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Shen Qingqiu had been getting on people’s nerves more and more, going as far as banning the entire sect from using the library. This wasn’t the first time- nor would it be the last - however, this came out of nowhere. It wasn’t like they didn’t have their libraries, but it wasn’t anything compared to Qing Jing’s. Heck, even Shen Qingqiu’s private library was better!
Being banned from the library didn’t just mean being banned from books. No, as if Shen Qingqiu would just stop there. It meant everything. Artifacts and talismans included. Of course, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t ban a Peak Lord forever, but he made it hell for them.
Surprisingly, whenever Shen Qingqiu would ban a Peak Lord from using the library, it didn’t mean their disciples couldn’t use them. Shen Qingqiu would still allow them to use it, no matter how angry he is at a Peak Lord.
( “Why should the child be punished for the stupidity of their Shizun?” )
They used this to their advantage, but there was only so much that a disciple could check and less for disciples from other Peaks.
Even with their status as Peak Lord, they had to have Shen Qingqiu’s permission before checking anything from the higher levels. Either Shen Qingqiu or his head disciple had to be watching. If they weren’t used to it by now, they would have been offended. Well, some of them were. And some outright refused to use the library simply because they didn’t want to deal with Shen Qingqiu.
People like Liu Qingge could care less if they were banned. They didn’t need to use the library because they focused more on fighting than reading. However, people like Mu Qingfang were a different story. They needed Qing Jing’s library. Qing Jing Peak had the most knowledge out of everyone. Including other sects.
So far, except for one, every Peak Lord has been banned by Shen Qingqiu at least once.
The only reason that Shen Qingqiu hasn’t banned Yue Qingyuan is that he has no power over him.
When Qi Qingqi found out about the latest artifact that Liu Qingge had discovered, she was curious. With Shen Qingqiu shutting himself, she wasn’t going to ask him. They went to the second person with knowledge about these sorts of things, Shang Qinghua. It was an ancient artifact that used to belong to a previous Cang Qiong Peak Lord before it was stolen. Coincidentally, today happened to be the day that somebody could open the box before it would close again.
She’d been tempted to open it, but Shang Qinghua had warned her against it as even he didn’t know what would happen. “What should we do then? What if it’s dangerous to the sect?” It didn’t make any noise, but it was surprisingly heavy.
“W-why don’t we give it to Shen-Shixiong? I-I mean, he’s the one that….” Shang Qinghua gulped at the heavy glare from the two Peak Lords. How could he forget!? Out of all the Peak Lords, nobody hated Shen Qingqiu more than Qi Qingqi and Liu Qingge.
“As if I'm talking to that scum.” Qi Qingqi uttered with a distasteful tone she uses whenever talking about Shen Qingqiu. “For all we know, Shen Qingqiu could try and take this for himself.”
Shang Qinghua kept quiet as they continued to mock their older martial sibling. Even if he could defend Shen Qingqiu, nobody would listen to him. Who would ever believe that Shen Qingqiu was nothing like the rumors make him be….If he knew that he’ll be transmitted into his novel, he would have given Shen Qingqiu a better ending.
“What about me?” A familiar voice spoke to them, Shen Qingqiu!.
Shang Qinghua was about to open his mouth but stopped as Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened in disbelief. “One, two, three, four…and five.” There were five Peak Lords in tota. Including himself and Mu Qingfang, who was accompanying him.
Before anybody could ask him a question, Shen Qingqiu began to sprint out of here, but it was too late. A barrier started to form around them, and no matter how hard Liu Qingge punched it, it wouldn’t break.
Shen Qingqiu let out a tired sigh, “We’re about to enter someone’s brain. We’ll have to find the memory of their greatest Heart Demon. And then, we have to conceive that version of themselves to come with us. If by chance, we can’t escape the only option left-” Shen Qingqiu was cut off as he dropped to the ground.
Shen Qingqiu didn’t pray to the Gods.
It was a meaningless action to a poor orphan in the streets.
Praying to a deity was something those with money could afford.
Somebody like him could never afford to throw large chunks of money to pray to some god that maybe would listen to him. If he had that kind of money, it would be for food.
