Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

           Mika had never intended for things to end up like this. Then again, when he had formed his plan to track down Yuu-chan and keep him safe, he had never considered it was possible to feel so comfortable and happy and yet so horrifyingly awkward at the same time. Vampires were not supposed to feel much of anything, after all. They certainly were not meant to be on the verge of spontaneously combusting out of sheer conflicting, unspoken emotion. And yet…here he was.

            It had started with a scream in the night, a week after the squad had run from the battle in Nagoya. Mika had been at Yuu’s side in seconds. Only later did he reflect that the rest of the squad flinched more at his inhuman speed than at their comrade’s distress.
“Yuu-chan! What’s wrong?”

Kimizuki yawned. “Calm down, willya! He’s just having another of his goddamn nightmares.”

“Mika?” Yuu had seized the vampire’s hand with a desperate grip. “You’re here?” He sounded sleepy and confused.

“Of course I’m here, Yuu-chan. Where else would I be?”

Yuu blinked. The tension was beginning to drain from his body, but his emerald eyes glistened, as if close to tears. “I…I dreamed of that day. I saw them die, again. I saw you die. Or, well, I thought you did, I mean.”

A lump formed in Mika’s throat. He had died, that day. His human self. But: “I’m here now.”

Yuu smiled, shakily. “Yeah.” He paused, not letting go. “Stay for a bit?” he added, in a tone so quiet Mika was almost grateful for his vampire hearing.

“Sure, Yuu-chan.”

Since Yuu was holding on to his left hand, Mika shifted slightly so that he could sit against the wall. Yuu gave a sigh of contentment and curled up with his head leaning against Mika’s thigh. The vampire gave thanks that, in the dark, no human eye could see the way his cheeks flushed. After a moment’s hesitation, he rested his right hand on Yuu’s shoulder. Before he could overthink whether that was overstepping some boundary, a peaceful murmur of “Goodnight, Mika” set those worries to rest.

            “Are you telling me he wakes up screaming every night?”

Shinoa looked up from a patch of mushrooms she was harvesting and wiped her brow. “Not always screaming. But he seems to have bad dreams a lot. There’s usually thrashing around and mumbling. Why do you think his bedroll is off to one side like that?”

Mika glared. “Your solution is to put him by himself?”

The human girl recoiled slightly at his tone, but quickly recovered her usual confident pose. Both of them knew Yuu would be upset if she were hurt, after all. Mika had once caught Yuu’s sword with his own body to make sure his friend wouldn’t be responsible for that.

“Well, being closer didn’t seem to help.” She sighed. “Neither did herbal tea. Yoishi tried to get him to meditate, but Yuu clearly doesn’t have the patience.” Mika couldn’t help but nod at that! “The only reason you didn’t see this earlier was that he was totally passed out for the first couple of days, and then, I guess, he was too tired to dream.” Demon possession and healing a hole in one’s chest will do that, she didn’t say. She didn’t have to. “Now, are you gonna help, or not? I know you don’t eat, but your blood-donor buddy whose health you obsess over does. And those death glares are not getting these mushrooms picked!”

Mika rolled his eyes, but knelt down next to her, seemingly mollified to know the squad wasn’t just ignoring Yuu’s problem.

            Shinoa was wrong about one thing, though. Sleeping close to the other humans might not have cured Yuu’s bad dreams but, with Mika watching over him, the next night was peaceful, as was the night after that – barring the occasional distressed whimper that stilled when the vampire stroked his friend’s dark hair.

Who knew curling up next to the monstrous remnant of one’s family could prevent nightmares? A wry, self-hating thought that still managed to warm Mika’s unbeating heart. If he were honest, it made him feel a bit smug as well. Take that, humans!

The humans, for their part, just seemed relieved to have their own slumber uninterrupted.

            Unfortunately, that was the start of Mika’s torment. After the first few nights, Yuu had started unrolling another mat beside his own so that Mika could lie down comfortably. Then he insisted that they share the blanket, despite Mika’s protests that he didn’t really get cold. He even invited Mika to feed while in that position, arguing and whining (“Come on, Mika! Don’t be a stubborn idiot. I told you it’s fine”) until the vampire had to agree. Yuu-chan’s blood was better than anything he’d ever tasted, and the way Yuu tangled his fingers in his hair and sighed into his ear, relaxing so trustingly as Mika’s fangs pierced his neck, was sweeter yet. You’re a monster for enjoying this, he told himself, and yet it was hard to regret those moments when he felt more, well, alive than any other time in the last four years. 

