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"Why don't you let us stay over at your place? You are the only one with a futon large enough to fit all of us."
Jihoon sighs the sigh that's reserved for Soonyoung. "Because you people," he starts, "already know way too much about me. And I'd rather die than have you two defile my futon."
"Then die," Soonyoung says at the same time Wonwoo asks, "I'm guessing that doesn't apply to Junnie, right?"
“No, seriously, that futon might be his at this point," Soonyoung quips. "Why does he get special treatment, huh?"
Junhui looks up from some of the pictures he took with his phone during their lunch and almost fixates on Jihoon's elegant fingers fiddling with the chopsticks, spinning them like drumsticks. But he meets his eyes to listen to what he has to say.
"Because Jun is a persistent little shit and he doesn't fall asleep halfway through Boruto," he turns to Wonwoo and ignores Soonyoung trying to defend himself. "That's why."
"You love me more than them,” Junhui says. “That's why."
“Mhm.” Jihoon gestures to the now-almost-empty extra bowl of rice Junhui gave him earlier. Junhui has never liked rice as much as Jihoon does, so it has become their thing. "And can you blame me?"
And Soonyoung gasps theatrically, falling over Junhui, hand over his chest like he got shot by an arrow. It makes the kids from the family seated at the table closest to them giggle. Junhui waves at them and they look away, hiding their giggles and whispering to each other now that they were acknowledged.
“We can’t take you anywhere,” Jihoon says, making Soonyoung straighten up, not because he’s particularly embarrassed—Junhui is sure he didn’t even notice the other customers staring—but to start fake-arguing with Jihoon.
Junhui looks at Wonwoo and he’s smiling, entertained by simply watching the chaos unfold (read: Soonyoung) for the second time in the last hour. And Junhui takes advantage of him being a lovesick fool to steal his soda can.
It's not surprising that Soonyoung and Wonwoo dating didn't change much about their group because, well, they were the last to meet. Soonyoung and Jihoon, Jihoon and Wonwoo, Jihoon and Junhui, even Jihoon and Wonwoo; it's always been them. So not much has changed, only that now they have new seating arrangements when they go out. Soonyoung sits next to Junhui and Wonwoo sits next to Jihoon in front of Soonyoung and Junhui because neither Jihoon nor Junhui trust Soonyoung to keep his hands to himself. Not that Wonwoo is any better, he's simply more discreet about public indecency.
Soonyoung still spends almost every breathing second next to Jihoon, and Jihoon still lets him. He still does that thing where he acts like he's constipated when he hasn't seen Soonyoung in a long time. But Soonyoung never lets it stay that way. They're clingy like that, like they get separation anxiety or something.
The thing is, this isn't enough for Soonyoung. No, it is not enough for them all to be together from time to time, because he doesn't settle; he wants them to go on a double date. Junhui suspects he's the only one to know about this little plan of his because Soonyoung elbows Junhui in a not-so-inconspicuous way to get him to cooperate, probably, and Junhui snorts Wonwoo's soda.
Wonwoo flinches in front of him. Everyone goes quiet for a second, except for Junhui, who is sputtering. Wonwoo pulls a face and wipes his soda mixed with Junhui’s spit that landed on his face with his sleeve. Jihoon cackles.
"Are you alright?" he asks Junhui across the table, voice high, high, high with held-back laughter.
Junhui forms an X with his forearms in front of him, and croaks, "I'm good."
Soonyoung rubs small circles on his back, and continues because— "I just want us all to get together and have a cute little—"
Junhui exaggerates his coughing, just in case, but then Jihoon looks worried and gestures to Wonwoo to pass him anything that isn’t soda to drink.
"Next Friday at my place," Jihoon says slowly, watching Junhui drink before he turns to Soonyoung. "But I choose whatever we end up watching."
Soonyoung beams.
The matter is dropped after Soonyoung claps once in victory. Junhui is relieved, sort of, until he notices Wonwoo is looking at him like he knows something Junhui doesn’t. It's like he's one step ahead and he's bragging, that’s what he’s doing— the Soonyoung's number one enabler. Junhui ignores him as much as he can, though it’s hard because once you notice Wonwoo you can’t un-notice him. He’s a bit intense.
It is Wonwoo’s fault, actually, that this is happening and that Soonyoung feels like he needs to intervene in a situation that didn’t even exist until Wonwoo created it.
