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It wasn’t that Ed didn’t want to admit it. It was just, well, he didn’t want to admit it. He wasn’t very good with the whole honesty and vulnerability thing, even if Stede somehow drew it out of him in spades these days. Sometimes his walls just shot back up once they realized they’d started to crumble down, with or without Ed’s input.
“I told you,” Ed said, for what felt like the millionth time, “ your bookshelf is fuckin’ insane, but I don’t really care about books beyond that.”
Stede pressed his lips together in a thin line, bracing his hands on his hips. “I have reason to believe you’re being untruthful with me.”
Ed scoffed and leaned back on the sofa, crossing his arms. “Oh, yeah? And what’s that?”
Stede gave him a smug little look. Not too smug, that wouldn’t be gentlemanly , but certainly smug enough for Ed to notice.
“Frenchie told me about the way you looked at the invitation for that poshknob party, after the fact. Based on the way he described it, that’s exactly how you look at my bookshelves when you think I won’t notice.”
Ed scoffed again, weaker this time. “I do not .”
“You do. Especially when I talk about Shakespeare, or Pinocchio. The crew really does love that one, don’t they?” Stede smiled at him, and a fissure formed in the walls trying to build back up around Ed’s soul. “I wouldn’t mind teaching you how to read. Or reading to you more, if you don’t wish to learn.”
Ed rolled his eyes. “I’m fine , Stede. Perfectly happy the way things are.”
“Oh, come on now, Ed! Don’t make me wring it out of you!”
Ed chuckled then, reclining back against the sofa and spreading his legs out, the picture of unconcerned. “No offense, mate, but I doubt you could wring anything out of me.”
Stede raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“I’m fuckin’ Blackbeard! There’s no torture you can find that I haven’t already beat.”
Ed expected Stede to go pale at the mention of it, and for a moment he did, but then a contemplative look crossed his face as he stared down at Ed. “Torture, you say?”
Ed shifted his shoulders around to get more comfortable, definitely not squirming because of how intensely Stede was gazing at him. “Well, yeah.”
Stede nodded, moving to the other end of the sofa and settling down. “Now that you mention it, there is a method of aristocratic torture that you should probably be familiar with, if you’d like to join high society.”
Ed perked up a little, though he couldn’t help but eye Stede suspiciously. “What’s that, then?”
Stede brandished his hands, shaped like claws with his fingers wiggling threateningly. “Tickle torture!”
Ed blinked, then ducked his head and broke down in snickers. “ Tickle torture? Mate, I don’t think that would get anyone to fess up to anything.”
“No?”
“No, of course not! I mean, maybe on posh types, but that’s not real torture!” Ed gestured to where he’d left his weapons on a nearby table. “You want torture? Grab that knife there and start cutting away.”
Stede gave the table a dirty look, like it personally offended him, before turning back to Ed with a defiant expression. “Very well. I’ll just have to demonstrate such a technique on you and prove it, then, won’t I?”
Ed snorted, shaking his head to hide the way his indulgent smile crinkled his eyes. “Yeah, alright, man.”
Stede clapped. “Alright, then!” He gestured to Ed’s feet.
Ed squinted at him. “What?”
“Hand your feet up here and we’ll get started!”
Ed chuckled. “No sane man is going to willingly go along with their own torture, Stede.”
Stede gave him an imploring look. Ed sighed and inwardly cursed himself for falling for the man before swinging his legs up onto the sofa and into Stede’s lap. Stede waited patiently while Ed readjusted on the sofa, pulling a throw pillow underneath his back to stop the armrest from digging into his spine and getting comfortably laid out across the cushions. He smoothed out his beard one last time before giving Stede an expectant look.
“All set?”
“Yeah, mate, just get on with it, then.”
“Well it’s a lesson, isn’t it? I have to teach you at the same time. Try to pay attention!”
Ed’s mouth ticked up, the smirk buried in his beard. “Yeah, I don’t think it should be too hard.”
Stede raised both his eyebrows, but let that one go. Instead, he began gently working off Ed’s boots, placing them gently on the ground near the sofa where no one would trip on them. He left Ed’s socks on for the time being, surprising Ed by choosing to rub his thumbs deep into Ed’s soles instead of diving right in to his “torture.”
Ed let out a quiet groan, slouching further down on the sofa. “Not very torturous, man.”
Stede chuckled. “There are many approaches to tickle torture, you see. This is just my preferred approach. I’m not really the ruthless type, as you may have guessed, and luring you into a false sense of security is a wonderful way to build anticipation.”
Ed only hummed, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.
“This is only the beginning, Ed, I’m telling you. Then you’ve got to ramp up the anticipation slowly, get your victim to squirm.”
“Mhm. And how do you do that?”
