Archive of Our Own

It felt bad. It felt so bad.
Kantaro was awkwardly standing next to the shelf with sweets. When he bringed himself to focus on the shelf's contents he saw there were lolipops. Their colorful wrapers reminded him of one of VISTY's song he really liked. Maybe that was just his imagination.
But these halfpriced lolipops weren't a reason why he standed in this alley. He actually came here with his friends. Toma and Shogo were just a few steps to his left, of course next to the gummies.
"You'll go bankrut if you'll keep buying this much gummies, Sho-chin."
"Ha, I guess you're spending way more on all your cosmetics."
"It's not the same I need them."
"Well, I need my gummies."
Here they were friendly arguing leaving Kantaro totally unnoticed. A bit farther Aoi and Kei were having some conversation while choosing tea. Even though they all tried to go to the shop undercover, making outfits worth of the movie characters, Kei's pure aura was impossible to hide. It wasn't something to describe with words or see with your eyes. You could stand next to him and immedietly feel some kind of peace. Kantaro knew he was smiling gently under his mask like he always did. One peek and you were aware he was someone making music. Aoi's hair sticked out of their bucket hat making it really easy to recognise them. Especially with some aura projecting, unavoidable idol next to them.
Well, maybe VISTY's undercover weren't that great but it surely worked for Kantaro. After all even his own friends didn't pay attention to him. Wasn't he a burden for them right now? It was like they bringed him because they felt like they had to, not because they wanted to. Kantaro could basically hear what they were talking about but they somehow couldn't see him. Or maybe they did but it was easier to talk to someone else. He wanted to start talking, just break into their conversation and join. But did they even wanted that? It's always like that. In the big groups people will always talk in pairs. If that's an uneven group someone will be left out.
It felt bad. Like some strong pressure was crushing him from the inside. It felt so bad but he decided to at least try to ignore it. Lolipops would be great for a photoshoot, just how much likes would he get at photos with them? Propably a lot. Maybe some new followers? That made him excited, which boosted his mood a little. He grabed three just when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.
"You have everything Kantaro? We should propably hurry. It'll get crowdy soon" it was Kei's voice that made the annoucment.
"I think I already saw someone staring at us" Toma whispered like it would make them look any less suspicious. "I told you Sho-chin your eyes gives you away."
"Oh, sorry" Shogo lowered his cap whispering as well.
Even though it was Toma who didn't want to wear anything on his head because it would ruin his hair.
"Yeah, let's go" Kantaro weakened his grip on lolipops as everything was getting back to normal.
"Can we stop at the pharmacy later? I have to buy something. It'll be quick" Aoi asked.
Nobody seemed to have a problem with that. They paid in a rush, so some suspicious individual Toma noticed wouldn't catch them, and left. Aoi told them that they can wait there but Shogo decided to go along.
"You're buying your suplements again, right? Which ones?" Shogo asked Aoi, propably worrying for their health as we all did.
"Oh, it's just a few..."
Their voices got a bit more quiet as they walked further ahead of them. The three of them was waiting alone now. Kantaro knew what was going to happen next so he decided to adapt quickly.
"I thought we could do some photoshoot with these lolipops when we get home" he turned to Toma.
Kantaro and Toma were known for doing a lot of photos. Everytime they went somewhere they had a whole lot of selfies and just pictures overall. Their phones' storage really suffered from this.
"That's a great idea! Yeah, let's do this when we'll get home. Kei, do you want to join us?"
Kei flickered in surprise. He was usually kind of unsettled in the crowdy places. He turned off his contact with the world before him and maybe got deep into his own thoughts. Who knows?
"A photoshoot? I'll gladly join if you don't mind" A warm smile appeared on his mouth.
Kantaro did mind. Every time he posted something with Kei suddenly all comments were full of his fans. It wouldn't be so bad but these people just didn't notice anything or anyone besides him. Of course this photos tended to get more likes but from the overall feedback you could tell it weren't Kantaro's likes they were Kei's. It just made him feel like some of his followers were following him just for photos with Kei while totally ignoring Kantaro's content. It felt so miserable. He couldn't even blame Kei. He was so sincerly modest, propably not aware that from the whole VISTY his account has the most followers.
"Yeah, of course we don't. Are you alright, Kantaro?" Toma looked kind of worried.
"Yes, it's nothing. You can absolutely join us Kei. If you don't ditch us to make tracks again" In his mind he prayed that he will. Kei chuckled softly.
"Don't worry I won't. Oh, Aoi and Shogo are coming back."
"That's great! Let's go home before someone recognize me in that ugly disguise."
As if Toma's sunglasses could even be named a disguise.
"Yeah, let's go back" Kantaro agreed. He really wanted to leave this place already. It didn't matter if the likes are from Kei fans they're still mine, he told himself but he couldn't really belived that.

*****

Notifications kept popping up on Kantaro's screen. He left them on for now just to fully enjoy the moment. New likes and even a few new followers made him so happy. He listened to the notification sound repeating itself endlessly, what would bring most people to madness. But Kantaro liked it. It made him feel needed. The phone's sound was like tousends of voices telling him how much they like him. It was the sound of praise. He felt excited as he was getting ready for reading comments. What was he even worrying about? Kei fans? It's good he had them, every VISTY member had some fans specially devoted to them. It didn't bother him with others, why would it bother him when it's Kei?
Kantaro opened the comment section under photos from new photoshoot.

They look so cute!!

That's too sweet I'm dying

I just love these three so much I don't think you understand

These comments made Kantaro smile wider. These lolipops were a great idea after all. He was glad he thought of it. It was like nothing could destroy his mood now.
But then he scrolled lower. There was a photo. A photoshopped version of their photo with Toma and Kantaro removed and turned into background. Person who posted the photo descibed it just with For my Kei fans out there. And there were people commenting on this photo.

Thank you thank you THANK YOU

You're doing God's work

Wish they did this session with Kei only

Kantaro's hands started shaking. Not just slightly. He couldn't hold his phone in his hands anymore so it fell down on his bed. The tears were forming in his eyes and he didn't know if the thing he was feeling was sadness or anger. He felt nausious so he decided to slowly walk to his bathroom. Kantaro turned on the light and looked in the mirror. Why, why can't they just like me? What did I do wrong? Am I worse than Kei? But why? I don't understand. Tears were running on his cheeks. He couldn't hold them back anymore. His thoughts were full of questions he couldn't answer. Kantaro grabbed a sink with his still shaking hands. How is Kei always so improtant to all of them? Are they all following VISTY just for him? Am I really that useless? He didn't want to be useless. For one time in his life he just wanted to feel needed. He wanted at least his fans to like him but it seemed like they'd rather him to be gone.
Kantaro still felt awful but he caught his breath and decided to get his phone to check more comments. People may be doing more of it just now or maybe they're writing something actually nice. No matter which it was he had to know. He wanted to throw his phone away forever and never read that comments again but he couldn't. He tried to wipe his tears enough to read and steady his hand enough to slide the notification bar. Kantaro decided to read retweets maybe that was better, maybe there were less Kei fans making a mess and not caring for anyone besides him.

