least a modicum of self respect. A very necessary skill considering that half of the Peak Disciples work outside of Cang Qiong’s borders.

The unfortunate side comes with moments like this. Moments where his Head Spy decides to go against his orders.

“You won’t…” Sun Shui breaks first.

“I can’t.” 

“Then this disciple hopes that Shifu knows what he’s doing.” And he leaves.

He rubs his left eye, exhausted by the day's events. He feels Shuheng’s hand on his shoulder and he curls into himself, his head against his friend's chest. The hand strokes his back.

“He was terrified when I brought you back from Qiong Ding.”

“I know.”

“You could barely stand.”

He closes his eye.

“It’s been months since the last private meeting. This union is putting you at risk, Shulei. I know you want to prevent this mess, but understand us. Shujing grows increasingly unreasonable-”

“It was Shang Hua’s choice.” He says. “If my Shang Hua wants to marry Shen Qingqiu, If he accepted his proposal with no hesitation, for once not thinking about the consequences, then who am I to deny him?”

He feels Shuheng’s chest rise and fall, taking a deep breath.

“You're his Master, Shulei. You’re supposed to guide him .”

“He’s old enough to ask when he needs it.”

“I refuse!”

Xie Shubi comes out from behind the screen. Her overpriced pink robes putting hers to shame. She sits in front of the large vanity, the girls in  the room scuttling to sit behind and next to her. They begin preparing her for the day, her face, her hair. 

“I’m going to marry Wu Qingai.” Her Shizun doesn't look at her. She steps closer. “You can’t expect me to go on a mission with Shen Qingqiu and act like he’s my husband.”

The girls are prepared with enough beads and jewels to make a tiny crown.

“Shizun.” She says. A strand falls on her face. She tucks it in and recomposes herself. “This disciple requests that Shizun reconsider.” 

The girls give her nervous looks. Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“This disciple requests that Shizun reconsider.” She says a little louder.

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

She walks behind her Shizun, staring at her reflection. Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“Shizun. This disciple asks that you reconsider.”

Her voice trembles.

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“Reconsider.” She says. Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror. “Reconsider.”

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“Reconsider, you-”

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“You said I could marry whoever I wanted and I picked Wu Qingai.”

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“I picked Wu Qingai so you can’t say I have to sleep with Shen Qingqiu.”

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“I’m not some whore you can loan out whenever Zhangmen-Shibo needs it. I’m not doing it.”

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“Do you hear me? I’m not going.”

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“Look at me.” Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror. “I’m not going.”

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“Look at me.”

Xie Shubi keeps her eyes on the mirror.

“Look at me.”

The girls are finished with her hair. They part and her Shizun stands.

“Disciple Qi leaves tomorrow at sunrise. See that she is prepared.”

And she leaves.

Qi Qingqi shivers at the reminder of just how badly her requests were received by her Shizun. She rests against the twisted trunk of their tree as her betrothed plays her xiao above her. Wu Qingai sits with a foot tucked under her dangling leg. Her hair flutters in the wind following the threads of her white robes, which reflect the orange rays of the sunset. Her looks remind her of tales of kind tree spirits, her peaceful face making her wonder if she’d ever be as calm as her.

“Shimei can feel your troubled thoughts, Shijie.” She says, yet continues playing. “Is there any way this lowly musician can help you?”

“Don’t call yourself that.” She says. Qingai laughs. “It mustn’t be hard to guess what troubles me.”

“I thought as much.” 

Wu Qingai hops down from her perch but she can’t bear to look at her. She rubs her eyes and doesn’t take away her hand, even when Wu Qingai’s hand presses onto hers.

“Qingqi, I’m not upset.”

“How can you not be?” She hisses. She feels her partner's warmth on her arm, over her shoulders.

“How could I be?After all this is a great opportunity for us to spend time together!”

“Qingai!” Her hand drops and she sees Qingai has a bright ditzy smile on her face. “You can’t come with me!”

“Why not?” She says and leans further into her space. “Shifu won’t even know that I’m gone.”

“I won’t let you anywhere near Shen Qingqiu!” Qingai leans even further, so much so that their foreheads touch. “I don’t want his perverted eyes lusting over you.”

“Of course he won’t, silly!” She says and kisses her nose. “He’ll be too busy pining over Shang Qinghua.”

“Gods, Qingai!” She drops her partner to the ground and ignores her complaining. “Just because Shen Qingqiu is obsessed with marrying Shang Qinghua doesn’t mean he’s secretly in love with him.”

