Chapter Text
Kenji Kon’s life can be described in two words: frickin’ perfect. And why wouldn’t it be? He has everything a nineteen year old college student could ask for.
His wonderful girlfriend Brooklynn, that anyone would be lucky to call their own, makes everyday an adventure. They met in freshman year, bonded while trapped in an elevator together, and the rest is history.
His father is ridiculously rich- the CEO of Mantah Corp (yes, that one)- and is covering Kenji's tuition. He even gives him enough ‘pocket money’ that could sustain a four person household. Getting a job would be easy enough, but the man insisted Kenji focus on school and baseball. Despite the allure of complete independence, how could he turn down such a sweet deal? Sure, the man may have picked out what major he'd focus in (business management, of course), but the fact he allowed Kenji to even attend this school specifically for their baseball program was more than surprising.
The baseball coaches tell him he's a shoe-in for starting pitcher this year- practically unheard of, considering this is only his second year. While it isn't yet guaranteed, Kenji still takes pride in this feat, specifically because it’s due to his own efforts and hard work, and not due to some form of nepotism like so much of his life has been.
If nothing else, he's hot as hell- probably one of the most attractive on campus, honestly. Modesty is not a feature that Kenji holds in high regard, if you couldn't tell. 'If you got it, flaunt it,' are the famous words of Dante Mathews, one of his favorite actors. Kenji stands at a whopping six-three, with perfect cheekbones and a winning smile, and a well toned body to boot. And to top it all off? His pride and joy: his perfect coiffure. You can take away everything else about him, but he'd still have his looks.
So yeah, you could say his life is kind of the best.
Until today, that is.
To start off, he forgot to set an alarm, making him late to morning practice. He had a hard time getting into a groove and performed mediocre at best. The thing about being in such a high position is that people's expectations of you are just as high. Three separate coaches pull Kenji aside to ‘have a chat,’ all of them with same warning to ‘set a better example’ and that 'others are waiting to snatch your spot.' He knows that- Zach Mitchell, the designated backup pitcher, tells him as much every time they see each other. And even though they're polite and friendly, he knows the upperclassmen he was chosen over would love for him to be out of the coaches' favor. No one needs to tell Kenji how hard he'd fall.
After practice, he’s just so out of it that he completely forgets he was supposed to meet Brooklynn for coffee before her first class. By the time he remembers and gets his butt to the cafe, she’s already long gone. When he checks his phone, he sees she left him several texts and a missed call. He’d have called back, but when he notices the time, he simply shoots her a quick apology before sprinting across campus to barely make it in time to his own class.
Thankfully, the class itself is kind of a blow-off, so he uses the time to just chill out and get his head straight. It works for the most part, feeling much more like his usual, confident self by the time class is over. It would be just his luck that he accidentally slams into a dude a whole head shorter than him and ends up on the ground for his troubles. Embarrassing. He looks up at the guy and realizes he knows him.
Ben Pincus.
They share a few classes, the two sitting next to each other in one of them. The guy is also Brooklynn's friend, as both are in the performing arts department. Despite all this, he's never hung out with him. They've probably had three whole conversations since they've met, not that he remembers any of it. The shorter man is the embodiment of 'unassuming,' with his slight frame, plain clothes, and wispy hair.
Though, Kenji will admit, Ben has these blue eyes that make him hard to forget.
Anyway, somehow only Kenji ended up falling, Ben apparently being stronger and sturdier than his stature would suggest. The shorter man looks at him in shock.
“Oh, god. I’m so sorry, Kenji.” Ben frets, reaching a hand out to help him up. He takes it gratefully, surprised again at the other’s apparent strength.
“It was my bad. Just out of it today.” He pats Ben on the shoulder in thanks. Just as he's about to leave for his next class, Kenji is suddenly held in place by lithe fingers that wrap gently around his wrist. He turns and once again is met with Ben’s face.
“Oh- Sorry.” Ben shies away, releasing him. “I just- since we both have the same class next, I was wondering…” The other’s voice trails off, barely a whisper by the end. Kenji sighs patiently, waiting for him to speak up, but he continues to look away shyly. What could he want that--
Wait, is this guy asking him to..?
