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The door to the lounge room opened with its usual hiss as Leela strolled in. Bender was shaking Fry by the shoulders and babbling about something.
“Can you believe it, Fry? After all these years it’s finally happening! We're gonna throw the biggest party ever.”
“Hu-ra-a-a-ay!” Fry cheered through the violent cajoling. Meanwhile professor Farnsworth sat like a pouty toddler at the table, playing cards with Zoidberg.
“Go fish?”
“That’s not how poker works, you dope!” The professor swatted away the betting pool in the middle. “I fold.”
“Does this mean I can eat these delicious round candies?”
“Whatever.”
Zoidberg dove to the floor to feast on the poker chips. So, typical day at Planet Express. Still, Fry looked like he was getting dizzy, so she tugged him away. “Bender, cut it out. You’re gonna make him sick.”
With a pointed sneer, Bender wound both of his arms (and one of his legs) around Fry’s torso until it looked like he’d been captured by a robotic boa constrictor. “Hands off, floozy! Haven’t you heard the news?”
“Wha...?”
Thankfully, the news could be heard quite easily from the break room television.
“Our top story: After a long and heated battle with congress, proposition infinity +1 has legalized gay robosexual marriage across the known universe.”
Leela’s jaw dropped.
“Yeah, Bender’s real excited about it,” Fry said. “Not sure why, though.”
Bender’s coiled limbs tightened around Fry. His eyes darted back and forth as he avoided eye contact with any organic being in the room. “No reason.”
Oh.
Oh.
She couldn’t believe it took her this long to see it. Maybe it was just that Bender always made such a show of his machismo. Maybe it was that Fry had spent so long chasing her that it never even crossed Leela’s mind that he swung both ways. But when she took a step back from all that… duh! Maybe her depth perception was even worse than she thought, missing something that obvious.
“Aww, Bender.”
“Can it.”
Fry looked between the two of them. “Am I missing something super obvious again?”
Bender’s limbs loosened, then zipped back into place. “No.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Aw, a secret proposal. Good thing Fry was pretty easy to keep a secret from. While Leela was bursting with curiosity, she’d do Bender a favor and keep the questions to herself for now.
Leela put a hand over her heart. “Well, in any case, I’m very happy for you.”
If robots could blush, Bender probably would be. The best he could do was lower his head into his chest compartment so he resembled a shy turtle.
“I’m not, this is an outrage!” The professor slammed his fist on the table. There was a crack. “Ow.”
Leela turned to him. “Professor, I thought you got over your prejudice against robosexuals when proposition infinity passed.”
“A-wha? Oh. No, I’m not against robosexuals. I just hate having to pay more for your health benefits. Humans are already a nightmare. Adding a robot spouse who needs constant maintenance is going to drive the insurance plan costs through the roof!”
“Up yours, liver spots!” Bender shouted. “Whether you like it or not, it’s legal. Not that that’s ever stopped me from doing something before, but I digress. We’re taking a trip to Mars Vegas, baby!”
It was at this point Zoidberg resurfaced from under the couch, his cheeks stuffed. “Hurray, Zoidberg is going on a trip with his friends!” He snipped his claws happily.
The professor cackled as he nursed his broken fingers. “You and what ship? You’re not taking my ship anywhere unless it’s for business.”
Not three seconds later, Hermes walked in through the door. “Good news everyone, we’ve got business.”
“That’s my line…” the professor mumbled as Hermes walked past him.
“We’ve been hired to deliver a shipment of Elvis wigs to Mars Vegas. It’s a mighty hefty paycheck for us, so I suggest ya get a move-on.”
“Will do, Hermes.” Bender gave a firm salute. “You guys get the ship ready, I’ll be there in a sec. I uh… need to grab… my uh, shoes! Yeah, that’s it. I left my lucky shoes at home.”
Hermes was unamused, and furthermore uninterested in that lie. “Whatever, mon. Just be back in five minutes.”