He stole from nearby temples whenever they were in desperate need of money. It was something he did often, but some days got worse than others. It wasn’t as if they would notice if a coin or two went missing. Besides, weren’t gods supposed to be righteous and caring.
They’re donating to the poor.
He did pray to his Qi-ge to come back and rescue him from the Qiu mansion. He didn’t pray to any gods for Qiu Haitang’s forgiveness. What right did he have to ask for forgiveness when he felt no guilt.
Hadn’t prayed to them when his cultivation had been crippled because he had no one else to blame but himself for trusting the wrong person.
He wasn’t going to ask them to atone for his sins.
His cultivation would pay the price for all those lives he’s ruined by living.
Didn’t pray when he thought that his Qi-ge had died. What good would that do him? No amount of praying can bring the dead back. The only thing that Shen Jiu could have done was continue to live and honor his memory. - And well, look what it gave him, nothing but broken promises-
Wu Yanzi was horrible to him, and the world was better without both of them, but in some twisted way, Shen Jiu had admired him. He mourned for the man who taught him everything he knew to survive as he pierced him with his blade.
Even when he came to Cang Qiong Peak and became a target of bullying and false rumors, he didn’t pray for their help. He could care less about what a rich young master like Liu Qingge thought of him. Somebody who never had to worry about his next meal or fear that they might not wake up to see tomorrow talked about how dishonorable he is.
Still, he at least expected Yue Qingyuan to understand him. But once again, he’s been disappointed. Not surprising as Yue Qingyuan seems keen on wanting to forget about their shared past.
However, for the first time, Shen Qingqiu prayed to the gods. Perhaps because he didn’t throw large amounts of money, they didn’t hear him, or maybe they didn’t exist. Because if they did, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t be the victim of an ancient artifact. An artifact that only opens every seventy-five years and has a one-fifth chance of being picked.
This meant they would be entering into his memories.
“Where are we?” Qi Qingqi asked, “There's nothing but a bunch of doors.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Mu Qingfang answers, looking around the room. She was right. They’d been walking for a while, but there was nothing but doors. “This must be what Shen Qingqiu meant that well be entering into somebody’s memories.” Or, in this case, Shen Qingqiu’s memories.
“Where is he?”
“Who knows? Let’s just get this over with. Better that he’s not with us…He’ll rather kill us all than let us see his memories.”
Shang Qinghua paled at the thought of entering the memories of his scum villain. He knew that this Shen Qingqiu was the version from his original draft. Which meant that they’ll be witnessing everything that Shen Qingqiu tried to hide. “I-I think it’s better if we all search together!”
“And why should we? Wouldn’t it be faster if all searched separately for him?”
It’s true, it would be faster if they all took different doors to find him quicker! But it would be invading Shen Qingqiu’s privacy more than they already are. “Well, now that we're already here. I suddenly remember that we need to be there when Shen Qingqiu leaves. Or else we’ll stay stuck here forever!” It wasn’t a lie. This was the plot for wife #776, where Luo Binghe enters her memory and convinces her to leave with him, and then they papapa afterward.
The other Peak Lords looked hesitant to believe his word but reluctantly chose to follow his words.
Shang Qinghua let out a sigh of relief as they agreed to go as a group. This was the least he could do for Shen Qingqiu. Besides, he has a vague idea of what memory they’re looking for.
“Why don’t we pick this door?”
“Well, we have to have to start somewhere?”
Shen Qingqiu was a mystery from day one to the present. Even when they tried to get to know him, he kept his distance from everyone, but somehow they were supposed to find the root of his heart demons.
Stepping in, it didn’t take long for them to notice the place they stepped on. How could they not? It was Cang Qiong.
“Hey, look,” Mu Qingfang says, pointing to a group of disciples that passed them. “They’re from our generation, but they look younger. This must be when we were disciples.”
“And it seems that there’s a celebration going on.” Qi Qingqi stared at the bright lights and the loud music. “Is that...Yue Qingyuan’s name that they’re chanting?”
“It seems that this is meant for him, but I don’t see Shen Qingqiu anywhere.”
Just as Liu Qingge was going to open his mouth, the sound of muffled crying caused him to stop. Far away from the rest, somebody was crying, but why would there be crying in Shen Qingqiu’s memory…Unless, no, it couldn’t be right.