“Did you wanna head there together or something?” Kenji asks, his voice a little hesitant. Ben's eyes find his again, wide and hopeful.
“Would that be alright?” He asks boldly, confirming Kenji's suspicions. Honestly, he'd like to say 'no' and be on his way. But the way Ben is looking up at him, with those doe-like blue eyes...
Ugh. Alright.
“Yeah, man. Could use the company.” Kenji offers politely.
"Really?" The guy excitedly gets up in his space, practically standing on his toes. For some reason, Kenji doesn't hate it.
"Uh yeah? I don't say things I don't mean."
“Thanks!" Ben exclaims. Maybe realizing how close he is, he backs up and looks away. "Okay. Cool. Let’s go.” The other begins to briskly walk away, leaving behind a confused Kenji.
Huh. Ben's kind of a weirdo.
To be fair, being 'weird' isn't something Kenji's adverse to. His best friend Darius is pretty odd, the guy obsessed with dinosaurs and writing scary stories. He gets overly excited and goes off on long tangents about things he's never heard of. Despite all that, Kenji thinks of him like a brother who's always there for him. His other friend, Yaz, can be a real piece of work. It took him forever to break down her walls and get to know her better. And then after that, she’s kind of mean- but like in a playful, ‘haha you’re such a dingus love you’ kind of way. Even so, she's fiercely loyal and will literally throw hands for her friends.
But yeah, Ben is a different kind of weird. Who asks all shyly to walk to class together and then practically runs away after the other says ‘yes?’ Ben, apparently.
Thanks to Kenji’s long legs, he manages to catch up easily and keep pace. Their next class is Calculus, and it’s in a tucked away corner of campus. Thankfully, it’s a good half an hour before class begins, so even at a leisure pace, it wouldn’t be hard to get there in time. Ben, however, seems determined to get there as soon as he can.
“What’s your hurry? We've got plenty of time.” Kenji starts, trying to make small talk.
“I know.” Ben says nothing else and a silence passes between them.
“Okay? So...?” Kenji prompts him. Ben glances at him, probably seeing the expectant look on Kenji’s face. He sighs before answering.
“It’s, uh, so I can get the seat I want.” For some reason, Kenji doesn't believe him- not that he mentions this.
“Really?" Kenji questions. "You mean the one next to me?”
Suddenly, Ben’s face goes red, which is impressive considering his cheeks are perpetually rosy, and almost trips over his own feet. If it wasn't so abrupt, Kenji probably would have laughed.
“That’s- I mean-” As he stumbles over his words, Ben very much sounds like someone who got caught.
“Dude, you good?” Kenji asks, now barely containing his laughter.
“I like the seat because it’s near the front and near the door. It has nothing to do with- I mean- uh.”
“Alright, alright.” Kenji puts his hands up defensively, a smile still on his face. This guy gets worked up pretty easily, huh? “Uh, me too by the way. I like my seat 'cuz it’s near the front.” He points to his eyes. "Contacts. Sometimes I forget, so if I'm near the front, it's not a problem."
“Oh,” Ben replies flatly, his face still impossibly red. "Cool."
They set out again, though this time, the walk is in complete silence. Kenji notices how Ben’s eyes seem to wander, like he’s watching for something. When his eyes accidentally find Kenji's, the shorter man looks away immediately. Okay, definitely weird. Kenji no longer thinks getting to class as quickly as possible is a bad thing. They arrive at the math building and find they're the first ones there, to no one's surprise. It isn’t until they settle into their aforementioned seats does Ben seem to want to talk again.
“Thanks for walking with me.” He chirps, his voice small.
“No problem, dude.” Kenji says dismissively. He knows he'll have to see Ben pretty often considering his relationship to his girlfriend, so he tries to be friendly. That said, he hopes this kind of favor won't be a normal occurrence from now on, despite the laugh the guy got out of him.
Ben seems satisfied with Kenji's answer, as he returns his attention to his bag. He pulls out his notebook and begins immediately copying what’s already written on the board. Kenji does the same, though not nearly as enthusiastically.