Bender rushed out the door.
“Wait a second,” said Fry, “Bender keeps his lucky shoes in his chest compartment. What would he need to go home for?”
In the distance, Leela heard glass shattering, followed by a burglar alarm. Gun shots. Screaming.
Oh Lord.
Bender came running back in moment later. “Alright, let’s go. Preferably in the next two minutes.” He grabbed Fry by the wrist and all but dragged him away.
Leela could only look on and shake her head. Leave it to Bender to make even the most romantic gesture morally questionable.
Earth’s atmosphere faded into the maddeningly infinite vacuum of space. Nothing they hadn’t seen before, of course, but Fry was still fascinated by it. His big stupid blue eyes did that sparkly thing that made Bender’s processors gunk up. Not to mention his stupid freckled cheeks looked like rosy galaxies. Stupid meatbag.
“So, Bender, what are we doing to celebrate?” Fry asked.
“Huh, what?”
“Y’know, since you’re so excited about the new marriage thing. What'd you wanna do to celebrate when we get to Mars Vegas?”
“Uh… you know, just drinking and… stealing…” Out of the corner of his eye Bender caught Leela looking at him, and he silently asked for help. “Probably some gambling.”
Fry sipped a slurm. “Sounds fun.”
“Fry, can you go check the…” Leela tried to find something she could ask Fry to do successfully. “…can you take a nap in your quarters for a bit?”
“Aye-aye, captain!” Fry saluted. “Wake me when we get there, Bender.”
They waited until they were sure Fry had put a couple doors between them to talk.
“So, I have to ask, how long have you two been together?”
Bender pulled a cigar from his chest compartment and lit it. “We’re not.”
“I… but… did I miss something? I thought you were surprising him by eloping.”
“I am.”
Leela put the ship on autopilot, then spun the chair to wards him. Ah boy, here we go. Lecture time. “Bender, you can’t just marry someone you aren’t actually involved with.”
“Why not? We already live together. I’m his best friend. Plenty of people have married for less!”
“Does he even know you have feelings for him?” she asked, standing up.
What was next, the hand on the hip? Signature glare? Yep. Right on cue. Ten points to Bender. “He’s gonna find out pretty soon. Y’know, once we’re married.”
Leela narrowed the distance between them. “That is completely unethical! What if he doesn’t want to marry you?”
Bender flinched. He didn’t like the sharp electric stimuli that shot through his chest components. “…Why wouldn’t he?”
For a moment, Leela seemed to soften. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be anything personal.”
But- but he was the greatest. Anyone would be honored to have him as their husband, right? Especially Fry. Fry thought he was the coolest person in the universe. Fry held a whole bunch of monks hostage to find him after he got shot into space, right?
Even if he did leave him for a big extra-dimensional tentacle monster that one time.
And even if he did spend almost every waking moment trying to get into Leela’s black stretch pants.
And even if he did abandon him for a dead dog.
Ugh. What was this weird, creeping sensation? Doubt? Gross. “He’ll thank me later.”
She groaned and pinched the ridge of her nose. “Bender, I won’t let you manipulate Fry like this.”
“Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?”
She was in his face now. Her index finger jabbed at his frame. “I’m going to march down there and tell Fry exactly what you’re planning.”
Crap. She was going to do something about it. Always one step ahead.
“What do you want me to do then, huh? You tellin’ me I stole this,” he pulled out a gargantuan ring with a diamond the size of his trigger finger, “for nothing?!”
“If you stole an engagement ring, why not just propose?”
“I… huh?”
Leela blinked at him. “You know, axe him to marry you. You could still elope, but Fry has to say yes first.”
Huh. “Guess I never thought about that.”
“You never thought to ask?”
Bender fiddled with his fingers. “What if he says no?”
“You’ll just have to work through it like adults.”
“Ew.”
She rolled her giant eye. “I know the fear of rejection is hard to deal with, Bender, but if this is really what you want, you’ll have to put your heart on the line.”
