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“Goooood morning, Diazes!” Buck says as he opens the door to the Diaz household at 8 AM on a Saturday morning. He’s met with exactly one groan – Eddie – and one shriek of excitement – Christopher – before he hears the quick clacking of crutches across the hallway. He only manages to brace himself at the last second before Christopher comes barreling into his legs, wrapping his arms around him and burying his head in Buck’s waist.
“Time to go, Buck!” Chris says as Buck ruffles his hair.
“Hey now, I was promised pancakes and fruit,” Buck replies, glancing over to where Eddie is keeled over on the couch with a blanket firmly over his head.
“Dad burned the pancakes,” Christopher deadpans with an exasperated sigh. “Again.”
“I didn’t burn them,” the blanket on the couch replies. “They just got toasted.”
“You don’t toast pancakes, Dad.”
“Yeah, Dad,” Buck laughs. He dislodges himself from Christopher before picking him up and hauling him over his shoulder. “Breakfast before the zoo, Buddy. I don’t need you hangry at 10 AM.”
Christopher sighs as Buck deposits him at the kitchen table, moving to clean up Eddie’s mess from the stove and remeasure all the pancake ingredients.
Eddie is right – the pancakes aren’t exactly burnt, but they also aren’t exactly edible. Buck sighs as he throws them in the trash and starts prepping the ingredients for a fresh batch of pancake batter. Christopher pops himself up on the stool at the counter and starts to chatter about the new gorilla at the zoo, and Buck is listening, he swears, but he’s also incredibly distracted by Eddie, now padding into the kitchen but still bundled up under the blanket.
It's been three weeks since the well and Buck knows that Eddie is still feeling the chill. He’s layering at work, long sleeved shirts under his uniform top, pants secured in his boots, long socks that come up well past his ankles at all times of the day. The Diaz house has been a balmy 75 degrees at all times since, and he knows that neither he nor Christopher have complained because all they want is for Eddie to feel better.
And he does seem to be feeling better, despite his current blanket-burrito status. He’s perkier and doesn’t seem to be quite as worried about his impending demise like he was for the first week or so after. Buck isn’t sure what exactly happened, only that Eddie called him over at the last second one Thursday afternoon, left for a ‘meeting,’ and then came back with a new sense of peace around him.
Buck shrugs it off like he’s shrugged it off for the past two weeks. Because, at the end of the day, as long as Eddie and Christopher are okay, that’s all that matters to him.
“If the burrito wants a pancake, he can come and get them,” Buck yells into the living room, flipping the pancakes onto three plates as Christopher giggles on the stool.
“Easy on the syrup, bud,” Eddie grumbles, plopping onto the stool next to Christopher with the blanket still draped over his head and shoulders. Buck actually thinks he might die a little bit from how cute Eddie looks like this.
He shoves a pancake in his mouth just to keep from telling him so. Because, unfortunately, Eddie almost dying has made Buck want to tell him he’s in love with him at the most inopportune times.
They eventually make their way out of the house, Christopher chattering the whole way to the car as Buck pauses at the front door to glance back at Eddie. He’s back on the cough now, blanket still in place, and he’s already scrolling through Netflix.
“You sure you don’t want to come?” Buck asks quietly. Eddie glances up at him with happy but tired eyes, a small smile forming at the corner of his lips.
“Yeah,” Eddie replies. “You and Chris go have some bonding time. I need a nap anyway.”
“Call if you need anything, okay?” Buck asks. Eddie nods and gives him another smile and Buck takes that as his leave, firmly closing the door behind him as he goes to the car.
The whole ride to the zoo consists of Chris listing the order they’re going to visit the exhibits, because you can’t just do the zoo in the order it’s laid out, Buck. Buck is really only half listening, because he’s worried about Eddie, okay, which is fine because Eddie is his best friend and Eddie was almost buried alive by mud less than a month ago, so he knows his worry is warranted, it’s just –
He doesn’t want to think about it, because the thought of losing Eddie also comes with the thought of losing – well, everything, really, because Buck is pretty sure he would just be a shell of a person. He would have lost his best friend and his work partner and probably Abuela and Pepa and – and god, and Christopher –
“Buck!” Christopher startles him out of his thoughts, pointing at the big zoo archway quickly approaching. “Don’t miss the turn!” Buck was definitely about to miss the turn, but he makes it.