Eventually the others file in and class starts, though it's uneventful as always. Kenji, of course, is barely keeping up with what’s happening. School has never been his strong suit, and math is probably one of his least favorite subjects. He barely passed High School as it is, with the only thing of merit those days being his pitching record. Deciding to cut his losses, he allows himself to check out mentally for the remainder of class.
Thinking he should probably try to mend fences with Brooklynn as soon as possible, he shoots her another text, this one asking if she wants to get lunch. It’s only a few minutes before he sees that she opened the message. After twenty minutes of waiting for a reply that doesn't come, he sighs in defeat and decides to pass the time by people watching.
He watches his professor gesture with his hands emphatically, Kenji taking in none of the information he's teaching. He watches the people in the hall pass by, most of them heading off to have lunch. He watches several of his classmates nod off, barely able to keep themselves awake for the lecture.
Then he looks over at Ben. The other is taking notes furiously and methodically, almost like he’s in a trance. His movements are almost frantic, like a madman scribbling his musings on a cave wall, but each letter and number written out with the refined handwriting of a poet, resulting in some of the most thorough notation Kenji has ever seen.
It’s as impressive as it is terrifying.
Before he knows it, Ben shuts his notes and it’s then that Kenji realizes that class is now over. Everyone else is already putting their stuff away and leaving.
He shoves his barely used notebook into his bag and makes his way for the exit, but the professor's voice stops him.
“Kenji?” Dr Malcolm’s unique cadence is hard to miss, and it’s the first time he’s heard the man utter his name other than for attendance.
“Yes?”
“Stay back a minute will you?”
“Uh, sure.”
The rest of the class leaves and eventually Kenji is alone with Dr. Malcolm in the lecture hall. The dapper, grey-haired man rests his head on one of his hands propped up on the table and gives Kenji an awkward grimace. Honestly, it's kind of creepy.
“You’re on the baseball team, right?”
“That’s right.”
“So, here’s the thing. Your grade? For this class? Not that great.”
“Well, I figured.” Kenji says awkwardly.
“Sure, sure. But you do understand that if you don’t improve your grade, uh, there’s a good chance you’ll no longer stay on the baseball team?”
Kenji feels his stomach drop. His mind flashes back to High School. His algebra teacher pulled him aside one day and told him he was getting a 'C' and that if he wasn’t careful, he’d might not be allowed to play. Now, here Kenji is again, getting a similar talk. He knew he wasn’t getting an ‘A’ but how bad is it that this professor is giving him a warning?
“I mean, I doubt that. I’m the starting pitcher.” He says, half jokingly, humor being his go-to way of dealing with stress.
“Yeah, uh, congrats, but regardless, this is a school, yeah? Meaning your grades have to be in good standing to participate in sports. And with the ‘D’ you have now-”
“I have a ‘D’?!”
“Yes, and it's only just borderline so. With that kind of grade, I don’t care if you’re the next Jeter, you’re not going to–”
“Jeter was a shortstop, not a pitcher.”
“Kenji.” Dr Malcolm's voice is firm, his forced smile unable to hide his impatience. “I’m saying you need to improve your grade. The sooner the better.”
“Alright, so what grade do I need to get so it’s not a problem?” The man laughs at the question.
“I like your way of thinking. Uh, to be safe? A high ‘C’, but at that point you might as well aim for a ‘B.’ Just- Not a 'D.'”
“Well, that doesn’t sound too hard.”
The professor gives Kenji a look. Honestly, the man's gaze in general makes him a little uneasy, but the particular look he gives him makes him feel like a small critter walking right into a wolf den.
Dr Malcolm stands up and walks to the front of the classroom, where he writes out a mess of numbers and letters on the blackboard. The clicking of the chalk echoes in the empty hall. When he’s done, the professor gestures at the board, prompting Kenji to join him. He stares at what's written, unsure of what it even means.
“Solve it.”
“What?”
“This was covered a couple of weeks ago. Solve it.” He gives Kenji the chalk and takes a step back. When Kenji doesn’t move from his spot, Dr Malcolm speaks up again. “You can use your notes if you need.”