“But I don’t have a heart! Unless you count these.”
He pulled out a bag of embalmed pig hearts.
Leela’s mouth reflexively scrunched up into a grimace. “Where did you even get those?”
“High school science lab. They’re fun to toss at old ladies.”
“That’s horrible!”
“Fry gets a kick out of it.”
He had such a sweet laugh.
Leela ignored that. “Regardless. If you love Fry, you’ll ask him.”
Another one of those gross human feelings infected Bender’s circuitry. Squirming, uncomfortable. The worry that maybe he wouldn’t be able to pull it off. “But how do I propose to my best friend?” he asked. Amy was one thing, since he was basically doing it to give the middle finger to society, but this… this was Fry! “I want it to be special.”
“I’ll help you,” Leela said.
Bender lit up. “You will?”
“Sure. As long as you’re actually going to propose. No tricking him.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get the point.” He grabbed Leela’s shoulders. “How shut up and help me!”
Fry was jolted out of sleep by an alarm clock next to his hammock that he hadn’t remembered being there before. “I-wha!” He fumbled and flailed and fell hard to the floor in his confusion.
The clock hit him on the head moments later.
“Ow.”
It continued ringing, so Fry hurled it at the wall, where it promptly shattered. After a heaving sigh of relief, he pushed himself up. Something caught his eye on the little table next to the door. There was a neatly folded pile of clothing, including shoes, with a little note sticking out of the shoelaces. It read as such:
Fry, this isn’t just gonna be any party, it’s a real classy affair. Put this on and come meet me in the Wong casino. Don’t keep me waiting!
---Bender ;)
Huh. Okay then.
Fry examined the suit. Everything, including the leather shoes, the satin bowtie, and the pearl cufflinks, were white. An ivory rose even bloomed on the lapel.
He held it reverently. “Fancy.”
He put it on. Next to that time he married Leela during those time skips, this was probably the nicest he’d ever dressed. Actually, this might be nicer. The long waistcoat and button-up shirt with belled frills at the wrist put it over the top. He looked like a pirate.
Fry walked into the control room where Leela was putting the ship into park. She turned around upon hearing the door open. “Oh wow, Fry, you look so nice.”
“Thanks. I think Bender stole it for me. Have you seen him?”
Leela tried to look annoyed. “Yeah, he said something about a party before chugging a keg and running off for the casino.”
“Yep, that sounds like Bender alright. Guess we’ll meet up with him after the delivery.”
“No, you go ahead. I’ll take care of the delivery. You two have fun, okay?”
Now, Fry wasn’t a smart man, but even he knew something wasn’t right about that. “You’re letting us slack off? Did Bender blackmail you?”
The way Leela’s grip tightened on the chair arms told him everything he needed to know.
“Ah, don’t worry. Whatever dirt he has on you, I’m sure it can’t be worse than what he has on Zoidberg.”
“What does he have on Zoidberg?”
Fry started out of the room. “His Onlyfans. Later!”
Bender got a text from Leela. Okay, Fry was on his way. Great. He affixed his captain's hat over his antenna. Black leather, stolen directly from the pirate universe.
“I appreciate you letting me do this here. But uh, I thought you guys were against this kind of thing.”
They certainly didn’t like it when Bender was dating their daughter. Water under the bridge now, but still, it was surprising.
Mrs. Wong waved him off. “Pshaw, no, we’re open-minded,” she said as she counted the fat stack of cash Bender had forked over.
“Yeah, yeah, just don’t break our stuff, garbage can,” Mr. Wong spat. “This is a classy establishment.”
“Dad, spleesh.”
Bender turned around to see Amy, arms crossed, but with a smile on her face. “Amy? What are you doing here?”
“Visiting my parents?”
“Oh. I guess that does make sense. I mean, I haven’t seen you around for the past week, but I thought that was because I wasn’t paying attention.”
