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Meeting Mochi is a strange experience. Leading up to it, Katsuki hates the idea. He doesn’t want to tell people that he’s struggling. And getting a fucking therapy animal feels like he’s losing a battle he doesn’t want to even acknowledge. So throughout the process of going in to get this mutt, he’s furious. He hates it. However, that whole thought process is completely thrown out as soon as he meets said mutt.
Mochi is the sweetest thing he’s ever had the good fortune to meet. And she’s the second prettiest thing he’s ever laid eyes on. But he (as always) ignores the first place winner of that category to focus on the huge Saint Bernard. Mochi immediately goes up to greet him and Katsuki can’t help but let her. He holds out his hand for her to sniff and she gives him a lick. He can’t stop the corners of his lips from quirking up into a small smile.
“It’s difficult coming to terms with needing a therapy animal, but there’s no shame in it,” the trainer says gently.
“Hah? What’s that supposed to mean?” Katsuki snaps, turning his attention away from Mochi to glare at the woman.
“Mochi immediately sniffed you out. Therapy animals are able to sense negative emotions, so I assumed you must be nervous,” the trainer clarifies, not seeming to be the slightest bit scared of him.
He scowls, but doesn’t say anything else. His thoughts begin to drift. There’s no doubt in his mind that he’s keeping the mutt. Barely known her for a minute, but he’s already in love with her. The problem is, what will his friends (yes, they’re his friends, but he’d never tell them that) think? Katsuki is supposed to be the strong one. He’s supposed to be the fearless leader. How will they react to the fact that he’s so fucked in the head from two separate villain encounters that he needs a crutch? At least the crutch is a sweetheart.
His friends know about his kidnapping obviously, but Katsuki never even told them about the Sludge Villain incident in middle school. Fucking Deku knows of course, but Deku wouldn’t dare tell anyone about that. (He’s too fucking nice to tell anyone about that.) They don’t need to know about the Sludge bastard. He has to force down a gag at the memory, trying to focus on the fur beneath his fingers. Mochi presses closer to him. Dumb dog sensing dumb feelings. But that’s besides the point. The point being that Katsuki doesn’t want them to know his inner turmoil. However, he knows he won’t be able to hide it with Mochi. He hopes they’ll understand.
Who is he kidding, of course they’d understand. Out of all the extras, he got stuck with the softest, most emotional dumbasses possible. Fucking Shitty Hair with his sunshine smiles and infinite patience. Dunce Face with his electric (ha) personality and empathetic nature. Soy Sauce with his laid back jokes and his motherly instinct. And dumb Raccoon Eyes with her progressive ideals and encouraging warmth.
Katsuki knows they’ll be accepting of it. Still, the idea of telling them terrifies him. Because, knowing them, they’ll worry about him. They’ll be sweet and caring if he’s lucky. If he’s unlucky, he could get them pushing him to talk about it, or even worse, walking on eggshells around him. It fucking drives him crazy to think about it. He’ll definitely have to set some ground rules. He decides to start with Kirishima, making up his mind to call the other when he gets home.
~le line break~
Kirishima, as expected, answers the phone almost immediately.
“Hey, bro! What’s up? Where have you been? I haven’t seen you all day!”
“Went home. Should be back tomorrow morning,” Katsuki mutters.
Kirishima is quiet for a second. He must realize something’s off. Obviously something’s wrong. For one thing, Katsuki never willingly calls Kirishima unless he needs something. For another, Katsuki didn’t snap at him to mind his own business. Of course Kirishima would be concerned.
“Don’t get mad at me for asking, but is everything alright?” Kirishima finally asks.
Katsuki sighs. He knows that his reaction probably worries Kirishima even more.
“I’m fine, dumbass. Just. Long fucking day. I got a dog,” Katsuki finally says.
That seems to perk Kirishima up. “No wonder you seem so mellow! No offense, but I know dogs tend to have a positive influence on people! Girl or boy? What breed? What’s their name? Is it coming to UA with you?”
“Calm down, jeez. Her name is Mochi. Big ass St. Bernard. And yes she’s coming with me,” Katsuki grumbles.