“He hasn’t even looked at anyone else! And he doesn’t talk to anyone!”

“He never talked to anyone.”

“Not even Qingfang? Everyone talks to Qingfang!”

“Whatever, keep your fantasies.” She says and smiles as Qingai takes that as permission to go over all the gossip and theories she’d heard.

Truly, she had known that Shen Qingqiu had been stubborn in his refusal to break off the engagement. It was an amount of stubbornness that went a little beyond spite. She had been one of the many that believed he’d chosen Shang Qinghua because he was an easy man to control, but even she had to concede that this was a level of commitment she had never seen from Shen Qingqiu. 

Maybe he wasn’t in love with Shang Qinghua and pining like a lovesick maiden, but there was definitely something there. A reason why Shen Qingqiu was so obsessed with marrying someone so weak.

And she supposes that if Shen Qingqiu was serious about this, she could trust him to keep his more perverted tendencies to himself.

Besides, the mission would be a thousand times more bearable with her beloved Qingqi by her side. And it’s not like her Shizun has a right to complain about her choices. She did warn her.

“Fine.”

“Fine?” The silly woman blinks.

“It’s not as if anyone can stop us. Meet us at the bottom of the mountain and I’ll sneak you into the carriage.”

Qingai cheers and flings herself onto Qi Qingqi’s arms. And she holds her close to her chest as the two laugh and kiss. 

For now there were more fun things the two could do while they waited for the inevitable sunrise.

Listen, Shang Qinghua wasn't dumb enough to actually believe he'd get on the mission without a hitch. The Peak Lords would scorn him, the Head Disciple on the mission would pity him and knew for a fact that Zhangmen-Shibo would kick up a fuss.

(A completely terrifying fuss. More so a cabal of threats and possible punishments that Guo Shulei would ignore. So, Tuesday.)

But he didn't think in a million years that Qi Qingqi would be on the mission. On the nearly year-long mission that he'd stupidly agreed to go on.

Now, he has nothing but respect for Qi Qingqi. But! she was a little… you know… just a little fucking engaged.

Like, what? Shen Qingqiu's supposed to convince Qi Qingqi to get hitched and ditch the love of her life? Was Wu Qingai supposed to settle for him so she wouldn't feel so bad for being abandoned???

That was definitely the reason why his Shifu had been so confident in being able to get him on the mission. Qi Qingqi would never be on a mission alone with Shen Qingqiu, so she’d bring Wu Qingai and Zhangmen-Shibo saw it as a chance to have Shang Qinghua pair up with the lowest ranked Peak.

So yeah. He's going on a mission with Qi Qingqi, Wu Qingai and Shen Qingqiu.

What a fucking mess.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was having to announce that he was leaving to go on this stupid mission. 

He’s already been intercepted a grand total of 12 times by different groups of disciples trying to convince him that this whole thing was a bad idea. Even Na Ma, who supposedly understood why he was doing it and had been joking about the whole thing when it started, had joined the mass of people coming up to him to convince him to stay away.

And now this?

“I’ll try to come back as soon as I can, alright?”

Cai Huan ignores him and keeps crying in his arms. The rest aren’t doing much better, their dinner completely forgotten in favour of a good old fashioned crying fest. Well, Cai Huan’s crying fest, though the only ones out of the five that don’t look depressed as fuck are Ke Deming, who just looks like he wants to break something and Li Xiulan, who looks annoyed at everyone.

Not much of an improvement, but he’ll take what he can get.

He strokes the back of Cai Huan’s red hanfu, occasionally brushing against her twin braids. 

“It’s not that big a deal, Cai Huan.”

“Da-ge’s leaving for years!”

“Just a couple at most! I’ll finish even sooner.”

‘Not that kind of mission’ Ruan Hai signs, and he’s lucky Cai Huan is too busy shoving her face into his shoulder or he’d seriously consider throwing a bowl at him.

Listen, he’s had a long day, okay? He’s had too many people crying all over him over this stupid mission and his patience is as thin as a sheet of paper right now. 

Tan Tao must notice Qinghua’s annoyance because he crouches down on the wooden floor and stokes the girls back, pulling up the sleeve of his oversized red hanfu. 

“Xiao Mei’s distress is understandable Da-ge considering the… circumstances of the situation.”

