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The office became strangely quiet when Kazuma wasn’t around.
For years, Barok hadn’t minded the loneliness of his workplace—if anything, it helped him focus on his job and nothing else. Yet, it didn’t take long for him to get used to having another person around: the sight of someone on the opposite side of the room; the sound of a quill that wasn’t his own lightly scratching the pages; the brief, friendly words they exchanged during the day… With time, all those things became not only familiar, but dear to him, to the point he missed them when Kazuma wasn’t there.
The sound of the door opening grabbed Barok’s attention. He raised his eyes to see Ryunosuke entering the office.
“Excuse me, Prosecutor van Zieks.”
“Mr. Naruhodo,” said Barok, “welcome. Are you looking for Prosecutor Asogi?”
“Yes…” Ryunosuke glanced at Kazuma’s desk. “He isn’t here, is he?”
“He is currently investigating a crime scene with inspector Lestrade. Did you have something important to discuss with him?”
“Actually, no… I just wanted to see if he would be free soon, so we could spend some time together.”
That wasn’t surprising, considering how close those two were—yet, those words brought a dull pain to Barok’s chest, which he tried to ignore. “He should be back soon, if you don’t mind the wait.”
“No, it’s alright.” Ryunosuke let out a low, slightly embarrassed chuckle. “I should have imagined he was busy… We can just go out tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Now that I’m back for good, I don’t need to worry so much about the time we don’t get to spend together.”
“It must be nice for you both,” said Barok, “to be living under the same roof after such a long time apart.”
Ryunosuke nodded. “It really is. Things were too quiet without him back in Japan.”
He sounded happy… and Kazuma had been in high spirits since his return, as well. It would be a lie for Barok to say he wasn’t jealous, but…
“Kazuma is truly important to you, isn’t he?” he asked.
“Of course!” Ryunosuke grinned. “There’s no one in this world I trust more than him.”
Regardless of his unrequited feelings for his co-worker, Barok was grateful for everything Ryunosuke had done for him in the past, and wished the man well. The world wasn’t a kind place for people like them—whose romantic interests didn’t align with what was considered the norm—so it crossed Barok’s mind that, maybe, he should make his support for those two men clear.
“You should tell him about your feelings,” he said, trying to be discreet. “I’m sure they would bring him joy.”
Ryunosuke waved his hand in front of his face. “Don’t worry, I’m always telling him he’s my best friend at every chance I get.”
Barok observed him for a moment: maybe he had been too discreet. “That’s not what I meant.”
“It wasn’t…?” Ryunosuke blinked, confused. “Then… I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understood it.”
“I meant your… more personal feelings for him.”
“Personal?” He thought for a moment, then realization seemed to fall upon him. “Ah…”
Ryunosuke lowered his gaze; as expected, he didn’t seem comfortable with the subject.
“There’s no reason for concern.” Barok tried to reassure him. “Kazuma is a dear friend to me, and I want nothing but his happiness.”
“Alright…?” Ryunosuke stayed silent for a while, thinking. “Uh… Prosecutor van Zieks, correct me if I’m wrong, but… Do you think Kazuma and I are in love with each other?”
Did I cross a line I shouldn’t have?
“I apologize…” said Barok. “I didn’t mean to meddle with your personal affairs.”
“Hm…” Ryunosuke shrugged. “Well, anyway, you’ve got it wrong.”
His words caught Barok by surprise. “Have I?”
“It’s true that I love Kazuma more than anyone else, but it’s… Not like that.” Ryunosuke smiled. “He’s my best friend, and we’re both fine with things this way. Besides…” He brought a hand to the side of his neck, letting out an awkward chuckle. “I can’t say I’m very interested in romance in general, so…”
Barok could do nothing but observe him for a long while. Did that mean he… understood it all wrong? Then, that meant Kazuma…
“Forgive me.” He did his best to keep a serious face. “I suppose I was too hasty in my judgment.”
“Don’t worry.” Ryunosuke dismissed his worries with a wave of his hand. “I guess it might look like this to other people… We had a few rumors about us back in Japan too, so you’re not the first one to get it wrong.”
“I see,” said Barok. “I was certain that he had feelings for you.”
