Work Text:
Tw: Needles, drugs, mentioned transphobia
Phil isn't transphobic, and Tommy knows that.
Phil isn't a bad dad, and Tommy knows that.
Phil wouldn't hate Tommy for anything he ever does, and Tommy knows that.
Phil wouldn't hate him for being trans, and Tommy knows that.
But he will never ever tell Phil what's happening. Tommy will never utter the words that should be said. Instead he's just waiting for Phil to notice and put the pieces together himself.
Tommy knew that he wasn't okay with being a girl when he was 12. He had just started to hit puberty and hated everything about his body. He hated his chest, he hated his voice, he hated that people looked at him and called him 'ma'am' or 'miss'. He hated that when he looked in a mirror a girl looked back at him.
Tommy figured out he was transgender when he was 14. After hours of research and the questioning of why he never felt like he was meant to be a girl, it all made sense. He finally had the vocabulary to put it into words and he knew that he was transgender.
He came out to his best friends, Ranboo and Tubbo, when he was 14 and 1/2. There were a lot of tears and choked out words on Tommy's part, but both of them had nothing but love and support for their friend.
"I don't care if you're a boy or a girl, you're still my best friend." Tubbo smiled.
Tommy came out to his brothers when he was 15. They were at college, and it was his birthday. Wilbur called him first and found him crying. After some coaxing Tommy revealed that he hated that his birthday cake said the name he hated, and that's when it clicked together for Wilbur.
Techno was told only an hour later. They were still on the phone and Techno called, to which Tommy just added him to the call. After more tears and some help from Wilbur he was able to explain. Both of them showed nothing but love for their little brother.
"Hey now I'm the oldest of a house full of boys." Techno joked.
Tommy was 15 and 3/4 when he went to his first appointment with a doctor. Phil was under the idea that it was because Tommy needed a physical, and he signed all the paperwork and sat out in the lobby. Tommy talked to the doctor for a while about what it would take, what it would mean if he went forward with this.
"Now your parents can sign off on this now, or once you are 16 you'll be able to sign off on this without their permission." The doctor informed him.
Tommy was 16 years old when he signed the paperwork for his transition. He didn't tell Phil, he got a ride from Ranboo to the doctor's office. It was a week later when he got his first T shot. A week after that he cut his hair short.
He knew that he wouldn't be able to keep it from Phil forever, and there was no reason to be afraid to tell Phil, but Tommy refused to share the words with him. Refused to let the explanation fall from his lips. He was just waiting for Phil to find out on his own.
It took 4 and 1/2 months for Phil to find out.
It wasn't because Phil was a bad parent, it wasn't because he didn't notice, it wasn't because he was never around. It was because Tommy was really good at hiding things like this.
Tommy at home was never all that talkative, so when his voice began to change around 3 months in, Phil didn't really hear too much from Tommy. Tommy didn't really want a beard or anything, so he shaved his face when hair began to come in. Tommy also continued to wear the same deodorant, use the same product in his hair, and wore the same oversized sweater that he got from Wilbur and a beanie he stole from Techno.
All of these things made his smell stay the same, his hair stay the same, and hid the changes in his body and the hat covered his short hair. His face was naturally more formed so the small changes in his jawline weren't too noticeable.
Tommy looked like Tommy to Phil, well not quite Tommy. Tommy looked like ****** to Phil, which is the only person he's even known Tommy to be.
But eventually Phil found a needle in the bathroom, Tommy had forgotten to dispose of it properly and so it sat on the counter.
Phil thought Tommy was doing drugs.
So when Tommy got home Phil was sitting at the table, the needle in front of him on the table on a towel that Phil used to pick it up. Tommy walked in and saw it on the table and he just assumed he knew, assumed Phil had figured it out and he was going to be angry and hate Tommy forever, kick him out on the street.
"What drugs are you doing?" Phil asked calmly as Tommy stood there, backpack still on his shoulders and mask still on his face. With the pandemic Tommy was able to wear his mask when he got home, just saying he hadn't taken it off. It hid some of his features.