           “You should just tell him,” Yusuramaru – as Kimizuki had dubbed the demon-possessed Yuu – said. He was (they were?) currently chained to the wall of a shed.

Mika, being the one best able to restrain a demon should it break loose, was sitting a few feet away, reading. Appearing to read, anyway. The book was mostly an excuse to avoiding looking at those knowing red eyes or that leering grin. He didn’t rise to the bait.

“I’ve seen the way you look at him, you know. The way you hold yourself back, when really what you’d like to do is shove the oblivious idiot against the nearest wall and…”

“Shut up.”

The demon waggled their – Yuu’s – eyebrows. “Make me.”

Mika glared. “If you weren’t currently wearing Yuu’s body, I’d take that offer. Good luck giving me that irritating grin without teeth.”

“Ooh, but since I am…there are options for shutting me up that would be much more fun.”

Mika’s face twisted in disgust. “No.”

“He’d never have to know.”

“NO.”

The demon pouted. “Jeez, why’d Yuu have to go and pick the one vampire who’s a total prude?”

Mika sighed heavily and re-opened his book. Half an hour until that revolting creature let Yuu go. Then he would only have to deal with his own unruly thoughts regarding his best friend and only remaining family.

            The feelings would have been a lot easier to manage if Yuu had been as stand-offish as he had been as a child. Teenage Yuu, though, seemed to have gotten disconcertingly cheerful and touchy-feely. His face now regularly wore that dazzling grin that had once been as rare and prized as ray of sunlight in Sanguinem. He actually hugged people or threw an arm around their shoulders, often without warning. He tended to stand or sit particularly close to Mika, seemingly totally ignorant of what that proximity did to the vampire. Worst – best? – of all, he had turned into an unrepentant cuddler.

            The night that everything came to a head, Yuu didn’t just snuggle up under Mika’s arm and against his side, but instead flung an arm and leg across the vampire’s body. Mika was too shocked to move for a moment, but then gently wrapped his arms around Yuu. The other boy gave a satisfied sigh, settling his head against Mika’s chest. The vampire lay silently until Yuu’s breathing grew quiet and regular.

“Ah, Yuu-chan. You do make things hard for me,” he whispered to himself.

The corner of his lip twitched, as he realized a human would probably mean that as a double-entendre. That wasn’t an issue at the moment, fortunately. Unless they’d just fed, vampires didn’t have enough blood pressure. But it might be a problem eventually, if Yuu insisted on…

“Hmm? W’s h’rd?”

Shit. Mika swallowed. “Never mind, Yuu-chan. Go back to sleep.”

Emerald eyes blinked up at him, sleepy but suspicious. “Mika. Wh’t is it?”

“It’s nothing, Yuu-chan. Seriously,” the vampire whispered back.

“Come on, Mika! You’re always making sure I’m fine. I don’t want to…Wait, am I squishing you?” He shifted as if to roll away.

Despite his previous mental protests, Mika tightened his arms. “No!” Please stay. “I mean, that’s not it.”

“Then what is it, Mika?”

 “I…can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“You wouldn’t…” Mika sighed. “I don’t want to, to make things weirder than they already are. For you.”

“Mika, I already said a million times that I don’t care if you need my blood, that I don’t care if it’s not ‘normal’. Neither of us is normal.” Yuu laid his head back down on the vampire’s chest. “So just tell me. I’m not going anywhere.”

            Mika took a deep breath. “OK. So…Back in Sanguinem, I was so determined to find you, to save you from the humans who wanted to use you as a weapon. But I told myself not to expect you to be glad to see me. I mean, how could you be? You hated vampires more than anything…”

“Mika.” Yuu’s voice sounded stricken. “I could never hate you. You’re my family.”

Mika smiled, and ran a hand through Yuu’s dark hair. “That was the first miracle. That you not only were glad to see me, but that you welcomed me with open arms, offering your own blood without any fear, or, or disgust…”

“Of course I did, you idiot! I couldn’t watch you bleed out in front of me again. That’s literally been my nightmare for four years!”

