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He was yours. He was yours and he didn't know it unless he did and just didn't tell you because he doesn't want to be. That would be the kicker wouldn't it? You're lucky enough to find your mate-- a man who you were already in love with -- and he doesn't even want you. He was your best friend for centuries but he left you, has been avoiding you for days now, for a woman that showed up out of nowhere. Nowhere being the mortal lands, which to you seems significantly worse. You weren't prejudiced, make no mistake, you were fascinated by humans however 3 of the humans you had met turned fae. 1 being your high lady whom you are close friends with and the other two... not so much. Especially when one of the other two is stealing the attention of your mate.
It's not like she was interested in Cassian but he was interested in her, so interested he wouldn't go five bleeding minutes without talking about or to her. You didn't know how much of it you could take before you murder something, you just didn't know whether it was gonna be him or her. Would killing your mate kill you too? Did it matter? As long as he left her alone or rejected you already so you could move on, it did not matter. He doesn't look like he was gonna leave her side anytime soon and he's not going to acknowledge your presence either.
You were going to die. Of heartbreak or the physical aspect of the bond when one mate rejects the other, you were going to die. You sigh then press the glass of wine to your lips for the millionth time this night, taking long sips until you were officially chugging it down. Alcoholism, something Nesta had, giving you two a common factor besides Cassian. Maybe he has a type and the cruel cauldron just had to remind you.
You trip slightly on the long violet dress Mor had forced upon you as you walk to refill your once full glass. Being fae had its perks, drinking an excessive amount of alcohol without being fazed was one of them, that is until you actually drink more than your enhanced body could handle making you act the way you are now. Half aware of your surroundings and much less graceful, though you could never be as graceful as Cassians 'oh-so amazing' Nesta.
Mor was pouring herself a drink when you arrive at the table reserved for drinks and snacks. She eyes you with a knowing smirk, "Why do I have a feeling this is Cass related?"
"Shh! He can hear you!" You press a finger to her red-painted lips in warning. She gently moves your hand away from her face by your wrist.
"Y/N, just talk to him," She urges you. You shake your head vigorously, "No, I can't. I won't be able to handle it, I'm going to die." You insist upon your death as if talking to Cassian about what the fates had assigned for you both would be the cause of your demise.
"How are you so sure he'll reject you?"
"Do you not see what he's doing right now?" You gesture to the pair talking in a corner of the townhouse. She narrows her eyes at you after taking a glance at them, "They're talking, Y/N."
"It's not just talking for Cass, he likes her Mor."
"But she is not his mate, you are, and the only way you are going to be able to cope with whatever the hell your mind is putting you through is to talk to him."
"That is terrible advice, I don't even know why I come to you for these things, I have better luck going to Azriel's emotionally constipated ass." You half-shout at her as she makes her way back to where the rest of the people are, Azriel walks around the corner as soon as you spoke. He glared at you while he poured himself a drink.
"Emotionally constipated?" He asked with an amused tone.
"I was trying to make a point," You run a hand through your hair "-at your expense. Sorry, Mor sucks at advice."
"You sure she sucks at giving advice or you just suck at listening and following through with it?" He spoke, giving you a knowing look.
It was your turn to glare, "You know what? You are just as bad, and I take my apology back you are emotionally constipated." You turn on your heels and walk away, weaving your way through the guests around the court of nightmares and to a nearby balcony.
Talking would be an easy solution if all the signs didn't prove your fears right. The bond snapped into place 3 days ago while you and Cassian were sparring, he had pinned you to the ground when you slipped up on a move that could easily get you killed if you were in battle, you were better than that and Cassian knew it. He ended up yelling at you for half an hour and somewhere in the middle of his lecture you were too busy processing the fact that the second before you got slammed to the ground, watching Cassian go through his defensive talents, swinging his sword at you. It looked like a dance, the mere moment he spun with his sword to clash his weapon against yours, the over-whelming sensation of possession took over. Mate. That was the only thing going through your mind as he performed that move that got you into a lecture you didn't pay attention to, too busy digesting the information that the man you were obsessed with before your primal fae blood took over, is actually yours.
You walked away from him dazed and confused after he was done with you, hadn't spoken to him since. He was avoiding you or were you avoiding him? You lost track at this point. 3 days without him and see? your brain can't function.