"What?" Tommy asked softly, confused.
"What drugs are you doing? What are you injecting into yourself? Is it meth?" Phil asked, wanting to figure out how Tommy had gotten the drugs and the needles.
"It's not-" Tommy started but stopped and swallowed. "It's not that." He said softly. Phil looked up at him, oblivious to the changes in his voice that were currently present.
Right then Wilbur decided to call Phil, since earlier Phil had called Wilbur asking if he knew where Tommy would have gotten drugs. Throughout the entire time he used Tommy's deadname, and Wilbur had to do his best not to correct him. Phil looked at his phone then looked at Tommy, pointing to the chair across from him as a way to say sit down.
Tommy sat down on the chair, doing his best not to shake and cry as Phil picked up the phone. He stared down at the needle on the table.
"Dad it's not what you think." Wilbur started as soon as Phil picked up the phone.
"What do you mean it's not what I think? She's doing some sort of drugs." Phil stated and Tommy felt tears well up in his eyes, Phil stared at him as he began to cry.
"No it's not that, I can't say anything about it, but it's not that I swear on my life." Wilbur stated and Tommy covered his mouth with his hand, even though he had his mask on still.
"Why is she crying?" Phil asked confused and Wilbur let out a shaky sigh.
"Give the phone over." Wilbur stated, and Phil, still very confused, listened and handed the phone over.
"Wil." Tommy sobbed into the phone as soon as it was in his hands. He heard Wilbur let out a soft coo. Tommy pulled down his mask and sobbed into his hand more.
"It's okay, it'll be okay. I think you have to tell dad now, you just have to." Wilbur stated and Tommy nodded. "I'll be right here if you want, I can be right here the whole time."
"Add Tech to the call?" Tommy asked softly and though he could not see Wilbur he knew he was nodding, because a moment later he heard ringing and another line picked up.
"Hello?" Techno asked, confused on why he was being added to a conference call with Wilbur and supposedly Phil.
"Techno, it's time. It's code blue, pink and white." Wilbur said and if Tommy wasn't afraid out of his ever loving mind he would have laughed. He wasn't sure if they had come up with that code before, or if Wilbur was just trying to get Techno to get the hint on what was happening. Either way Techno seemed to know, and he inhaled sharply.
"Oh?" Is all Techno asked and Tommy sniffed.
"He found a needle." Tommy said softly and he heard Techno let out the breath he was holding.
"Alright kid, we're here for you, we're right here for you. We're not going anywhere and you got this okay?" Techno reassured and Tommy nodded, humming slightly as he wiped away tears.
"Techno I'm coming to get you, we're driving there asap." Wilbur spoke and Phil across the table, who could still hear everything, looked beyond confused. "It's not that I think this will be bad, we're just coming to support you and love you." Wilbur said mainly to Tommy. Tommy sniffed and wiped away more tears.
"Okay." Tommy whispered and he pulled the phone down to put it on speaker.
"Do I get to know what's happening here?" Phil asked and Tommy nodded, looking down at his hands.
"Dad, I'm trans?" Tommy said and there was silence on every end. Phil was looking at Tommy, trying to meet his eyes, Wilbur was grabbing his shoes on and grabbing clothes to throw into a bag, Techno doing the same as Wilbur.
"What?" Phil asked softly and Tommy let his sleeves roll over his hands as he fidgeted with them.
"I'm trans, the needle is what I use to inject my hormones." Tommy explained softly and his hands began to shake. He didn't know what Phil was thinking, but both Wilbur and Techno seemed to know what Tommy was thinking.
"Breathe kid." Techno instructed and Tommy took a deep breath, when he let it out it was shaky and the tears started falling down fast again.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just didn't want you to hate me or kick me out, or just never speak to me again. I'm sorry I'm not your daughter and I'm sorry that you don't even have a daughter anymore. I know you always wanted one and I'm sorry that I'm just not what I was supposed to be." Tommy rambles as tears run down his face. Phil sat there, not saying anything.