Since the day Junhui bleached Soonyoung's hair, his mind has been fizzing with questions. Or, well, one question:
“Wonwoo told me you like like Jihoon and I asked him, ‘What are we, twelve?’" Soonyoung told him and Junhui frowned at the little tigers on Soonyoung's socks.
They were on Junhui’s bed, lying with their heads on opposite ends of the bed, just talking while they waited for the chemicals on Soonyoung’s head to strip the brown away. Maybe the strong ammonia smell in the air was affecting Junhui’s brain because, what?
Soonyoung continued, Junhui didn’t even try to interrupt him, too stunned to speak. "But then I started thinking about it and you are sort of desperate to get him laid. Is that a turn on for you?”
Junhui made a hysterical sound. "What the hell, Soonie?"
Soonyoung’s toes wiggled under his socks like worms wanting to come out of the ground. "Do you really like like our Jihoonie?"
Junhui didn’t have an answer for that. He had never thought about it himself because he tries to avoid the kind of thoughts that'd sink in his brain, absorbing them like the best scoop of ice cream he's ever had.
Did he like Jihoon as more than a friend?
Oh, wait.
No.
It was the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard, and so he bit Soonyoung’s toe. When asked later, he’d say he freaked out, and he wouldn’t be lying! But at that moment, Soonyoung yelped before biting the heel of his foot in retaliation so there wasn’t much time to argue but to fight back.
Junhui expected him never to bring it up again because what the hell? But it is Soonyoung, and yeah, maybe he is more insistent than Junhui himself, and he might have mentioned something about a cute little double date because he's convinced love is real and that he is Cupid himself and all that.
It's bullshit, of course it is. Right?
The question is still roaming in his mind. Does he like Jihoon as more than a friend?
What about Jihoon? Does he—
Junhui studies him now as they all walk towards where he parked his car. He takes in the clean-cut, boyish contours of Jihoon’s face. Jihoon takes his hands out of his sky blue hoodie’s pocket to fix his cap, pushing his black hair back before putting it back on. He stands next to the passenger’s seat door, and it takes a moment for Junhui to realize he’s waiting for Junhui to unlock it for him. The hoodie dances around him, at least two sizes big on him, because Wonwoo got it for him on his birthday and if there's something they have in common is their taste in clothes. They both dress like they just woke up and are on their way to the convenience store because their cabinets are empty.
Jihoon rides shotgun, something he gets to do now without any complaints. That’s another slight change there’s been since the two in the backseat started going out together. This time, Wonwoo sits behind Junhui, and Junhui knows this before he looks back to check they put on their seatbelts because of the bony knees digging in the back of his seat. Soonyoung slams his door closed and says sorry, like he always does.
Almost everything is the same as it has always been, because Soonyoung and Wonwoo only met a few months ago, and they have all seen their relationship unfold like a movie.
Junhui has known Jihoon for over six years. He doesn't have to look at him to know he's taking out his phone to connect it to his stereo and play an English song that no one in the car but him knows the lyrics to.
It should make Junhui recoil, to question his feelings towards Jihoon when the answer would make things weird. It should be at least a little off-putting but it's not. Questioning his feelings is almost like a natural response. He can’t help it, and it's scary. The thought of the answer alone has his heart drumming to the rhythm of the funky song coming from the stereo, and so he's been trying to keep it down ever since Soonyoung asked that stupid question but it's getting harder.
He stops for gas near Soonyoung’s neighborhood, and they end up getting melona and sitting outside for as long as the sun is above them. When they are all together it feels like time slows down a little. He never feels in a hurry like this, laughing so hard at something he will surely forget about in a few hours. His melona melts and makes his fingers sticky but he doesn’t care. He does not care to check the time either, not even once. He does not want a thing to change.
He pulls over Soonyoung's apartment and both him and Wonwoo get out. They say goodbye around five times because they keep on talking, almost like they don’t want to part, before they go inside and Junhui starts the car again.
Jihoon hums to the songs playing on the stereo and sings a bit of a song. Junhui realizes he doesn't notice he's doing it. It’s nice, familiar, just like everything when it’s them.
“You’ve been quiet,” Jihoon says eventually.