“Well, I’ll tell you all the things I’ll do to you if you don’t tell me how you really feel.”
“Maybe I already have , and you’re not listening.”
Stede scoffed. “I know you, Ed.”
He said it simply, like he didn’t have a doubt. Truthfully, he probably didn’t know Ed all that well, with how hard he tried to keep his dark past away from the man. But at the same time… He didn’t know Stede’s history very well either, but he knew Stede . He knew how Stede took his tea, what Stede’s favorite books were, what Stede looked like when he was happy, mad, sad. He knew how to read Stede’s facial expressions and body language better than most of the other people in his life, even if he’d know them for years. He’d memorized Stede’s mannerisms and the way he spoke. Frankly, he probably would know if Stede was lying, so…
Fine, maybe Stede knew Ed. And maybe Ed could be allowed to like that.
“What are you gonna do to me, then?” Ed asked, wiggling back into the cushion he’d squished behind his back.
Stede dug his thumbs into a particularly painful spot on the ball of Ed’s foot, and Ed’s eyes fluttered shut. “Well, first I’m going to tickle your feet, if that wasn’t already obvious. Find all the spots that get you giggling before moving up your legs– actually, I’m not sure how well I can tickle you through the leather, so we might have to skip the legs for today. Would you mind throwing off your jacket?”
Ed laughed a little. “You know, I doubt most people would be so complicit in their own torture like this.”
Stede pouted at him, digging into another painful spot on his heel. “Look at how nice I’m being to you!”
Ed rolled his eyes, but sat up just enough to slip off his leather jacket. He made to toss it across the room, only barely aiming for a chair, but Stede leaned forward and reached a hand out, so Ed handed it over. Stede straightened out the jacket before draping it reverently over the end table on his side of the sofa, giving it one last pat before returning to Ed’s foot rub.
Ed cleared his throat and rubbed at the ache in his chest, trying not to give in and let his eyes flutter shut again. “So, my feet. Then what?”
Stede perked up. “Well, even if your legs are out of the equation, we’ll have to search out all the most ticklish places we can find! It may take a while, of course, and the only mercy you’ll get is by opening up about how you feel. Where do you think we should start?”
Ed blinked. “You’re asking me?”
Stede raised an eyebrow. “This is a lesson as well, if you recall.”
“Right, right, uh. Well, if you’re gonna be moving up anyways, then I reckon my stomach?”
Stede beamed at him. “Excellent suggestion!”
And had it been Ed, he would’ve jumped in right then and given his victim no more time to prepare. But Stede continued his massage, humming to himself. Ed huffed, but settled back against his pillow, his eyes closing at some point outside of his own volition. Against his better judgement, he let his body relax into the cushions and he let Stede’s words roll through his mind.
Really, Stede hadn’t given him much to go on, despite his promises to build the anticipation or whatever. Seeking out all Ed’s ticklish places? Basic. Ed would’ve said something about, he didn’t know, finding his most ticklish spot and going after it until he couldn’t stand it anymore. Describe the way he would torment the sensitive little nerves under his skin, the methods he would use. How Ed would make him writhe and cackle , pinning him down until he called for mercy and gave up the wanted information, and threatening not to stop even then (though, since it was Stede, of course he actually would). He had to make sure the information was accurate, after all, and it wouldn’t be the first time he’d seen someone lie to save their hide.
Ed squirmed a little where he lay, clearing his throat.
“I think you’re sufficiently warmed up, then,” Stede said, a smile clear in his voice.
And then, before Ed could even think to react, all boneless and relaxed from the massage despite the way his body wanted to squirm and curl up from his own thoughts, Stede struck. He scratched his blunt nails against the arches of Ed’s feet, a move that Ed didn’t expect to tickle nearly that much, but with the pain all worked out of his feet and his own thoughts working against him, Ed felt especially sensitive. He immediately started giggling, not having the time to prepare himself to hold it back, and started trying to pull his legs back. Stede stopped his tickling and grabbed Ed’s ankles, placing Ed’s feet back in his lap and giving Ed a stern look.
“These will stay here,” Stede said. “Unless you’d like me to make this worse for you.”
Ed didn’t know why that sent a brief fluttering feeling through his stomach and, frankly, he didn’t want to think about it. At least, not right now. Instead he swallowed and nodded, tensing his legs and gripping the sofa wherever he could find a handhold in hopes for self control. Stede wiggled and scratched his fingers all over Ed’s soles, making little remarks to himself (“Oh, that’s a good spot, hm?” “Well, would you look at that!” “Why are you scrunching your toes so much? Does that tickle?”) while strangled, jagged snickers snuck through Ed’s best efforts to keep them locked inside.