Aaaaa I love this I'm making this my background NOW

Kei gives so much peace to this duo

Is it just me or Kantaro really looks like a big baby here? Maybe they should drop him at daycare and just continue making music without him tbh i don't think anyone would miss him

Kantaro knew that. Of course he knew. It all would be better without him, right? He didn't deserve to even stand near the rest of VISTY. He knew that but it hurted him. This random person could see that so clearly. Kantaro was breathing heavily. He started looking for positive comments about him in panic. It's just one person, right? He read only fragments of retweets and comments while maniacally scrolling through them. There had to be one person... at least one. He scrolled faster and faster. Kei, VISTY, Kei, Kei, Toma, Kei. There had to be somebody right?
He started sobbing harder. He was wortless. Nobody cared. Nobody cared about him. Kantaro curled up into a ball on his bed. He tried to keep his sobbing down so none of his friends would hear it. He felt his shaking legs with his shaking hands. Everything was falling apart. What was the point of living if nobody was looking at you? His vision got so blurry he wasn't able to distinguish objects anymore. There was never a time in his life that he wanted to dissapear more than right now. The brown stain, his door, remained closed. There was a small, no it was an enormous part of him. A part that he didn't want to acknowledge and that part wanted someone to pass through this door so badly.
But nobody ever came.

*****

It was a busy day for VISTY. They had a meet up with fans today and everyone was completly drained from their energy. At least almost everyone. The moment they got back Toma went straight to his bedroom muttering something about his beauty sleep. He was the one who was always going to bed first. Well, Toma really cared about the way he looked so it's only natural that he did what he could to stay in form. Kei took something out of the fridge and, after wishing them goodnight, headed for his room but Shogo stopped him.
"Hey, don't stay up all night, ok? You look exhausted."
Kei was a bit surprised and so was Kantaro. Kei looking exhausted? He looked like always, warmly smiling, quiet and peaceful center of their group. At the meet up he talked to fans so casually, without putting much effort in his words. Everyone loved him anyways.
It was propably just Shogo being caring like he always was.
"Okay. I'll try to go to sleep after eating."
"You can eat here with us." Kantaro suggested, not knowing why was Kei hiding in his room instead of joining them.
"Thank you but I have to work on something. Goodnight again."
They wished goodnight to him again as well. Was he going to work on some song? It was like he always did that.
"Today's event was fun, wasn't it?" Aoi smiled while getting their medicines open. "There was so much people there for us. Every time I see them I realize how much we achived together."
"Yes! Interaction with fans is great. It's also tiring though" Kantaro sighed.
He loved meet ups. The way all of their fandom was gathering just to talk to them and all but... It was not the same as social media interactions.
"Ha, I have to agree, Kantaro. I'm all worn out but having people come to meet you feels awesome." Shogo's way of thinking was dangerously similar to his own.
"I just like the feeling of putting smiles on their faces" Aoi swallowed their suplements. "Well guess I'll go to bed too. Goodnight."
After Aoi left it was just Shogo and Kantaro in the living room. They were having some casual small talk but then, when it didn't look like any of them was going to sleep, Shogo got some idea.
"Wanna watch a movie?"
Kantaro nodded. If they were going to stay here they could as well watch something together. Shogo turned on the TV and turned off the lights. Now bright moon beside the window was the only light illuminating the room. Was it full moon today? It was really bright. Kantaro made a mental note to check it later.
"We're watching something specific or...?"
"I can show you one of my favourites."
"Oh yeah!" he got a bit too excited and forgot to keep his voice down. "You have a good eye for movies, Shogo."
"Well, that's what people expects from me" he smiled sadly.
Kantaro didn't know if he should answer that somehow or change topic so he remained silent. The movie slowly started. Shogo made sure to play it quiet so it wouldn't wake up others. Was Kei still awake doing something? He wondered. No, he should be asleep by now. Kantaro curled up on the sofa while Shogo was taking over the whole rest of space.
The main character of the movie was a girl whose father was a prime minister. Her whole life she was teached how to behave. Everyone just wanted her to be a good represantation for her dad and if she'll get lucky maybe even gain him more supporters. Now that the movie stated the girl's backstory it started for real showing her as a young adult. She completly cut ties with her father and the rest of family and wanted to live life as herself. She was going to a meeting with one of her higher ups but when she got there he just keep asking about politics and at the end even asked how was her father and if he was interested in investing in the company. Main character left the meeting angrily. It seemed like she couldn't take it anymore.
Kantaro bit his lip. He couldn't just sit in silence like they did for twenty minutes. He knew why Shogo chose this movie. Remaining silent made it vicious to watch as he knew how bad his friend was propably feeling watching it. Why would Shogo go for this movie today? Was it something with the meet up? Oh, no way that happened again.
"Were there any of those people at the meet up today?"
He asked and regreted it slightly after. If that was true Shogo was propably trying to forget and maybe even was close to getting over it but Kantaro opened the wound again. He stared at the movie as the silence lingered. That was a mistake... or was it? Shogo always showed his care for every member of VISTY. Someone should be concerned about him too. He should just get it off his chest. But the silence remained. Kantaro decided to turn his head to check if his friend didn't fall asleep but no. He stared at the woman on the screen who was currently eating some leftovers. His gaze slowly turned in Kantaro's direction. The lack of light provided by screen and the moon only made the way they weren't keeping eye contact easier. In this dark room it was actually easier to talk.
"They always come" Shogo whispered quietly. "I mean I understand them. Meeting my dad is more expensive and harder so his fans want to get new informatons using other ways even if that means coming to our event."
"But you're not your father!"
"I'm happy you think so."
"It's not just me. You are not your dad and everyone should know that. I don't get this people getting into event they don't even care about. What's wrong with them?!"
He got mad. Shogo always tried to show the public things he did. Things that made him him but some stupid psychofans were blind to that.
"I just wish one day these people will learn to distinguish me from him" his voice was shaking. "And, you know, like me for what I do."
"You work super hard, we all do. People can be so mean and cruel. Every time I see this Kei fans blabbering all about him I wonder if they even notice us."
In the middle of speaking he realized he said too much. He totally switched the topic and made it about himself while he was supposed to comfort his friend. It was too late to take his words back now. Also the part about Kei, he shouldn't mention it.
"You know, some people have one member they like the most. It's not just Kei fans I'm pretty sure you have yours too. But yes, some people really don't care about conseqences of their words in the internet. It's honestly better to distance yourself from all this comments."
"But I like reading them! The positive ones really make me happy. It's so hard to stop checking them... Don't you also feel that way sometimes?"
"Not really. I guess i'm more of a fan of in real life meetings but while I'm having a good time there's just always someone to destroy it" Shogo sighted.
They weren't avoiding each other's eyes anymore.
"Then you had to notice how Kei is in the center of every event. It's the same no matter how you look like it. I mean why is he getting all of the attention? We worked as hard as him if not more."
Kantaro got carried away with emotions again. Their conversation felt so comfortable he let something he felt deep inside slip. The screen shined brighter as scenes changed. The light illuminated them showing concern on Shogo's face.
"Listen, Kantaro. It must be upsetting seeing Kei surrounded by so many people, when you want their eyes on you, but trust me. Kei really worked hard for it. I don't mean you didn't, don't get me wrong. Kei doesn't show how worn out he actually is, if you don't observe him more closely you may miss it. He's our center for a reason. I think you should talk it out with him." He smiled but his eyes were still filled with worry.
"Oh."
That was all Kantaro was able to say. Isn't Kei just a natural? Shogo propably didn't want to acknowladge the truth. He was always being caring of everybody so he started imaginating Kei being tired and overworked when it's the other way around. Yes, that's propably it.
"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't really mean it. I know Kei works hard. I appreciate it."
He just wanted to let this topic go. Shogo looked truly relieved.
"Ok. You should still talk to him" he pointed screen with his head. "Want me to get back to the part we stopped paying attention?"
"Yes, please"
And just like that they returned to watching the movie. Kantaro couldn't quite focus even when he tried. There was just something different on his mind. Even so, the movie was good. He wished he could bring himself to concentrate more. The main character tried to jump off the bridge at the end but they never showed if she really did. It was an intriguing open ending. As the credits rolled he realized how late it was right now. He quickly thanked Shogo for showing him this movie and they both went to their rooms.
Still as exhausted as he was he didn't fall asleep as fast as he should. Working hard, huh? He wished his hard work looked like that. Suddenly he remembered something. He grabbed his phone. Yes, Kantaro was right it was full moon tonight. He decided to check likes under his photo now that he was using his phone anyway. It had a ton of likes. This photo of him, Toma and Kei was one of the most liked on his account for sure. Wow, he even got some new followers. Kantaro smiled and turned off his phone. The moment he closed his eyes he finally fell asleep.