Kirishima hesitates again before asking, “I mean, it seems like good news. So I guess I don’t understand why you seem… upset?”
Now the hard part. Best to rip off the bandaid, right?
“She’s a therapy dog.” It’s silent on the other side. Katsuki can’t take it. “Jesus Christ, Shitty Hair, can’t you fucking say something?”
Mochi, who was previously lying down at Katsuki’s feet, stands up and rests her head in his lap. Katsuki blinks at her before taking a deep breath and running the fingers of his free hand through her fur.
“I guess I’m just surprised. I didn’t know you needed a therapy animal,” Kirishima admits.
“I got fucking kidnapped! You think that’s something I can just walk off?” Katsuki yells.
“No! I just. You never said anything.” Kirishima sounds heartbroken. “It feels like… maybe I’ve been a bad friend since I never realized how much that hurt you.”
“Oi! You are not a shitty friend just because I didn’t tell you shit. Of fucking course I didn’t want to tell anyone! Especially not you!” Katsuki snaps. Realizing how that sounds, he quickly continues. “You and the rest of the idiot squad are too damn nice and I didn’t wanna deal with you’re fucking sympathy.”
Kirishima seems to have caught on. “Bakugou, this isn’t something you need to be ashamed of. You can always talk to me. Any of us would be more than willing to listen to you if you need to rant.”
“Listen. I only told you cuz you’d find out anyway and I don’t want you or anyone to make a big fucking deal about it. Got it?”
Kirishima sighs, but doesn’t press the issue. “Do you want me to tell the others before you get back, or do you want to tell them yourself?”
“Tell the other idiots, but the rest of the class doesn’t need to know,” Katsuki says, grateful that Kirishima knows him so well. It was hard enough even telling him. He doesn’t want to have to go through that with the other three.
Even with the reassurance that his stupid friends know and support him, he’s dreading going back to campus.
~le line break~
As soon as Round Cheeks sees Mochi, she lets out a loud shout of “PUPPY” which in turn catches the attention of the rest of the class, so now Katsuki is being mobbed by extras asking to pet his dog.
“BACK THE FUCK OFF!” Katsuki yells.
Of course it’s fucking Icy-Hot who first notices the service animal vest.
“Ah. It’s a service dog. You’re not supposed to pet them without explicit permission from the owner,” he states.
Katsuki glares at him.
“Why do you need a service dog, Kacchan?” damn Deku asks.
“Fuck off and mind your own business!” Katsuki snarls, pushing through the crowd to stomp upstairs to his room.
He holes up in his room for the rest of the day, but his friends don’t seem to want to leave him alone. First is Kirishima with beaming smiles, even when Katsuki blasts him for trying to give him a hug. Then there’s Sero, with an offering of weed brownies which Katsuki nearly screams at him for. (The brownies are sitting untouched on his desk, and part of him wants to invite Dunce Face over. He knows the Dunce likes that shit, and he may or may not like the Dunce.) Sero’s visit is shortly followed by one from Mina, who hands him a self-care essentials basket, as she called it. (Another thing he’ll probably end up giving to Kaminari if he’s honest.) And with each visit comes an offer of talking about feelings . And yea, he does appreciate that they care about him. Katsuki knows they’re trying to help. But he doesn’t want to talk about that shit. So he kicks each of them out.
After Mina leaves (read: is forcefully shoved out the door), Katsuki doesn’t even get a full hour of relaxing before there’s another knock. He groans and opens the door to see Kaminari, flushed, panting, and holding a plastic bag.
“If you’re gonna give me shit and try to get me to talk, I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Katsuki growls. That’s a blatant lie. Out of anyone, Kaminari is the only one Katsuki wants to talk to.
Kaminari looks affronted, however. “Rude. I’m not here to force you to talk.”
“Then why the fuck are you here with a gift if you don’t want to get me to open up?” Katsuki snaps. (Despite not wanting Kaminari to push him into an emotional conversation, he kind of hates that Kaminari won’t.)
Kaminari smirks, eyes glinting. “Who says this is for you? You have a dog now, and I want puppy play time.”
Katsuki blinks in shock. “You trying to mooch off me for my dog?”
Kaminari grins. “If it makes you feel any better, I can say it’s only half the reason.”