However, it was Shen Qingqiu, and he looked like nothing to what they’re used to seeing from him. Everything had been destroyed, and his robes were a mess. At first, Liu Qingge assumed that this was done by somebody else before he spotted the self-induced wounds. The room was met with silence as Shen Qingqiu continued to throw his stuff across the room on the verge of having a Qi deviation.
This wasn’t the Shen Qingqiu they knew, but someone crying.
“Is this it? The version of Shen Qingqiu that we need to convince to leave with us?” Qi Qingqi didn’t even know where to begin. She’d never even seen Shen Qingqiu show any kind of emotion, asides from anger and spite. “Can we even talk to him? Didn’t we enter into Shen Qingqiu's memories? It’s not like we can talk to somebody from their memory.”
“I don’t know. Let’s keep watching?”
“What was he thinking?...I-I told him. It was a trap.” Shen Qingqiu stuttered, trying to catch his breath.
“Who?” Shang Qinghua asked him. He never got far enough to write about Shen Qingqiu’s time as a disciple.
“Tianlang-Jun!” Shen Qingqiu screamed at him. “What was he thinking?! He knew that they couldn’t be trusted, and I-I….”
“You can hear me?”
“Of course, I can.”
“All of the time?”
“Should I have?”
It seemed they were able to talk to Shen Qingqiu, but Shen Qingqiu wasn’t able to. Unless they started the conversation first.
Taking a seat next to him, Shang Qinghua began to examine his ‘‘scum villain’’. Everything suddenly made sense. They were celebrating the defeat of the former ruler of the Demon Realm, Tianlang-jun. Nobody would have ever suspected that the cold-hearted Shen Qingqiu would be friends with Demon, a heavenly Demon nonetheless. Shang Qinghua wasn’t sure what the others were thinking, but if Shen Qingqiu and Tianlang-jun were friends, this must have been devastating for him. Shen Qingqiu would have tried to save him...Had it not been for his loyalty towards Yue Qingyuan.
Yue Qingyuan, who delivered the final blow that resulted in his imprisonment.
“You couldn’t do anything to save him?” Shang Qinghua sympathetically replied. “But you tried.”
“I tried to warn him that it was a trap, but when he asked for proof...I couldn't give it to him because that would be leaking information from the sect. I couldn’t do that. Not when my position as a successor isn’t secure. Not when this has been what I've dreamed of since I was younger. I’m too selfish of a person for that. ” Shen Qingqiu let out a dry laugh, “My Shizun would have me whipped if he were to see me like this for losing my composer.”
Wiping his tears, Shen Qingqiu starts to comb the knots of his hair. It’s a while before he starts applying makeup to cover up his puffy eyes. It takes even longer before he finishes and starts getting his robes ready.
“He’s mourning. Shen Qingqiu’s mourning the loss of somebody, and..” Mu Qingfang trailed off the last part. The realization was much worse when they remembered that Shen Qingqiu always appeared at a banquet. There wasn’t a time that Shen Qingqiu ever missed, but there was one time that Shen Qingqiu appeared late and even more distant than before.
Even then, he looked nothing but perfect.
“Nothing but perfect for the future second in command.” Shen Qingqiu told himself, “You have to be perfect for him . Otherwise, he wouldn’t want you anymore. Who cares what they think? You don’t need them. Even if he doesn’t need me anymore, I still have to be there.”
They all stood there awkwardly as they listened to Shen Qingqiu’s words. Nobody had asked him anything, which meant that these were words that Shen Qingqiu told himself in the past. They all knew that Shen Qingqiu put heavy amounts of care into his appearance, but who knew it would be for someone else? Even now, as he’s grieving. Shen Qingqiu is still making an appearance.
“Shen-Shixiong, do you happen to know what door we should go next?”
Shen Qingqiu paused and thought about it for a second. “Maybe that one?” Shen Qingqiu points to his closet door, “It’s where everything happened.”
“So this isn’t him?” Liu Qingge watched as the younger version of Shen Qingqiu walked out of the room. He could do nothing but punch himself in the stomach for what his past self would do. Once Shen Qingqiu arrived, he would face ridicule from him and the rest of the disciples. Shen Qingqiu had something forming around his neck, a bruise. However, back then, everyone assumed it was a hickey. “Let’s just get this over with. The sooner, the better.”