“Oh, so that's what we’re calling it?” Ke Demining says, his hands flailing. Tan Tao brow twitches. 

“It’s a situation, isn’t it?” Tan Tao says. Seems like he’s letting some of his own frustration too.

Deming stands from his place at the table and Tan Tao blocks his way. The size difference between the two makes it comical when Deming, who is nearly twice as large as a head taller than the scrawny baby faced Tan Tao, takes a step back and looks cowed.

He still looks pretty pissed. Cai Huan turns away from his shoulder when she hears the comotion and even she stops crying when she sees the scowl on her brother's face.

“Call it off.”

“No.”

“Why not?!” He whines, showing just how young he really is. They’re all young. Hell the only one over 18 is Ruan Hai.

“I’m not going to call off the mission.” He says with as much authority he can with a 10 year old on his lap. “This engagement has advantages. And I need to know if they’re worth the risk, and if Shen Qingqiu's also gonna take the risk to keep this engagement going.”

“Well I can tell you for a fact that it’s not worth it and he doesn’t care.” Deming shoots back, and he doesn’t know why, but something in him sours and a weird feeling crops up.

“I’m not calling off the mission because of whatever paranoia you made up.”

“It’s not paranoia if it actually happened!”

“Shen Qingqiu isn’t-” He sighs before he finishes, not willing to say Zhangmen-Shibo’s name. Ruan Hai seems to be the only one that catches his near slip. 

He keeps one hand on Cai Huan and rubs his temple to recollect a bit. He can’t let these kids know how stressed he actually is with the whole debacle. 

If he showed anything less than confidence his kids would panic and think that he’s afraid he’ll get attacked or something. He knows, from both observation and what remembers of the backstories, that Shen Qingqiu was fine during his disciple days. He was still a hardass, but he wasn’t on Zhangmen-Shibo’s level of irredeemable.

And it seems like he’s the only one who does. It makes the sour feeling churn through his insides even more. 

“Shen Qingqiu may be a prickly cat, but he isn’t a violent raging tiger. Don’t mix up who’s responsible for all this, Deming. Qingqiu is surely as miserable as I am.”

“Now I can tell you for a fact that’s definitely true.” Says Xiulan, finally deigning to say something. She gets up and walks over to them and smiles with an air of superiority of someone that figured out how to bake the pie and is enjoying how you destroy the kitchen. “While it’s entertaining to watch all your feathers get ruffled over this very bad and dumb idea, I can say with certainty that, as the only one who’s gone on a mission with the ‘situation’, the man isn’t happy with any of his charming ‘suitors’”

“Oh yeah?” Deming says. They all look sceptical, but Xiulan just nods and swipes a small spring roll to munch on, which was still warm thanks to the talisman symbols engraved on the plates. “Not even Zhangmen-Shibo’s brat?”

“Especially him!” Xiulan grins and everyone stares in shock, even him. “I don’t know what the brat did but he kept ignoring him. It was great!”

Xiulan begins telling them all about what happened during the mission – good timing you trolling brat – and everyone's enthralled by the defiant behaviour. Cain Huan stops hiding in his chest and her shoulders relax enough that she’s leaning instead. Even asking her own questions.

Something inside him is soothed by Xiulan’s more positive depiction of Shen Qingqiu. She’s the only one willing to give the man a chance.

He gets their worries, really. He avoids having to spend time with the Head Disciples for a damn good reason. It's too much of a risk for anyone that was a Core Disciple after half of them were forced to leave because Zhangmeng-Shibo didn’t want another An Ding Peak Lord with the same ability as Guo Shulei.

But that’s exactly why he needed to know if Shen Qingqiu was serious!

(He needed to know if Shen Qingqiu would turn his back on them as soon as he figured out why Zhangmen-Shibo kept hurting them, and why he took Shifu’s eye. This was his only chance to have someone as loyal and devoted as Shen Qingqiu on his side. To convince someone from outside to not-) 

“Da-ge…” The room falls silent when Cai Huan whispers her plea for attention. “Da-ge will be safe then?

(He had to convince him that he was worth the endless loyalty he knows Shen Qingqiu is capable of. Somehow.)

“Silly girl, of course I’ll be fine.” Cai Huan perks up a bit.

“Will Shen-Shixiong keep Da-ge safe?”

(Somehow…)

“He’ll have to if he wants to keep this marriage.” This much he hopes is true. It has to be, because Cai Huan is hugging him and everyone is relaxing.