Once they’re parked and paid and in the zoo, Buck lets Christopher drag him around by the arm with his map in hand. Buck holds him up on his shoulders so he can see higher into the exhibits, his small hands gently tangled in his hair and his chin resting on the very top of Buck’s head as he lets out a long sigh.
“What’s up, Superman?” Buck asks as they watch the hippos swim. Christopher’s chin shifts in his hair and he lets out another long sigh. Buck frowns and glances his eyes up, hoping to catch a glimpse of Christopher’s face in the reflection from the glass.
“The baby hippo lost her mom,” Chris says as they watch the baby hippo swim across the pool. “She only has the other hippos now.”
Buck swallows and keeps his gaze firmly on the hippo in front of him, because he’s worried if he thinks too hard about where this conversation is going to go, he might start crying. “She seems to be doing okay.”
Chris nods, his chin bumping into the top of Buck’s head with every tip of his head. “Yeah,” he says softly. “Dad told me I’d be okay, too, because I’d have you.”
Buck – frowns, and if he was moving, he knows he would have frozen immediately because he’s pretty sure he isn’t following anything Chris is saying right now.
“Um,” Buck says, catching Chris’s gaze in the reflection of the glass, but he doesn’t look upset or anything, just contemplative. “Chris, buddy, let’s get you down for a second.”
Buck lifts him off his shoulders and gently sets him on the ground before crouching down in front of him. He sets one hand on his shoulder and ducks his head to catch Chris’s gaze. “Hey, you know your dad is okay, right?” Buck asks seriously. He can feel a slight frown forming on his lips, because he thought Eddie was fine, but now he’s wondering if Eddie is hiding something from him, if he’s maybe having some lingering effects other than the constant chill –
“I know,” Chris replies before Buck can spiral even more. “I just mean how you’re like my hippo.”
“I’m –” Buck blinks. “What?”
“Dad said that if anything happens to him, I’ll get to live with you,” Chris says. “You’re my hippo.”
And Buck feels like he’s bluescreening because – because this is news to him, really, because Eddie has not said a single word about this to him, and he thinks that Chris might just be confused because he wants to live with Buck. Buck really would like to not even think about a world where Eddie isn’t in it, though, but here they are, talking about it in the middle of the hippo exhibit, and Buck really has no idea what the fuck is even happening.
“Um, buddy, I don’t –”
“He wrote it in his wish,” Chris says simply, like he’s making complete, logical sense. “And he signed it and everything.”
“His . . . Wish.” Buck repeats. “That he signed?”
“Yeah, he went to a meeting a few weeks ago after we talked about it,” Chris replies. “He said we needed to make ‘just in case’ plans and he said he wanted me to go to you, which is what I would want anyway, so then he added it to his wish.”
Buck blinks at Chris for a few more seconds before standing up and ushering them towards a bench so he can sit down. Chris sits next to him and frowns at him, his hand gently fisted in the knee of Buck’s pants.
He’s racking his brain to think of when Eddie might have brought this up or asked him or even mentioned this, but he’s coming up with absolutely nothing. Not a word has left Eddie’s lips about a will or any future plans, but then it suddenly makes sense how he’d come home from his secret meeting a little more relaxed, and then telling Buck to go have some bonding time with Chris, and –
“Oh my god,” Buck groans, covering his face with his hands. “Your dad wrote me into his will.”
“Will!” Chris shouts, the word finally clicking, but then he quickly pauses. “I like wish better.”
“It does have more character,” Buck agrees as he takes a deep breath. “Your dad is in so much trouble.”
“Oop,” Chris giggles. “He’s always in trouble.”