He only realized how content he sounded when the words had already left his mouth. Ryunosuke observed him, surprised.
“You sound relieved,” he said.
Barok looked away, furrowing his brow. “You’re imagining things.”
“Am I?” Suddenly, a wide, slightly amused smile took his lips. “If Mr. Sholmes was here, I’m sure he would say something like—” Ryunosuke raised his finger in a surprisingly accurate imitation of the great detective. “—‘don’t be shy, my dear Barok… You can’t hide the jealousy in your tone from this great detective.’” He chuckled. “Right?”
Barok narrowed his eyes at him. “What are you insinuating?”
“Nothing, it’s just something that crossed my mind.” Ryunosuke went silent for a moment, as if considering something. “But, you know… There is someone Kazuma loves.”
The words hit Barok like a wave of cold water. “There is? Who?”
Ryunosuke shook his head. “I can’t tell you that.” He could barely contain a grin. “But I’ll give you a hint: it’s someone he truly admires.”
Someone who Kazuma admires…?
That wasn’t as easy to guess as he thought: there were a few people that came to mind, but most of them were like family to Kazuma. Someone he is close to and admires, other than Ryunosuke…
“Oh, God…” The ground seemed to crumble beneath Barok. “Kazuma is in love with Sholmes.”
“W-what?” Ryunosuke stared at him, wide-eyed. “No!” He slapped his hands on the surface of Barok’s desk, leaning forward and staring into his eyes. “How did you even get to this conclusion?”
“Was I wrong?” Barok instinctively moved away from him, almost sinking into his chair. “They are close, and even share the same roof… And Kazuma always indulges Sholmes in those ungodly deductions of his.”
“That’s because Mr. Sholmes is like a step-father to him!”
Oh, of course… That made more sense.
“I suppose you’re right.” Barok relaxed a little. “It’s easy to forget that he is Dr. Mikotoba’s partner, considering the man’s antics.”
Ryunosuke sighed, straightening his back and stepping away from Barok’s desk. “That was still a pretty wild guess… And here I was, afraid that I’d been too straightforward.”
“Is the answer that obvious?”
“Yes… I’m surprised you didn’t realize it yet.” Ryunosuke giggled to himself. “But I’m not saying anything else. If you really want to know, you should ask Kazuma himself.”
That wasn’t what Barok wanted to hear, but he shouldn’t have expected anything different from Kazuma’s closest friend.
“Fair enough.”
Ryunosuke left the office a few minutes later, with that amused grin still on his face. Barok shifted his attention back to his work, trying to focus, in vain.
Someone Kazuma admires… Could it be someone Barok hadn’t met yet? Maybe someone from his homeland…
No, that was unlikely. Kazuma had said before that, during those terrible ten years, he had little room in his mind for anything other than his studies and revenge plans. If he didn’t have romantic feelings for Ryunosuke, then it should be someone he met in London… But who?
Barok could feel a headache coming when Kazuma finally returned, bringing his torment to a brief intermission.
“Excuse me, Lord van Zieks.” His politeness quickly gave place to concern as soon as he looked at Barok’s face. “Did… something happen?”
Barok shook his head. “I just have a few things in my mind.”
“Anything I can help with?”
“I appreciate the offer, but it’s just a personal matter.” Barok made a brief pause. “Oh, before I forget… Naruhodo was looking for you earlier.”
“Did he need something?”
“No, he simply wanted to spend some time with you. Apparently, he chose to postpone his plans to tomorrow.”
“I should have expected.” Kazuma tried, but couldn’t hold back a smile. “It’s been a long while since we had so much time together… It feels a little nostalgic.”
Barok couldn’t help but smile as well. “It’s good to see you this content.”
Kazuma’s expression changed into a scowl. “Whenever you say something nice like this, I know you’ll follow up with a mean comment.”
“This way,” Barok continued, “you’ll have someone else to pester for a change.”
“See? I knew it.”
Kazuma offered him a playful half-grin, then turned around, about to walk to his desk.
“Kazuma…” Barok called him. “Before you return to your duties, may I ask you something personal?”
“What is it?”
“Is there someone you admire?”
The question seemed to amuse him. “Quite a few people. Why are you asking?”
“Curiosity.”