Katsuki leans against the doorway, raising an eyebrow. “Then what would be the other half?”
Kaminari shrugs. “Hanging out with my favorite person?” That gives Katsuki a pause. Then Kaminari is laughing, though it seems a little forced. “Just kidding. I need help studying for the math test on Tuesday.”
Katsuki grumbles and waves Kaminari in. The electric blond bounds in, immediately focusing on Mochi who raises her head in interest at his entrance. Kaminari flops down in front of her and holds out his hand for her to sniff. She watches him for a moment, then stands to move closer. When she lies down again, her head is in Kaminari’s lap. Kaminari lets out a small gasp of joy (which is not cute, shut up) and places his hand on her big dumb head. As Katsuki sees the awed look on Kaminari’s face, he wonders why Kaminari never looks at him like that.
With a huff, he goes over and sits next to Kaminari. “With how you’re talking, it feels like you only hang out with me for tutoring and the dog. I might just get offended.”
Kaminari jerks to look at him, mouth open in shock. Katsuki has to fight down a blush. He knows that comment was unexpected. Even though it was a joke, it’s a little too emotional for him. He doesn’t even really joke that much. Or ever if he’s honest.
Kaminari finally gives him a soft smile. “Don’t worry, Kacchan. You still are my favorite person.”
And Katsuki doesn’t blush at that. He doesn’t.
“What’s in the bag?” Katsuki finally asks.
Kaminari gasps in excitement, seemingly having forgotten. He grabs the bag and opens it, pulling out not one, not two, but three toys. He bought a rope toy, a fucking Pikachu (of course) chew toy, and a rubber ball. Then he pulls out a giant bone.
“I went to the pet store as soon as you got back with her. I hope you know that, as her uncle, it is my duty to shower her with gifts and spoil the shit out of her,” Kaminari says, holding the chew toy out to Mochi.
Mochi takes the toy from him, but simply drops it in his lap before resting her head back down. Katsuki raises an eyebrow.
“She seems to like you more than she likes me,” he mentions.
“Duh. I’m much more likable,” Kaminari teases, gently nudging Katsuki’s arm.
Katsuki doesn’t respond, not even threatening pops from his palms. Kaminari looks at him for a moment with obvious concern in his eyes, but doesn’t say anything. He just turns to look back down at the dog.
“Do you like me?” Katsuki blurts.
Kaminari jerks up and looks at him in shock. “What?”
Katsuki huffs. “I mean, we’re friends, aren’t we? Or do you not think so? Don’t you… I don’t fucking know. Don’t you care about me?” Kaminari just watches him in shocked silence. Katsuki lets out a bitter laugh. “Your silence speaks volumes.”
“Wait, no! I’m just surprised! Of course we’re friends! Of course I care about you! I just don’t understand why you think I don’t. Have I really been that awful to you?” Kaminari sounds miserable.
Relief floods Katsuki’s chest and his muscles lose their tension.
He hesitates before answering. “The other idiots all tried to get me to open up. Figured since you didn’t, you might not give a shit.”
Kaminari’s mouth goes ‘o’ shaped, then his features soften. “Of course I give a shit. But I know you, and I know you won’t talk about it unless you want to. Pushing you would only make you less inclined to reach out.”
Katsuki mulls over this for a moment. “You’re smarter than I thought, Dunce Face.”
Kaminari laughs a little. Then Mochi lets out a whine and presses closer to Kaminari. Silence falls over the two for a moment. Then Kaminari leans against Katsuki’s shoulder. Katsuki stiffens, but doesn’t push the other off, nor does he say anything.
“If I’m honest, while I was super excited to meet Mochi, that wasn’t really why I came,” Kaminari admits quietly. Katsuki doesn’t respond, waiting for Kaminari to continue. “I heard what happened with Sero, Mina, and Kirishima. Figured you might be overwhelmed. I knew you probably didn’t want to talk, but I mean,” he pauses, scratching the back of his neck. “I always find it better to not be alone, even if I don’t wanna talk about stuff. So I thought if I gave you company, you might feel better. And I said it was about Mochi because I was worried if I told you that I didn’t want you to be alone, you would shut me out or think I’m pitying you.”