“You’re so right,” Buck agrees with a sigh, standing up and tugging Chris up with him. He doesn’t think he’ll emotionally recover from this any time soon, but he did promise Chris a fun day at the zoo, and apparently he’s now Chris’s legal guardian, so he is not about to let his – his – ward? Godson? What the hell is Chris to him now, anyway, because Eddie is still in fact alive and will remain so if Buck has anything to do with it – he’s not about to let Chris down just because he’s had a little shock to the brain.
As they make their way out of the hippo exhibit, Buck wonders how he should handle this. Part of him wants to text Eddie that he knows and that Chris spilled the beans, and another part of him wants to just text him that he’s in trouble and let Eddie twitch for the rest of the day. But he also wonders if there’s a reason Eddie didn’t tell him, and he doesn’t even know how he would even bring it up.
The rest of the day passes in a blur of animals and facts and by the last few exhibits, Buck is carrying Chris on his back since he declared he was too tired to walk near the meerkats.
“Gift shop?” Chris asks into his shoulder, voice muffled by Buck’s shirt and sleepy in the way that Buck knows means he’ll fall asleep as soon as he’s in the car.
“Of course, buddy.” They make their way out of the park and into the gift shop and Chris makes a happy noise on his shoulder as Buck makes his way towards the stuffed animals. Chris always gets one at the end of their visits, and Buck has found that it does speed up their shopping exponentially if he just beelines straight for them.
Chris doesn’t lift his head from Buck’s shoulder but his eyes dance across the wall of stuffed animals as he contemplates. He reaches a hand out and grabs one off the wall, smiling softly at it as he brings it closer to him to give it a squeeze, testing it’s squish-level. Buck feels his heart stop in his chest when he realizes what it is, because –
“A hippo,” Chris murmurs, hugging it to him and resting it between his head and Buck’s shoulder.
Buck swallows the sudden lump that’s formed in his throat, because this day is really just too fucking much for his fragile emotions. “I’ll always take care of you, buddy,” he says softly as he makes his way towards the cash register. He wishes he could see Chris right now, because he wants nothing more than to press a kiss to the boy’s forehead.
“I know,” Christopher sighs. He sounds so close to sleep now and Buck really wouldn’t be surprised if he’s asleep before they even get to the car. “We love you.”
He feels Chris sag further into his back, confirming that he did fall asleep, and Buck is so glad because then he has absolutely no witness for the huff of breath that leaves his mouth and the emotions that stay alit in his eyes as Chris’s small “we love you” plays over and over in his head the whole drive back to the Diaz house.
Buck has no idea how to approach any of this, so he thinks his plan is just to . . . leave it and let Eddie tell him when he’s ready. He can pretend he doesn’t know, that’s fine, because it really doesn’t matter right now anyway, and hopefully it will never even become something that he does have to worry about, but – but he wants to know why, really, because Chris said “we love you” and that is enough to make Buck wonder if his feelings might actually be reciprocated.
But the thing is, he knows Eddie loves him, at least in the way that you love your close friends, so it might not mean anything. And he knows he’s more than just a babysitter and friend for Christopher, because he’s been added to the approved pick-up list and he takes Christopher for outings and makes him lunches. He knows where all of Chris’s toys and clothes go in his dresser and play chest. He knows that Chris likes his sandwiches cut in triangles and that he won’t touch a sandwich that’s cut just plain in half, and if there’s even a single mushroom within his line of sight, he won’t eat whatever food is currently on his plate because he’ll still be able to taste the mushroom. Buck is fully aware that these are all things that are rather . . . parental, but he never thought that Eddie might see it as more than what it is now.
Buck doesn’t know what hurts more – the thought of Eddie being gone, or the thought of only getting to be that for Christopher if Eddie’s gone. He doesn’t really like either of the options, honestly, which is why he’s going to ignore all of them and pretend he doesn’t know.
By the time he pulls into the driveway, he is firmly set in his plan to just pretend he knows nothing. He’s historically not the fastest on the uptake, so it really shouldn’t be hard to just keep pretending that he doesn’t know.