She gave a half-hearted laugh. Then things went quiet. Mr. and Mrs. Wong could probably sense something awkward going on, because they excused themselves with some nonchalant whistling.
“So, Fry, huh?”
Bender scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah.”
Amy smiled. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks. Uh… no hard feelings, right?”
She snorted. “As if. You’ve been in love with Fry for years. It isn’t a secret.”
Bender sputtered and flailed his arms. “Wha-ju-how!? Yes it is! Or it was until about three hours ago. How the hell did you of all people find out?”
“Because I’ve dated both of you, and you both talked way more about each other than you ever did about me.”
“Wait, Fry talked about me?”
Amy met this question with a stare.
“…Point taken.”
She laughed. “I honestly don’t know why I thought it’d ever work out for you and me. Fry has you around his little finger.”
Bender’s head sank down into his chaises. “Shut up.”
With a soft, knowing smile, Amy walked up and gave Bender a little peck on the cheek. “Good luck.”
“Thanks.”
She sped off to let Bender finish his preparations, but not before slipping on a freshly waxed floor with a loud yelp.
The truth was, Bender himself didn’t really know until recently. Emotions had never been his strong point, if the empathy chip fiasco was anything to go by. And when it hit him that he was experiencing, of all things, love? For Fry?
He could’ve shit a brick.
“Bender?” Fry called.
He did shit a brick. Crap, crap, he was here already?
He swiveled his head around to see his favorite meatbag wearing the first mate’s suit he’d had tailor made. That he’d paid actual money for. Oh, if he had tear ducts Bender might’ve cried. But no time for that. He jumped behind a conspicuously placed curtain and propelled himself up to a ceiling level support beam, where the rope was waiting for him.
Fry was still searching around. Perfect.
Bender cracked his non-existent knuckles.
Showtime.
The Wong Island Casino was suspiciously empty. Not like slow night empty, but really empty. Fry would’ve suspected that maybe it was closed if he hadn’t been able to walk in. And the fact that Bender said to meet him here. Where was he anyways?
“Bender?” Fry called.
He could’ve sworn he heard the thud of a brick being dropped, followed by panicked foot cups shuffling away. But when he went to investigate, all Fry found was a suspicious-looking brick the floor. No sign of Bender.
“Crud,” he said, kicking at the carpet.
Wait.
What if he’d been kidnapped? Oh dip! He had to call Leela. Fry pulled her up on his eye-phone and was about to press call when suddenly-
“Avast ye!”
“Wha-whoa!” And he was jerked away from the ground by a metal arm. The world around him blurred out for a second as he was swung around the room, only stabilizing once he’d been set on a support beam. “What’s going on? Am I being mugged again?”
“No, scallywag,” said Bender, landing across from Fry at the tail end of a rather impressive double flip, “yer joining me crew.”
“Bender?” Fry got his balance so he could stand.
“Aye.”
“Why are you dressed like that? Are we partying or becoming pirates?”
“We are! Yes! Both!”
“Oh. Cool.” He looked around at the still conspicuously empty casino. “Where’s the rest of our crew?”
“Oh, um… it’s kind of a two-man crew.”
“Aw man. Well, you’re good at getting people to rally around you. I’m sure we'll have more people in no time. Do you think Leela would…?”
“NO!”
Fry nodded like he was taking constructive criticism. “You’re right, she wouldn’t make a good pirate. Too focused on rules. Maybe…”
Bender smacked his own forehead before grabbing Fry by the shoulders. “Fry, this is a proposal. I’m proposing. To you.”
To be pirates? “…I don’t follow.”
“Oy.” Bender retracted his legs so he was kneeling before Fry. He pulled off his captain’s hat. The engagement ring was hooked around his antenna. “I’m asking you to marry me, Fry.”
The last gear clicked into place. Fry’s eyes went saucer wide and his cheeks deepened to a warm red. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” Bender tapped his fingers against his pirate hat. “So… will you marry me?”