That'd be great, except Kenji has no notes that would help him.
After another moment of Kenji just staring at the board, the professor takes the chalk from him and writes the answer on the bottom.
“Not that hard, you said? Yeah, I would get a tutor if I were you.”
Kenji doesn’t reply, embarrassed at being plainly shown how out of his depth he is. He’s never been so humiliated before, not even during that one game when he walked three batters in a row. He’s just thankful no one else was here to see this display.
“If you need, I can set you up with one.” Dr Malcolm continues. “Or, if you have a friend who’s willing, maybe ask them? In any case, your best bet is to get help.”
“Right…” Kenji says lamely, still staring at the board and trying to figure out where to even begin to solve the problem.
“I’m not going to report grades for another few weeks, so you have until then to raise yours. Alright?”
“Thanks, professor. Uh, I need to go, so-” Kenji replies, finally taking his eyes off the board.
“Oh, right. Yeah, you’re good." He calls as Kenji is already heading towards the exit. The hallway is almost eerily quiet, everyone else having left already. When Kenji makes it outside the building, he sits himself on the steps and buries his head in his knees, sighing loudly as he does.
How can today get any worse?
--
“Sorry, Kenj. I can’t.” Darius tells him as they eat lunch. The pair, along with Yaz, are eating at a nearby sandwich shop instead of the school's canteen. “I’d normally love to help you, but I’m swamped with all my paleontology society stuff.”
“C’mon, D. Even an hour a day would be so helpful.” Kenji whines.
“By the sound of it, you’re gonna need way more than that for your grade to improve.” Yaz pipes up, sandwich already half eaten. Kenji glares at the girl, nonplussed at the comment.
“I really wish I could Kenj. Sorry.” Kenji sighs as he hangs his head in resignation.
“Not your fault, D. Thanks anyway.”
He returns his attention to his sandwich but finds he’s not all that hungry. He checks his phone and sees that his message to Brooklynn from earlier is still left on ‘read.’ Fingers move deftly as he sends her another one- ‘Hey, wanna get Mexican for dinner tonight?’ and he waits. It’s immediately read, like his earlier one was, but it stays that way with no reply.
After another few minutes, still with no reply, he groans into his hands.
“Girlfriend trouble again?” Darius questions.
“Ugh, I guess. I don't know.”
“Bro, there's always something going on between you two. What’s up with that?” Yaz asks.
“It’s not always.”
“Well, it’s way more frequent. I swear you were sighing like that last week, too.” Yaz points out. He’d protest, but he knows she’s right. While he's sure that he and Brooklynn are fine, they are having more arguments and spells where they don’t talk or meet up as of late. That’s why he was in such a panic this morning when he realized that he, once again, was a no show.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Yaz visibly tense, her back straightening and her eyes trained on something. He follows her line of sight and finds Sammy, an agriculture major who lives on the same floor in Yaz’s dorm, and also the girl Yaz has had a major crush on since Freshman year. The other girl takes a seat a few tables away, smiling as she starts a conversation with someone.
“Dude, I don’t know why you just don’t talk to her.”
“Because I’m terribly antisocial and she’s probably the most extroverted person ever?” Yaz explains. The complete self-awareness of her answer makes Kenji chuckle.
“Then why do you like her?” Darius asks.
“I don’t know. She’s so bubbly and friendly and cute and–”
“So, the opposite of you?” Kenji deadpans, earning him a steely glance from Yaz.
“I’m just saying, she’s just… an attractive person. And not just in terms of looks. She kind of just draws you in.”
The look of adoration in his friends eyes makes Kenji smile, even if listening to her pine away has him rolling his eyes at times.
“Again: why don’t you talk to her?” Kenji repeats, each word deliberate and punctuated.
“Ugh, I’m just gonna be single for the rest of my life.” Yaz groans, tearing her eyes away from where Sammy is sitting. Kenji shakes his head at Yaz's display then glances back at the table and sees Sammy laughing away with whoever it is she’s sitting with. Suddenly, a familiar head of pink hair makes its way to join her.
Brooklynn.