“Wh…really? All the nightmares have been about that day?”

“Pretty much.”

“Ah. So that’s why this helps?” Mika hugged Yuu to illustrate what “this” meant and felt him nod in response.

“Yeah. It just, just lets me know you’re still here, even when I’m asleep and can’t see you.” He turned his head to grin up at Mika. “Plus, you’re a really comfortable pillow.”

Mika snorted, then said softly: “It doesn’t bother you that I don’t have a heartbeat?”

“Wh…Really?” Yuu pressed his ear against the vampire’s silent chest for a moment, then glanced up at him. “Huh. I guess I never really thought about it. If anyone else ever held me like this, I don’t remember. I didn’t tend to sit still when you tried to hug me back then,” he added sadly.

“That’s true. And that’s why this is the second miracle. It’s…made me really happy, you know. Getting to be close to you like this. Seeing you smile more. All of that.”

            They lay in companionable silence for a moment before Yuu remembered that Mika hadn’t answered his question. “So then what’s the problem?”

Mika sighed heavily. “Vampires like to say that humans are greedy, but I think I must be greedier now than I’ve ever been. I have everything I ever thought I wanted.” Well, the other humans hadn’t been part of the dream. But he and Yuu-chan were together, and away from both the Demon Army and the vampires. And hadn’t they once planned to escape with the rest of their family anyway? “Certainly far more than I thought I’d get or deserve. And yet I still…want more.”

“What?” When there was no response, Yuu prodded again: “Come on, Mika. What is it you want? I promise I’ll get it for you. Or, if I can’t, I’ll find someone who can.”

Mika groaned and flung an arm over his face. For that reason, his reply was too muffled to make out.

“What?”

“I said, a kiss!”

Yuu blinked at him. “Huh?”

“Arrgh, I knew that would be weird to say!” The vampire shook his head. “Forget it! It’s a stupid thought, that you’d ever want to…”

“OK.”

Mika paused, mid self-deprecating rant. “What?”

“OK, I’ll kiss you.”

The vampire stared at him. “Yuu-chan, how can you say that so casually?”

Yuu shrugged. “I’ve never kissed anyone before. Never really had the time and, to be honest, I was kinda depressed and angry for most of those years we were apart. But you’re the person I care about the most. And I like hugging you and stuff. So, why not?”

Mika gulped. “You…don’t think you might regret it? Giving me your first kiss, I mean.”

“Nah. I mean, if we don’t like it we don’t have to do it again, right?”

That, of course, was exactly what Mika was worried about: Having a taste of what he definitely did want only to never have it repeated. But, then again, what if it was possible that Yuu felt the same way? Or could maybe feel that way eventually, anyway. It would be dumb to throw this chance away, right? “Uh. OK, then. If you’re sure.”

            Yuu shuffled upward a bit so that their faces were level with one another. “Right. Um. So how exactly should I…?”

Mika placed a cool hand on his cheek, guiding him down at such an angle that their lips pressed together without their noses colliding. It was a gentle kiss, very innocent, and yet Mika was glad he didn’t technically need to breathe because he wasn’t sure he could remember how. Still, he did remember to pull back after a few seconds. Mika meant to ask Yuu how he felt, if that was OK…but he couldn’t, because Yuu was leaning back in to kiss him again. Mika lost count of how many kisses there were – Numbers? What are numbers? – but he was intensely aware of the way Yuu’s fingers clutched at his hair and the pleased little murmurs he made and the way the kisses grew distinctly more heated. Mika never wanted it to end, but Yuu, who did still need oxygen, eventually broke off, panting.

The human’s face was flushed and his dark hair messier than usual. Mika thought he had never looked more beautiful. “Wow. OK. Sorry, that was definitely more than you asked for, wasn’t it?”

 “I’m not complaining.” Mika bit his lip nervously, one white fang poking out. “So…what do you think? Do you…do you think you’d want to do that again?”

The human rolled his eyes. “Um, yeah. Obviously. That’s almost as good as the biting.”

It was the vampire’s turn to blink in confusion. “Sorry, what? You like it when I bite you?”