He carries Christopher into the house and quietly pushes the door open. It’s still early, not quite late enough for dinner, so he figures he can set Chris in his bed to finish his nap and then he can get started on cooking something for the three of them. Maybe he’ll make some fettuccini, or maybe a beef stroganoff, since that’s Eddie’s current favorite.
He sees Eddie dozing on the couch, his forehead smushed into the pillow against the armrest, blanket pulled up to his chin with soft puffs of air blowing from his lips with every exhale. He looks so fucking cute and peaceful that Buck actually wants to just melt into the ground.
And that’s when it hits him, really and truly hits him, that Eddie fucking added him to his will.
Holy shit.
Buck quickly deposits Christopher into his bed and makes a beeline for the car, shooting Eddie a quick text message as he gets into his Jeep about Chris being asleep in his room and how he has to head home to do some chores before their shift tomorrow. He feels bad for leaving, but his well-formed plan of just pretend he doesn’t know went out the fucking window the second he saw Eddie bundled up on the couch. Because he wants it to mean something, but if Eddie won’t even say anything to him . . .
It's fine. He just needs to let it simmer for a good 12 hours until their shift tomorrow, and then he’ll be fine and he can handle it and just pretend that it’s fine. Because it is. Everything is fine.
He does his laundry and makes dinner, ignores Eddie’s text asking if he had a good time, and just goes to bed, replaying the words fine fine fine over in his head until he falls asleep.
Everything is not fine, because Buck forgot that he is the second worst liar known to man, beat only by Chimney himself. And currently, he and Chimney are having a staring contest across the table in the loft.
“What do you know?” Chimney asks, his eyebrows furrowed as he stares into Buck’s soul. Buck hates it.
“What do you know?” Buck retaliates, because if he’s being weird, Chimney is being weirder. He doesn’t really think Chimney is hiding anything, but his suspicion of Buck is driving Buck crazy because he’s trying, okay, it’s just really fucking hard to work right next to your best friend who might be in love with you and who also made you the legal guardian of his son in his will without telling you and pretending that you don’t know any of it. Sue him, he’s having a bad day.
But Chim looks at him with wide eyes before abruptly standing up. “Nothing!”
Well, now he’s suspicious of him. “Chim.”
“Nothing!” Chim says again, but he drops his voice so that nobody else can hear them. Hen and Eddie are down near the engines, restocking and organizing, and Bobby is doing paperwork in his office. “I mean – Nothing.”
Buck lets out a puff of air. “You’re a bad liar.”
“You’re a bad liar!” Chimney squawks at him. “You’ve been squirrely all day, man, and you won’t even look at Eddie –”
“I’ve looked at him plenty.”
“What’s he wearing today?”
Buck huffs. “His uniform, idiot, we’re at work.”
Buck groans and drops his head to the table, thunking it against the surface a few times before Chimney sits back down.
“Look,” Chimney says quietly. “I know that it might be weird, knowing that you’re like, a potentially bigger part of Christopher’s life now –”
Buck lifts his head off the table so quickly he gets a little lightheaded. “What.”
“With the will, I know it’s changed some of your dynamics, and –”
“You know?” Buck hisses at him, being sure to keep his voice low because he knows that if he shrieks, Eddie will hear him and come running to make sure he’s okay. “You – how . . . ?”
“Uh,” Chimney runs a hand through his hair as he thinks. “Maddie told me.”
“Maddie –” Buck squawks, and he knows that his voice is getting louder now, but the fact that now two other people seem to know about the will when he just found out yesterday is making his brain melt.
“Chris told her when she was babysitting a few weeks ago,” Chimney continues. “I don’t remember how it came up, but she thinks it’s sweet that you’re so important to him.”