Junhui meets his searching eyes momentarily before looking back at the road. “Have I?”
“You didn’t even ask about my date.”
Ah, yes. The date. Soonyoung isn’t the only one with a plan. Junhui keeps setting Jihoon up on unsuccessful dates. The plan isn't for them to be unsuccessful but they always are, for some reason that Junhui does not understand. Who wouldn’t love Jihoon?
He should have forgotten about it when Minghao told him to never set him up on a date with someone who shows up at a restaurant wearing slides. He also told him he should give up, but Junhui thinks it’s important to have steady perseverance. Besides, in Jihoon’s defense, he didn’t know the restaurant was sort of fancy, alright?
The date couldn’t have been that terrible, that’s what he tells Jihoon now, testing the waters.
But Jihoon sighs. “We were incompatible, I guess.”
"We are too," Junhui says, too fast. “I mean, we are complete opposites but we get along just fine.”
"It's different."
Junhui drums his fingers on the steering wheel, thinking for a moment. "How so?"
"I'm used to you and you're used to me," he says. “Being with you is as easy as breathing.”
“Ah, it almost sounds like you’re in love with me,” Junhui teases and almost regrets it but then he sneaks a glance at Jihoon looking at him with a smile, his face glowing.
It's just a fraction of a second but Jihoon still pats him on his thigh to get him to focus. “Look at the road, you dumbass.”
Jihoon is in a good mood, and Junhui knows because he talks like he doesn’t care if he chokes. He speaks all the way up to Junhui's apartment, the weird noises of the elevator drowned by his chatter. He’s always been good with words. And Junhui listens intently, all the way inside and to the kitchen. But he’s still thinking, which is always a problem.
The thing is, Junhui wants to help Jihoon to go on a date because Jihoon opened up to him about him not being good at dating and it broke Junhui's heart in half. “I know it’s embarrassing because I’m a grown man," he said. "One night stands and shit are one thing, but dating…? Arrhgh, you know how I am. I’m too focused on other stuff, and I have to admit I kinda suck, like, in general.”
Junhui has to prove him otherwise.
“No, really. What is it?” Jihoon asks after a while of Junhui just thinking.
Junhui opens and closes the cupboard doors, making all kinds of noises as he searches for the popcorn kernels bag. “Was it really that bad?” he asks as he reaches for it, almost dropping half the groceries on the counter. “The date, I mean.”
Jihoon doesn’t look pleased about the fact that Junhui keeps bringing it up, eyebrows knitted together. “Yes.”
“Okay, okay, don’t look at me like that. You have a problem—” Junhui starts, trying to get the bag open with a knife— “and this is how we are gonna fix it.”
“No,” Jihoon interrupts before Junhui even gets a word out. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m wearing an earpiece, you sit on a table nearby speaking into a mic, you keep telling me what to say on the date, but let me tell you, it never works.”
“No, no, no, none of that. I meant I could third wheel you next time.”
“What?”
“Mhm. I'll be there with you and your date, and later we'll review the damage and help you change accordingly.” The gears in his brain fit into place as Junhui speaks. He smiles. "I'll be your date doctor."
Jihoon takes the knife from his hand and places it on the counter before he also takes the bag and rips it open, all while looking at him like he's just grown a second head. He might have, considering this is one of the best ideas he's had in a while.
“You’re crazy," is what Jihoon says when he hands him the open bag.
Junhui hums and starts gathering everything they need: the metal pot and the frying pan, oil and butter.
“We’ll never know if we never try,” he says after a pause.
“I don’t want to try with you there.”
“And what if you try with me here?”
Jihoon’s voice goes an octave higher. “What?”
"What?"
"What the hell are you saying?"
Junhui shrugs. “I can pretend to be your date.” He passes Jihoon the metal pot with a little oil in the bottom. “And you can practice on me.”
Jihoon laughs and then stops when he sees Junhui is serious. He shakes his head a little and his dark hair stirs over his forehead like curtains. “Alright, professional dating expert, you need to stop reading webtoons. Where do you even come up with this shit?”
Junhui giggles. “Come on, Jihoonie. What could be worse than a stay-at-home date with me?”
Jihoon shrugs, turning from him to put in the popcorn kernels, cover the pot and place it over the fire.
“Exactly. Nothing," Junhui answers for him. "And if you get through this, you can get through anything. Even Myungho.”