“That’s unlikely of you…” Kazuma brought a hand to his chin, thinking for a moment. “Well, the first person that comes to mind is Mr. Mikotoba. He’s a remarkable doctor, but also gave me a home and paid for my education when I had nothing. I owe him more than I could ever hope to repay.”
Barok should have expected such a response: he knew how much Kazuma looked up to that man, who was like a second father figure to him.
Yet, that wasn’t the name he was looking for.
“Dr. Mikotoba certainly is a generous man,” said Barok. “Anyone else?”
“Hm… There’s Ryunosuke too. Even if I set aside everything he did for me, he’s a determined man like no other, and a talented lawyer… And, of course, the best friend I could have ever asked for.”
As he expected, Ryunosuke was also on the top of the list. If he hadn’t talked to the man himself about it, he would be sure that was the correct answer. But it was a great relief to know that wasn’t the case: he would never be able to compete against Ryunosuke, for many different reasons.
“I must agree,” said Barok. “I’m grateful for everything he did for me years ago.”
“We both are.” Kazuma smiled fondly. “Let me see… There is Susato, as well. Despite all the obstacles she had to face as a judicial assistant in our homeland, she kept pursuing her goals without hesitation. Honestly, I couldn’t be prouder of her.”
Barok nodded. “She is indeed an admirable young lady.”
And his little sister… It’s definitely not her, either.
Kazuma stayed silent for a while, looking at Barok. “And, of course… There’s you.”
Those words were a pleasant surprise. “Me?”
Kazuma nodded. “You may be stubborn and a little cranky, but you’re an amazing prosecutor and mentor.” His expression softened. “And… You’ve always looked after me, despite everything that happened. I’m very grateful to you.”
His honest words seemed to melt Barok’s heart. He had no doubts that Kazuma cared for him, but he usually expressed it through gestures instead of words. So, to hear him say that so openly…
“You don’t know how glad I am to hear those words,” said Barok.
Unfortunately, though… that still wasn’t the right answer.
“That being said,” he continued, “is there anyone else you admire?”
“More?” Kazuma stared at him, crossing his arms. “How many people will I have to list?”
“Please, just indulge me for a moment.”
“Alright.” Kazuma thought briefly. “Obviously, there is Mr. Sholmes. He can be quite a handful at times, but his deductive abilities are like no other. And he reached out to me and gave me a place to stay when I was still feeling lost in this country… He may look like an airhead at first, but he’s a kind man.”
Barok brought a hand to his face, shaking his head. “I’m not about to praise Sholmes from all people, but I can see what you mean.”
Kazuma flashed an amused grin. “Why don’t you just admit that you enjoy his company?”
“I don’t.”
“If you say so.” Kazuma’s tone made it clear that he didn’t take Barok’s words seriously. “Speaking of which, there’s Iris. She’s still so young, but has so many incredible accomplishments. And, from the very beginning, she always made sure I wasn’t feeling lonely… I’m glad she calls me her big brother, because she’s like a sister to me too.”
His words made Barok’s chest feel warm. “It makes me happy to know you care so much for each other.”
“Of course we do,” said Kazuma. “Mr. Sholmes and Iris are my family now… Just like Mr. Mikotoba and Susato. I’d do anything for them.”
“That’s good to hear,” Barok made a small pause, smiling at Kazuma. “You deserve a caring family.”
Kazuma looked at him, a sweet smile on his lips. “Thank you, sir.”
That tone, that expression… There weren’t many things in the world that Barok cherished just as much. Sometimes, he wished he could become a better man, just so he could keep that smile from ever fading again.
Yet…
“So…” said Barok. “Anyone else?”
Kazuma deflated, seeming tired. “Lord van Zieks, for how long exactly will we keep this going?”
“Not much longer, I promise.”
“Very well…” Kazuma took a few seconds to find his answer. “Hm… Don’t tell her that I said this, but Gina can be quite admirable too. She couldn’t even read just a few years ago, and now she’s become quite the reliable partner. She’s sharp and a quick learner… It’s impressive to see how far she came in such a short time.”
Could it be Gina…? No, those two were more like siblings than anything else. If that really was the case, Barok would be shocked.