“How are you feeling?” Stede asked after a few minutes, scratching at the balls of Ed’s feet while Ed’s legs trembled with the effort of keeping them still.
“What?” Ed let out in a strangled grunt.
“About talking,” Stede continued. “If you’re ready, we can stop this all now.”
Ed tried to scoff. It came out more like a twisted snort. His voice wobbled as he spoke, “As if, you think this bothers me? Walk in the park compared to the shit I’ve been through.”
Stede raised an eyebrow. “Suit yourself.”
Then, Stede grabbed his ankles in a vice grip and readjusted until they were trapped under one of his legs, his heels resting on Stede’s other thigh. Ed swallowed as Stede searched for the hem of one of his socks, gripping it between his fingers and slowly pulling the fabric off, wiggling his fingers against Ed’s skin as it was revealed. Ed tossed his head back and clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to keep his reactions at least somewhat contained so as to not give Stede the satisfaction. It was so much worse on bare skin. Stede repeated the action with his other sock, leaving Ed squirming in his seat.
“One more chance,” Stede said. “Then I won’t ask again for five minutes, no matter how much you beg.”
Ed swallowed, cleared his throat. “Please, it’s just a bit of tickling. Do your worst.”
Stede grinned at him. It took Ed all of ten seconds to realize what he had just gotten himself into. The previous tickling was just a warm-up, he realized quickly, as Stede went about trying to pick him apart by tickling his feet alone. Based on his few happy memories from childhood, it wasn’t even a place he was especially ticklish, but Stede had gone about cataloguing all of his most sensitive places across his feet and was targeting them with deadly accuracy.
And, honestly? It was kind of fun.
This loss of control, this forced laughter. The way it flooded his system so he could hardly think of anything else. How he could see Stede’s pleased grin through his squinted eyes whenever he managed to pull his head up. And oh, how different would things be when he had Stede all pressed up in his space, those tormenting fingers traversing all over the ticklish spots on his upper body. Now Ed had even more reason not to give in to this “torture.”
Five minutes eventually passed, and Stede slowed his fingers to a stop. Ed wheezed for a handful of seconds, leftover giggles spilling out without any effort made to stop them. Stede patted him on the ankle and Ed lifted his head up to look at him.
“Well?”
“Told you, mate. Not real torture.”
Stede harrumphed . “We’ll see about that.”
Then, there was an awkward moment of maneuvering as Stede tried to get himself closer to Ed’s torso while being halfway trapped under his legs. Somehow, they wound up with Stede in-between Ed’s legs, one squished behind Stede against the back of the sofa and the other still draped over his lap. Ed tried to keep his expression normal, glad that the beard helped to hide so many of his expressions.
Ed braced himself, tensing his stomach with his eyes locked on Stede’s hands. When they made no move to attack, Ed glanced up at Stede’s face. Stede gave him a sly grin. And then, Stede’s fingers were squeezing against the leather coating his thighs.
Ed barked out a laugh, his legs bouncing and his feet scrambling against the cushions. “What?!”
Stede laughed a little, but Ed could tell that Stede wasn’t laughing at him . “Never do what your victim suspects!” Stede continued to massage his fingers into Ed’s muscles, maneuvering carefully around his knee brace and following Ed’s squirming easily. “Next time, though, let’s do this without the leather.”
Ed felt his face heat with the images that brought to mind. He quickly shoved them away, which was made easier by the fact that Stede suddenly squeezed all the way up to Ed’s hips as he was then lost in his own cackling.
This time, Stede didn’t stop when he asked, “Feel like talking, yet?”
Ed jerkily shook his head, his hands darting down toward Stede’s tormenting ones. Stede batted them away with surprising ease, barely pausing in his tickling. Ed’s heels pressed into the sofa’s upholstery as he instinctively tried to push himself away from Stede’s fingers.
“I’d say this is starting to work rather well!”
Ed jerked away from Stede’s hands as they started crawling up his sides, nearly falling off the sofa. “Shut up!”
Stede hoisted him back up onto the sofa with surprising strength, using his grip to quickly crawl his fingers up Ed’s ribcage and into his armpits like a pair of spiders before Ed could even think to protect himself. He pinned his arms to his sides, but it was far too late by then, and all he accomplished was trapping Stede’s hands in that horrible spot.
“Stede!” Ed shouted, not really sure he was going with the rest of the sentence.
“Yes?” Stede asked, his voice infuriatingly calm compared to Ed’s squealing. “Are you ready to talk about your feelings?”
Ed took a gasping breath as Stede’s fingers slowed, trying to wiggle backwards on the sofa despite there being no room to do so. “Nothing,” Ed said through his giggling, filling his voice with as much false bravado as he could. “Just wanted to tell you that it’s not working.”
“Oh.” Stede’s face fell into a pout. “Really?”