“Well… If Da-ge says so…”

“Have some faith, Ming-Ming.” 

“Don’t antagonise him Xiulan”

“When you finish eating, go to bed okay?”

“Da-ge?” They turn to him and they try not to let his stress show. Thankfully Ruan Hai realises he needs his space and catches the kids attention.

‘Da-ge needs to prepare.’

They accept his excuse well enough and after a final round of hugs and goodbyes he goes out to the courtyard. He looks up and uses his Qi to jump onto the roof of the two-floored leisure home. The houses were dug into the ground so he walked off the roof and onto the dirt road. 

The housing district is nowhere near as busy as an An Ding working or commercial district, but there was still some activity since it was dusk. From what he could see through the thick forest foliage, the orange sky was slowly fading into blue, so he supposed there was enough time for him to chill out on the cliff near the waterfall.

Mind made up he leapt onto the branches and made his way there, maybe he could write something to get his mind off things.

"It is expected that a man of low birth would not understand." Shizun lights the incense with the tip of her finger. The plate is sat on a short table under a set of 7 paintings. "However, this master believed she had imparted the importance of such decisions onto her heir.

"The importance . Of reputation . Is not a thing that one can toss when inconvenient." Qiang Shuwen stares him down hard, and takes her gaze away. The incense sparks and burns faster on the plate, the smoke rising to cover the face of his Shigong on the wall.

He keeps a placid facade. Today is not for talking back. Today is not a day he even has the energy to do so. Not after the mission with Yue Qingyuan.

" Reputation is the difference between a respected and learned scholar and an ignored pretentious fool." She says looking at the swirls of smoke. 

Qiang Shuwen is thankfully so absorbed in her lesson that he'll be able to keep up his mask without much effort. His mind is widely switching between Yue Qingyuan’s strangely accepting behaviour and his new suspicions surrounding Shang Qinghua..

"It is not decided by deep thought. Not by utility, potential or by any subtle metric." 

He doesn't know what he expected out of Yue Qingyuan. Maybe him dropping to his knees and begging forgiveness and to marry so he would protect him. Maybe stare at him guiltily and be subtle about his... Advances, but...

He didn't... Do... Anything...

"It is character. Intelligence. Strength. Power. All of which the cowardly, forgettable, weak An Ding brat does not possess."

His hand twitches when she says An Ding. She doesn't notice, too distracted. 

An Ding...

"If this master's Shen Qingqiu sees potential in Shang Qinghua, then this one sees no issue in exploiting that seed and watch as the tree bears fruit." 

He did want to marry Shang Qinghua, but still. He thought that Yue Qingyuan would fight for him .

Why didn't Yue Qingyuan do anything?

"But marriage?"

Why did he expect anything different?

"No."

The only ones concerned with Shen Qingqiu's marriage were the Peak Lords really. Everyone else didn't give a shit.

Not even Yue Qingyuan.

(Or maybe he did? He doesn’t know anymore…)

It's of no importance. So what if he decided Shen Qingqiu wasn't worth the effort? The traitor surely rejoiced when he realised he wouldn't have to force himself to stoop so low as to marry his supposed second in command.

"This disciple understands." 

He'll continue with his choice, anyone who interferes can certainly try. 

It’s obvious that Shang Qinghua wanted something from him. Somehow he gained his Shidi’s interest and the man jumped at the first chance when presented to him. 

Now he just had to find out what he wanted so he could force him to stay.

"This disciple shouldn't lie so shamelessly to his beloved Shizun, who sacrificed so much to raise you from your filth." She drones, turning to finally look at him. His Shizun has her moments of wisdom, but she can be so redundant. Shen Qingqiu already knows he's filth. "The lesson has not sunk in, so he will be sent on another mission, with what his betters believe is a more suitable candidate."

She looks him dead in the eye and says with no remorse

"Qi Qingqi."

And all he can think is

Kill me now.

"She's engaged." 

Shen Qingqiu immediately regrets protesting but he couldn't stop himself. Qiang Shuwen can get as mad as she can, but she couldn't dispute the fact that Qi Qingqi was committed to marrying Wu Qingai. He’d hoped that at least Xie Shubi would have the decency to respect the women’s commitment to each other, despite the men’s protest of unfairness.

(Because it’s completely fair to force cutsleeve women to marry men just because they were outnumbered and it's improper for ladies to marry each other when there is an ample selection of 'fine young men'.)

