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Donghyuck was surrounded.
He was sure he wouldn’t be able to get back up anytime soon after he fell to his knees, panting and out of breath from running for so long. His ankle felt like it was going to give out too, throbbing and sending sharp pains up his leg.
A branch snapped. They were getting closer.
He couldn’t make out how many there were in the dark, but he could hear their low growls from the trees, circling around him like vultures. The feeling of acceptance settled deep within his bones as they closed in. Growing so tired of trying to escape from them for all these years. It would always end the same.
An eerie calmness washed over his face as he dug his nails into the earth below. He closed his eyes and held his breath. This was it.
A howl echoed from somewhere deep within the forest.
Donghyuck opened his eyes and they were gone.
Before he could exhale, a figure darker than the night appeared standing before him. This didn’t make sense. Where were the others?
He only saw a glimpse of wild eyes and a sharp row of teeth before the figure pounced towards him.
He screamed and thrashed around, scratching at the monster, scratching at the dirt, at his arms, until he was scratching and thrashing around in his own bed sheets. Getting tangled in them in the process.
Donghyuck gasps and shakes, throwing his thick comforter onto the floor. Feeling suffocated by it.
Once his breathing finally calms down, he sits up and grabs his phone with shaky hands, eyes straining against the bright light, and clicks the call button next to a name that had grown dear to him over the years. He settles back into his bed and brings the phone to his ear, wincing as his arm throbs with the movement.
“Renjunnie,” Donghyuck weakly rasps out.
“..Hm?” The other sounds slightly irritated as if he had woken up just to pick up his call.
He cracks a bittersweet smile, “They’re back.”
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Donghyuck knew he looked like shit. So when his best friend said as such as he walked into class he nearly launched himself across his desk and choked him. What stopped him from committing first degree murder wasn’t the power of friendship, but rather the paper cup Renjun sits on his desk knowing that it was his favorite order from a cute little cafe downtown.
The woes of his night terrors flee from his stiff shoulders as he giggles, turning the paper cup to the side to see the messy penmanship of the cashier, spelling out “Renjun” as “Ron John.” They’ve been going there for years. At this point he’s convinced they’re doing it on purpose.
“Oh, you’re a lifesaver, Junnie.”
His best friend rolls his eyes at the other’s dramatics, “Yeah, yeah. I get it. I’m the best person on the planet and you love me, or whatever,” he leans in a bit closer, “Seriously though, how are you holding up? It feels like it’s been forever since you’ve last had an episode.”
Donghyuck chews at his bottom lip and stares at the edges of his sleeves. He wore his favorite hoodie that covered his hands to where only the tips of his fingers could peek through. It covers him like a warm blanket from the prying eyes of others. He couldn’t stand it when he got stared at. Too many eyes, too much gnashing teeth.
“Awe Renjunnie, are you getting all empathetic with me now?” He smiles reassuringly at his friend, “I’ll be fine. They’re just dreams at this point. Nothing that can actually hurt me.”
Renjun searches his eyes in suspicion. Donghyuck had made it a habit of his to pretend he was alright even when he wasn’t, and it’s something the other had picked up on over the years.
“Well if you insist,” he drops it for now, “but let me know if you need anything, ‘kay?
“Anything for you, Ron. John.” Donghyuck turns the cup around so he could shove it in his face. He cackles as his friend nearly knocks the desk over to grab at his drink and threatens to pour it down his shirt. The desk lurches back into place as the bell goes off leaving Renjun to stomp cutely away to find his own seat.
The homeroom teacher arrives looking a bit disheveled, his usual files fitting loosely into the crook of his arm. Mr. Kim clears his throat while adjusting his glasses, “May I have everyone’s full attention please,” he waits until everyone silences down and stopped moving their chairs and desks back to their proper places, “We have a new student who will be joining us—”
All at once an uproar of excitement rushes over the students as they begin chatting among themselves. “Please be another girl. I'm so tired of Axe spray and restless leg syndrome. It’s seriously making my skin go bad,” Donghyuck hears the girl next to him tell her friends behind her. He self consciously stills his leg from where it had been bouncing.
“Quiet, quiet down everyone,” Mr. Kim raises his voice and everyone silences. “He will be joining us starting today. Why don’t you come on in and introduce yourself, Lee?” He motions for someone just outside the door.
Donghyuck tries to think of why anyone would move to their shitty little town willingly, thinks of it some more, and still comes out with absolutely nothing. He turns around in his seat to look at Renjun’s reaction only to find him already looking back at him in equal confusion.
A boy slowly walks through the doorway and the whispers among the students pick up again. He’s pretty tall, about as tall as Mr. Kim. Choppy black hair falls into his eyes and over the tips of his ears, where he had a few silver studs. Leather jacket that seemed to fit him awkwardly, ripped jeans and boots. He looked every bit like someone who tried to copy the cover of RollingStone. But just that. A copy.