Kenji gets up without thinking, Darius and Yaz’s voices melting into the background. Even though he figures she’s still mad about this morning, he still wants to talk to her. They’ve had this kind of argument before, where he was late for something, so it shouldn't be a big deal, right? Though, she's never given him the cold shoulder before... Maybe he just needs to find a way t--
“Uh, hi? Can I help you?” A Texan drawl breaks him of his thoughts. Kenji suddenly realizes he’s already made his way to the other table. His eyes meet Sammy’s, the girl’s expression curious. Up close, he sees why Yaz likes her. She’s right when she says there’s just something about Sammy that draws you in. His eyes then meet Brooklynn’s who look distant, not all that happy to see him. The sound of cutlery clinking loudly catches his attention and he see’s the increasingly familiar blue eyes of Ben sitting on the other end of the table, apparently the one Sammy was talking to before Brooklynn joined them. He stares back at Kenji, his eyes just as doe-like as that morning.
Kenji’s returns his attention squarely on Brooklynn.
“B, can we talk?”
“Ohh, you must be Kenji.” Sammy muses. Ben nods next to her. Kenji ignores them.
“I’m kind of busy right now.” She says coolly, not even looking at him.
“Just wanna talk real quick. Not gonna take long at all.”
Silence.
“Please, B?”
More silence.
Kenji’s eyes finally look at Sammy and Ben, the pair looking at him and Brooklynn expectantly. He’s not sure why, but he gets the feeling that these two know something he doesn’t, and that’s not at all comforting.
“Fine.” Brooklynn relents, getting out of her seat and walking towards the exit. Kenji follows obediently, making sure to avoid meeting anyone else’s eyes as he walks. When they get outside, Brooklynn just stops, still turned away from him. She doesn’t say anything, so Kenji takes it upon himself to speak first.
“I’m so sorry that I didn’t show up this morning. My alarm didn’t go off, so I was late to practice. So that finished late. And I guess my phone was on silent so I didn’t hear your texts or calls--”
“Don’t worry about it. It wouldn’t be the first time you stood me up.” She says plainly with no real malice in her voice.
“Right… Oh! Um, did you see my texts? I mean, I know you saw them because you have read receipts on, but–”
“I’ve been busy. And I was just having lunch with my friends. Is that a problem?” She finally turns to him, her face hard. Her voice is still the same- steady and even but not all that kind. Honestly, her reaction is startling to him. He expected some anger or some hurt, but this is almost… apathetic.
“No, it’s not. I jus– You could have just told me that.”
“I did tell you that. Last week. Sammy is helping me and Ben with the next show so I told you I couldn’t do lunch for the rest of the week. That’s why I wanted to have coffee in the morning together instead. I guess you forgot.”
Kenji wracks his brain and tries to remember if they ever had that conversation. He vaguely recalls that she did tell him that she would be pretty busy for a few days, but he honestly couldn’t remember when she said that’d be.
“Look, Kenji.” She stops him. “I think we need to talk.”
“That’s what we’re doing. Talking.”
“What I mean is…” She stops, clears her throat, then looks him dead in the eyes. “I think we should take a break.”
His heart drops to his stomach. That seems to be happening a lot today. He’s suddenly sweaty despite it being the middle of fall.
“What…? Why? You wanna break up because we didn’t have coffee this morning? ‘Cuz I forgot you’d be busy?” He asks, his voice small.
She rolls her eyes at the questions.
“But it’s not just that, is it? You’ve stood me up six times in two weeks. I know you’re busy with classes and baseball, but I got a lot on my plate too. We both have to try for this to work, and most times it feels like I’m the only one making an effort.”
“Hey, that's not fair.” He says indignantly. "You've missed some dates too, y'know. At least I always message back. You sometimes go days without saying anything."
He knows he may not have been the best at making it on time to stuff, but neither has she. He's never brought it up because he knows how busy they get, but it sounds like she's been harboring some resentment. Honestly, so has Kenji. Growing up, his father would miss out on events that he promised he'd attend, and every time Kenji was on the short end of the stick when it came to him and Brooklynn missing a date, it would remind him of those childhood days. Maybe he hasn't perfect, but neither has she.