Apparently his Shishu was more cowardly than he thought.

"This master sees no valid reason. Engagements can easily be broken off." She says. She doesn't take note of his protest. 

She doesn't take note... Drat, she must have foreseen this. 

Factored it into her plans...

Unfortunately, Qi Qingqi would never be on a mission alone with Shen Qingqiu, so she'd bring Wu Qingai. He'd have two harpies against him and no one on his side for months, possibly a year.

Or maybe he’d be lucky enough to be stuck with an An Ding disciple that tolerated him.

"This disciple shouldn't ask questions where the answer is well known." She raises her brow as if she has said the most obvious course of action instead of the most ridiculous piece of filth he has ever heard in his life.

Shen Qingqiu struggles to contain his volcanic mix of emotions.

What thought went into this? None. Just complete and utter desperation from rich little lordlings that lost every ounce of control they once thought they had.

"This disciple will head to Hei Mao Cun, a settlement that has grown in recent years. They are having issues with violent creatures, demonic miasmas. The usual sort a cultivation sect would take care of." She says. "The difference is that this settlement has rejected all help from cultivation sects." 

She takes a scroll from under the table and spreads it over the surface. 

"Here." She points at a small location surrounding a river. It's also near...

"Huan Hua Palace." He says.

"A scourge in this master's humble opinion." She says with disdain. "If Huan Hua worried less over their moneys they'd be less of an embarrassment. Their only merit is their fortune, which is not enough for Hei Mao Cun."

"May this disciple enquire as to the reasoning behind their mistrust?" He says.

"Based on what this master has presented, what does this disciple suspect?"

Of course. Another one of Shizun's games.

A small settlement that grew, a greedy sect, refusal of help...

"This disciple deduces that when Hei Mao Cun was in their infancy they had asked for help from the nearest sect. Unfortunately that was Huan Hua palace, who was more concerned with enriching themselves. Disgusted with this attitude, Hei Mao Cun fought off the demonic hordes with their own strength. They defeated them and grew into a stronger city, capable of sustaining itself with the help of local cultivators."

"Why local cultivators?"

"Because they are disgusted with Sects." He says.

"Why are they disgusted? No one trusts a deduction without explanation."

"Because Huan Hua presented a terrible example of Sects. Other Sects have tried to make contact but they have rejected the help."

She raises her brow and he hides his frustration. His hand twitches and he wishes he had his fan to hide his anger, but Shizun never lets him bring it when speaking to her. To train his expressions.

"Judging by the fact that Shizun has said they have the usual demonic infestation, it is only logical that ours as well as others have attempted contact. And judging by the fact that Qi Qingqi, an expert in stealth and covert missions will be sent along with this disciple, he can only assume that those attempts have failed and we are to pass as rogue cultivators."

He looks at the terrain around the map. "It must be easy to find Rogue's with the help of the river. It makes contact and trade much easier. It is reasonable to think that their minds have been further poisoned against sects due to their words." 

What else to say? What else to say? She still looks unsatisfied- "Huan Hua does not take slights lightly, however for some reason they are still interested in Hei Mao Cun. Normally they would ignore anyone who dares defy them, but they keep trying. 

We need to figure out why they keep insisting, but we must be discreet. Huan Hua is untrustworthy so asking directly won't yield any result. The best solution is to ingratiate ourselves into the community and find the information naturally so as to not arouse suspicion."

"Hmmm..." She taps her painted nail on the table twice and hides it in her sleeve. "Well deduced."

As if there was any doubt.

"A few corrections are in order." She says. Fantastic.

"First, your language."

He thinks back on what he said and cringes at his use of we .

"This disciple spoke informally to his Shizun."

"This disciple spoke like a commoner pretending to be a prince." She mocks, and the comment stings despite the years. "Do not let passions reduce the elegance of the spoken word to the language of a layman."

"Second." She tilts her head, unimpressed. "This master never mentioned that Huan Hua is still interested."

Shen Qingqiu curses in his head. "This disciple thought it was only logical that it would be the reason the Sect had taken interest."

"No." She says, a chill goes down his spine. "It could have been due to plague, famine, a new demon, a genocide."

"This disciple doubts genocide-"

"Silence." His Shizun rises from her seat, her face a cold façade. The smoke of the incense rises with her and vanishes as it turns to ash. "This disciple will be silent.