“Aren’t you though? Pitying me?”
Kaminari shakes his head. “Pity? No. I know you’re strong enough to overcome whatever’s going on. That doesn’t mean I want you to face it by yourself. You’re my friend, and I want to help in whatever way I can.”
Tears prick at Katsuki’s eyes, and he angrily wipes them away. There’s no doubt Kaminari notices, but he doesn’t say anything. Katsuki builds up his nerve and turns to pull Kaminari into a hug. Kaminari lets out a gasp, but quickly wraps his arms around Katsuki in return. He remains silent as Katsuki buries his face in the crook of Kaminari’s neck and cries. He does, however, bring his hand up to run his fingers through Katsuki’s hair. Katsuki can’t deny how safe and happy that small touch makes him feel.
When Katsuki finally pulls away from the hug, his tears have mostly stopped. He doesn’t pull away completely, though. He stays pressed close against Kaminari.
“You tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you,” Katsuki says quietly.
“Of course not,” Kaminari replies, voice just as soft. There’s a beat before he continues. “I hope you know that if you ever need anything, like a hug, or company, or even just a dog walker, you can always text me. I’m not gonna ask you to talk, but I need you to know I’m here for you.”
“Okay.” The atmosphere is nearly stifling for Katsuki, so he quickly changes the subject. “Raccoon Eyes and Soy Sauce gave me shit that I don’t want. On the desk if you want them.”
Kaminari doesn’t lift his head from Katsuki’s shoulder. “Oh? What did they give you?”
“A fucking self-care kit and ‘special’ brownies.”
That has Kaminari jerking up. “Hell yes!”
Kaminari moves away from Katsuki (who represses the urge to drag him back) and heads to the desk. He grabs the peace offerings and brings them with him when he returns to Katsuki’s side.
“You sure you don’t want these? We could use them together,” he says with a wink.
Katsuki raises an eyebrow. “Really.”
Kaminari’s grin fades. “Sorry. I know it really isn’t your thing. I guess I don’t usually like getting high on my own, and it would be rude to ask Sero considering. Besides, this is Mina’s self care girls’ night kit and girls’ nights are the best when there’s gossip and movies and ya know. So I thought since they were intended for you we could just. Ya know. Hang out together and use these?”
“You’re rambling, Dunce.”
Kaminari looks down at his fidgeting hands. “Sorry.”
“Fine. Hand me a fucking brownie,” Katsuki finally mutters.
Kaminari jerks his head to look at him, a smile slowly growing on his face. “Yeah?”
“Shut up before I change my mind,” Katsuki snaps.
Kaminari beams, opening the Tupperware containing the brownies. He offers one to Katsuki who begrudgingly takes it. Kaminari eagerly wolfs one down, but Katsuki on the other hand hesitates.
“Don’t let me do anything stupid,” he finally says, taking a bite.
“Oh? Have you never gotten high before? Did Sero tell you anything about the dosage?”
Katsuki glares at him. “He said they’re light. One to relax, two to get high.”
“Then I’ll take two. Maybe three because he was probably keeping your lack of a tolerance in mind,” Kaminari teases, before starting to rummage through the gift basket. He pulls out a pair of fuzzy socks and hands them to Katsuki before pulling out another pair for himself. “Okay, so we got comfy socks, face masks, essential oils, lotion, herbal tea, oo! Aromatherapy putty? I need to buy myself some of this. Fidget toys, nail polish, and…” He trails off, a wicked grin on his face.
“And what, spit it out, Dunce.”
Kaminari pulls out a small pomeranian plushie. “It looks just like you, Kacchan!”
Katsuki huffs. “Fuck off. And how many times have I told you not to call me that.”
Kaminari laughs. Katsuki ignores his ears turning pink to pull on the socks. Kaminari follows suit. Then Kaminari stands and grabs Katsuki’s laptop as Katsuki finishes his first brownie.
“Come on! Girls’ nights are about chick flicks and spilling tea! So let's put on a rom com and face masks!”
“How do you know what goes on at girls’ nights?” Katsuki mutters. “Don’t tell me you spy on them, cuz I will kill you.”