“You’re crazy,” Jihoon repeats, making Junhui smile. “When was the last time you dated someone?”
“I’m taking that as a yes.”
They stand side by side. Jihoon shakes the metal pot, holding it directly over the flames and Junhui starts to melt butter in a tiny frying pan. The butter sizzles and fills his kitchen with that distinctive buttery scent he likes, and the kernels explode and ping on the lid.
Popcorn bought in any convenience store costs a lot more money than the old-fashioned way. At any store, they could buy those little bags, and all they had to do was take off the paper cover and put them inside a microwave. The container looks like a tiny paper bowl. The only problem with these bags is that they cost about three times as much as making popcorn themselves. But it sure looks cool as the popcorn pops inside and the bag rises up and makes a big ball filled with popcorn.
Sorry, there is another problem: Junhui doesn't have a microwave because he doesn't believe in them. Or, well, he does but it's more complicated than that. He doesn’t want to admit defeat. Jihoon says he's ridiculous, but Jihoon doesn’t really get a say on Junhui’s opinion on microwaves because the man mostly cooks in his microwave, if that can be called cooking. It’s not even because he doesn't know how to cook, but because it's easy. That's how Jihoon likes things: simple.
They stay in the kitchen for a bit, not letting the pop pop pop inside the pot distract them too much. Jihoon opens the lid every few minutes and every time a single popcorn escapes. He gives them all to Junhui. When the noises become less frequent, he moves beside the sink and pours the white popcorn from the pot into a big bowl. Junhui grabs the handle of the frying pan with the melted butter and slowly walks towards Jihoon and the bowl of popcorn. He pours the contents all over the top of the popcorn and when he’s finished Jihoon pours salt inside the bowl.
In reality, Junhui searched how to make them the old-fashioned way because once he drank a little too much, and the details are now a little blurry, but Jihoon made sure he got home safely and one thing led to another and Junhui asked for a bedtime story. Jihoon started to tell him the Fruits Basket’s plot but Junhui noticed, of course he did—they had watched it together, what the hell! So he made Jihoon come up with something on the spot. He fell asleep to his voice, and the last thing he remembers from that night is imagining little dancers living inside popcorn kernels.
It has become this routine of theirs. Talking about anything and everything, eating popcorn until they can't anymore and watching a movie they won’t finish.
They nest themselves among a pile of floor cushions, backs against the couch. Junhui sits cross-legged with the bowl of popcorn between his legs, facing Jihoon as he searches for anything to not watch.
Above the TV, vintage records that he thrifted with Wonwoo when they used to be roommates hang on the walls like tiles. They’re all in Japanese and Junhui has no idea what they say or how they sound. Some of them have cats printed on the label and they look nice, and that’s all that matters, even if Jihoon mentioned once they could have made some money out of them if they hadn’t punched holes in them.
The opening credits of the movie roll in and the music takes over. There’s a voice-over but he isn’t focused on any of it.
"So,” Junhui says. “We are on a date now."
And Jihoon says what Junhui's thinking: "It doesn't feel like one."
He isn't wrong. This feels normal and it's making Junhui increasingly nervous. "Then start a conversation. Ask me anything," he says, "but pretend I'm your date."
"Mind's blank. I know almost everything about you."
"Whatever comes to mind, or whatever you ask on your dates."
Jihoon takes a handful of the popcorn and Junhui waits because Jihoon rarely ever says whatever comes to his mind unless it's a swear. "Do you like someone?" he asks finally, his cheeks stuffed.
"You," Junhui says because, unlike him, he is the kind of person to say whatever comes to mind.
Jihoon's cheeks deflate as he shallows without properly chewing. He starts coughing and Junhui laughs, can't help it.
"Forgot we are on a 'date'," Jihoon croaks, making finger quotes. "Do we really have to do this?"
He pushes his knee playfully. "What did you expect your date to say?"
"I don't know, some people go on dates when they like someone else to try and get over them."
Junhui can't help but frown. "Did that happen to you? Wow, that's awful."
Jihoon sighs. “No, it did not.”
“Sounds like it did.”
“Maybe it happened to someone else.” He tries to brush it off, but he does blush easily.
Oh. Ok. Alright.