"Does this disciple dedicate his life to ignoring his Shizun's words?" She walks slowly around the table closer to Shen Qingqiu. He doesn't take his eyes off her.  "Reputation, Shen Qingqiu. Reputation is built on words . That is Qing Ding’s tool , our weapon . That is how Qing Ding serves the Sect . Head Disciple’s weapon is strong, but unclean, hidden behind fog and smoke with its unclarity."

She stands next to him. He looks up at her. He can no longer hide his clenched fists but he hopes his façade is enough.

"Why is Huan Hua interested?"

Silence.

"Speak. Why is Huan Hua still interested?"

Silence. 

He can't think.

There is no reason.

Just-

"Just another feeling, Head Disciple?" She says, sarcastic. He flushes and breaks her gaze to try to hide it. She finally walks away back to her seat, her shimmering green robes all he can see from his view towards the ground.

"No one trusts a hidden weapon. No one trusts unclear words. A feeling is not enough to mount a strategy. This nebulousness must be eradicated.

"There will come a day where this disciple is right, but unfocused and so ignored. He will be blamed for hiding the truth and be labelled for the failure. There will come a day this disciple is wrong, and when listened to will end in misery. He will be blamed for leading towards ruin and not know what must be corrected."

She stands with her back towards him, looking back at the painting of the previous lords. She is giving him time to reflect on her words, but he only comes out frustrated.

Okay, so he may have been too hasty assuming it was Huan Hua, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have valid reasons. Thinking now he can see it, Huan Hua and Cang Qiong always compete for power, Huan Hua takes interest in a mystery town and Cang Qiong's sect leaders are petty enough to investigate.

But that's not enough. Not for Shizun, not for anyone, because his words are unclear, untrustworthy. 

Really it's so tiring having to explain every single deduction he comes up with. Maybe if his reputation was better than he wouldn't have to. Maybe if people could just listen. Just take his word and be done with it.

"Disciple shall continue to reflect on his own time as he is too old for the whip.” His neck burns and cools in embarrassment – and fear. “The mission details are on the scroll under the table next to this disciple." He takes hold of the thick scroll. "Shen Qingqiu leaves tomorrow. A carriage will be prepared from An Ding."

He clutches tighter when he hears An Ding.

"Disciple Shen is dismissed."

He barely heard the dismissal over his own racing thoughts. When he steps out into the night he immediately gets on his sword and rises to the sky.

His mind drifts to Shang Qinghua. He hasn't seen him since the proposal. He's spent weeks on constant matchmaking missions, too busy to even try sneaking into An Ding. And now he was off on another useless 'mission'.

He looks towards the centre of the range where he can faintly see the lights from An Ding's mountain. Even if he went now, he wasn't keyed into the man's Qi signature. He'd need the god's luck to find him, and he doubts An Ding's disciples would want to help him, considering their dirty looks whenever he's on a mission.

It's clear to him that he needs to gain Shang Qinghua's loyalty, at minimum his cooperation. The man had accepted his proposal too quickly. He hadn't questioned it at the time – shamefully due to the immense amount of desperation and relief he felt during the strange proposal – but Shen Qingqiu was not made Head Disciple for nothing. The man is suspicious and he needs to know what Shang Qinghua's aim is with accepting the proposal, and how he benefits from it. But the fucking Peak Lords won't. Let. Him! They won't let him even go see Shang Qinghua without sending him on another stupid mission!

Shen Qingqiu lands and storms straight into his home. He heads to his room and drops to his fluffy multicoloured bed that was best described as a conglomeration of pillows of many shapes and sizes and colours. 

He turns and looks up at his ceiling. Even through the darkness he can distinguish the lines of bamboo. 

His body feels heavy, the exhaustion of the missions, the constant alertness, the immense pressure of having to be perfect for his Shizun that hates him-

Yue Qingyuan.

Shang Qinghua.

It sinks him. And he’s drowning. 

“2 years.”

Shang Qinghua whirls to see who's behind him and nearly falls off the cliff. A hand grabs the front of his robes and drags him away, another circling his back to keep him steady as he leans on the man's chest. He hears his heart beat.

"Don't sit on the edge if you're going to fall, little idiot." The voice says, strained.

"You surprised me!" He says to Sun Shui. "I didn't think anything would come up here..."

"Well." He says. He lets go when they are further away from the edge and Shang Qinghua takes a moment to look at him. Sun Shui lowers the hood of his cloak from his head, his loose hair shining in the moonlight making his brown hair look black. Under it all, his Shixiong was wearing the dark blue almost black skirt of his Hanfu.