Kaminari laughs. “Nah. I happen to be invited.”
“What? Why are you invited?” Katsuki demands.
“I’m funny and have tea,” Kaminari says with a shrug. “It helps that I’m bi, so I can talk with the lesbians about cute girls, and I can talk to the straight girls about cute boys.”
Katsuki jerks up. His crush is bi! He has a chance! Then he remembers. He’s Bakugou Katsuki and that’s sunshiney, sassy Kaminari. He’d never want to date Katsuki. Aggressive, angry, rude Katsuki.
For the first time that night, Mochi leaves Kaminari to comfort Katsuki. Right. Dogs. Emotions. Whatever. But that gives Katsuki a pause. Why did Mochi take such an immediate interest in Kaminari?
“Sometimes, I think they might invite me to girls’ night because they see me as a girl.” Kaminari’s voice is quiet, almost sad.
Katsuki looks at him. “The hell is that supposed to mean? No one sees you as a girl.”
Kaminari chuckles. “I appreciate it, man. I mean, I know logically they don’t, but sometimes it feels like it.”
“Why do you even care?”
Kaminari shrugs again. “I guess it just makes me feel insecure. Dysphoria is a bitch. Ya know?”
Katsuki blinks. “Hah?”
Kaminari looks at him, then his eyes widen. “Oh. I never told you. I guess I came out to Mina, Kiri, Sero, and Jirou before I really thought of you as a friend. So um. Probably overdue, but I’m trans?” Kaminari gives him jazz hands, an uncomfortable smile on his face.
“Oh.”
Kaminari looks away, smile dropping and hand raising to scratch the back of his neck. “Sorry if I made things awkward.”
Mochi whines and turns back to Kaminari who immediately reaches to pet her.
“Why the hell would you have made things awkward? I’m just surprised, is all.”
Kaminari glances back at Katsuki, worry clear in his eyes and in the way he chews on his lip.
“You don’t mind?”
“Of course I fucking don’t. You’re still the same idiot,” Katsuki snaps.
Kaminari lets out a sigh of relief. “Good. That’s good. Sorry, just, sometimes you don’t know how people will react. No matter how progressive things get, there will always be people stuck in the past, ya know?”
“I’m gay. So I really have no right to judge or condemn for shit like that,” Katsuki admits.
“Wait really?! I had no idea! Awww Kacchan! I didn’t know I could talk about hot guys with you!” Kaminari gushes.
“You can’t. I don’t wanna talk about that shit with you,” Katsuki grumbles, grabbing another brownie and taking a bite.
Kaminari follows suit, a pout on his face. But then he’s turning to Katsuki’s laptop, putting on a movie called Aloha and reclining against Katsuki’s side.
Katsuki lets out a huff, but figures he might as well get comfortable. He adjusts his position and puts his arm around Kaminari’s shoulder, ignoring the pleased look Kaminari gives him.
Soon enough, the weed in the brownies hit him and he feels like he’s floating, but also like his body is impossibly heavy. Kaminari giggles next to him, and all Katsuki wants is to kiss him. Even high, he knows better though.
“You said we should gossip, right?” Katsuki mumbles, just wanting to hear Kaminari talk.
Kaminari laughs. “Did the Bakugou Katsuki just say he wants to gossip with lil ol’ me? Aren’t you above that?”
“Fine fuck you.”
Kaminari smiles before going into a lazy spiel about Jirou’s big fat crush on Momo. Of course he has to talk about romantic shit.
“Shitty Hair is dating Deku,” Katsuki says.
Kaminari jerks to face him. “WHAT?!”
Katsuki snickers. “Yepp. Shitty Hair came to me gushing about it, and then Deku wanted to make sure I wasn’t gonna kill him for dating my best friend. Both asked me to keep it secret. Oops.”
Kaminari is pouting again. “Really? C’mon man. I thought I was your best friend! I mean I know you and Kiri are bros, but I thought we were besties! Like! You cook for me! And I gave you that friendship bracelet which you’re wearing right now!”
Katsuki grimaces. He knows Kaminari doesn’t like him romantically, but it still hurts to be friendzoned. “Fuck off.”
“Fine! If that’s how it is, I’ll take the bracelet back!”