Junhui watches Jihoon’s jaw move as he goes back to stuffing his face with popcorn. His neck cherry-red. And Junhui loses the thread of the conversation they were having. He pinches Jihoon’s arm playfully to get his attention and Jihoon doesn’t push away from his hand when it stays on him. He leans into it, so Junhui feels relatively safe when he says, "Cute."
Jihoon pats Junhui's knee once without taking his eyes away from the screen. He's always been a little weird about compliments.
Junhui nods once to himself and goes back to the movie they are not watching. Maybe they should have picked something shorter. Jihoon worms closer and mutters a swear word when he drops a handful of popcorn over Junhui’s lap. Junhui laughs it off, and then Jihoon laughs at him, pointing out a kernel bit wedged in his gums. It’s easy. Popcorn and a movie they won't finish is as simple as it gets.
“Doesn’t feel like a date, does it?” Jihoon asks when they are fifteen minutes into the movie and almost out of popcorn.
Junhui twists his neck to look at him. “Are you always thinking this much while you are on dates?”
“Eh…” Jihoon’s lips draw open and then close and then into a thin line. "Maybe? I don't know?"
“Are you having a good time?"
“It's nice,” Jihoon says, dropping the side of his head against the couch. He blinks slowly and tilts his head to the side like he does when he’s thinking. He looks pretty like this, and every rational thought goes out of the window. “You're good. It’s always nice to just be around you. That’s why I don’t think this practi—”
Junhui leans forward and kisses the corner of Jihoon’s mouth on that place that crinkles when he's amused.
Jihoon’s eyes go wide and that’s when he realizes what he’s done. His heart skips a beat. He is about to apologize, to say anything that could take it back because he wasn’t expecting that either. It just happened.
He had never thought of kissing Jihoon until he did it. And now his body wants to pull forward and do it again, and again. Just once more.
But it’s Jihoon who moves first and sits straight.
“Was that practice too?” he whispers but his voice is still high enough to cut through the dialogue coming from the TV.
“I don’t know why I did it,” Junhui manages, which is as honest as he can get.
There is a crash on the TV at the exact same time Jihoon says something. The timing is almost comedic.
“Say again?” Junhui asks.
Jihoon looks like he wants to get up, and Junhui feels something twist in his stomach. He is about to say he is sorry because he isn’t, not really, and he feels like he should apologize for that, but Jihoon does speak up. "What did Soonyoung tell you?"
Junhui frowns. "What did Soonyoung tell you?"
"Nothing." He shakes his head. "What?"
"What do you mean then?"
"Jun-ah. You can't do this—" He gestures between them vaguely but Junhui knows he means the not-really-kiss— "if you don’t mean it.”
"I'm sorry but you have to be more clear because I'm really confused and—"
"You really are clueless, huh."
Junhui's head spins. “Clueless about what?”
"I like you, Jun,” Jihoon says too fast, exasperated. "Sheesh."
A disbelieving laugh bubbles out of Junhui when the words sink in. “You like like me?”
"Yes." Jihoon grows redder by the second. “What are we? Twelve?”
Junhui laughs but Jihoon doesn't and Junhui just feels… he feels. He's not exactly sure what the feeling is but there's a lot of it. Growing and growing and just wanting to be let out.
“You don’t have to say or do anything, just,” Jihoon adds, his voice getting smaller. He never looks away, though. “Yeah. I have liked you for a while now."
“Ah."
Junhui gets up, puts his shoes on, grabs his wallet and keys, and only looks back to say, "I’ll be right back," to Jihoon who looks at him puzzlingly and that's a lot better than his lips turned upside down but it's still not enough so when he reaches for Junhui to ask what he is doing Junhui kisses his cheek and hears Jihoon make one of his little weird noises, and then Junhui's out the door, almost running down a flight of stairs, outside, fast, fast, fast to his car.
His phone vibrates non-stop in his pocket. It's Jihoon, calling.
"—the fuck? You locked me inside your apartment."
“My bad.” Junhui struggles a little to speak, still regaining his breath. "Is hot pot ok?"
"What?"
“For our date." He puts the key in the ignition and waits. "Hot pot."
It takes at least five seconds to get an answer. "You could have just ordered the ingredients.”