Buck has no idea how to process this, because Chris is apparently spilling the beans about the will left and right when Eddie himself hasn’t even told Buck, and he is starting to really wonder why he didn’t know and why Eddie won’t tell him. He feels his breath coming a little shorter now, and he’s wondering if maybe Eddie isn’t sure about it and wants him there just for now until he can find someone else, or maybe until he can make sure Pepa is okay with taking him, or –
“Buck?” Chimney’s calling his name, and when Buck focuses on him, he’s surprised to see that he’s somehow slid out of the chair and onto the floor. “Buck?”
He hears the sound of two pairs of feet running up the stairs, and his line of vision is quickly obstructed by Eddie’s worried face directly in front of his. He’s crouching down to Buck’s level, hand immediately going to Buck’s wrist to check his pulse, his eyes searching Buck’s face and his other hand coming to brush the hair off of Buck’s forehead.
“You okay?” Eddie murmurs, voice low enough so that only Buck can hear him. “What happened?”
Buck looks up at Chimney. His mouth is hanging slightly open as if ready to answer, but he must see the look in Buck’s eyes because he closes it quickly and clasps his hands in front of him.
“I’m fine,” Buck grumbles, pushing himself back into the chair. “Just got a little distracted.”
“So you fell on the floor?” Eddie asks, still hovering next to Buck.
“We were –” Chim begins, but Buck cuts him off.
“Just talking about Maddie and then I started zoning out and just ended up on the floor,” Buck says quickly. “It happens.”
Eddie frowns at both of them, eyes roaming over Buck again as if checking to make sure he’s actually okay. Buck feels himself flushing a little with all the attention and when he glances at Chimney, he has one, single eyebrow raised at him in question.
“Be more careful,” Eddie demands after a few moments, once he’s deemed Buck whole and healthy. “The last thing we need is you getting injured when not even on duty.” Eddie walks away after shooting Buck once last glance before heading back down the stairs.
Chim is still staring at him with his eyebrow raised.
“Shut up,” Buck grumbles.
“He’s literally in love with you.”
“I –” Buck starts to say, but then pauses as Chimney’s words register. “What?”
“I said what I said,” is all Chimney says before following Eddie down the stairs and out of the loft, leaving Buck to wonder if he just made the interaction up.
He sighs and stands up, because even if – well, even if what Chimney said is true, he needs some kind of proof. Because Eddie hasn’t –
Buck blinks, thinking about the will again, just like he has been since he found out. And he wonders if maybe Eddie has given him a convoluted clue in the literal form of his son, but then he remembers that Eddie hasn’t actually even told him about it.
Buck groans, turning to the wall to bang his head into it a few times. He hates having too much information.
“So,” Bobby says from behind him. Buck really has no idea when he got there. “This is something we’re doing now.”
“Go away.”
“No thanks,” Bobby walks into the kitchen and pats Buck on the shoulder as he passes. “But keep giving yourself brain damage, I’m sure that’ll be great.”
In the next week, Buck realizes three things.
The first is that Buck is fucking squirrely when he’s trying to just be nonchalant and pretend he knows nothing. He gets twitchy whenever he zones out for too long and Eddie catches him staring into space, because he’s 99% sure that the man can read his thoughts. Buck would usually be fine with this, but when every other thought is about Eddie’s will, it starts to become a little unnerving.
The second is that Eddie clearly still has no intention of telling Buck about the will. He hasn’t brought it up even remotely, no mention of any future plans or asking Buck if they can talk. It’s just radio silence on the will-front, which really shouldn’t surprise him because he knows Eddie and he knows that the man is not the best at talking about things.
And the third is that Christopher is a blabbermouth. Like, the biggest blabbermouth Buck knows, which is saying something when he’s a self-diagnosed blabbermouth. But the kid apparently cannot keep a secret to himself for even ten seconds, because it turns out that everyone knows about Eddie’s fucking will.
Buck’s been keeping a list. He already knew that Maddie and Chimney knew. Hen knows because Denny told both her and Karen; Athena and Bobby both know because Chris just mentioned it one night when Buck dropped him off for a sleepover with Harry. He’s even convinced that some of the people on B shift might know at this point, because why wouldn’t they? Because apparently everyone can be enlightened to this information even though Eddie seems to be set on not telling Buck about it.