“I-I don’t… this is a lot to take in. Are you doing this as part some elaborate plot? What’s your angle?”
But Bender’s eyes only fell.
Oh.
Fry sat down. It was the only way to stave off the dizzying array of emotions that threatened to knock him to the floor.
“You know, I thought I’d been in love before. With the countess, Angleine, or Amy,” Bender started. “Because I got a thrill out of the romance. And the sex, obviously. Hehe. But I started thinking, and I mean really thinking. You humans talk about love like it’s some big, nebulous wonder. Y’know, like God, or free parking.”
Okay, he laughed at that a little. “Yeah?”
“Well, if I’ve really been in love, why is it always so easy to get over my girlfriends? And don’t say because I’m a robot.”
Fry wasn’t going to, but he nodded in agreement anyways. He knew by now how emotional Bender was when it came to that.
“It’s because I didn’t love them to begin with. Love isn’t supposed to make you bored. And it isn’t supposed to be disposable.” Bender curled up on himself. “And I don’t think I’ve ever met someone less disposable than you, Fry.”
His heart was going so fast he was dizzy. “But what about Leela?”
“What about Leela?”
“You know I love her. I know it’s been kind of on again off again, but she still means the world to me.”
Bender growled in a fit of jealousy, then sighed. “Look, Fry, I won't pretend to understand what goes on between you two, but she helped me set this whole thing up.”
“She did?”
The implication hit Fry like a brick. If Leela was giving Bender her blessing like this, she was moving on. Really this time.
He couldn’t exactly say he was surprised. As much as he loved her, and he did, it always felt like she was picking someone else over him, and he was left chasing, eternally proving himself to her. With Bender, he never had to prove himself. And he’d admit there was something kind of relaxing about that. Something appealing, even.
But he wasn’t gay.
“Bender, how do you know this is…” He was blushing to the roots. “How do you know it’s that kind of love? If you’ve never been in love before.”
Bender hesitated to answer. “…Because when I think of you, I understand what all the fuss is about.”
Oh.
Yeah. That was the real deal alright.
Fry’s guts went fuzzy.
“Does that mean you wanna…um…” Fry made a crude gesture with his hands, too embarrassed to actually say something.
Bender gave a deviously coy smile. “I mean, you humans seem to think sex is way better when it’s with someone you love. I’d like to see if that part's true.”
Fry had no response to that. His brain was still buffering.
“You there, buddy?” Bender asked.
Fry stood up again, wobbly. “Look, Bender… I don’t… this is really….” He tried to take a step towards Bender, but ended up slipping over the edge. For a few terrifying seconds he was plummeting towards the ground.
Then he wasn’t. Bender caught him a few feet between the fall and an early grave. His arms stretched like long metal cords and wrapped around Fry’s waist.
“Thanks, Bender!”
“Course.” Bender set him gently on the floor, then jumped down to be beside him. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”
“R-right.”
A pause.
“Come on, let’s head to the chapel. I heard there’s free drinks if it’s your first wedding with them. Gotta love Vegas.”
He started to pull Fry towards the door, except Fry wasn’t budging. “Bender, I didn’t say yes!”
Bender looked nervous. “Well, what are you waiting for? Do you want the ring first?” He pulled the engagement ring off his antenna and offered it to Fry.
“Bender, I… I can’t...”
“What do you mean you can’t?” His arms dropped. “You can’t marry me?”
“I can’t be gay!”
Bender was an expressive robot, and after so many years of living together, Fry could pick up on even the most subtle cues. This meant he could pinpoint the exact moment Bender’s heart ripped in half.
Fry’s wasn’t doing so good either.
“No, no, Bender, I… agh! I don’t know what I mean! I need to think!”
Head clutched between his hands, Fry bolted out of the casino and into the cacophonic hustle of Mars Vegas.
“How long has he been like this?” Leela asked.
Amy sighed. “Two hours.”