"Yes, but I need to make it alright? Can I make it ok?" He can’t say he needs at least five minutes alone to process this and calm down without worrying him for all the wrong reasons. He is now realizing that running outside and getting into his car after locking him in is probably worse. “Sorry, I'll text you the security code. But, uh, I'll be back in no time if you want to wait for me.”
"I'm fine with waiting."
"I know. Sorry."
"Don’t be. You better make the waiting worth it."
"You know I will."
"Yeah, I know,” Jihoon says and Junhui can hear his smile. “I'll hang up now. Drive safely, stupid."
"Yessir."
The Yes, We’re Open sign taps the front store window as it closes behind someone going in.
Junhui cuts the ignition and opens the door and steps into the warm, late spring wind. The sun is still out, painting the sky a fluorescent pink. He pushes the door inward and a set of bells tied to the handle clangs against the glass. He looks around. The place is mostly deserted. Soft murmurs of what sounds like English ooze out over a set of speakers that hang somewhere towards the back. The music immediately reminds him of Jihoon. He could see him there in his kitchen, singing animatedly as little glimmers of light reflected everywhere off the large window. His face stretched into a big smile, his body swaying.
Has he always thought of Jihoon like this? This fondly?
He shakes off his thoughts and steps in a little farther. He spots a rogue shopping cart parked at an angle near the wall of the red table wine. He moves towards it quickly and when he gets to it, he puts his weight against the handle and goes through the aisles.
The wheels squawk and the metal basket rattles as the sounds of an American pop song echo throughout the store like a reminder. When he gets to the end of the aisle, he swings a hard right, then goes a few more rows down toward the four-level-tiered shelf of vegetables. There they were, sitting on the lower level; winter melons. Its taste always reminds him of late April—the buzzing of bees, the sprouting of flowers, the mad frenzy of life coming anew.
He goes on like that, talking to himself as he puts things into the cart. Wait—is that enough? Does he have honey tea at home? He thinks of texting Jihoon to ask but the moment he grabs his phone and sees he is being bombarded by texts from Soonyoung, he pockets it again. He ends up grabbing more of everything for good measure. Beef, enoki mushrooms, radish, he even gets pork brains even if he’s sick of them because Jihoon likes the taste.
His cart looks insane and he is sure he won’t use half of the things in it but it’s better to be safe than sorry. He looks around the store, straining his eyes. He pushes the cart down the aisle a little further, then sees what he was looking for. He picks up two bottles of Zero Coke and stacks them side by side in the lower part of the shopping cart, hoping that would be enough.
When he gets to the register, he moves around to the front of the shopping cart then reaches inside and begins stacking everything on the rubber conveyor.
“All set?” The cashier flips a switch on the side of the counter and the groceries begin to move forward. And that’s when the nervousness starts to set in.
Dates don’t make him nervous because he doesn't have to worry much about disappointing a stranger, but this is Jihoon. It’s Jihoon, and the realization that it’s always been him.
“You need boxes?” the cashier says.
“Uh, what?”
“Do you need boxes?” The cashier points at a cardboard box on the floor behind his chair. “To put everything inside?”
“Ah, no, no, thank you.”
The cashier throws him a look and he pretends not to notice.
He folds his arms tightly around him as if he’s hugging himself, and squeezes his hands under his armpits to stop them from shaking. That is when he notices the fake flowers displayed at the front. Maybe he should get Jihoon flowers. Maybe not. Does he even like flowers?
Junhui rushes to pay and jumps into the car and drives back home but not before he makes one last stop.
After trying to push the elevator button with his nose because his hands are full, he gives up and struggles to make his way up the stairs. He twists around, almost dropping the plant pot he’s holding between his thumb and pinky fingers. But he manages to knock on his own door with his elbow.
"It's me!"
“Who is me?” Jihoon is for sure smiling.
His arms are straining with the groceries, and he has to admit he is shaking a bit. His feet feel like rubber melting onto the tile. “I’m dying out here, can you please—?”
There is a beep. Jihoon opens his door, and he looks like he's about to say something but Junhui cuts him short. He extends his hand holding the pot with the little succulent plant that looks like a flower. He got it at the last second in the little flower shop outside his neighborhood.
His heart feels like a popcorn kernel. "I thought you’d like it more than flowers because it lasts longer. It's low maintenance and it can stay inside in your studio or your room or wherever."
Jihoon smiles and pulls him inside.