Kaminari reaches for Katsuki’s wrist, but Katsuki jerks his arm away.
“DON’T!” Katsuki yelps. Then his face flushes and he buries his head into his knees.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Kaminari apologizes, voice low.
Katsuki lifts his head just enough to see his face. Kaminari is biting his lip again, looking down at Mochi’s head on his lap with a nervous expression.
Katsuki is silent for a moment. He hates seeing Kaminari upset like this.
“I don’t want to be friends with you,” he blurts.
Kaminari jerks to look at him, eyes filled with shock and pain.
“Sorry.” Kaminari manages, voice choked. “I’ll go.”
Katsuki’s suddenly struck by how Kaminari must have interpreted his words. He watches Kaminari stand, horror filling him. Katsuki staggers to his feet, catching up with Kaminari right as he reaches the door. He spins the other around, opening his mouth to explain. As soon as he sees the tears falling down Kaminari’s cheeks, however, the words leave him. God, fuck weed’s ability to make his brain stop functioning, because the next thing he knows, his hands are cupping Kaminari’s cheeks, thumbs wiping away the tears. Then he does what he thinks must be the stupidest, most impulsive thing he’s ever done. Katsuki kisses Kaminari.
Katsuki kisses Kaminari . But before he can panic and pull back, Kaminari melts into him, arms wrapping around his waist, hands fisting his shirt. And Kaminari is kissing him back.
The kiss isn’t relatively good by any means. They’re both high and desperate, and Kaminari’s face is wet with tears. It’s sloppy and completely unsynchronized. Katsuki wouldn’t change it for the world.
When they finally pull apart, Katsuki manages to finally find the words.
“I don’t wanna be friends with you, because I want to be more,” he admits, his voice hesitant.
Kaminari lets out a shuddered breath. “I swear to God, Katsuki, if you’re messing with me right now.”
He called me Katsuki. Then Katsuki registers the rest of the sentence.
“What the fuck? You really think I’d mess with you about this? I’m not that much of an asshole,” he huffs.
Kaminari regards him, expression unsure. “You aren’t, and I don’t think you would, but… I don’t understand how you would like me.”
“The hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Because you’re you! You’re amazing and smart and strong and beautiful, and I’m… I’m just the clingy idiot.”
Katsuki stares at him. “What?”
Kaminari balks. “Sorry. Forget I said anything. It’s stupid. I’m stupid.”
He turns towards the door, but suddenly Mochi is there, trying to herd Kaminari back towards the center of the room.
Katsuki grabs Kaminari’s wrist. “Christ, Kaminari, do you really see yourself like that? Do you really not know how fucking amazing you are?”
Kaminari laughs, but it comes out bitter. “You don’t get it.”
“Then help me understand!” Kaminari falls silent. Katsuki sighs and pulls the other close. “I think you sell yourself short. You aren’t great with school work, and you do stupid shit, but you aren’t an idiot. You’re probably the most emotionally intelligent person I know. You’re clever and witty as hell, and even though that drives me insane, I can’t help but respect it. You’re the prettiest thing I have ever seen, and your smile lights up a fucking room. Sure, you’re clingy, but you have no idea how fucking good it is to be someone you trust enough or like enough to be clinged on to. I wish you could see yourself like I do because you’re fucking. You’re everything to me.”
Katsuki’s voice breaks at the end of his speech, but Kaminari is too awed to mention it. He’s watching Katsuki as if the taller boy just handed him the moon.
“You really think all that about me?”
Katsuki nods, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.
“Don’t fucking tell anyone what I said. You’re the only one allowed to know I’ve turned into a fucking sap.”
Kaminari lets out a weak giggle. “I don’t think I really want anyone else to know that you’re a sap. I like having this side of you all to myself.”
Katsuki can’t help the fond smile that sneaks onto his face. He tugs Kaminari over to the bed and lies down with him in his arms. Kaminari nuzzles Katsuki’s neck, and Katsuki can feel his smile. The peaceful moment is short-lived, ruined by Mochi, a 200 plus pound St. fucking Bernard jumps on the bed. A loud resounding CRACK is immediately heard and the part of the bed where Mochi landed is starting to sink. Katsuki and Kaminari stare at the dog in shock.