And it’s then, a week after he finds out, that Buck starts seeing a significant influx in hippopotamus drawings around the Diaz household.
He walks into the house with three pizzas in hand, ready to call out for his boys when he sees Eddie frowning at a pile of papers on the kitchen table with no Christopher in sight.
“Hey?” Buck phrases it as a question, setting the pizzas down on the counter before turning to look at Eddie.
“Hi,” Eddie says without looking up from the papers. “Sorry, I’m just wondering why my son has drawn a hippopotamus with a collar on it that says ‘Buck.’”
Buck blinks at Eddie before stepping closer to look down at the drawings. True to Eddie’s word, there are multiple drawings with hippos and one of them is, in fact, named Buck.
“Uh,” Buck says helpfully in reply. Eddie is looking at him now, an eyebrow raised as if Buck will have an answer for him.
But the thing is, Buck does have an answer for him, because the words You’re my hippo have been running through his head on repeat ever since Chris said them during their trip to the zoo. And it all come back to the will, and Eddie not telling Buck about the will, and Christopher telling everyone about the will, and Buck really isn’t sure how much longer he can take this.
Christopher is now apparently drawing pictures of hippos and naming them Buck, and the thought does warm Buck’s heart a little bit because Chris seems to very much like the idea of Buck having a bigger role in his life, and he does seem more settled knowing that even if the worst thing ever were to happen to Eddie, he at least would still be with someone he loves. And that does settle Buck’s heart, because he thinks that he, too, would need Christopher if the will ever had to be executed.
But Buck – Buck wants more than just to be the back-up guardian, because he wants –
He looks at Eddie, and of course the sun is shining through the window and directly onto him, highlighting his hair and defining his eyelashes as he continues to frown at the pictures; the warm, orange glow from the sun highlighting his every feature.
Because Buck wants this. He wants Eddie and he wants to come home to Eddie and Christopher. He wants both of them in ways that he knows go beyond what he currently has, beyond the friendship and game nights and dinners. He wants to be a real co-parent and he wants to be fucking domesticated.
He glances at the picture again and has to hold back a groan, because he wants to be just like a fucking bloat of hippos. Buck, Eddie, and Christopher, their own little family.
“Um,” Buck clears his throat, turning back to the pizzas. “Three different pizzas because we can never agree, and I know if mushrooms are even touching Chris’s pizza he won’t eat it, and your arteries are going to clog from the amount of pepperoni on yours, no wonder your blood pressure is high, and –”
Buck pauses and frowns down at the pizzas, because it suddenly hits him that they maybe already are a family. He knows how they order their pizzas and he knows pretty much every detail about Eddie’s medical history, including his hypertension, which is not hypertension, Buck, it’s just pre-hypertension and the doctor says if I start yoga it’ll go right down, thank you.
“ – Buck,” Eddie’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and Buck gets the distinct impression that Eddie has said his name at least several times. He looks up at him, Eddie’s eyes searching his own when their gazes meet. “What’s going on with you?”
And isn’t that a loaded question. Buck wishes the answer wasn’t fully wrapped around the one thing Eddie won’t tell him.
“Nothing,” Buck says. He knows that his voice is a little more clipped than usual, but he really cannot be bothered at the moment. He’s just so tired of knowing, and not knowing, and wanting Eddie to fucking tell him because it’s not even really a secret anymore. The only secret is that Eddie doesn’t know he (and everyone else) knows, and it’s actually going to eat him alive at this point.
“Bullshit,” Eddie replies as he plates a few slices of pizza for himself, handing Buck a plate as he walks past him. “Something’s been up for a while.”
“You don’t know that,” Buck replies, shoving a slide in his mouth and plating three more before following Eddie to the couch. They sit side by side, thighs pressed against one another. The heat from Eddie feels so hot against Buck’s leg, but he knows it would be too late for him to move away without it looking suspicious.