“...You're right." she admits, her expression, unchanged. "Sorry. But... that’s not all, Kenji.”
“Huh?”
“It's just... Sometimes,” She looks away for a moment, her jaw clenched, then looks back at him, “sometimes I feel like we're just each other's default.”
...what?
“What-what does that even mean?”
“I mean, I’m the first girlfriend you ever had, right?”
"Yeah, so?"
"And, you're the first boyfriend I ever had."
“Sure.”
“And we started dating immediately after the whole elevator incident.”
“Okay? And?” He honestly has no idea where she’s going with this.
“AND,” she says, louder than she probably meant to be, “I’m saying I think we both latched onto one another and went with it. We talked for a long time in that elevator and found out we had similar upbringings. We bonded over that, right? It didn’t help that we're both from out of state and didn’t really have friends at the time. I’ve given it some thought, and maybe... since we were both lonely, we–”
“Are you saying we only started dating because neither of us had anyone else?” He asks, baffled.
“I mean, didn’t we? We didn’t actually know about each other that much. And when we started to get closer- started figuring each other out- we kind of hit a barrier. We started to see each other less and less and started arguing more.”
“It's like you said! We're busy sometimes. And don’t all couples have arguments once in a while?” She exhales loudly through her nose at that, her brow furrowing.
“We don't really click- not in that way. I don’t think we really know each other, Kenji.”
“What-I know you.” He says defiantly. “I know you, B.”
“What production am I working on, then? The one I’ve talked about for weeks?”
Oh. Uh…
“See? And I’ll be fair. I still don't know how baseball works, even with how much you talk about it.”
“What- Really??”
Brooklynn takes a deep breath, her eyes closed. When she finally opens them, she’s like a whole different person. This is confident Brooklynn, the one she presents to others, the one he thought he saw the last of in that elevator, after he started to break down her emotional walls by talking with her for hours and hours.
Now, that same Brooklynn is here to end things with him.
She steps closer to him, pulling his hands into hers, looking at his eyes all the while. He normally loves looking into her eyes, getting lost in them, feeling warmth come from the deep green pools. Looking at her now, it's like looking at a mirror that shows him nothing but his flaws.
Somewhere, in those eyes, he sees that she isn’t wrong. Deep down, he knows he can’t really argue with anything she’s said. And no matter how much he wants to fight, to try and make this work, he can’t seem to bring himself to say anything.
“Let’s take a break. Okay?”
How can he say no?
“Okay.”
She lets go of his hands and heads back into the shop. He doesn’t turn around to look at her, but he knows she didn't go in just yet.
“I’m sorry, Kenji.”
The jingle of the bell on the door as it closes behind her is the last sound he hears before his mind turns off and all he hears is white noise.
--
Kenji lays on his bed, alone in his dorm room. The only light to be had is coming from the streetlamp outside, pouring in from the open blinds he didn’t bother closing. The fact that the lights are on at all tells Kenji it’s dark out, hours having passed since he shut himself in here. He came straight from the restaurant, skipping his last class for the day. His phone buzzes from under him, probably Yaz and Darius trying to see if he’s okay.
He’s not.
Sadness and grief are things he thought he’d feel if this moment ever came. Anger, maybe, that he could have tried harder, or maybe even anger at Brooklynn for breaking up with him.
Nothing. That’s the best way to describe how he feels right now; Nothing.
Numbness is what one may choose to describe this, but Kenji has been numb before. Having a father who barely participates in your life and having to play the perfect son for him at all times did that. Having to learn to not get disappointed when said father misses milestones when he was growing up, but tries to make up for it by throwing money at him did that. Having a step mom who’s only a few years older, always stealing what little affection his father can give did that.
What Kenji is feeling isn’t numbness. It’s nothing.
Maybe that’s what having your whole world flipped on its head feels like.
Maybe that’s what happens when you see all these things coming a mile away, all of it playing out in a kind of sick slow-motion.