Bender had made a perfectly self-shaped indent in the concrete when he collapsed on his face. If you didn’t know any better, it might look like he was a modern art piece, a weird optical illusion design on the carpet. He hadn’t looked up or acknowledged anyone. The only reason anyone could tell he was alive was because of the quiet and consistent sobbing.
“No sign of Fry?”
Leela shook her head and instinctively checked her eye phone for the millionth time that hour. “No. And he still hasn’t responded to my calls. Or texts. I’m really worried about him.”
“You think we should call the professor or something?”
“No, I think that would make things worse. We just have to keep looking. He couldn’t have left the city without risking getting lost in the desert.”
“Right. Hmm. I could get my parents to bribe the cops into letting us see the street surveillance cameras.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Leela bent down and pat Bender on the back of the head. “We’ll get Fry back, don’t worry.”
“This is all your fault, Leela,” said Bender, muffled. “Fry hates me and I hate you by association.”
Well, at least he was speaking.
“I'll make sure he doesn’t hurt himself,” Amy whispered.
Leela nodded her thanks.
“I heard that.”
He messed up. He messed up so, so bad.
Ever since he came to the future, from the first day, Bender had been his friend and comfort. When the world was strange and had left him far behind, forgotten except in the memories of family members long-dead, he was there, and he’d helped shape Fry’s life into the adventure it was.
But now… what was he supposed to do now? He ruined everything.
Fry wasn’t an easy crier. His friends had to literally beat the tears out of him one time. But today? Well, he felt like he’d been beaten up. And he cried until his stomach hurt. At least he’d run far enough away so nobody could see him like this.
“Fry?” Leela called.
“Leela?!” He jumped. “Go away, you’re not subbosed to see mbe like this.”
She walked down the length of the dingy alleyway he’d chosen to hide away in. “I heard what happened. Are you alright?”
“Forgeb about me, is Benner okay?”
Her eye shifted towards the ground, and her mouth compressed into a harsh line.
“Das what I figured.” Fry blew his nose into a moldy napkin hanging out of the dumpster, not wanting to ruin the nice suit. “He had this whole heartfelt love confession, and I had a complete spaz attack and ran off. He must hate me.”
Leela kneeled down and put a hand on his knee. “You just didn’t know how to handle it in the moment.”
“Yeah, well, that was a pretty bad time to not know. I guess that’s just my luck though, isn’t it?” He blotted his eyes. “He said you helped set this up. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Honestly, I didn’t know what he planned until we were on our way here. I probably should’ve warned you. Bender might’ve taken the rejection better in private.”
“Rejection? I’m not rejecting him!”
Fry’s hand flew to his mouth. The words had come out before he could think about them. Not that he usually thought much before speaking anyways.
Leela stared with open-mouthed shock. “You’re saying you want to marry him?”
Well, whether he liked it or not, he said it. And whether he wanted to or not, he meant it. He uncovered his mouth. “Maybe. I don't think I'm ready for that. But I do, y’know, feel some kind of way.”
“Oh. What’s wrong with that?”
Everything came tumbling out in a mess of half-articulate feelings. “I don’t know what to do, Leela. He’s my best friend. He’s Bender. He’s a guy. I can’t be gay. I can’t. I can’t be. Why do I feel this way? Leela, help me.”
She squeezed his shoulders. “Fry. Look at me.”
He did.
“Nobody is saying you’re gay.”
“…What am I, then?”
“That’s up to you to decide. But you know there’s more than two options, right?”
A blank stare. “…I never thought about it.”
Leela groaned. “Oh lord. Sometimes I forget you’re from the stupid ages.”
“Hey, the nineties weren’t stupid!”
“Look, Fry. I don’t remember much from my high school ancient history class, but what I do know is that your people had some pretty backwards views on sex and sexual orientation.” Leela leaned against the grimy brick wall. “You’ve probably never had the chance to consider that you’re bi. Or pan. Or omni. Or poly. Or…”
He rested against the bricks. “I don’t even know what half those words mean. I just know that my heart goes all flippy when I think about Bender, and that revokes my straight card for life.”