Kaminari snaps out of his stupor first. “She broke the bed-” He starts cackling. “She broke the fucking bed! Oh my god! I can’t-”
Katsuki glares at the other, who is practically wheezing. “Yea yea laugh it up, asshole. You wouldn’t be laughing if it was your bed.”
“You know I absolutely would regardless,” Kaminari retorts.
Katsuki rolls his eyes. “Fair, but that’s cuz you’re a dumbass who doesn’t care about anything that matters.”
Kaminari’s laughter stops, but when Katsuki looks at him, he’s still wearing a goofy smile. Mochi huffs and shuffles closer to Kaminari. Katsuki frowns, once more thinking about Mochi’s clear partiality towards the electric user. He furrows his brows, realizing he can count on one hand how many times he has witnessed negative emotions from Kaminari. Kaminari notices his contemplation and nudges him, sitting up. Katsuki follows suit.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Kaminari asks with a raised eyebrow.
“Are you actually happy or are you just pretending to be?” Katsuki blurts.
Shock crosses Kaminari’s face, then he lets out a small giggle. Katsuki thinks it sounds forced. Nervous, even.
“What?”
Katsuki runs a hand through his hair with a sigh. “I’m pretty sure you heard me. And I’m getting more convinced I’m right. So new question. Why the fuck do you feel the need to repress your feelings?”
“This question just came out of nowhere! How do you expect me to react? I'm not repressing anything,” Kaminari says.
“Bullshit,” Katsuki snaps.
The slight flinching from Kaminari confirms it. But he still tries denying it. “It’s not though!”
Katsuki sighs, reaching over to cup Kaminari’s cheek. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. Isn’t that what you and the other idiots have been telling me since I got the damn mutt?”
Kaminari lets out a gasp of mock offense. “How dare you call this angel a mutt! You’re so cruel, Kacchan!”
“And you’re avoiding talking about this.”
Kaminari is silent for a moment. “Why do you, of all people, want to talk about feelings ?”
“Answer my questions, and I’ll answer yours,” Katsuki offers. After a slight pause, Kaminari huffs and flops down, facefirst into the pillow. Katsuki lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through the smaller boy’s hair. When Katsuki speaks again, his voice is softer. “I’m worried about you, alright? So yea, I don’t like talking about this shit, but if it’s to make sure you’re alright, I want to.”
Kaminari shifts, turning his head to look at Katsuki, his face smushed against the pillow. It has Katsuki struggling to focus on the matter at hand. He’s still slightly high and Kaminari is so fucking cute that he has trouble remembering the important conversation they’re having. Or are trying to have.
“I have depression.” The words seem so loud in the silent room.
Katsuki doesn’t exactly know how to reply. Like so many times tonight, words fail him. “Why do you feel the need to hide it?”
The silence stretches on, but Katsuki waits. He has a feeling Kaminari is just searching for the right words.
“I’m not worth it,” Kaminari finally says.
That single sentence feels like a slap to the face to Katsuki.
“Didn’t I already tell you how untrue that is?” Katsuki manages to say.
Kaminari smiles but it’s bitter. “You’re a rare exception. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that. But most people don’t want to deal with me. Not the real me. So I have to be the stupid, always happy class clown, ya know?”
“Jesus fuck.” Maybe not the right thing to say, but he has no idea how to respond.
Kaminari sits back up, but refuses to look at Katsuki. “Not exactly disapproving my point.”
“Kaminari.” The use of his name in such a serious voice has Kaminari jerking up to look at him. “I cannot express how completely fucking wrong you are.”
“How am I wrong? No one wants to spend time with a depressed basket case!” Kaminari snaps.
“Fucking listen. Your smiles can brighten up any goddamn room, but that doesn’t mean shit if you’re faking it. I don’t want you hurting yourself cuz you're scared of people leaving you if you’re honest about how you feel. None of the idiots would! We care about you so goddamn much, and if you can’t see that, then you’re blind. Stifling your emotions isn’t fucking healthy. I know that from experience so just. Be honest with us. With me .”