*****

Kantaro entered the living room. He got up rather late so everyone propably ate breakfast without him.
"Oh, Kantaro! It's good you're up. Could you please, get me my face mask from the bathroom? You see..." he pointed at his arm where Shogo was sleeping. "Sho-chin felt asleep almost as fast as I came here. He propably went to sleep way too late."
Kantaro felt kind of guilty. Well, it was him that made Shogo go to bed late. At least a part of this was his fault so he was ready to run an errand for Toma.
"Which one?"
"It should be in the bathroom at the top shelf. It's green and have some leafs on it... I guess?"
"You guess?"
"Well, I'm not sure but you'll find it."
Kantaro was about to go to their shared bathroom. Everyone had their own but there was one for everyone and guests maybe. They didn't really had a lot of guests so it was usually just a storage for Toma's stuff. The one that stopped him was Aoi.
"You're finally awake, Kantaro! Want me to heat up your breakfast?"
"That would be great. Thank you Aoi!"
"I predicted some of you may have troubles getting up after this meet up yesterday" they sighed while looking in Shogo's direction. "Well, there's no helping it."
Aoi went to the kitchen and Kantaro finally made his way to the bathroom. As he suspected there was a ton of face masks at the top shelf. He went through them hoping to find the one that fitted Toma's criteria or what Toma guessed his criteria was. He finally found the green one with some kind of leafs but when he tried to take it another three masks fell. Kantaro clenched his fists in irritation and put them back on the shelf. He was about to leave but the mirror caught his attention. The bags under his eyes begun to form and his skin looked like he should also use some face mask. For real, he should take better care of his looks. There won't be lots of likes under his photos if he keep it up. He made a promise to himself to do something with it later and finally left the bathroom.
Aoi was sitting in the armchair and talking with Toma who played with hair of still sleeping Shogo. Kantaro was shocked he didn't wake up. He must be really tired. The guilt striked him again.
"Is that it?" he tossed the face mask to Toma who barely managed to catch it.
"I think it was another one. Maybe it was black? But this one's fine too. Thanks!"
"How do you even want to do this with..." Aoi pointed at Shogo. They were right, it would be hard to not wake him up.
"Oh, Sho-chin? He's a heavy sleeper it'll be fine."
"Then why don't you just move him to his bed?"
Toma opened his mouth to answer but somebody else entered the room.
"Hey, everyone. I'm glad you're all here."
It was Kei. He was holding some notebook and a pencil.
"Are you hugry, Kei? I can heat you up some food so you can eat with Kantaro."
That reminded him that he didn't eat his breakfast yet. He noticed a plate on the table just now.
"I'm not hungry but thank you. I actually wanted to ask you some questions regarding the song but I see Shogo is sleeping. Should I come later?"
"No, no, we should wake him up anyway." Aoi got up from the armchair and shaked him slightly but Shogo was still asleep.
"I told you he's a heavy sleeper. We have to put more energy into this."
"I can really do it later. I don't wanna trouble you..."
"You're not troubling us, Kei. Sho-chin doesn't like sleeping in the daytime. He would propably want us to wake him up."
"Then why didn't you do it before?" Kantaro wondered.
"I didn't have a heart. He was barely alive when he was still awake. It's not healthy to miss sleep. Also it's bad for your skin."
Shogo slightly opened his eyes. They did it. They managed to wake him up.
"Did I... fell asleep?" He asked with his still sleepy voice. "What hour is it?"
"It's almost noon" Aoi checked their phone.
"What?!" Suddenly Shogo was fully awake. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
They stayed silent for a while until Kantaro decided to change the topic.
"You wanted to ask us something, right?"
He was curious what Kei wanted to know. He never had a problem with making music on his own. Why would he need their help now?
"Yes. I'm in the middle of making a new song for us and... I really want it to have a part from every one of us. So... What would you like to be in the song? Is there some kind of music you especially like or something?"
He grabbed his pencil and got ready to write.
"That's a great idea, Kei. Wouldn't it be to hard to put all those parts together though?" Shogo was visibly concerned.
So he was at this overworked Kei thing again, huh?
"Well, I'll do my best. But I'm sure it will fit somehow. We make a group together so our sounds should resonate with each other as well" he smiled gently like he always did.
His peaceful and pure aura was shining through him. You couldn't see it obviously but that was something that just striked you. At least it was for Kantaro.
"Hmm... I like modern sounds pretty much" Aoi spoken. "Not the ones full of effects. The original ones that leaves this feeling that it's something new. Something that make you feel... I don't know how to describe it... safe? I'm propably going too deep into this now, I'm sorry."
"No, that's exactly what I meant, thank you, is there something else?" Kei was writing down what Aoi just said.
"I don't know... I guess I have to think about it for a while."
"I like energetic music" Toma clapped his hands. "The way it makes you wanna dance and you can't really control it. It's a pain when it plays in the situation you should be serious but it's just fun to listen to it."
Kei was scribbling faster now. He looked like talking about music made him happy. His eyes were sparkling with joy.
"I would like something with a postive vibe. Like you can listen to it when you're sad and it boosts your mood and make you happy again" Shogo joined the disussion.
All eyes were on Kantaro now. It was his turn and well... he didn't know what he wanted. They all gave some meaningful answers while he just didn't know. There was only an empty space in his head.
"What about you, Kantaro?"
Kei turned to him with his notebook. Wasn't it his job to make tracks for them?
"I would like our song to go viral."
That was the true. He realized as soon as he said that it was the thing he truly wanted. It must have sounded shallow compered to what his friends' answers were. It propably did, but he didn't lie. It was an honest answer so that should be okay.
"Well then, what do you like about other songs?"
Kei really tried to get something more out of him. That only made him mad. Didn't he say that? He wanted likes and views. That was it. Why was he pressuring him?
"I don't know."
"Maybe you found something specific that makes viral songs good? Something that you would like our song to have."
That was to much for him. He answered. Was that wrong? Well, it was true so what was the problem? Was he the problem here? He felt like it was the last straw. Kantaro looked at Kei with pure anger.
"I'm telling you I just want it go viral, what don't you understand?! You know, not everybody gets attention just for doing nothing like you! Making songs is your job so I don't understand what's this interrogation about. People would like whatever you do anyways! You know how you can make a good song?! Do it alone! Your fans will be delighted nobody's getting in your way!"
Kantaro finally finished screaming. There was this awkward silence now. Everybody looked at him in pure shock. Aoi looked startled by the sudden scream while Toma seemed like he wasn't sure what happened yet. Slowly they started to process everything he just said.
"Kantaro..."
Shogo tried to say something but Kantaro ran away. He said too much. Why did he even speak? Why couldn't he just shut up and keep it inside? He opened the door of his room and shut them aggressively. What had he done...? Are they going to hate him now? It had to look like he was being unnecceserily aggresive. If someone else bursted out like this he would propably be scared and confused. He didn't control that. Why couldn't he just...?
"I'm dumb" he whispered as he sat on his bed. "I'm so dumb."
Slowly the anger transformed into sadness. He could rage all he wanted, that didn't change a thing. Kantaro felt tears running on his cheeks. He sat on his bed and hide his face in his hands. Now things he said truly hit him. Did he really have no self-control?
Suddenly he heard someone knocking.
"Kantaro..." it was Kei's voice. "I'm coming in."
He opened the door slowly giving Kantaro a chance to send him off, but Kantaro didn't do that. He couldn't bring himself to even look at him after everything. He didn't expect him to just come here. Was he going to yell at him too? Kantaro started sobbing. Just what had he done? Kei slowly sat next to him. Again giving him time to disagree or push him off or whatever he could expect from him now.
This was like the first time Kantaro ever looked at him. He had awful bags under his eyes. His skin was really pale and he looked like he wasn't eating enough. He never noticed it before. How come he didn't? Shogo's words ringed in his head "Kei doesn't show how worn out he actually is, if you don't observe him more closely you may miss it". He didn't belive him back then but now as he saw Kei it became perfectly clean. He was overworked. It wasn't even the biggest surprise. Kei didn't look mad.
"I'm sorry."
Kantaro looked at him in shock. No, no way. It was him who should apologize why is he...
"I'm sorry. I never noticed." Kei voice started to shake slightly. "You were feeling so bad and you- you're always working so hard but I didn't notice something was wrong... Did they... Did my fans said that to you? That you're... getting in the way?"
He looked so troubled maybe even sad. He didn't show it openly but if you took a closer look you saw it. Kantaro nodded slowly.
"Well, not exactly..." his voice was faint. "They'll never like me the way they like you. I- I just don't know why." Sobbing made it hard to talk for him but he wanted to tell everything now. "You're just being you and that's enough. Everybody loves you. I'm just doing every- anything I can and- and still they- they... I'm so worthless."
He put his head down. He couldn't talk anymore. It was hurting him. Every word he said. It was hurting him because he knew it was true. Suddenly he felt something on his shoulder. Kantaro looked that way. It was Kei. He didn't hug him or anything, he just rested his forehead on his shoulder. It felt a bit weird. Kantaro felt like he should do something but didn't know what so he just continued to sit and stare on his wall. His vision was blurry so no matter where would he look now it all would look just like a mix of colors.
"You have no idea how much you mean to all of us. VISTY wouldn't be VISTY without you... You know that, right? You're not wortless. You never were."
He felt something wet on his shoulder. Was Kei... crying? They sitted together like this for a while. Kei's hair tickled his neck slightly but this and the small weight he felt on his shoulder was somehow comforting. Someone was there for him. Even after he blurted out so much awful, cruel and just untrue things. Even after he voluntarily closed himself in his room. Someone came for him. Someone cared. Slowly Kantaro's tears begun to dry. Kei raised his head. If Kantaro didn't take a longer look he wouldn't even notice that he was crying. He would miss it. It was so easy to miss...
"Don't deal with things like that alone, ok? You can always talk to me... If you want to. I'm sure everybody here will also hear you out. Don't keep it inside."
"Okay..."
Kei stood up and headed to the door but Kantaro caught his hand before he could leave. He did it almost impulsive. After he caught him he wondered how to put his apologise into right words. He didn't want the silence to linger so he started talking.
"Kei... I'm sorry. I was wrong. You work so hard and you're always making awesome music for us. I said some really cruel things..."
"It's alright." Kei gave him one of his warmest smiles. "I know you didn't mean it."
How could he know that if in that moment even Kantaro thought that was what he meant? Was he saying that just to make him feel better? Or maybe he knew how unaware Kantaro really was? Kantaro let go of his hand but when Kei was right in front of the door he turned his way one more time.
"You'll give me the answer about music you like when you"ll get to know, ok?"
"I don't know how long will it be..."
"I'll wait"
And with that Kei left, gently closing the door behind him.