"Shui-Shixiong?" Compared to him, Shang Qinghua's underdressed. He just wore a mismatched black and red Hanfu that he found lying on the floor that is still damp from Cai Huan’s tears.

"Shui- Shidi ." Sun Shui says and his brows furrow. "Qinghua is Head Disciple, I am to be called your Shidi."

"I know, I know." He waves off with his hand. "But it's so hard to call you that when you've been Shixiong most of my life."

"Qinghua has been Head Disciple for long enough to be used to calling everyone but 3 Shixiong."

"Yeah but Shixiong-"

"Shidi."

"Why is this important now?" He growls and shuts up immediately when his Shixiongs face falls. 

Something's off.

"Shui-Shixiong, did something happen?" His Shixiong purses his lips.

"I simply do not wish for Qinghua to address himself below his station."

"No, really, what's up? You're acting weird."

"I am not ‘ acting weird ’." He sighs. He rubs his temple and turns away a bit. 

Qinghua, like the little shit he is, hops back into his line of sight and grins when Sun Shui flinches back. 

"Qinghua!"

"What's up?" He asks again and takes a step closer. Sun Shui puts his hand over his face and he squeaks. "Hey!"

"Nothing is up. I simply believe that Qinghua should get used to proper forms of address considering the amount of time he will be away." 

He fucking knew it! Again with this stupid mission! 

"Let me guess. You’re worried. You don’t want me to go. You think that it’s a terrible idea that I should drop." 

Sun Shui pulls his hand away as if burnt. He can see his face darken thanks to the limited moonlight. "I find myself short on brothers these days."

That shuts him up immediately. The same cold fear from his meeting with Shifu invades his senses. The simple phrase is able to crack his already limited control over his stress. He remembers what Zhangmen-Shibo did, what his brothers and sisters were forced to do, and why they were all forced to leave. How Gao Shujing threatened to-

"Qinghua." His face is framed between two soft hands and he looks at the troubled face in front. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"I'm fine." He really isn't. "I'm not a child anymore. I can handle a mission, even if it's a little long."

"It's been a long time since you've gone on a mission with outsiders." 

"I'll be fine." He tries to sound comforting, but it barely works. "If Ruan Hai is capable of being sent on a mission like this, then so am I."

"Ruan Hai was going to be switched with other disciples after a couple of weeks." He snips back. "He wasn't going to be living with... those two for years."

"I’ll be fine-"

“I’ve been watching them. The things they call you…” He says “You can’t convince me he doesn’t believe some of it.”

“I’m not trying to convince you of anything.” He says. “I’m telling you to trust me!”

“I trust you Qinghua.”

“No you don’t, because you’re trying to convince me to change my mind. And guess what? I’m not. I'm not and I’m going and no one’s stopping me. I’ll judge for myself what kind of person Shen Qingqiu is and I’ll prove he’s not a violent maniac like all of you seem to think he is.”

Shang Qinghua’s mouth clamps shut and he pretends he totally meant to say that. His fists are shaking and he’s grateful his Shixiong's too busy staring at his face to notice.

His Shixiong walks closer to him. He raises his hand, puts a finger to Qinghua's temple, which slides down to his chin and raises his face. His expression is hidden.

It crumbles and he's enveloped in a hug.

"You're very capable, Qinghua." He says. He takes the ribbon off his hair and runs his fingers through. He keeps hugging him. "Don't think for a second that I don't believe you are as smart and resourceful as you are. But I can't help but be afraid. Xie Shubi, Qiang Shuwen..."

"Qi Qingqi and Shen Qingqiu are not their masters." 

"No." He feels Sun Shui's fingers tying his ponytail back again. "Just as you are not Guo Shulei, but there are traits in common. And I fear they have the worst of their own masters."

"Shui-ge..." He tries, hoping to soften the man. Comfort him somehow. He flinches in his arms. And then he cradles his head in his chest.

"My little fox." He says, amused, though his voice is a bit shaky. 

Sun Shui takes one of his hands off his back. He hears the sound of a click, and before he knows it he's covered in warmth.

"If I had my way, you'd never see their spawn again." He says. Shang Qinghua tries to look at him but Sun Shui lowers the hood to cover his eyes. "Hua-di may do as he likes, his brothers and sisters will always be watching."

When he's able to remove the hood off his head, his Shixiong has already disappeared.