~~~
Cassian didn't have the courage to express his feelings for you, he never did. It seemed a little ridiculous that the general of Illyrian soldiers, who fought in many wars could not tell the woman who he is in love with-- his mate-- that he wanted them to be together. Flirting with Nesta was easier, he could compliment her and tease her without ever having to worry because she couldn't care less about him which was certainly a change when it came to women because mostly nobody could deny him. He could admit he found the woman intriguing and fairly attractive but she was nothing compared to you. Yet still, he entertained himself with her, trying out different flirting tactics and joking love confessions, he would say it was good practice if it wasn't for the fact that Nesta was a difficult to work with.
He could barely contain himself when he felt the rush of emotions that came with the bond. He had a mate and it was you. Smart, Funny, Beautiful, you. The woman that would not leave his thoughts in even the darkest of times. He could not thank the fates enough for blessing him with an eternity of you. The only issue is how to tell you, I mean surely you must know it couldn't be one-sided. That would just be cruel, lately, you had been a bit jumpy around him, refusing to be alone with him for more than five minutes before making an excuse to leave. It made him wonder what he did wrong but no matter how much he wracked his brain for an answer nothing came up.
The last time you had been alone together was a normal sparring session. Well, not completely normal, you were distracted. So distracted Cassian was able to pull a move on you that you would normally catch onto and have him on his ass. He was worried and flipped out more than he should have but he knew that his lecturing you wasn't the reason why you were acting the way you were. Out of the many times he had trained with you and given you a hard time you would simply flip him off and go about your day as per usual.
He caught sight of your dress flowing wistfully around you as you walked away from the crowd, where were you going? He followed you curiously after excusing himself. You were normally surrounded by a group of people, you didn't like to be in your own company at these parties. He would usually be by your side as "your entertainment" you'd joke. Due to recent events Cassian hadn't wanted to assume you would want him near you. He saved himself the embarrassment of you walking away from him to avoid him.
He cleared his throat as he approached. You turned around quickly, tripping over your long dress, Cassian reached out to catch you but you had already caught yourself on the railing. You cursed under your breath. You plastered on a smile to ease the awkwardness, "Well if it isn't Prythian's greatest general gracing us with his presence."
"You alright?"
"Perfect." You gritted your teeth, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
"What are you doing out here all on your lonesome?" He let his face display a wide grin.
You sipped on your wine, turning to take in the view of the city. "Aren't you supposed to be inside entertaining the wicked bitch of the east?"
Just as soon as the smile appeared, it was gone. His brows furrowed in confusion, the only person he cared to be around tonight was you. "What are talking about, Y/N?"
"Nothing, don't mind me I'm out of it tonight." You lift your glass to take a sip and once again it was empty, you sigh. You turn to head inside just to be stopped by Cassian's hand caressing your face with a gentleness you didn't know he could possess. Cassian did not know what he was about to do, bravery came easy in battle but this was no easy feat.
"Where do you think you're going, Mate?" The word slipped from his lips. He saw your eyes widen and he begun to question your knowledge of it when you practically shrieked, "You knew!"
"I've had my suspicions but I had no confirmation until recently." He admitted.
You punched him in the chest and he allowed it. Once. Twice. With each hit you outraged "I have been going insane since I found out!" By the third time he took hold of your wrists pulling you close. You had to tilt your neck up to make eye contact, "I thought you were going to reject me." You whispered.
He stared into your eyes for a couple of seconds before smashing his lips onto yours. You melted into the kiss the moment you made contact.
The kiss ended too soon, Cassian pulled away first. "I would never," He pecked your lips "Ever." Another peck. "Reject you, Y/N, you are my mate. Since before the bond snapped into place I have loved you."
"There might have been a slight miscommunication," You placed your forehead on his chest to hide your shame. "I thought you were in love with Nesta." You confessed, your voice muffled by his clothing.
"What was that?"
You lifted your head and repeated yourself. A mischievous glint shone in his eyes, "You were jealous." A statement, not a question. He barked out a laugh, "And here I thought I did something to upset you or that you would reject me. Honestly Y/N what would make you think that I was in love with her?"
"All you would do is flirt with her, you bastard! What was I supposed to think?"
"I didn't know how to speak to you once I had known you were my mate, you were avoiding me for days and I figured you had known and didn't want to speak with me. I was nervous!"
"Oh big Illyrian warrior was nervous to speak with little 'ol me."
"Shut up," He murmured.
"Make me." And he did.