“What if you’re wrong?” Kaminari’s voice comes out quiet and unsure, but it’s still an improvement.
“I’m not. But you know I’m not gonna push you to tell the others. You gave me an offer earlier, if I need someone, you said you’d be here. That’s mutual, got it? I know this is some fucked up way of protecting yourself, and if you want to hide from them, fine. But never hide from me. Got it?”
Kaminari lets out a small laugh, this time sounding genuine. He once more presses himself against Katsuki, who in return wraps an arm around Kaminari’s waist.
“Ya know, you are the most aggressively supportive person that I’ve ever met. I’ve never heard someone sound threatening while being comforting at the same time,” he says softly.
“Fuck off,” Katsuki instantly returns. But there’s no bite to his words. If anything, they’re said fondly.
Kaminari hesitates, resting his hand on Mochi’s head and taking a deep breath.
“I trust you.” When Katsuki gives him a questioning look, Kaminari continues, “You’re probably right about the others accepting it. I know that, logically. But…”
“Logical mind is usually drowned out by emotional response,” Katsuki finishes.
Kaminari nods. He reaches for Katsuki’s hand with the one not petting Mochi. Katsuki takes it and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
“Can you be with me when I tell them?”
“I was planning on it,” Katsuki replies.
Kaminari gives him a weak smile, then looks down at their clasped hands. “Not tonight, though. I like this. Being with you.”
“I like this too,” Katsuki admits quietly.
Katsuki lies down again, pulling Kaminari down onto his chest. Kaminari doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seems extremely satisfied by it.
“You’re not gonna change your mind tomorrow, are you?” Kaminari asks. He’s smiling, but there’s a hint of doubt in his expression.
“Tomorrow I’m planning on taking you out on a proper date. I thought I made it clear how I feel about you,” Katsuki says, pressing a kiss to Kaminari’s hair.
“So… boyfriends?”
Katsuki snorts. “Yes, idiot.”
There’s a pause, then Kaminari shifts to look up at Katsuki. “Can you… Listen, I know you don’t mean it, but it… it hurts when you call me stuff like that. I’m like, lowkey insecure about my intelligence?”
Oh. Now Katsuki feels like an asshole. He never realized his nicknames might actually hurt his friends. True, they started out as insults, but he thought they knew now it’s just fond. He didn’t realize the nicknames were actually affecting any of his friends.
“I’m sorry,” he finally manages to say.
That has Kaminari jerking up. “What? Wait. Did you just apologize ?! You never apologize!”
Katsuki rolls his eyes. “Settle down, would you?”
Kaminari obeys, wearing a ridiculously smug grin. “You really are whipped for me, aren’t you?”
Kaminari expects him to deny it. Hell, Katsuki expects himself to deny it. He doesn’t.
“What if I am? Got a problem with that?”
Kaminari giggles. “Nope. Definitely not. I have, like, the opposite of a problem with that.”
“Good.” Katsuki hesitates, before turning serious again. “I didn’t realize it upset you. I’ll stop calling you that shit. Or. I’ll try. I might fuck up and say stupid shit, but if I do, I give you permission to hit me.”
“Not all of us solve problems with violence, Katsuki,” Kaminari teases.
Katsuki blushes. God, is he gonna be like this everytime Kaminari calls him his given name? Should he call Kaminari his given name?
“Seriously, if I slip up, tell me to shut up.”
“It’s enough to know you’ll try,” Kaminari (Denki???) replies.
Katsuki takes a deep breath, bracing himself. “I guess without those nicknames, I’ll have to start calling you Denki now.”
Kaminari lets out a small noise. “Yea, I guess so.” His voice sounds near awed.
Katsuki feels the nervous tension in his muscles drain away. “Alright then, Denki.”
“I like that. I really like that,” Denki whispers.
“Well, I really like you,” Katsuki says. Then his body goes rigid. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“So you don’t like me?” Denki teases.
Katsuki covers his face with his hands. “It’s embarrassing to blurt it out,” he mutters.
“Awww, Katsu. Do I make you nervous?”
The nickname. That fucking goddamned nickname. Katsuki doesn’t really know how to respond to it. So he kisses Denki. At least that way the little fucker can’t see his red face.