“I do,” Eddie replies, swallowing around his bite of pizza before calling Christopher to dinner.
Chris comes into the kitchen, giving them an amused look as he glances at them before getting his pizza.
“I’m fine,” Buck continues. He really should just let it go, but Eddie’s attention on him in any form is intoxicating, even if Eddie is trying to probe into the small, tiny crevices of his brain.
“Chris,” Eddie says. “Has Buck been acting weird?”
Chris takes a big bite of pizza, looking at the two of them contemplatively before he swallows and nods. “Yeah,” he finally agrees with another tip of his head. “Ever since he found out about the wish.”
“Will,” Buck and Eddie’s voices overlap as they simultaneously correct him. Buck freezes a few seconds later, as soon as his brain catches up with the events that are currently happening.
Because oh, shit.
“Um,” Buck mumbles, setting his plate on the coffee table and quickly wiping his hands on his pants. He feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest if he doesn’t move and get out of here as soon as possible because – because Eddie must know what Chris was saying, and he’s going to have to somehow let Buck down gently and tell him it’s only temporary, and Buck’s going to have to fess up that he knows and Eddie will explain why he didn’t want Buck to know, and that is just all too much for Buck to handle right now. “I just, I gotta go turn off my washing machine, it’s, you know, broken and going to flood the loft –”
“Buck,” Eddie sounds panicked, but Buck is already taking steps towards the door, grabbing his keys from the table as he passes them and flings the door open. He can’t really feel his legs and he’s pretty sure that his eyes are going to start watering at any second, but all he knows is that he absolutely cannot look at Eddie right now.
Onto the porch, down the steps, and his car is right there but as soon as he’s cleared the last step, he feels Eddie’s hand tugging on his elbow, pulling him to a stop.
“Buck,” Eddie murmurs again, softer now that he’s closer, hand still firmly grasped around Buck’s elbow to keep him in place. “Buck.”
“Don’t wear the name out,” Buck says. It comes out more like a whisper, so quiet that he’s not even sure Eddie can hear it.
Eddie tugs at his arm, once, twice, enough where Buck gets the hint and turns around. He’s looking at Buck with such surprising softness and concern in his eyes, and that is not what Buck was expecting.
“You know,” Eddie whispers. Buck swallows the sudden lump in his throat and nods, Eddie letting out a deep breath in reply. “Fuck.”
“Sorry,” Buck says. “I should have – told you, but it was the day of the zoo and I just, it was a lot, you know? And then it turns out that everyone knows –”
“Everyone knows?”
“Yeah, your kid like, cannot keep a secret,” Buck waves the hand of his arm that’s currently not still locked in Eddie’s death grip. “But I just – you didn’t tell me and I didn’t want to like, pressure you into telling me if there was a reason you didn’t, and then I figured you haven’t told me because it’s not going to be permanent and is just until you put someone else there, and –”
“I’ve told you this before,” Eddie’s voice is low now, his eyes burning into Buck’s as he doesn’t let him drop his gaze like Buck so desperately wants. “Evan. There’s nobody that I trust with my son more than you.”
“Yeah, but –”
“No buts.”
“But why –”
“Because, Evan,” Eddie takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. Buck watches him, his elbow still firmly in Eddie’s grasp. “You are just. Everything. To both of us.”
Buck stares at him, eyes wide and heart thudding, elbow hot and burning under Eddie’s grasp. Eddie seems to realize he’s still gripping Buck’s arm and he slowly and carefully drops his hand to Buck’s, holding it in his own. His grasp is soft and gentle now, and Buck really wishes he had any clue of what the fuck was currently happening.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Eddie looks at the ground for a second before looking back at their hands. “I don’t – All I knew was that in the well, I had like, the flashbacks, you know? And they were all . . . you.”
“. . . Me?”
Eddie nods. “You with us. You with Chris. And I just – I knew, right then, that I hoped you two would be there for each other, and then once I didn’t die, I knew I wanted to make it official.”