Yuu blushed a deeper red. “Kinda, yeah. Is that weird?”

“I was worried I was hurting you!”

“Well, I mean, it does hurt a bit. But then it makes me feel all warm and tingly and a little sleepy.”

Mika grimaced. “Yeah, that’s the venom. But there’s sort of a crash after, right? Like, it feels good and then it feels really icky and gross.”

“Huh? Mika, what are you talking about?” Yuu sounded genuinely baffled.

“Well, when Ferid used to drink my blood…”

Yuu snorted. “That’s not a good comparison. Ferid was a creep!”

“He’s a vampire.”

“And a creepy pervert. I mean, probably letting that dude touch you at all would feel icky and gross, especially if it also kinda felt nice, right?”

Telling that story would definitely spoil the mood, Mika thought, but: “You’re not wrong.”

“Well, that’s totally different to how I feel about you, so trust me – there’s no crash or guilt or whatever! And it isn’t just the venom. It feels good to know that I’m, well, sharing my life with you. In, like, a super literal way. Plus, at first it was my only excuse to get that close to you and…huh.”

Yuu’s brow wrinkled for a moment. “OK, maybe, now that I think about it, I was kinda wanting to make out with you even before you brought it up.”

“Yuu-chan!”

“What?! There’s been a lot going on! I didn’t exactly…think it out like that. I mean, I do remember thinking that you’d gotten really good looking. But that’s just, like, an objective fact.”  

The vampire stared at him incredulously. “I have red eyes! And fangs!”

“Your fangs are cute!”
“They’re basically tiny knives that could rip a human’s throat out.”

“That’s pretty badass, though, right?” Yuu grinned. “You’ve gotten a lot taller, too, and those crazy high boots really show that off. You’ve still got great hair. Are you hiding pointy ears under…you are! Cool! And, yeah, your blue eyes were really pretty, and I do kinda miss them sometimes. But the red suits you too. They’re different, but they’re still…Mika’s eyes, you know?”

“Uh huh. Yes, totally an objective assessment, Yuu-chan.” The vampire’s tone was sarcastic, but he couldn’t help smiling.

“Fine, OK, I’m an idiot. Can we try kissing some more? I think I was starting to get the hang of it.”

Chapter Text

            The rest of the Shinoa squad were outside and preparing breakfast over a campfire – a pot of tea with spam and wild mushroom skewers – when Yuu appeared, towing the blonde vampire along by their linked hands.

“Hey guys! Guess what! It turns out me and Mika are boyfriends!”

The squad’s reactions to this announcement were various. Shinoa spit out her tea, soaking Mitsuba, whose only response was therefore a startled shriek that nearly drowned out Yoichi’s cheerful: “Congratulations!”

Mika slapped his free hand over his eyes and groaned.

Narumi looked confused. “Why do you say that like it’s a pre-existing fact you just discovered?”

“Because, knowing this moron, he probably did just figure it out,” Kimizuki replied calmly.

Narumi tilted his head and squinted at them. “Yeah, to be honest, I kind of just assumed you two were already together,” he admitted. He’d been suspicious initially about the others’ claim that this vampire was so devoted to their then-unconscious comrade that he wouldn’t be a threat, and that Yuu would have a fit if they tried to make Mikaela leave. Now…well, he still didn’t really get it, but if whatever this was kept a noble vampire reliably on their side – not to mention whatever Yuu really was – Narumi wasn’t going to argue!

Yuu blinked. “Really? Why?”

“Um, maybe because you two have been literally sleeping together for over a month? And hardly ever are more than a meter apart while awake if you can help it?” Narumi suggested.

“Oh, yeah,” Mitsuba mused. “Actually, didn’t Mika-san try to bridal-carry Yuu off the battle-field once?”

“Yup. Not to mention finding out Mika was still alive – sort of – turned Yuu into the sunny ‘everyone is family’ idiot you met, Narumi, instead of the grumpy ‘I don’t need friends, I just need to kill vampires’ idiot we had to deal with initially,” Kimizuki added. He turned to Mika. “So, congratulations and condolences, I guess.”

Mika rolled his eyes. “Right. Well, if you humans are done being embarrassing, I’m going on patrol.”