*****

Kantaro slept really well tonight. What was pretty surprising, looking at what happened yesterday. But maybe he just felt good with getting so many things out of his chest. It was like he finally removed a part of the burden he was carrying.
As soon as he took a look outside he realized it had to be really early. The light made him blind for a second but his eyes got used to it quickly. Sun had to rise not too long ago. But if it was that early why was he hearing footsteps in the living room? He decided to check it. Kantaro realized how bad of an idea it was after he left his room. After his outrage he didn't talk to anyone besides Kei. Somehow he managed to avoid the rest of VISTY. What if they were mad at him for what he said? No, he couldn't think like that. He finally put himself together and started walking in the living room's direction. It seemed like Aoi was the reason for the noise. They were all over the place, propably getting ready for something.
"Oh, did I wake you up?"
Kantaro shook his head. He didn't think it was this small noise that made him get up that early.
"Are you going somewhere?"
"I have to get tickets from one place. If I don't hurry up they will be sold out in no time."
Aoi didn't sound mad. They were talking with him like always. Did they already forget what happened? No, that was impossible.
"If you woke up anyway, maybe you want to go with me?"
That surprised him.
"Yeah sure, just give me a moment. I'll get ready. I will hurry."
He ran to his room. Aoi really didn't mind his presence. That made him really happy. So his outburst wasn't going to make him an outcast of the group. Unless Aoi wanted to yell at him outside so they don't wake up others. He hoped that wasn't it. He got ready as fast as he could and got back to the living room.
"I'm ready!"
"Great, let's go."
As Kantaro went outside he felt weird. He didn't recall taking a walk in early morning before. The streets that were always crowdy were empty now. Everything was so... peaceful. Aoi was smiling and their eyes shined with happiness.
"What are you buying tickets for?"
Kantaro never really bothered to ask what Aoi liked. He wondered why. It was not like he didn't care. Maybe he just didn't want to put pressure on Aoi, making them feel like they need to tell him.
"Oh, it's a concert. Well, Phanthom Live to be more specific" they looked somehow uncomfrotable so Kantaro didn't ask for more details.
"A Phanthom Live? Wow, I never was on one before. This is your first time?"
"It's the third. You should go someday the atmosphere is just so..." Aoi gesticulated rapidly. "It's hard to describe. You have to see it with your own eyes and hear it with your own ears."
Third time? He had no idea Aoi went on any concert before, not to mention Phantom Live. They sounded so passionate about it.
"Oh, I get it."
They walked in silence for a while. Kantaro knew he should adress it. He thought Aoi will but they didn't so...
"I'm sorry... about yesterday. I was screaming nonsense. I was wrong and..."
"You don't have to apologize. Not to me at least but I think you already talked to Kei"
"Yeah..."
He still wasn't sure about it. Maybe Kei was the one affected the most but the otheres were propably hurt too. Yet Aoi didn't want him to apologize.
"You know we all are under a lot of pressure. Our fandom have some picture of us and sometimes we have to constantly play the role. It's hard sometimes but you can't really show it. It bottles up in you and... One day you have to explode."
"Still, I went too far."
They walked for a moment in silence but it wasn't awkward. The shops that were usually full of customers were almost empty or still closed. The air was actually fresh. Well, there weren't any cars so maybe that's why. It felt like with the new day everything just restarted. Suddenly Aoi sighed.
"You know, before i joined VISTY I didn't have a place to call mine. Place where I could be myself. You all helped me so much..." they smiled. "Don't be afraid to talk when you need to, Kantaro. If something irritates you, tell us. I know it's hard to talk about everything but... You don't have to act when you're with us. When you feel like screaming, scream."
Kantaro stopped walking. Aoi noticed it when they were a few steps ahead. They turned in his direction. Sky was a mix of white and pale blue. The sun might still be the same as yesterday but day was new. He felt like this morning something new begun.
"Thank you, Aoi."
He said, even if this wasn't enough to express his gratitude.
"Thank you too, Kantaro."
What were they thanking for? Going for a walk with them? No, it had to be something different. Even if he didn't get it now, one day he was sure he'll understand.
"Do you want to go to this new cafe after we'll grab my ticket? I heard they have really pretty coffee, you may post about it." After they started moving again Aoi started talking like their conversation from before didn't happen.
"Yes! I wanted to go there for so long but there was always so many people... But this early it'll be less crowdy, right?"
"Yeah, at least I hope so."
They continued their morning walk. It felt so good to Kantaro. He felt supported. He felt worthy of being part of this group. Everything was easy now. He had VISTY. There was nothing to worry about.