Ed jerked forward with a jovial yelp as Stede managed to scratch his fingers against Ed’s highest rib. Stede grinned again. “Are you sure?”
“Positive,” Ed tried to growl, bearing his teeth.
Stede tilted his head with another sly look, but his hands did slow to near-stillness. “Since it’s so ineffective, you won’t mind if I keep going, then? To finish the lesson, of course.”
Ed pressed his lips together, staring Stede down. Unlike most people when faced with the great Blackbeard, Stede didn’t even flinch. He just raised one of his eyebrows, returning Ed’s stare with a questioning one of his own.
“Fine,” Ed said. “Just to finish the lesson.”
Stede beamed at him. “Wonderful!” The fingers started up their torment again and Ed let out a strangled laugh. “Let’s skip ahead in the lesson, then. If your victim is really stubborn, then you’ll want to find their most ticklish spot!”
Nerves run ragged, Ed’s arms instinctively jumped inward toward his stomach. Stede’s face lit up. Ed’s stomach dropped.
“Oh, well that’s kind of you! Things will go much faster now.”
Stede’s fingers peeled out from under his arms and moved to hover over Ed’s stomach. Ed gasped, sucking his stomach in as far as it would go. Stede chuckled, eyes darting up to look into Ed’s own.
“Sure you don’t wanna talk?”
Ed’s eyes widened. “I thought you were done with that!”
Stede grinned. “It’s the only way you’re getting out of this lesson.”
Ed took several deep breaths, like he was trying to store it up, then gave Stede a level, determined look. “Do your worst.”
Stede moved his fingers a few centimeters closer. “This time I’m not gonna stop,” he warned. “Not until you agree to talk.”
Ed scoffed, hoping it didn’t come out as shaky as he felt. “Or until you get sick of it.”
“Oh, that won’t happen, I assure you.”
Stede’s fingers touched down on Ed’s stomach, the skin exposed from his shirt riding up in all his squirming. Squirming which started up again immediately, before Stede even really started tickling. Stede chuckled again and scratched at Ed’s stomach, his touch maddeningly light. Ed burst into giggles and shook his head, his legs scrambling around Stede’s body. His squirming got worse and worse as Stede picked up speed and added pressure, until his head was tossed back over the arm of the sofa and he was cackling once more.
“Last chance,” Stede said.
Ed shook his head.
He could barely hear Stede mutter over his laughter, “This used to send my children screaming.”
Ed knew it wasn’t a real torture method.
But he was, in fact, sent screaming, or at least it was a near thing. Stede took a deep breath and leaned down, and Ed was confused until Stede’s lips attached to his stomach and it activated a childhood memory hidden deep in Ed’s subconscious too late. Stede blew out the breath, his lips vibrating against Ed’s skin, and Ed fell silent for a moment before letting out a desperate howl.
He was determined to see it through, to beat this little game of wills, but suddenly Ed wasn’t sure he could win this battle. The ticklish sensation flooded through his whole torso, buzzing and leaving remnants even after Stede pulled back. And then, Stede did it again. And again, and again, and Ed suddenly wondered if maybe Stede was telling the truth about it being used as torture. Surely not, but… While it was fun and all, especially having Stede so close, having Stede’s lips touch Ed’s skin , there was only so much Ed could take at once.
“Okay!” Ed cried, shoving weakly at Stede’s head. “Okay, I’ll talk!”
Stede pulled back immediately, grinning brightly and pulling Ed’s shirt down to protect his sensitive stomach. Notably, he did not seem in a hurry to untangle himself from Ed, despite the fact that at some point in his torment, Ed seemed to have subconsciously wrapped his legs around Stede’s waist. He cleared his throat and dropped them back into a more appropriate position. Stede still didn’t move.
“Well?”
Ed cleared his throat, coughing a little, and looked away. “Fine. I want to read.”
Stede patted the knee that rested in his lap. “Now, was that so hard?”
“Oh, shut up. Doesn’t change the fact that your little torture method isn’t real.”
“Oh, no, it was used in China during the Han Dynasty.”
Ed’s face dropped. “Fuckin’ what ?”
“But you’re right in that fact that it’s not commonly used among current European nobility, at least that I’m aware of. This was just a game I used to play with the children.” He smiled. “Though of course, I showed them far more mercy than you.”
Ed snorted. “Of course.”
Stede disentangled himself quickly after that, striding over toward his bookshelves and scanning the titles. “I’m sure there’s something here that will be appropriate to teach you with,” he was muttering to himself. “Let’s see here…”
Ed let the lazy grin stay stretched across his face for a little longer, letting his head drop back against the sofa and his eyes slip shut. Whether it was real torture or not, Ed could not wait for his chance to turn this around against Stede.