"Dad?" Wilbur asked as Tommy buried his face into his hands.
"Yeah?" Phil asked back, it was soft and unsure.
"What are you thinking right now?" Wilbur asked as they heard the sound of a front door closing and steps going down stairs.
"I'm thinking about how awful I must be if you felt like you couldn't come to me with this." Phil spoke softly and Tommy looked up at him. "I'm sorry that I made you feel like I would hate you or kick you out. I don't know what I did to make you feel like that but let me know so I can apologize and change that." Phil spoke and Tommy shook his head quickly.
"You didn't do anything, I just was afraid it was going to happen because of what happens with other kids and stuff like that." Tommy quickly explains and Phil nods softly.
"Well, I don't hate you. I'm not going to kick you out. I'm not upset that you aren't my daughter and I'm not upset that I don't have a daughter. I'm happy that you were able to find out who you are, and I'm happy that you found what makes you happy. I love you no matter what, and I wish you had come to me as soon as you felt this way so I could support you the best I could." Phil explains softly and Tommy looks into his eyes.
He saw in his father's eyes that his words were true and genuine. When he looked into Phil's eyes he saw nothing but love for his kid.
Tommy jumped up and went to hug his father, Phil welcoming the hug.
"Thank you for not hating me." Tommy whispered softly and Phil chuckled softly.
"I couldn't hate you, you're my kid no matter what." Phil said back and Tommy hugged him tighter. After a moment Techno spoke.
"I'm glad our father is not transphobic but we're still coming over to support our little brother." Techno declared and Phil laughed as he pulled away.
"So how long have they known?" Phil questioned as Tommy sat back down in his chair. Tommy blushed slightly.
"Since my 15th birthday." Tommy admitted and Phil's face dropped slightly.
"You've known that long and you didn't tell me?" Phil asked and Tommy nodded, looking back down at his hands.
"I've known since I was 14. I didn't tell anyone for a long while though. But I did know when I was 12 that I didn't like being a girl." Tommy admitted fully, which some of that even Techno and Wilbur didn't know.
"What name do you go by?" Phil asked kindly and Tommy smiled a bit.
"I go by Tommy, and I use he/him pronouns. Ranboo and Tubbo call me Tom or Toms sometimes." Tommy explained and Phil nodded.
"Alright, I won't be perfect at first but I'll call you Tommy and use he/him. Can I still call you 'Kit'?" Phil asked and Tommy paused.
"Yeah, it's just what you call a baby raccoon so that's fine." Tommy agreed. Phil hummed slightly.
"Are you being safe with all the hormones? These aren't black market ones or anything?" Phil asked and Tommy laughed.
"No they aren't. I got them from the doctor, since I'm 16 I can make my own medical choices, so a week after my 16th birthday I started doing them." Tommy explained and again Phil's face dropped.
"It's been 4 months and I never noticed?" Phil asked, sounding hurt in his voice.
"Dad, Tommy did his best to hide it from you. It wasn't you being a bad parent thing, it was your kid being sneaky as hell." Wilbur interjected. "Also Techno I'm outside your dorm."
"Coming." Techno replied and they all heard the sound of another door closing.
"I still should have seen." Phil mumbled but Tommy shook his head.
"I was scared so I didn't tell you. I probably should have." Tommy admitted but Phil's frown didn't drop.
"It's okay. This isn't easy and I am glad you told me instead of trying to lie about it." Phil said, gesturing to the needle on the table.
"Wait, so how did this start?" Techno asked, confused.
"I left a needle in the bathroom and Dad found it, he thought I was doing drugs." Tommy giggled slightly. Techno let out a laugh and then Wilbur hung up.
"I'm in the car with Wil now, but Jesus' dad, Tommy, could never do drugs. Seen those weak little arms of his? He wouldn't be able to do it." Techno joked.
"Oh no Tech you should see my arms now, I got T muscles." Tommy smiled lightly.
Things would be okay.