*****

Kantaro scrolled through comments under his photo of coffee. Well, there wasn't much coffee in his drink it was more like cream, milk, chocolate and more. He didn't like black coffee it was too bitter for him. There were a lot of likes under this photo. Maybe not that much as under his photo with Toma and Kei but still it was quite a lot. The comments were really nice and when he read something mean he didn't react as badly as usual. It was still affecting him, it's not like it stopped but... That was more like irritantion, maybe? It was hard to describe this state.
He caught himself listening to all of their songs lately. So Kei made them all, huh? It wasn't just some noise in the background like he treated it before. Now he felt really ashamed of ever doing that. Kantaro tried to analyze them more. It was like he was listening to this songs for the first time. He never really saw how Kei worked on the tracks... He wanted to see it now. Could he maybe ask Kei to show him? No, he was propably busy now. But once this thought entered Kantaro's mind he couldn't get this out of his head. How was he making this music?
He left his room. It's okay, he can leave if Kei won't be willing to show him. He made his way to the opposite side of their house and just as he raised his hand to knock on the door he realized something. When was the last time he was in Kei's room? He didn't recall visiting this place at all. Maybe when they moved in... but after? It was one more reason why he should go there. After standing with his hand up like an idiot he finally knocked. Kei opened the door rather quickly.
"Oh, Kantaro? Do you want to talk about something?"
"Yes. I mean no. Not really. I mean-"
"Come in."
He entered the room. It was really clean, way cleaner than Kantaro's. Kei propably had some scented candle here because it smelled like something nice. The computer on the desk was on. It looked like he was working on something.
"Are you busy? I can come back later."
"No, I'm not. What do you want to talk about?" he smiled gently like he always did.
"So... I was listening to some of our songs and I wondered how are you making them. Could you, if you have time of course, show me?"
Kei eyes sparkled like he was waiting for this question his entire life.
"Come here" he standed in front of his computer.
Kantaro sat on the chair, which was rather rude given that Kei had to stand now. When he tried to get up Kei put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head slightly.
"Okay, so this is the song I'm working on now" he showed him some program with lots of sounds mixed together. "Usually I come up with the idea of the feeling the song should make someone feel or something we can tell someone with the song first."
"And how do you make the song do that?"
"Well, it's hard to describe but think about it. There are so much sounds in our lifes. Some happy ones and some more negative. I try to base music on that."
Kantaro nodded even though he didn't get it. Maybe he understood a part but it was so complicated. Well, Kei worked with tracks for a long time. He may be more sensitive to sounds.
"It's VISTY song so I try to make every member have their moment."
"Really? What's my moment?"
He was surprised. So many songs and he never noticed there were parts made specially for him.
"In the song I'm making right now-" Kei scrolled to the left. "it's the part before the chorus. I usually give this part to you."
"It's a pretty minor part."
Kantaro was kind of disappointed. Well, could he expect more?
"That's how you see it? It's really important. The main part of the song wouldn't be good if not the build-up. At least for me. This part gets you excited and make you want to wait for what's later. I like the way it makes you feel."
Kantaro looked at Kei. He was so full of passion when he was talking about music.
"I never thought about it that way."
"I can play it for you" he pressed play and let the song he was working on fill the room.
It started just nice. Kantaro liked it. There was something sad yet comforting in this. It was cheerful like all of their songs but there was that other side of it. The song kind of felt like something was ending. He was shocked how many emotions this sound made him feel. The longer he listened, the more in awe he was.
"What do you think?"
"It's amazing, Kei! It feels so deep. It's so- It's just so good!"
Kantaro was excited. How come he never noriced how many layers all VISTY songs had. This one was the best of all Kei ever made. It was a masterpiece.
"Do you want to try making something yourself?"
"I don't think I can..."
Did Kei really saw some potential in him? Kantaro never really thought about making tracks himself.
"I can teach you basics. My program can be used on multiple devices so I can give you account information if you want to try on your computer."
Kantaro looked from Kei to complicated program on his computer and then back at Kei. Could he also make a song this good? Could he also make music?
"Please, teach me."
"Alright, let me get a chair and we can start"
"Oh, I can go for the chair you should sit this one. I mean, it's yours."
"No need, you're the guest here."
Kei looked so happy. He really loved music and it was showing. Maybe Kantaro won't be ever able to make something this good. He didn't fully feel like he understood all of this but nevertheless he wanted to try. He wanted to try making his own music. He was so glad he got to talk to Kei. Kantaro stared at the door unpatiently waiting for his lesson to begin. Their new song was still stuck in his head. It sounded different then usual but this were good changes. They had to be. VISTY was entering a new era.