Buck lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. His hand is sweating in Eddie’s now, which he’s pretty sure is not a very attractive trait, but he really can’t be bothered. “It would be good to, you know, tell the person who you want to inherit your kid.” And he does feel a little mad now, actually, because if something did happen to Eddie – which he never, ever wants to think about again, thank you very much – he would want to at least have a little heads-up that fatherhood was incoming.
“I know,” Eddie says. He swallows once and clears his throat. “I just. Wanted you to stick around for us and not just because you’re now bound to us by a legal document. Which I know is stupid, but after Shannon and everything, I just . . .”
And this Buck does understand. He thinks he might understand more than anyone.
“You wanted someone to stay.”
Eddie nods and looks down. “It was stupid.” He tries to slide his hand out of Buck’s sweaty palm, but Buck just grabs it harder.
“No.” Buck takes a step closer, his other hand coming to rest on Eddie’s waist, fisting gently in the fabric of his shirt. “I want to stay.”
Eddie looks up at him, and they’re so close now that Buck can feel Eddie’s breath fanning across his face. It’s a warm day out and the sun is beating directly down on them, and Buck is fairly certain he’s going to get a sunburn on the top of his ears if he stays out here much longer, but he really can’t bring himself to care.
“Eddie,” Buck whispers now. “I’m in love with you. I love you.”
“I gave you my son,” Eddie’s voice is rough as he says it, and he swallows harshly as one of his hands comes up to cup the back of Buck’s head, tangling softly in his hair. “I gave you my son, Evan. I clearly love you, too.”
Buck doesn’t know who leans in first, but it doesn’t matter as Eddie’s mouth slides against his own, his lips warm and pliant as Buck’s arms wrap around him and hold him closer. He can feel the muscles of Eddie’s back rippling under his shirt, his breath hot against Buck’s mouth as he deepens the kiss, and Buck is so, so, so game for whatever Eddie has planned, but –
“Why the hippos?” Eddie murmurs against his mouth, breaking the kiss but keeping their lips close enough to brush with every word.
“Bloat of hippos adopted an orphaned baby hippo at the zoo,” Buck replies before pressing his mouth to Eddie’s again in a kiss that he knows might be a little too dirty for the front yard. Eddie lets out a groan in response, his hands trailing down Buck’s waist to rest just above his ass, and oh, yeah, Buck definitely wants to explore that more later. “He called me his hippo and then promptly spilled the beans.”
Eddie kisses him again, working Buck’s mouth open as his hand slides up under the back of his shirt. Buck startles a little and wonders why Eddie’s hands are so fucking cold, and he’s just considering pressing Eddie back into the nearest wall when the front door opens and a small shadow is cast over the front lawn.
“Thank goodness,” Christopher’s exasperated voice sounds from the porch. He lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Took you long enough.”
Buck laughs and buries his head in Eddie’s shoulder, Eddie’s arms coming to wrap around his waist and hold him close. “For the record,” Buck murmurs into his shoulder, punctuating each word with a kiss. “I want to do this with you way more than I want to do this without you.”
Eddie kisses him again. “The feeling is mutual. Hippo.”
“Okay, that is not becoming a nickname,” Buck grumbles against his lips, but when Eddie kisses him again and Christopher groans in fake disgust, he can’t help but smiling into his mouth.
When they finally pull apart, Eddie turns his gaze to Christopher with a frown. “How many people did you tell?” He asks him with a sigh.
Christopher, at least for his part, does look a little sheepish. “I didn’t know it was a secret,” he admits slowly. “I just thought it was important that people know.”
“Uh-huh,” Eddie says knowingly.
“I’m not good at secrets, Dad,” Chris sighs.
“I know that now,” Eddie squeezes Buck’s waist, and Buck somehow feels himself melting into his side even more. “I’m never going to have any secrets between the two of you blabbermouths.”
Chris and Buck both squabble in protest as Eddie leads them back into the house, and Buck starts to wonder how soon he can get out of the lease to the loft.