“I agree,” he said. “She proved to be a competent investigator.”
“There’s Maria too,” Kazuma continued. “Despite everything that her mother did, she was strong enough to keep following what she believes is right, letting nothing but the facts influence her mind.”
Maria… It was true that Kazuma had made many efforts to approach that quiet girl and befriend her. Yet, similar to Gina, Kazuma seemed to treat her like a little sister.
“It truly is impressive, considering everything she went through.”
Kazuma nodded. “Let me see, who else…” He stayed silent for a few seconds, but suddenly his eyes lightened up. “Ah, I haven’t known him for very long, but Dr. Harebrayne’s passion for science is also very—”
“ALBERT?”
Barok’s loud voice made Kazuma widen his eyes, surprised. “Why are you so shocked? Isn’t he your friend?”
Barok could barely process that question, still dazed by that possibility. All this time, my closest friend…
“Lord van Zieks…?” Kazuma sounded slightly concerned. “Is something—”
“Are you in love with Albert?”
“What?” Kazuma furrowed his brow, seeming lost. “Wait… Where did that come from?”
“You just said you admire him.”
“Yes… Like I admire many people. Why did you think that means I…”
“But he’s the only one who makes any sense.”
“What are you…?” Kazuma interrupted himself, thinking for a moment. “Alright… You’ve been acting strange since I came back. Did something happen while I was…” His words faded as realization seemed to fall upon him. He brought a hand to his face, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Ryuu… He said something weird to you, didn’t he?”
The guilt weighed in Barok’s chest. “Please, don’t blame Naruhodo for it. I was the one who insisted on the subject.”
“So, it really was him.” Kazuma grunted to himself. “Probably thought he was doing me a favor…”
“Favor?”
Kazuma ignored that question, looking at Barok. “What exactly did he tell you?”
“Only that you might be in love with someone you admire.”
“And your first guess was that I love Dr. Harebrayne…?”
He wasn’t about to tell Kazuma that his first guess was Sholmes.
“It seemed like the only plausible option,” said Barok.
“Really…?”
“Judging by your expression, I believe there was a flaw in my logic.”
“Only one flaw? I don’t even know what to tell you…” Kazuma stopped talking for a second. “Why are you so interested in my feelings, anyway?”
“I’m simply curious.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Alright…” Kazuma crossed his arms, staring at him. “Forget what I said… You’re off my admiration list after this.”
“I… apologize.”
“Seriously…” Kazuma shook his head. “Well, but I can at least tell you one thing: despite admiring Dr. Harebrayne’s passion and appreciating his company, I don’t have any romantic feelings for him.”
Thank God…
“I see,” said Barok.
Kazuma observed him for a moment. “Do you still want to know who it is?”
“Would you tell me if I asked?”
“No.”
“I should have expected…”
“But…” Kazuma continued. “If you tell me the real reason why you’re so interested in this, I might consider giving you the answer.”
“I said it’s only curiosity.”
“Alright. No answers for you, then.”
“Wait…” Barok groaned to himself, aware that he had no other option. “Fair enough.”
Kazuma seemed satisfied with the answer. “Go on.”
“I was under the impression that you and Naruhodo had romantic feelings for each other.”
“Me and Ryuu?”
Barok nodded. “When he came to the office earlier, I might have crossed a line and questioned him about it. Then, he clarified to me that your relationship is strictly platonic.”
“And then?”
“He was surprised to know I had this misbelief about you two. According to him, he thought I was aware that you had feelings for another person… Someone you deeply admire.”
Kazuma sighed. “Of course he said that…”
“Apparently, the answer is quite obvious, but I can’t seem to find it.”
Kazuma averted his gaze, seeming lost in thought. For a long while, neither of them said a word. Kazuma was the one to finally break the silence.
“Barok, you know… You said a lot of things, but still haven’t answered me. Why are you so interested in this?”
It was uncommon for Kazuma to refer to him as Barok. He tried to come up with an answer, but his mind was suddenly full of Kazuma’s voice saying his name. “I’m not sure.”
“Really?”
He won’t accept a vague answer, will he? “I simply… never considered the idea that you could have romantic feelings for someone.”
“And why is that such a big problem?”