*****

It wasn't the first time Kantaro was running an errand for Toma. This time he actually wanted to do that. He planned to go for a walk to find inspiration for the track he tried to make. He got really into it. Now that he had a program and knew the basic functions he wanted to create something. Kei usually took inspiration from random sounds he heard. Kantaro thought he could try to take a walk and find some sounds too. But then Shogo caught him as he was about to leave and asked to deliver Toma his lunch he forgot at home.
"It was on the table. He had to forget it but I have an interview in a while so I can't give to him."
He asked if Kantaro could do that and he gladly accepted. At least he had some destination to go to.
It was around noon so most people were propably at school or work right now. Still he met someone who recognized him and wanted to take a photo.
"I'm Stella since your debut! I can't wait to hear new songs! I can't belive I met you on the street just like this!"
The fan was totally excited what made Kantaro happy. They talked for a bit and parted ways. It felt great to have such devoted fans. VISTY was truly lucky.
After a while he finally made it to the modeling agency. He took out his phone and called Toma who picked up fast.
"Kantaro? What's up?"
"I'm at the door of your work. You forgot your lunch and Shogo sent me here. Can you open the door for me?"
"Oh, I did? Wait..."
He hunged up and a moment after the door opened. Kantaro handed the food to Toma.
"Hey if you're already here do you want to go inside for a bit?"
He thought about it for a while but it's not like he had something better to do. He didn't get any inspiration by walking so far.
"Sure, if that's not a problem."
"Don't worry it's only the staff and me here today and photographer is on a break right now anyway."
"Oh, really? Where did that one coworker of yours go?"
"He had something to do apparently."
They entered the photo studio. The whole room was white which made two backgrounds under the wall barely noticable. There were some softboxes here and there as well as things Kantaro couldn't name.
"Did you bring somebody again?! Good morning."
There weren't any doors dividing this room from editor's room so the man inside noticed an intruder right away.
"Good morning" Kantaro tried to be nice but now he felt like he was disturbing editor's work.
"Oh, Kantaro just bringed me my lunch. It would be a waste if he had to go back home. I'll make sure he won't touch anything."
"It's propably you who-"
"Come here, Kantaro. I'll show you photos from my latest photoshoot" Toma made end of the sentence impossible to hear.
There were four computers here but only one was turned on, the one editor was currently using.
"Can I show him the photo you're working on, please. You can go on break or something."
"... Okay, but if you mess anything up I swear I'll-" he wasn't going to finish this sentence so he made a whole lot of back up copies and left.
"Here it is, Kantaro!"
The photo on the screen was somehow weird, like something was out of place.
"It's- heavely edited."
"Don't act like you never used photoshop. All photos on our accounts are also edited."
"Yeah but you don't even look like you anymore. They didn't have change that much, original photo was propably fine as it was."
"Well, it's for a commercial. You know models in these are actually part of the product. We have to look perfect..."
Now Toma sounded sad. Maybe Kantaro shouldn't mention it but he knew how much Toma cared about his looks. Seeing a photo edited that much was not a good thing for him.
"You already look great without any editing."
"Great is not enough. If you can make a picture perfect, why shouldn't you?"
"Well you-" he tried to make an argument but failed.
"Maybe I'll put it like this. Imagine how many likes would photo like this get and how many would it get without editing."
Toma made a good point. Kantaro knew raw photos won't do as good as the one with small modifications. Still, he didn't want the conversation to end this way.
"Don't ever try to look like this, okay? It's impossible. You know seeing photos like that makes people get complexes..."
He really hoped he got through to Toma. There was a moment of silence. Maybe he should say it differently.
"You're worrying about me, Kantaro? Thank you!" Toma was truly glad, at least he seemed like he was. "You don't have to. I know I'm beautiful how I am..."
The last sentence didn't sound like a lie but it didn't sound perfectly true either. Anyway he was glad he told him that. Maybe it wasn't like what Kei told him to make him feel better but, as Aoi said, he couldn't bottle up his concern for his friend.
"This talk with Kei really helped you, huh? I'm glad you guys talked it out."
How did Toma knew that? Was it showing? That comment made Kantaro remember he didn't apologize to him for his behavior back then.
"About that day, I'm sorry. I was really awful."
"Don't be sorry. We all have moments like this. The outcome was good so maybe it's a good thing this happened?"
"Maybe..."
He thought about it for a bit. This talk with Kei really helped him get rid of many useless concerns. He was feeling way better from that day. He even slept better.
"Oh, I should eat before this grumpy editor will come back."
He opened a small box Kantaro bringed to him.
"So maybe I should head back home now? I don't wanna disturb you."
"Eh, It's time to get back to work. Thank you for bringing my lunch."
"No problem."
They exchanged goodbyes and Kantaro head for the exit.
"You're eating above my keyboard, are you crazy?! If you get it dirty--"
Looks like Toma didn't manged to finish before the editor came back. Kantaro left the building quickly. He looked at his phone. Yes, photos they were posting was edited but it was more about contrast and other minor changes like that. He checked his photo with Kei and Toma. It had so many likes, yet it was way less edited than the photo from Toma's work. Sun was shining right on his screen so he used his hand to cover it. He liked this photo. Maybe sometimes being absolutely perfect isn't good like Toma claimed it to be. Kantaro smiled, even now that this photo wasn't that new it was still getting new likes. He looked at the modeling agency one last time and turned the other way. Maybe walks weren't his way of getting inspiration, still it's a good thing he came here.

*****

Kantaro stared at his computer's screen. The program Kei let him use was on but he just couldn't do anything. The more he wondered how to start the harder it was. Kantaro had to take a break. His phone showed him how late it was. He didn't want to pull an all nighter but how could he leave it like this? Kantaro turned on notifications. The ongoing sound coming from his phone felt so comforting. There were people paying attention to him all the time. Kantaro loved this sound...
Wait. Sound? Yes, Kantaro loved this sound. He turned back to his computer. Why didn't he thought about that earlier? He was trying to find inspiration outside but that wasn't his thing. The thing he liked was right here. This sound of notifications, repeating but not irritating, sometimes slowing down but only to get more rapid later. He remembered questions Kei asked them that one day and his friends' answers. The comfort he felt while watching a movie with Shogo. The safety he felt while walking with Aoi. The energy he felt while visiting Toma. Then everything Kei did for him. It was like pieces started to fit one another. All of his memories, all of his feelings. He took them and did everything to show them with music. To express them. He thought of their fans, their Stellas. They were the ones listening to their music and liking his photos. That were his followers. They should feel all positive things that Kantaro got to feel lately. And he? He wanted the song to go viral. What about it?
That wasn't the answer for Kei's question, though. He wanted more. He wasn't able to put it into words but as he put sounds together the answer became clear.

*****

Kantaro surely overslept after what he did yesterday. As soon as he woke up he went to look for Kei. He had to show him.
He wasn't in the living room or kitchen so there was one other option. Kantaro knocked at the door of Kei's room way too fast. That made his knuckles hurt a bit but didn't stop his exciment. As soon as the door opened he spoke.
"Kei, do you have time now? I made something and I want to show you."
"Yes, I do" Kei was rather shocked.
"Okay let's go to my room."
Kantaro was almost running but the moment he stood in front of his door he realized how messy it was inside.
"I'm sorry for the mess."
"I don't mind."
He opened the door. What was he doing? What if Kei won't like the song? It was the first track Kantaro made. Now he felt stressed. Maybe it sounded cool yesterday but will it still sound like that now? He took his headphones in his hands.
"Remember when you asked me about music that day?"
"How could I forget?" Kei was smiling kindly.
"So... I can't really put it into words. I still think I want the song to go viral and all... Anyway I want to answer with something more" he handed Kei his headphones. "I made- I tried to make a song. I know it's propably bad but could you please listen to it. I mean if you want."
He blurted out the last part pretty fast. Kei took the headphones.
"Of course I want to listen to it."
Kantaro played the song. He couldn't hear anything but quiet tunes coming from headphones Kei was wearing. There was an awful tension. Kantaro wanted to look at him but he was scared of what he'll see. What if he was disappointed? He knew that if the track he just made was that bad his self-esteem would be ruined. Would he be able to even try making music again? He observed the screen as the song was playing and then it ended. He couldn't avoide Kei's gaze anymore. He looked at him but he would never expect what he saw.
There were tears running on Kei's cheeks. His eyes were sparkling. He took his headphones off and looked at Kantaro.
"It's amazing."
That was all he said. Kantaro standed petrified for a while. Was he lying to make him feel good? Still, he looked so serious.
"Thank you. I mean it was you who teached me everything..."
Kei shook his head.
"It is your song by all means. You showed all of us in it" he rubbed his eyes. "It will be perfect for a new VISTY song."
Kantaro opened his mouth in shock. Their new song? Was it really good enough?
"Are you sure it's okay? It's no match for your songs."
"I'm so happy, Kantaro" he hugged him.
Kantaro hugged him back and they stayed like that for a while. "Music is a part of all of us. We just have to confront it and you did."
Their hug broke off. He felt like he was smiling like an idiot. He made his own track and Kei liked it. He noticed how he tried to put something for every member in it. Someone understood method he chose to express himself. It was like he presented all his feelings without saying a word.
"Can you sent me this? I want to be able to listen to it before you'll release it."
"Oh, yeah, if you want to I can send it to you. You can always come here if you want to listen to it though."
"Thank you, it's... just in case."
Kantaro sent the track to him.
"We're gonna start recording the song for your latest track soon, right? I can't wait!"
"Oh, yeah. We'll release it soon" he sounded kind of sad with that.
That was weird but Kantaro didn't push any further. Kei got himself together and head for the door.
"Thank you for answering my question, Kantaro. It was worth waiting."
"Thank you for asking."
He realized how much have changed from the moment Kei asked him that. It felt so far away. This question truly changed him. Kei smiled in his direction one last time and left.
Kantaro couldn't get over how something felt off. Even after his friend left, something was troubling him. There was something more to this conversation than he thought. Before you'll release it? Why didn't he said we? It had to be just some weird phrasing. Right?