“What about Yivo? Schle didn’t have a gender.”
Oh. Huh. Guess he never thought about it, not in terms of how it affected his sexuality anyways. “I think it’s scaring me because Bender is, y’know, a guy. Or a robot guy.”
“And why is that so bad? How is it any different than loving a genderless tentacle monster from another universe?”
Yet another question he didn’t have an answer for. At least, not an easy one. It didn’t bother him to think of other people doing whatever. The future was wild and weird and full of all sorts of craziness. For God’s sake, he went to Kif’s baby shower!
So why did the thought of loving another dude, of cuddling and kissing and doing all that stuff he’d normally do with a girl, made him cringe?
Well, it was unmanly, for one. Which was a stupid thing to think. Fry wasn’t manly to begin with. What did it mean to be manly anyways? The height of so-called manliness in this time was Zapp Brannigan, the worst human being Fry had ever had the displeasure of meeting. And he’d met Nixon.
So what was it?
“I hate to cut this personal crisis short, Fry,” Leela said, “but I really think you should get back to Bender. The Wongs are close to calling security on him.”
He sighed. “You’re right. But what am I supposed to say?”
“Tell him how you feel.”
Ugh. “…Can I say literally anything else?”
She gave him the sternest look she could, then yanked him up by the collar of his suit.
“Alright, alright, I’m coming.”
When Bender was embarrassed, he wanted everyone else dead so nobody saw him. When Bender was depressed, he wanted to die himself so he didn’t have to put up with the world’s crap anymore. This was the first time he’d ever wanted both simultaneously. A new low.
It was probably for the best that he couldn’t even bring himself to move.
“Get this tin can out of here! He’s bad for business.”
“Mom, he just had his heart broken,” Amy argued. “Give him some time.”
“Bah. He’s had three hours. Our carpet is gonna be stained for weeks from all his boo-hooing.”
Amy pat Bender on the back of the head and gently lowered herself to his level. “Bender, I don’t think I can hold them off much longer. Do you think you can at least make it back to the ship?”
“No.”
Frankly, he didn’t give a crap if her parents were upset. He didn’t care if he was dragged away by security. A casino, the sidewalk, who cared where he laid in his own tears until he passed out from sobriety?
“Ugh.” She sat down on the floor next to him, only to perk up moments later. “Hey, Leela’s back.”
“I don’t wanna see her one-eyed mug ever again.”
“Fry’s with her.”
He was on his feet within milliseconds. “Whatwhere?”
Of course, Fry and Leela were heading for him as he asked. Well, Leela and what he could see of Fry hiding behind her like a kid on his first Halloween.
“…Fry?” he said, his voice pained.
He made himself somehow even smaller behind Leela. “Um, hi Bender.”
Amy grabbed his hand. “Come on, Bender, go talk to him.”
But he wouldn’t budge. “He doesn’t wanna talk to me.”
Fry was obviously being held here against his will. He looked like he’d run off at any moment. It didn’t help when Leela all but dragged him in front of her to face Bender. “Yes, he does. He has something very important to say to you.”
“I, err, um…” Fry stuttered over himself.
Bender crossed his arms. “Save it. I don’t need an apology, okay? This is humiliating enough.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” said Fry. Leela had let go of him, secure in knowing he wasn’t going to run. He stepped forward. “I hate seeing you this way, Bender, and it’s my fault.”
Bender’s outrage slumped into a resigned depression. “Can we just… forget this ever happened? Maybe the professor can invent one of those mind eraser things from that movie. You know the one I’m talking about.”
Fry looked hurt for a long moment, then he swallowed and approached Bender. “Look, I’ve never. I’ve never been in love with another guy before.”
“I get it, you don’t need to- wait, before? Before what?”
Why was he going all red in the face? “Before, y’know.”