“Uh..” the new kid faces the class to address them but doesn’t make eye contact with anyone as if he couldn’t be anymore disinterested in greetings, “Name’s Jeno.” A few girls in the back squeal a little. Donghyuck rolls his eyes a little too hard.
“Great,” Mr. Kim smiles at Jeno– which was totally a bad sign because Kim never smiles and Donghyuck immediately does not trust this new guy, “How about you find a seat and we’ll get started with our day.”
A few students slide their backpacks off the empty chairs next to them as a clear invite, but Jeno ignores them and goes straight for an empty desk in front that just so happens to be in Donghyuck’s direct line of sight.
He huffs and mumbles under his breath, “Fucking great now I can’t even see the board.”
Oddly, as if he somehow heard him from across the room, the new kid lowers himself in his seat and tilts his head to the side. Donghyuck raises his eyebrow at this but at least he could see the white board now.
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Renjun slams his tray down and sits across from Donghyuck. A few peas roll out onto the table.
“Let’s not talk about the new kid, please,” he begins at the same time Renjun says, “Let’s talk about the new kid.”
Renjun looks at the other as if he grew another head, Donghyuck almost touches his neck just to be sure. “I thought you’d be excited about someone new being in town? All these familiar faces. Gets boring after a while anyways.”
Donghyuck stirs the mashed potato goop in his tray around with a plastic spoon. It’s almost a grayish color and he has no idea if it was even made out of real potatoes, but he had skipped breakfast that morning and was a little desperate. He picks up his spoon and lets the goop plop back down into his tray with a nasty squelch. Okay, maybe not that desperate.
“I just don’t like the vibes he gives off. Maybe I’m just on edge ‘cause of last night, but I don’t plan on exactly crossing paths with him anytime soon.”
Renjun raises an eyebrow, “Is it because he’s hot and you’re intimidated?”
“I– What?” Donghyuck’s voice cracks. “Uh, no? I mean obviously he wasn’t bad on the eyes but he also looked like a total asshole,” he takes a sip of his chocolate milk, “And anyways what about Na?” He smiles devilishly, “Moving on already?”
Renjun purses his lips and the tips of his ears turn red, his hand slaps against the table to emphasize his words, “What about him? There was nothing there to move on from to begin with.”
“Uh huh, but we’re still going to Yun-o’s this saturday so you can watch him wipe bowling grease off shoes anyways, right?”
His best friend crosses his arms, “We better be.”
Before he could make fun of Renjun some more, a loud crash silences the cafeteria followed by several murmurs and students standing up to see what happened.
Donghyuck follows everyone’s gaze to the center of the cafeteria where he could see the new kid standing with the mysterious mashed potato goop smeared all over his front and another kid on the floor.
“I’m– I’m so sorry dude I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
Jeno grabs a random milk carton off one of the tables and steps closer.
“It was on accident I swear—”
He opens up the carton and pours it right on top of the student’s head.
Everyone watching gasps. Jeno’s head jerks up and looks around, startled, as if he had just noticed he had an audience. His shoulders stiffen, he throws the rest of the milk down onto the floor, and then rushes out of the cafeteria, the crowd parting as if afraid to get in his way.
Donghyuck looks back at a stunned Renjun and says, “Told you so.”
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Donghyuck admits he’s never been good at bowling, but he definitely wishes to wipe that smug look off Renjun’s face when his ball goes straight to the gutter for the fifth time.
“Your ugly face is throwing me off my groove.”
Renjun feigns hurt and chuckles playfully at his friend, “Maybe those ugly arms of yours is what’s really throwing you off.”
Donghyuck stiffens in shock, perhaps he had heard wrong? He turns around to the other’s smiling face, “Excuse me?”
“Your arms? They’re hideous. And what’s even more hideous is your lack of ability to function like a normal person. Ever since the accident,” Renjun keeps an empty smile on his face as he speaks, “What’s wrong with you?”
“You–” Donghyuck tries to keep his voice from cracking, “Why would you say that? What the hell?”
The lights in the bowling alley flicker a few times before the smiling Renjun disappears.
A new ball rolls out through the ball return and Donghyuck picks it up.
The lights flicker once again, and this time a menacing black wolf appears, standing dead center of the lane in front of him.
He doesn’t feel scared at this moment, or even exhausted and willing to give up.
Donghyuck feels angry. The fluorescent lights above turn a fiery red, as if the world beyond the large glass windows was engulfed in flames.
“What do you want from me?” he nearly shouts.
He raises the heavy ball into the air the same moment the wolf runs toward him.