Despite what his grades might suggest, Kenji isn’t an idiot. While he was distraught when Brooklynn pointed out their flaws, he knew she wasn’t wrong. He expected his grades weren’t the best before Dr Malcolm even spoke to him. He knew that meant his position on the baseball team, which was already on ice considering his tardiness and less-than-perfect performances, was in peril. All of these things affected one another. Baseball affected his grades, then his relationship, which then also affected his grades, which will affect his position on the team.
It’s all just so much.
Maybe he had slowly made peace with the idea of losing it all long before anything started happening. Maybe he started to not care as much as time went on, the pressure of maintaining it all and keeping up this version of himself that he presents to everyone being the catalyst for him to slowly lose his grip on everything.
Maybe Kenji should just let it all go.
No more star player. No more girlfriend. No more classes. No more Kenji Kon, the guy with the perfect life. All he’ll have left is daddy’s money and his hair.
That last bit should have made him laugh, but it doesn’t.
He turns to the side, away from the light. The wall he faces is as blank and grey and ugly as he feels right now. Kenji’s eyes start to feel heavy, so he closes them, and lets his thoughts also drift into nothingness.
Then he hears it- a voice.
A voice, beautiful and soft, flits through the air.
At first, Kenji thought the sound was one of his neighbors playing music loud enough to come through the wall. But it doesn’t sound muffled the way that normally would. No, it’s like someone is singing outside, the sound coming in through the crack of his open balcony door.
Driven by curiosity- and nothing better to do- Kenji hauls himself out of bed and wanders over to said balcony. As he steps closer, the voice becomes clearer. The song sounds familiar to him, recognizing it as the theme song of a show or something. The voice singing it is haunting, the normally rough tone of the original replaced by a sweet timbre, giving it a new life, the lyrics sounding almost… heartbreaking.
When he opens the door and steps out, the voice is right next to him. Kenji turns and is greeted by the sight of his neighbor standing on their own balcony, the apparent source of the music.
Familiar blue eyes meet his own.
“Ben?”
The other is clad in a white tank, showing off his slender form that Kenji knows is deceptively strong despite it's frail look. How the guy can stand to stay out here dressed like that is beyond him, while Kenji, who's in a long sleeve shirt and pajama bottoms, is barely able to keep his teeth from chattering in the evening autumn air.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” Ben asks, not at all embarrassed about being caught singing on his balcony like a heroine in a musical. Well, he is in the performing arts department after all.
“Nah, I wasn’t sleeping. I- I didn’t know you lived next door.”
“That’s not surprising. You leave really early for practice and I stay out late because of shows and rehearsals.”
“You don't seem as surprised as I am about it.”
Ben laughs- or snorts, rather.
“Brooklynn mentioned you lived next door when she came over for something one day.”
Ah. Brooklynn.
“Oh. Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned her.” Ben stammers, Kenji’s face probably showing discomfort at the mention of her name.
“It’s alright. I… guess you know what happened then.”
“After lunch, she said she wasn’t coming to evening practice. Not that hard to figure out what happened.” Ben grimaces, probably worried about saying the wrong thing. Kenji puts on a small smile to assuage him of that fear.
“Don’t worry, man. Not gonna lie, it was bound to happen.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks.”
For a moment, they just stare at each other in silence.
Oh. Damn. Is this awkward? Maybe he should end the conversation now and head back in?
Wait, if he goes back in now, would that be make it worse? It’s already pretty uncomfortable since he came out here and interrupted Ben’s mini concert, the topic of conversation eventually becoming his recent breakup. Now that he knows Ben is his neighbor, is he gonna have to tiptoe around his own dorm to avoid him? And possibly Brooklynn? Gah, Kenji never knows what to do in these kinds of situations.
The silence isn’t helping.
Screw it. Small talk time. Kenji's great at that.
“What is that song you were singing?”
“Oh. Uh, it’s 'How Soon is Now' by The Smiths.”
“Never heard of them. Though, I swear it’s the theme song of some show.”
“Yeah, the one with the witches, but that was a cover. I like the original.”
“Could you sing it some more?” Kenji blurts out without thinking.