            Several hours later, a sudden absence of birdsong caused Shinoa to drop the load of branches she’d been gathering and whirl around with her scythe key in hand. The recognition that the white-clad, red-eyed figure lurking under a nearby tree was Mika kept her from actually summoning the weapon. However, something in his look prevented her from totally relaxing, too. “What’s your problem?”

“Why don’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Mika’s eyes narrowed. “When Yuu-chan decided to make his weirdly worded announcement this morning, some were surprised, some not, but pretty much everyone was chattering cheerfully about it in seconds. You, though…You went totally white and then didn’t say anything. You could barely look at us. Frankly, you looked like you might be sick. So. Do we have a problem?”

The lavender-haired girl sighed. “No. I have a problem, I guess, but I can deal with it on my own.”

“How reassuring. Am I going to have to watch our backs with you, human? Because I swear that if you ever hurt Yuu-chan…”

“No!” Shinoa shook her head vehemently. “I would never…” She clutched a hand near her heart for a moment, as if in pain. After a few measured breaths, she continued: “And you’ve got nothing to worry about either. I know that hurting you would hurt him worse. I just…need a little time, that’s all. I should have just dealt with it when you first joined us. Like Narumi said, you two had such an obvious bond. But, well…” she trailed off.

Mika’s expression softened as he realized what she meant. “Ah. I’m sorry.”

Shinoa sat down on a log, picking at the hem of her skirt. “It’s all right. You were there first, clearly. As soon as Yuu-san knew you were still alive, there was no competing with that. And, anyway, I can’t love anyone.”

The vampire raised an eyebrow. “Why does it feel like you’re stealing my line, even though that’s obviously not true for either of us?”

“Well, I can, yes. But I shouldn’t, because it would make the demon inside me too powerful.” She tapped her chest, and Mika realized she meant that literally. Those goddamn humans and their experiments! What’s with them sticking angels and demons inside kids before the apocalypse even happened to justify it? 

“My sister literally tried to beat it out of me, the capacity to feel things that strongly. It didn’t entirely work, but I am very good at putting up walls. So. It’s for the best, really. I’ll be fine.”

Mika sighed, and sat down beside her. “That doesn’t sound fine at all.”

“No. But it is what it is.”

Mika had been worrying lately. Outside of his love for Yuu, his feelings seemed faded, like a photo left out in the sun. It wasn’t just distrust of the human military that had made it hard to connect with the rest of the squad; it was hard even to want to. And the thought of that somehow spreading, of his connection to Yuu fading away without, perhaps, his even noticing it…that was terrifying. And yet, he did feel something now that he hadn’t felt for a human in quite some time: sympathy.

“It’s hard not to love him, at least a little bit, isn’t it?”

Shinoa nodded. “I mean, Kimizuki’s right – he’s absolutely an idiot. An oblivious, impulsive, headstrong idiot. But…”

But he’s so alive, and he cares about things so deeply…and if you’re one of the things he cares about he’ll fight the whole world for you, totally ignoring any rules that get in his way. “Yeah. I know.”

She stood up briskly. “Well. You should get back to your boyfriend. It’s almost time for your afternoon bondage session, you know.”

“Arrgh, don’t you start!” Mika growled. “I have to listen to enough from that demon, thank you! God, they’re going to be insufferable.” But, somehow, he knew he wouldn’t mind Yusuramaru’s teasing quite so much now. The demon would only be frustrating themself.

            Later that night, after the demon had retreated, after the squad had eaten a supper of canned beef stew stretched out with wild onions, Mika and Yuu lay curled together under their blanket at a discrete distance from the others. It had taken little coaxing for Mika to take his own liquid supper, now that he knew Yuu didn’t just allow this as the price of keeping his best friend alive but actually enjoyed it. The vampire relaxed as he drank in his beloved’s scent, holding him as close as he’d always wanted to, carefully licking the spot where his fangs would slide in before finally letting the rich, hot blood flow down his throat.

            “Mika.” Yuu’s breath caught as he spoke, and he reflexively rolled his hips up against the vampire’s.

Mika’s teeth were still buried in his partner’s neck, muffling the sound he made, but Yuu must have noticed because the bastard did it again.

