Work Text:
Hey there fellow high-schoolers. Now you know those days when you have so much work to do and really don't want to do it? How there is a big project or test to study for hanging over your head, preventing you from any feeling of happiness. Well I've got the answer: procrastination. With this habit, you'll create a bigger buildup of work, forcing you to use procrastination again. It is wonderful, it is sensational, and it-really screws up your life. (No seriously, don't do it. I see you, reading a crack fanfic so you won't have to study for your science test. Now you are wondering if the author got me confused with Deadpool. Well I was the original wisecracker, FYI. Now you are thinking of Spideypool. To that I have no comment. Absolutely none about what a great kisser my Wadey is.) Some people might not know how to procrastinate (cough Norman cough), so here is a list of 20 easy ways to procrastinate (at least that’s how it started).
1. Put whatever work you have to do in the back of your mind. Way back, like behind memories of great-Aunt Rhonda’s cat’s name and Uncle Ben’s glory days as a hippie.
2. Tell yourself you are taking a break.
3. Take a break. Except don't end it. Stick to what you are doing.
4. Watch something like Hetalia-each episode is only five minutes long. “I’m are just watching one more. Okay cliffhanger bad, next episode good. Ah screw this, I'm watching the whole season."
5. Disregard any comments from Aunt May’s (or moms) about doing your homework. Sometimes you'll have to lie about getting work done. What a great person you're becoming.
6. Live on the edge/ fighting crime spinning webs/ swinging from the highest ledge.
7. Go on patrol.
8. Heal from a fight with Green Goblin. (His bat-a-rangs can cut through diamond. Too bad I'm not wearing any.)
9. Get involved in some B-rate supervillains trap (OFF spray? Seriously, Rhino? I can't believe I underestimated your stupidity!)
10. Make out with Black Cat/Mary Jane Watson/Liz Allen/Betty Brant/Gwen Stacy.
11. Get involved in a John Tucker Must Die storyline by all the girls mentioned above. {Even dead Gwen, who is somehow a clone of a clone of a Gwen who was brought back to life by Carnage; this clone was based on the clone who was thrown off a bridge by a time-travelling, dimension-hopping Spiderman killer, all clones based on a Gwen Stacy who died years ago from a fangirl nosebleed when she read a fanfic of Iron Man and Captain America….together (For the billionth time, they are not my parents, biologically (how would that even work?!), or adoptively.)}.
12. Swear off girls. They are freakin crazy, man. (*he says, completely naked in Antarctica-Gwen 4.0 has portal powers-oh hi, I’m Deadpool. I came into the story somehow, my creeper senses were tingling and I followed them to Alaska and offered to keep a very naked Spidey-buns warm.)
13. Make out with Deadpool, killing Gwen 4.0 from an explosive fangirl nosebleed (it’s a latent but serious health issue all Gwens and fangirls possess.).
14. Hide the body, wondering what has happened to your life.
15. Remember that thing you had to do that you were procrastinating from.
16. Realize it’s long overdue, you failed!
17. Groan.
18. Curse the word procrastination and vow to never procrastinate again. Until….
19. …you get another project or test and….
20. ….repeat