*****

Their new song was finally being released tonight. All of VISTY members gathered in the living room to celebrate. Everyone seemed happy and excited. Toma even ordered a cake for them.
"We created another great song together." Aoi sat on the sofa with Shogo and Toma while Kantaro and Kei were sitting on the armchairs.
"I can't wait to see how many views it'll get" Kantaro got excited.
"I want to see Stella's reaction" Shogo laughted softly.
"They'll be blown away for sure!" Toma almost let his piece of cake fall from his plate.
"This song has a little different vibe from our usual songs though." Kantaro looked at Kei hoping for answer.
He noticed that even if all other VISTY members were having fun Kei was rather quiet. Well, he was never really talktive but there was something unsettling in his silence. The song he was working on so much was coming out. Shouldn't he be more happy about it?
"Yes" he answered shortly. "A bit."
Something was definitely wrong. Kantaro hoped it was nothing important. Maybe Kei just didn't sleep enough. Yeah, he got so excited he couldn't fall asleep. That makes sense.
"The premiere is starting in five minutes" Aoi put their laptop on the table.
Kantaro moved his armchair to see live chat more clearly. It was already full of people.

It's gonna be so gooooood I can't wait

New song finally!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited only five more minutes!!

They all gathered closer to the laptop. Kantaro obviously heard the song before and all but he couldn't wait for it to be public. For all their fans to hear it. He looked at Kei but he still looked like something was wrong. Kantaro really wanted to help. Seeing someone who did so much for him, his friend, in this state made him feel so helpless. Kei looked back at him and smiled. It was a sad smile.
The music video started playing and everyone's eyes were back at the screen.

AAAAAAA I LOVE THIS

Just look at Kei OMGGGG

I'M CRYING THIS IS SO JZNSHSJ

It feels like some new era for VISTY

The comment was right it really sounded like they entered a new era. Kantaro blinked a few times to keep the tears forming in his eyes away. All of them gathered together to make this song. Everybody did their best. He wished it would always be like this. The five of them making music together.
"We did it! Our Stella clearly love this one." Aoi smiled.
"Let's listen to it again!" Toma played the song from the begining.
They all listened to it again. There were so many likes already. Kantaro smiled brightly. The song almost ended when suddenly Kei spoke.
"Everyone, I have to tell you something..."
His face was pale. More pale than usual. You could feel the same kind of peaceful and pure aura from him as always but his smile seemed kind of regretful. It felt like he accepted something unavoidable.
"What is it, Kei?" Shogo was visibly concerned.
Everyone who was still holding a plate put it on the table. All eyes were on the center of their group now. Kantaro was too scared to speak. He knew something was wrong but he was trying to deny it so hard. He couldn't deny it now.
"You see... there's something I have to do. I- can't give more details but it's something really important for me and... to do this... I have to leave..."
Everyone was in shock, processing the inforormations Kei just gave them.
"What do you mean leave?" Kantaro smiled but his eyes were terrified. "Like for a week? A month? We can help you, you know that."
Kei took a deep breath. He wasn't looking at any of them.
"I don't know if I'll return... I'm leaving VISTY... permanently..."
There was silence. Just pure silence. Permanently? No, no, there's no way. He was their center he couldn't just leave them forever. Everyone was too surprised to even speak so he continued.
"I'm so happy I got to create music with you. We did so much together I'm really grateful..."
"Then why are you leaving?!" Kantaro screamed and in that moment everything broke in him. "Why are you doing it to us, Kei?! Why are doing this to me...?"
His voice was shaking now. He didn't even realize he stood up. He looked at Kei and started crying. That wasn't a joke. He was going to leave them for real.
"You're seriously leaving us?" Shogo was shaking.
He looked like he was about to faint. Toma wrapped his arm around him but he was also barely concious.
"Kei, is that some kind of a joke...? You can't be serious... We can help you. We're a team, right?"
"Not now, not when I finally found my place..." Aoi muttered to themself.
"I'm sorry..." Kei wasn't smiling anymore.
"If you're sorry then why are you leaving? Didn't you say- Didn't you say we mean a lot to you...? Then why?! Are we not good enough after all...?" Kantaro's voice was shaking.
"Music will make us meet again I can feel it."
What kind of joke was that? What kind of excuse? Why couldn't they make music together like always?
"What do you mean?! You're not even sure if we'll meet again?! What? We can't even call you?"
"... I don't think that would be possible... But trust me, I'm sure. I promise all of you we'll meet again."
Shogo got up. He almost tripped so Toma also got up ready to catch him.
"No matter what you do we support you, Kei... Are you sure there's no other way?"
"Is this the end of VISTY?" Aoi was panicking.
They breathed heavily. Kantaro wanted to help them but he wasn't able to move himself.
"No, please don't disband completly. I know you can make it. Kantaro can make music for you" then Kei turned to Shogo. "No, I'm afraid there's no other way."
"When- When are you leaving?" Kantaro didn't want to know, he wanted to deny it so much but he couldn't.
"I'm actually ready to leave now so... I'm leaving today."
It was too much. He was leaving today. There was no way to stop him. Tomorrow there'll be only four of them here. He didn't know if he'll see Kei ever again. He promised, Kantaro tried to calm himself. He said they'll meet again. But how were they supposed to functionate now. How were they going to live without their center? How were they going to continue making this stupid music he loved so much?
"Don't you have to pack your things? Do you need any- any help with that or something...?" Toma was propably the only one still capable of thinking rationally.
He looked like he was barely holding himslef together. He was still making sure Shogo who was next to him won't faint.
"This bag is enough" Kei pointed at the bag near his armchair. "I don't need much. You can use the rest of my things however you want."
Toma opened his mouth like he was about to say something but immediately closed it. There was nothing that could stop Kei now. To think Kantaro didn't even notice the bag next to him. It was there the whole time. Kei knew he will be leaving today. Why didn't he tell them sooner?
The atmosphere was hopeless. Nobody knew what to do.
"The longer I'll stay the harder it'll be to leave" Kei stood up. "Thank you all for everything. It's not a goodbye. I promise."
Few large steps was all it took him to get to the front door. He smiled gently one last time and the door closed behind him. Before anyone could stop him he was gone.