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Donghyuck wakes startled, his alarm blasting “Man In The Mirror” by Michael Jackson. His clothes cling to his skin uncomfortably and tears stain his pillow. It is now Saturday morning and he has to meet up with Renjun at Yun-O’s at 10. He doesn’t have time to dwell on the nightmare he had, even though he feels like screaming.
He wipes his face off with his hands and leaves his alarm playing as he rushes into his bathroom to shower. His head would feel much more clear after he was finished and dressed.
It was chilly out, fall making way for winter, as the days grew shorter and the leaves on the ground shriveled up one by one, leaving the dark skeletons of the trees bare and exposed. All except for the evergreens of course. Donghyuck misses the days of the sun, and thinks about what he should do next summer as he holds his baggy sweater closer to his body.
His daydreaming is quickly cut short when he recognizes the back of a jacket and the choppy black hair from class. It’s the new kid, crouching over in the middle of the sidewalk, messing with something Donghyuck couldn't make out from where he was standing.
“What the hell?” He really didn’t mean to say that outloud, but he was completely caught off guard. This is his neighborhood and he had never seen any moving trucks come in nor out. So what the hell was Jeno doing here?
Said boy visibly jumps at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice. A cat with black and white fur scurries away from where he was squatting. He slowly gets up and turns around, sending a dirty look in the other’s direction. Donghyuck grinds his teeth, feeling small under the glare. He’s reminded of what happened in his nightmare right before he had woken up, a wolf standing across from him, staring him down. His nails dig into his palms.
“What? Don’t tell me you’re one of those freaks that like to torture small animals or something. Cause that was my elderly neighbor’s cat and– well she’s not actually elderly, but Moonbyul and her wife sure do act like it most of the time– they’re adorable really, but that’s besides the point,” Donghyuck steps closer and tries to stand up straighter so he appears taller than he actually was. He was tired of being afraid. “What I’m trying to say is if you hurt a single whisker on her ugly little face, so help me god, I will make you regret it.”
Jeno blinks at him for a few moments of silence. For just a few glorious moments where Donghyuck believed he might’ve actually gotten through to the other. Before Jeno scratches the side of his nose, says “Whatever,” and then proceeds to walk away.
Donghyuck thought about the cold and bitter winter as he stomped angrily the rest of the way to the bowling alley.
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“Took you long enough. It’s freezing,” Renjun was standing next to the entrance, scrolling through his phone, his free hand shoved into the pocket of his denim jacket.
Donghyuck huffs and uses his shoulder to open up the door for the both of them, all while avoiding the other’s eyes. He doesn’t know what he would do if they held any hidden disgust. “You could’ve gone in at any time. Besides, I had a bit of a run in with that edgy prick from homeroom on my way.”
“Jess?”
“Huh? No, the new kid. Jean or whatever.”
Renjun narrows his eyes, “Don’t pretend you forgot his name already. I know that’s not the case.”
“Who’s name are we forgetting about?” Jaemin pops in from behind the counter as they approach.
Renjun’s face immediately brightens into something bashful and Donghyuck wants to barf, “Oh nothing, just the mysterious new kid Hyuck’s been obsessing over.”
“Woah, okay. ‘Obsessing’ is a little extreme, don’t you think?”
Jaemin drums his fingers on the counter’s surface, “I don’t blame you if you have been, he’s been the talk of the town since he arrived. New face, everyone’s a little obsessed.” He wiggles his eyebrows and smiles devilishly, “Unless? It’s less of an obsession, and a whole lot more like a crush?”
“Ugh, whatever just get us some shoes,” Donghyuck fishes a twenty from his pocket and slides it over to Jaemin, “And keep the change, whatever will shut you up.”
“Oh wow. A whole two dollars. I feel my mouth sealing itself up as we speak,” Jaemin replies with a smile on his face despite the sarcasm, fiddles with the cash register and then disappears into the back.
The same beat he was gone Renjun whips towards Donghyuck and grabs the collar of his shirt, “You don’t think he likes the new kid right? I feel like everyone’s falling for him and I can’t have him falling too.”
Donghyuck grabs the arms holding him in a vice grip, “Relax. If he ever actually met the guy he’d instantly know what a huge jerk he is, you’re fine. Besides, I just have a really strong hunch, okay?”
Renjun squints his eyes at him in disbelief, “A hunch?”
Renjun quickly lets go of Donghyuck when Jaemin returns, handing the shoes over, already knowing the other two’s sizes from the years of them hanging out there prior.
Donghyuck examines the stark contrast between his and Renjun’s, “Hey, why’d I get the shitty pair?”
Jaemin just grins sweetly at him and says, “Shitty shoes for shitty boys,” he turns his smile to Renjun, “And pretty ones for pretty boys.”