Bender did not know. Nor did he know why Leela elbowed Fry in the ribs.
“Ow! Before you.”
Wait. Wait. Whoa, whoa. Was he short-circuiting? Were his auditory processors on the fritz? “Before me? Does this mean you… that you wanna?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to get married,” he said quickly. “This is still a lot for me.”
“Will you at least wear the engagement ring? I can’t pawn it without the cops getting suspicious again.”
Fry rolled his eyes and laughed. “Sure, Bender.”
“Aw yeah!” Bender coiled an arm around Fry’s waist and yanked him to his side. He removed the engagement ring from his antenna.
Man, it really was a shame he couldn’t pawn it. That diamond was the size of a human eyeball, and this time he made sure it was real. But the electric buzz Bender got from sliding it onto Fry’s ring finger made the lost money worth it. Now that was saying something.
“Wow. It’s eye-catching.”
“Damn right it is.” Bender yanked Fry’s arm up above his head. “Listen up, meatbags! This one’s off the market. Touch him and I’ll rearrange your ribs into a xylophone!”
Fry hid his face in the space between his chaises and his head, making an embarrassed little eep noise. “Benderrr.”
“Shut up baby, you love me.” A pause. “…Right?”
“Yeah.” Fry rested himself further against Bender. “Yeah, I love you.”
Bender wound him up in his arms, over and over and over, while Fry laughed at the absurdity of it. Oh, this little meatbag was going to be the death of him. He nuzzled Fry’s cheek and peppered it with little electric kisses.
“Bender, ha-ha, cut it out, that tickles!”
“Stop being so cute and maybe I will.”
He squirmed playfully in the vice of Bender’s arms. “Never!”
“Then prepare to be smooched for the rest of your life!”
Another barrage of kisses followed.
“Yeah, yeah, happy ending for the weirdo and his sappy robot,” Mrs. Wong interrupted. “Now get the hell out!”
It was nighttime. Delivery long over, everyone retired to their own homes. Bender and Fry watched reruns of “All My Circuits” while sipping beer. Things seemed like they hadn’t changed much from the outside.
But they had. Fry’s engagement ring sparkled under the low light of the television screen. Bender’s hands clung firmly to the chub of his love handles. And as the hours dragged into the darker part of the night, a single thought thumped away in the back of Fry’s mind, like someone knocking from a hidden part of his psyche.
“It’s getting late, sweetbag, it might be time to hit the hay. We have work in the morning. Not that we’re actually coming in on time.” He stood up and helped Fry to his feet. “Come on, I’ll tuck you in.”
“A-actually, Bender…?”
“What?”
Fry wrung his hands together. “Did you mean what you said? Y’know, back at the casino?”
“I said a lot of things at the casino that I meant. Which is unusual for me, but I’m still gonna need you to be more specific.”
Oh boy. He was in his t-shirt and underwear, and the AC was running, but the apartment was suddenly way too stuffy and hot. “About, the um,” he made that crude gesture with his hands again.
“You mean about having sex with you?”
Eep! Fry made a concerted effort to avoid eye contact. “Jeez Bender, you don’t have to be so blunt about it.”
Bender’s mouthplate turned into a wry and teasing grin. “Aw, you’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”
“Shut up, I’m not embarrassed.”
He squished Fry’s cheeks in between his hands. “You’re too shy to even say the word sex.”
“Sex,” Fry said, crossing his arms in triumph.
“I mean in relation to me, dummy.”
“Fine. You. And sex.”
“Oy.” He rolled his optics. “You wanna get it on or not?”
This question left Fry a sputtering, red-faced mess for a minute. Bender just watched him with the smug amusement of a man who knew he’d found a fun new weak spot to exploit. Damn it. “I… I mean… that’s kind of why I was… asking…”
“Well then.” Suddenly, Fry found himself scooped up in Bender’s arms, bridal-style. “Time to find out why you humans call it love-makin.’”