Crap, why’d he say that? That’s creepy, isn’t it? Kenji won’t lie, he really liked what he was hearing, the lyrics resonating with him. And even if they didn’t, Ben’s voice just has this alluring quality about it that makes Kenji want more of it.
“Really? You wanna hear some more?”
“Yeah, I like your voice.”
God, Kenji, shut up!
“Um, sure. If you want.”
Oh. Sweet.
Kenji leans against the railing, trying to give an air of nonchalance rather than the mounting awkward panic that he’s actually experiencing. The moment Ben opens his mouth and the first line echoes in the quiet night, Kenji suddenly feels those worries floating away. He's heard Brooklynn sing countless times, and while he absolutely loves her voice, there's a tangible difference between hers and Ben's. The girl's voice is confident and trained, while Ben's has this edge to it that sends shivers down his spine. The song itself powerful and lamentable, but Ben’s clear timbre tempers that, giving the song a tone of almost peaceful longing instead.
He lets those feelings wash over him, the chill of the fall air numbing him, until he's drifting further and further away- further away from Kenji, the guy with the perfect life. What he's drifting towards, he doesn't know. He doesn't much care.
Right now, he just exists, and that's enough for him.
Ben stops abruptly, breaking Kenji of his trance. The shorter man looks at him with concern, his eyes wide, and it's then does Kenji realize he’s been crying as the other sang.
“Kenji…?”
He swipes at his face, trying in vain to hide his tears. He’s never really cried in front of anyone before, and yet here he is, letting out more than a few tears to someone who’s essentially a stranger. Kenji has never been one to be moved by music, but somehow, he’s been reduced to tears by some theme song. He must have been more emotionally constipated than he thought.
“I’m sorry- That was great, man. Listen, I’m just gonna…” is all he gets out before he’s scrambling to return to his room, closing the sliding door behind him.
The moment he clicks the lock, he drops himself onto the ground, praying that Ben won’t come knocking in a minute to see what’s up. A moment later, he hears another sliding door close. He sits there for God knows how long, but after what feels like an hour later, he decides he doesn’t need to worry.
Kenji then slinks himself to bed, absolutely done with this day.
--
By some messed up miracle, Kenji wakes up very early. He’d laugh if it wasn’t painfully ironic. There’s no practice scheduled for today and he no longer has to meet Brooklynn for coffee. His morning is wide open. The temptation of going back to bed for a while longer almost wins out, but the sight of the wall, and the rest of his room for that matter, is suddenly unappealing. So, Kenji gets up, get's ready, and heads out to start his day earlier than he really needs to.
He makes it two feet past his door before something is standing in his way.
Ben.
He’s seeing this guy a lot lately.
And after last night, he’s not sure he wants to see him right now.
“Um, hi? You weren’t like, waiting out here for me, were you?”
“Huh? Oh. Not really? I mean, I was heading out early because I forgot something at the practice room, but then I heard your door rattling and figured I’d wait. There’s, uh,” Ben looks away. “Something I wanna ask you.”
“Me? Uh, go for it.”
What could he want? Ben fidgets for a second, but Kenji doesn’t rush him. Not like he has anything to do, anyway. The perpetual blush on his cheeks stands out even in the lowlight of the early morning, and he seems nervous for some reason.
He really hopes Ben isn't going to ask why he was crying last night. Not that Kenji could explain it himself, but just thinking about it makes him cringe. Wait, he's not gonna ask him for money or something, is he? He wouldn't be the first person to do so, though Kenji has never been inclined to acquiesce. Or, maybe he just wants to walk to class together again? He has no idea why Ben needs to travel with someone, but that request would be way more doable. Oh, what if Ben wants to ask if it’s okay if he can ask Brooklynn out? The two do spend a lot of time together after all. If that’s what’s going here, Kenji might go crazy.
"Just... keep an open mind, okay?"
Uhhhh... Now Kenji's starting to get worried.
"Okay?" He reluctantly responds. The look of determination paired with discomfort in the shorter man's eyes does nothing to ease Kenji's heart.
“Can you pretend to be my boyfriend?”
Oh.
Whatever Kenji thought Ben was going to say, it certainly wasn’t that.