And then as Donghyuck fights the urge to vomit, he grabs both pairs and shoves Renjun away before his best friend combusts on the spot.
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Bright neon lights hum overhead, mingling with the sound of pins being knocked over and the quiet reverberating tune of pop music. The bowling alley is mostly empty save for a family with their kids and a few older men competing against each other.
Donghyuck didn’t want to be on edge, but he couldn’t help the creeping feeling as he stares at the pins like they weren’t real.
He recalls a memory from middle school, when the nightmares used to be at their worst. He would always hang out at Renjun’s place during the summer because they had a large in-ground pool in their backyard, and he loved to swim. Renjun shared his passion so they both would spend hours each day swimming laps and splashing one another until their fingers were all pringly and their stomach’s hurt from laughing so much.
It all changed when in 8th grade, Renjun’s family got a dog. Her name was Cheddar and she was a tall poodle with gangly limbs. Her face was sweet and innocent like a teddy’s. But Donghyuck didn’t see that in her, all he saw was clashing teeth and sharp claws. A beast ready to tear him limb from limb without mercy.
He tried, he really did try to ignore her so he could hang out with Renjun in his pool like any other normal kid on summer break. But when he walked through the front door and the dog excitedly jumped on him, knocking him to the ground and he thrashed around and started screaming in fear, he knew he wasn’t normal.
It was then when he sat with Renjun on his front porch, tears and snot streaming down his face as he finally told his friend why his arms were covered in deep scars and why he reacted the way he had. Renjun didn’t say much, just listened and let Donghyuck spill his heart out to him. He eventually got up and brought him tissues, his face a sticky mess. Donghyuck blew his nose in embarrassment while Renjun tried to explain that they could just hang out at the other’s place instead. But Donghyuck knew his best friend had to have been disappointed they couldn’t spend time in his pool anymore.
“Hey, are you okay?” Donghyuck is brought back to where he was currently sitting in the bowling alley with Renjun’s concerned face looming over him. An expression he’s not all that unfamiliar with when it came from his friend.
Renjun sits down next to him on the cushioned seat facing the bowling lanes. Already willing to listen and give his full attention. Donghyuck hates himself for feeling negatively when all his friend does is care.
“Do you..” Donghyuck trails off trying to figure out the best way to word his feelings. He sneaks a glance at the other to find Renjun staring at a spot on the ground, probably not to make him feel too pressured to speak. “Have you ever felt like I was– like I was a burden?”
Renjun’s head immediately whips toward him, “What?”
Donghyuck suddenly feels shy, his hands instantly pulling his sleeves down over his fingers and heat prickling the back of his neck, “I don’t know. Like, I guess I’ve just been scared lately with the nightmares returning and– and like you doing all these things for me. I just.. don’t you get tired of me?”
“What?” Renjun repeats again before he props himself up to where he’s kneeling on the seat, a hysterical laugh almost passing his lips as he grabs Donghyuck’s face and squishes his cheeks between his hands, “You are my best friend, Donghyuck. I can and will go to hell and back for you if needed. Yeah, you experience things a little differently than others, but that’s perfectly okay. I’m there for you when you need it not because I signed some contract I can’t get out of but because I want to. You have never dragged me down before, but if you did, I’d drag you right down with me. I love you, and you will never be a burden to me.”
Donghyuck whines out loud at his friend’s words, but can’t help but feel happiness spread over him in waves at the sincerity of them. “I love you too, but that was gross,” he giggles and pulls Renjun into a bone crushing hug.
Renjun chuckles along and they stay like that for a while. Donghyuck feels like he could easily float away knowing he will always have someone there to support him.
The lights overhead flicker, but Donghyuck no longer felt weighed down by dread. Instead he pulls away from Renjun with a new found confidence and grabs a ball from the return box. He positions himself in front of the lane, puts his right foot behind his left, pulls his arm back, then releases. The ball travels in a rumble, almost like thunder before it reaches the pins and knocks them all down at once.
The phantom aches in his arms vanish for the moment, he had made a strike, and Donghyuck finally thought as he smiles brightly to himself that, albeit slowly, he might just be healing.
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During Donghyuck’s walk home, he spots the same cat from earlier sitting on the sidewalk, basking in the setting sun. He crouches down and reaches out to let her sniff his hand before running his fingers through her fur.
He realizes he was in the same position as the new kid from earlier, and wonders if that’s all he was even doing, just innocently petting a cat.
He thinks about the incident that occurred in the cafeteria, and that unlucky student that had milk spilled all over him. And surely someone who was capable of being that rude could never be nice to cute animals. That just didn’t make any sense at all.
Jeno Lee, huh?
What a weird guy.