“It’s not a problem,” said Barok. “If you love someone, and they treat you with kindness and respect, then you have my full support.”
“Well, they definitely treat me like that…” Kazuma admitted. “Even if they can be a little dense at times.”
“I see.”
“Just one more question…” Kazuma looked him in the eyes. “Learning that I’m in love with someone… How did that make you feel?”
Barok’s heart seemed to stop for a second. “Why are you asking this?”
“I just want to make sure of something before I give you my answer.”
Barok didn’t respond. That wasn’t good… Kazuma’s words gave him hope, and… he wasn’t prepared to have hope. Not when everything could go terribly wrong.
“I had already accepted that you had feelings for Mr. Naruhodo.” Barok hesitated briefly. “Learning that this wasn’t the case was…”
“It was…?” Kazuma encouraged him.
“A relief, I suppose. But then he said there was someone else in your heart, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
Kazuma stayed silent for a few seconds. “And why were you relieved?”
“Because…” Barok groaned to himself, lost between nervousness and embarrassment. “Is it really necessary for me to answer this?”
“Yes, it is.”
It was hard to say no to Kazuma when he sounded that serious…
“I wanted to be happy that you had someone good by your side,” said Barok, “but I could never feel it with my entire heart. Be it Naruhodo or someone else… It troubled me to think you could have romantic feelings for someone.”
“And why is that?”
“How many questions do you intend to ask?”
“Come on…” Kazuma considered it for a moment. “An answer for an answer, then?”
That didn’t sound so bad… Barok nodded. “That’s because… Every time I thought about it, I wished I…”
Barok paused for a second. Part of him was desperate for him to stop right there, but at the same time… He didn’t want to. He had come that far already, so…
He took a deep breath, gathering his courage. “I wished it could be me in their place.”
Kazuma lowered his head, covering his eyes with a hand. “For such an admirable man, you can be such a fool…”
“Pardon?”
He raised his eyes, looking at Barok. “Do you really have no guesses left?”
“I might have one… But I wouldn’t dare to hope I’m right.”
“Let’s hear it, then.”
Barok almost did as he said, but stopped himself. “No. You said an answer for an answer, didn’t you?”
“I suppose I did.” Kazuma offered him a slight smile. “Alright… I’ll tell you, then. But, before that… Close your eyes for a moment.”
“Kazuma…”
“Just for a moment.”
Barok did as he said, trying to ignore how loudly his heart was pounding against his chest. He could hear Kazuma approaching him, staying still for a second before cupping his face with both hands. The anxiety almost made Barok open his eyes, but, before he could, Kazuma’s lips covered his.
Suddenly, all those thoughts that plagued his mind seemed… meaningless. The only thing that made sense in the world was Kazuma’s touch… His lips, his hands, the feeling of his skin against Barok’s palm, and of his hair between his fingers. He was still dazed by it all when Kazuma parted their lips; Barok opened his eyes, meeting his gaze.
“Do you understand it now?” asked Kazuma.
“I do.”
“Good.” Kazuma let out his breath, stepping away from Barok. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m about to die.”
His words caught Barok off-guard. “What…?”
Kazuma didn’t answer, sitting on the floor, covering his face with both hands.
“Kazuma?”
“You don’t know for how long I’ve been wanting to do this…” Kazuma’s voice sounded muffled behind his hands. “This is too much for me.”
Barok could simply stare at him. For a long time, he tried to hide his yearning; he waited for something to happen while having no hope of it ever coming true. That was the first time he considered that, maybe, he hadn’t been the only one.
The thought made Barok’s chest feel lighter. He crouched by Kazuma’s side, carefully hugging his shoulders. Kazuma slowly lowered his hands, looking at him. It was rare to see that man act embarrassed… Barok reached for his face, caressing his cheek, and Kazuma leaned into that touch, closing his eyes.
“So, you admire me,” said Barok after a while.
Kazuma grunted, moving away from Barok’s hand. “You’ll get insufferable now, won’t you…?”
Barok didn’t answer, placing a light kiss on Kazuma’s temple. Despite his angry words, Kazuma moved closer, resting his face on the crook of Barok’s neck, relaxing while Barok caressed his hair.
It had been worth the wait.