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It was not often that they had time like this, time alone, time together. Mostly they had been so busy with one goal after another there was no chance to just settle in the silence. An odd concept for a former Sith, and even to a witch such as herself. As it happened, they had one of those fleeting moments in their grasp, sitting under the stars and laying low after one of their little endeavours. It had been successful, of course, though they’d had to destroy the outpost after discovering the extent of the treachery. Maul had trusted no one on this but her to join him, as he did not know how far the ‘corruption’ had spread. Now they merely had to await the ship to arrive, they were told it would be there by morning. Idle time was usually useless time, and so Zaiya had taken out her mila hanska - her ceremonial Nightsister knives and was using a small whetstone to sharpen them. A soft tune filled the air as she hummed to a song in her head, one of the ones from home, when they were children together on Dathomir.
Maul sat opposite her, a small fire between them that he had sparked, though now she felt his intense golden eyes on her. There was a weight when it came to his gaze, and she suppressed a small shiver up her spine.
“You wish to say something,” she said simply after a long drawn out moment of silence. It was not a question.
“You were reckless,” he replied quietly, barely audible over the crackling of the fire and gentle scraping of stone on metal.
“No more than usual,” she didn’t look up from her task. There was another long pause.
“During my training, I was taught to never doubt, never to allow fear in. I was taught that I should never allow my feelings to cloud my judgement, to use fear as a weapon. Never show compassion, or mercy.” Zaiya paused in her ministrations and let her hands rest in her lap as she looked up at the crimson zabrak. He was now watching the fire as though the memories plates out before him in the flames. He continued, “I was taught that such emotions were nothing more than a weakness. I knew it, just another element of an enemy to exploit. I had never known what it was like to experience such a thing,” he looked away and out into the darkness. “Until you.” Zaiya stilled, she’d barely heard the whispered words but suddenly it felt as though it were harder to breathe. Did he mean…?
“Sire…?” she questioned, tilting her head slightly.
“This weakness…” he whispered.
“You feel weak?” she asked, making sure she understood.
“Weaker than I have ever felt…” he confessed. It was true she had been in danger, and a building collapsing on her was not exactly how she had intended to have done it. IT was the most efficient though, taking out both of her opponents at once. Unfortunately Maul had been witness to it and evidently did not agree with her solution. It had ended the fight though. “I’ve only felt that way once before…” His head swivelled to pin her with a meaningful look. Ah. Her eye.
“You were reckless today,” he repeated, this time with more of an edge. Her lips pursed and she looked down, guiltily.
“It was not my intention to weaken you, sire,” she mumbled. After a moment she sighed, “in my defence, you fought harder and more powerfully than you have in a long time.” She hated that it sounded so much like an excuse.
“It seems you are both my strength and my weakness,” he mused, the corner of his lips tugging into a tiny smirk. Zaiya took that moment to wrap up the whetstone and put away her knives, moving to sit directly beside him. Her Lord, her Prince. Her friend. But deep down she knew it was more than that. She dared not say it. Some words were too dangerous to speak out loud. Like the ones he was dancing around.
“Perhaps that is the nature of us,” she murmured, leaning against his shoulder in a gesture that was probably too familiar for a Lieutenant.
“Perhaps…” he replied, “but it is why… you cannot do that again. If you were…”
I could not bear the thought of you being gone.
“I understand, sire,” she nodded.
You are everything to me.
They did not say it. They dare not. But as she gazed up at the stars, her head on his shoulder, she felt his hand nudge her own, and lace his fingers with hers, she thought, perhaps they didn’t need to say anything. Perhaps this was enough. Perhaps the way he squeezed her hand was how he expressed the emotion. Perhaps the way she squeezed back told him the same. Those words would remain unspoken.
A low hum filled the air again, this time, it came from the zabrak beside her. Her gaze flicked to his face but he watched the stars. A smile crossed her lips, and she settled against him, her gentle hum joining his. In the morning they would have to go back to Lord and Lieutenant.
But for now.
This was enough.