****

They all gathered together the next day. All of them completly broken. All of them needing someone to comfort them when there was nobody to do that. It felt so different than their usual meetings. It was so offical. It felt like a funreal. Shogo took a deep breath and spoke.
"I know it's hard for all of us... But even after something like this we can't stop moving forward. Kei is not dead. He had to have his reasons. We- I think we should trust him"
Kantaro felt anger. Could they really trust Kei? He left them just like this, all on their own. He made Kantaro feel important for a while. It was like he finally mattered. But it seemed like he wasn't important enough.
"I think we should let people know. We should officially announce that Kei left VISTY. And then- And then we should continue making music. That's what he wants us to do, right?"
Shogo put on a fake smile. No matter how much he tried he couldn't hide how hurt he was. Aoi muttered something silently. Everybody looked at them so they repeated it louder.
"Will you become our new leader, Shogo?"
"You should go for it Sho-chin. You will be a great leader" Toma sounded like he was about to cry but he truly meant what he said.
Kantaro nodded. He also thought Shogo would be the best new leader for them.
"If you want me to... But I can't make music..."
"I can" Kantaro said without thinking. "K- He... teached me a little. It won't be as good as his but..."
"He even said that, right? That you can make music for us" Aoi recalled last night's event.
Was that why Kei teached me? Just because he needed someone to do it after he'll leave?
"So, Shogo, you should be our new center. I'll do- I may- I'll try to do music"
"New center... Ok... Then I'll inform people about... you know" he tried to smile but couldn't.
There was a moment of silence.
"I'm sorry I want to be alone for a while..." Aoi stood up and went to their room.
Kantaro did the same. As he was leaving the room he heard Shogo.
"Am I about to be the new Kei now? I'll never be him. Why? Why is this the same thing over and over again...?"
"You're your own person, Sho-chin. They don't want you to be the new Kei, they want you to be you" Toma sounded like he was barely holding up his tears.
"But the public-"
"The public will always-"
He didn't hear the rest. He closed the door of his room. They will tell their fandom. What about all those Kei fans around? What will they do know? All this questions were running through his head. The part of him still wanted to believe it's just a dream. An awful nightmare he'll wake up from soon. He didn't have energy to cry so he was just sitting. He just was there... and he didn't want to be.

****

It was public now. The news about Kei leaving were public. Kantaro was looking at social media in pure terror.

So that's the end of VISTY, huh? What's the point now without Kei?????

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?? WHY???

They really think someone will still listen to VISTY now?

WHAT?! I literally only cared about Kei there's no point in VISTY now

He was shaking. He really thought he got better after talking to Kei but that was too much. He wasn't there to calm him down now. Kantaro was breathing heavily. Why? Why are they leaving too? Almost a half of his followers was gone by now. They left. They didn't care about him. He was worthless to them, so worthless. The spotlight shining on him was always dim but now it completely died out. He was in the shadow. There weren't any lights to shine on him. He was in complete dark where nobody could see him. What was the point of being part of VISTY now? If he would leave nobody would care, that's the true. He refreshed the website. The number of followers was still decreasing. It was over. It was all over. Nobody would like his posts now. Nobody would like his song now. Kei's tears after he listened to it... were they fake? Was he just happy he could pass this task to someone?
He looked at VISTY official account. The number of followers was so much smaller.
The idea that was forming in his head from longer then wanted it to, came back to him. It was like that one seed of doubt, self-hatred and everything bloomed. It was always there. It was growing. Maybe it stopped for a while. Maybe it stopped for this few days when he was actually enjoing everything. Enjoing being alive. He didn't want to do this. Or maybe he wanted? It was almost automatic. He head towards the shelf in his bathroom. He opened it. There were a lot of different medicines there, mostly painkillers. He took one random box from the back. Kantaro never really checked this shelf to throw away expired ones. This one had expired long ago. He took that box and a few different ones. That should be enough.
When he stood up from his knees his eyes met the mirror. Who was he now? Some idol someone might cared about but was not caring anymore? Some kid who tried to make music with his friends but was only a burden for them all the time? Some immature brat who couldn't keep his mouth shut and screamed at the person he didn't value while he still could? Someone who didn't even had enough followers to call himself a celebrity now?
He left the bathroom and throwed the medicines at his desk. There was a bottle of water near him. It was almost full what just showed how dehydrated he was. He took his phone into his shaking hands and refreshed his account one last time. He scrolled to comments under his latest photo.

WHAT DID YOU ALL DO TO KEI?!!??!?!

You post so much trash but I followed you for photos with Kei goodbye now

Wish it were you who left

He saw the numbers of his followers now. It was less than half of what he gathered. He throwed his phone away.
"Huh? Why am I losing followers?! Oh no, no, no! My existence is worthless...! My existence is worthless!" he lowered his voice "What's the point of living if you don't have anyone's attention...?"
He cried. He cried so hard. He didn't care about anything anymore. It was time to finally reap what he sow. It was time to fulfill that one request and leave. Not like it would bring Kei back though. He took a package of medicine and basically ripped it open. There was no other way. He didn't want to be here anymore. Nobody cared about a trash like him anyways. He wanted to end this. After all nobody would miss him.
"Looks like I will be the one breaking this promise, Kei..."  He almost chuckled. "Sorry to dissapoint you. Looks like I can't do anything useful after all..."
He was trying to open the small water bottle with his shaking hands when someone ran into his room.
"Kantaro..." it was Aoi's voice "We heard your voice so we..." they stopped and gasped.
He turned. All three of them stood in his door. They were pale like they could faint anytime. Why did they come? He was almost done. The bottle finally opened but now he dropped it making the water spill on his desk.
"What were you trying to do...?" Toma's voice was shaking.
They shouldn't be here. They shouldn't watch.
"I was- You should leave..."
"Kantaro! Why?! Why did you want to- Why did you-" Shogo started crying.
He was at his limit. Everyone was. Kantaro felt awful that he made him cry. There was nothing to cry about. They could still make a successful band without him. He wasn't necessary.
Aoi hugged Kantaro tightly. He didn't even see they coming. But why?
"Talk to us..."
That made the memory of their walk come back to him. The sky. It was white and pale blue. He felt like it was the new begining back then. But he was back in square one now. Maybe all new beginings actually meant an end of something. Was it supposed to be like that? He was exhausted in every way. His throat was dry from sobbing constantly. His eyes couldn't even produce more tears. The pressure with which Aoi holded him was like a rope that supported him just as he was about to fall from the cliff. He was afraid if he'll try to speak now his voice would give up on him. Nevertheless he tried.
"My followers..." he almost whispered. "They left me. Nobody cares anymore. Is there a point in living... like this?"
He was shaking. Part of him wanted them to just leave him and let him finish what he was about to do. The other part wanted them to stay... needed them to stay.
"I'm worthless... There's- There's no point..."
Toma headed his way. When Kantaro looked at him he noticed he was crying. Toma was the one that holded back his tears for so long. He didn't give himself the chance to cry for such a long time. Why now? Everyone was at their limit and for what? For a trash like him? It was so pointless... Toma aggressively pushed medicines on the desk on the floor and joined Aoi in hugging Kantaro. Now it felt like was trapped. He couldn't even move. They were holding him thight like their lives depended on it. But it wasn't their lives they were thinking about now. Shogo also came closer to them and punched the desk his his fist using the rest of his strength.
"You're not worthless, Kantaro. If someone ever told you that they were just jealous... I know a lot of people lost their interest in VISTY now. There will be changes but... We still have our fans, right? There are people who were with us all the time. They will stay and with time... You will get- You will get more followers... and..." he gave up on previous narration. "We need you, Kantaro. No matter how much followers or likes you have you will still have us. We care about you. It was a hard time for all of us so we weren't able to truly show support to each other but- but it's over now. We will overcome this together. Together with you, Kantaro..."
Shogo also joined in the hug. Kantaro was nearly crushed by them. Three ropes pulled him back at the verge of the cliff. He was saved. He looked at his friends. He was thankful to Kei so much he almost forgot about how they helped him too. He suddenly remembered this one fan he met on his way to Toma's work. He propably still followed him, right? There had to be a bunch of people who remained VISTY fans. He was stupid. He thought he'll end it but he couldn't... He had to continue living. For Shogo who always took care of them and who was still fighting to present himself as his own person. For Aoi whose home became VISTY and who wouldn't be able to find their place without it. For Toma who wanted to be perfect so much he didn't realize that was impossible and he was already the best a person could. For Kei who promised that music will make them meet again. For this track he made for all of them putting his whole heart and soul into it.
He didn't realize he said the last sentence aloud. It was merely a whisper but in this quiet room it felt like a scream.
"For my Stella."