The vampire withdrew his fangs and licked the last drops of blood from the wound, making Yuu shudder. “Shhh. Maybe later, Yuu-chan. Like when we’re actually alone?” He shifted their position to something a bit less…frictiony.

“Oh. Right.” Yuu blushed at having forgotten about his friends sleeping on the other side of the room, but his green eyes looked bright and hopeful. “You promise?”

Mika smiled. “Yeah, sure. I promise.”

Yuu laid his head on the vampire’s chest, just as he had the night before, and Mika softly kissed his forehead. “I love you so much, Yuu-chan.”

“I love you too, Mika.”

            Mika let out a breath. He didn’t know why, since he knew – of course he knew – but it was a relief to say it, and to hear it said.

“I keep wondering if this is just a dream I’m going to wake up from. Even though vampires don’t even sleep much, let alone dream. It seemed so unlikely that I’d not only find you, but that you’d feel like I do.”

Because how could it be that, in this broken world, he actually got everything he wanted? Everything that mattered, at least, if only for a while. Until some too-powerful enemy came for them, or until the humanity of one or both of them faded for good, or – the best of the plausible options, and yet also the worst – until Yuu grew old and died and Mika…didn’t. But even before the old world ended, “happily ever after, for now” was all anyone ever got, wasn’t it?

            “Mika, why would you think I wouldn’t love you?” Yuu sounded genuinely distressed at the idea. “You were the one who taught me what that meant!”

“Huh?”

“Back when we met. My, my parents had called me a demon. They would rather have killed me or themselves than be my family. I was so angry and sad and scared; I didn’t want to let anyone close enough to hurt me again. But you just kept reaching out, even when I was being an awful little shit.”

“Oh, Yuu-chan.” Mika hugged him tighter. “I guess I, I knew a bit what that was like. And you also seemed special to me already. That’s not really what I meant, though.”

“No, I know. That bit probably is just lucky. But it seems sometimes like you’re not sure why I would like you or want you around at all. Well, that’s why. Or, like, the deepest reason. Sure, you’re smart and good looking and all that. But, more than that, you were the first person who ever made me feel wanted. Even if I was a little monster, you still made me part of your family. So why should I care if you’re a vampire? You’re clearly still you, worrying more about other people than you do about yourself.”

            Mika tried to scoff, though he was terribly moved by Yuu’s speech. “Look who’s talking. Who was always trying to warn me away from dealing with vampires? Who lets demons and angels and whatever else take over his body whenever a friend is in danger? Who risks his life now every time I need a snack?”

Yuu sighed. “I didn’t do a very good job at protecting you back then, or at letting you know I cared. But I’m trying to do better now. As for that last bit – don’t be dramatic!”

“I’m not being dramatic. I’m a vampire. You don’t know how bad the thirst gets, how hard it can be to stop…”

“Mika. You went four years without drinking any human blood at all. You have been hanging around my friends for almost two months with zero weird incidents. You clearly have excellent self-control. Even that time when you were nearly dying of blood loss…what happened?”

Mika’s jaw clenched. “I almost bit a child, I attacked you…”

            Yuu nodded firmly. “Exactly. Almost. I don’t know what happened with the kid, but you didn’t immediately bite me. You just sat on me and babbled about blood for like a minute, as if you were trying to ask permission even though you were half out of your mind. And when I actually said yes, you were so shocked you snapped out of it! So, no, I do not believe for a second that you would actually drain me dry. Even if you did…well, I probably would have died years ago if not for you, so I couldn’t be that mad. But,” he added, as Mika made a protesting noise, “since you’d probably be, like, suicidally upset by that or whatever, I promise I’ll use my demon strength to punch you in the head if necessary. That should be enough distraction to bring you to your senses if words don’t do the trick, right?”

“Probably, I guess,” Mika conceded. If I don’t lose any more of my humanity. If I still love you.

Yuu looked absurdly pleased with himself. “Good. That’s settled, then.”

Mika gazed down at the human curled contentedly in his arms. He would gladly give his whole cursed half-life if it would protect this beloved being. And yet…

Mika, you’re here. I saw you die. Stay.

The vampire sighed and tucked his nose into the bird’s nest of black hair.

OK, Yuu-chan. I’ll not let it come to that, if I can help it. I’ll stay with you as long as I can.