Without any explanation, Shen Qingqiu steps away from the room, leaving them with no choice but to open his closet door.
Taking a step in, they found themselves in a courtyard. It made sense that Shen Qingqiu grew up in a large mansion, considering how much of a spoiled young master he is. Liu Qingge and his family never cared about how grand their estate appeared, but it seemed that the Shen family did.
Just then, two children ran past them. More like the young lady was dragging the boy around. However, instead of looking annoyed or even disgusted by her actions, a gentle smile appeared on his face. Liu Qingge didn’t know who the girl was, but the boy was undeniably Shen Qingqiu. Except, he carried none of the noble air but of a child. All his movements appeared to be clumsy. Instead stood a younger version of Shen Qingqiu, a frail and dirty child.
He’d noticed that Shen Qingqiu hid behind the girl as they ran past the other servants. Mu Qingfang’s eyes grimed when it became evident that he was limping.
“Let’s walk slower. It wouldn’t be good if you slipped and fell.” However, they doubted that it was for her sake. It was more for his sake. “There's no need to rush. We have all the time in the world.”
“I just can’t help it, Shen Jiu!” The girl loudly screamed out, falling into his arms. “We have to celebrate!”
Everybody watched as she pulled out something from her pouch. “This is for you.” A jade color fan. “I know that you don’t like it when I buy you stuff, but I came across this... and it reminded me of you.”
“I don’t have anything for you.” Shen Jiu stared at the fan in his hands. He knew it would only bring him more trouble, but looking at her doting gaze, Shen Jiu couldn't bring himself to reject her. “Thank you, though.”
“We’re now engaged! You don’t have to thank me!” She rejoiced. Once again, leaning over him. “I can’t believe the day has come where our love tramples over everything.”
What!? She was his fiance!? How come they never heard about this!?
Qi Qingqi stared in disbelief at the sight of the lovers. All this time, Shen Qingqiu had a fiance. (Maybe, even married by now? Not like they would ever know). And he stilled seek out prostitutes. Not only was he a pervert, but a disloyal scumbag. He pitied the poor girl who seemed head over heels for Shen Qingqiu. It must have been his looks. Otherwise, Qi Qingqi didn’t know why someone would be this excited to be married to him. Even if this version of Shen Qingqiu looked nothing like him in the present.
“Should we find another door?” Liu Qingge asked. Uncomfortable with the idea of Shen Qingqiu having a lover. It shouldn’t have bothered him since Shen Qingqiu often went to the brothel. However, having a fiance was more intimate than those from the brothel. It meant that Shen Qingqiu had given his heart and not just his body. “We need to find the source of his Heart Demon.” He shouldn’t be surprised that Shen Qingqiu even had a fiance. It’s what most wealthy families did, but somehow, the thought of Shen Qingqiu marrying someone left a bitter feeling.
Just then, a voice called out that made them pause. “Tang’er!” Shen Qingqiu tried hard to cover it, but it was too late. His hands started to tremble at the sight of the man. “Father wants to see you.”
The mood quickly changed as soon as she was no longer in sight.
The gentle expression on his face quickly changed into one of disgust.
Liu Qingge already didn’t like the new man. Judging by the way the other Peak Lord reacted. They caught it too. It was only for a moment, but his hand lingered a bit too low for they’re liking when he hugged his sister.
“Xiao-Jiu.” He said, caressing his face. “ My , beautiful Xiao-Jiu. It’s too bad that you were born with a rotten personality. However, your face is almost enough to make me forget. Almost…However, there are other ways to make me forget.”
Everybody gasped as his face inched closer to Shen Qingqiu’s.
Qi Qingqi had to take a step back. Along with Shang Qinghua as they recognized what was happening. They all did. How could they not? When it’s right in front of their eyes.
“If I knew you were going to turn out this beautiful. I would have taken you first before Tang’er could see you.” He admitted, “Still, this works out in the end. If you behave, I might keep you alive. It’s better to have two beauties than one.”
“We should leave.” Shang Qinghua told them, pushing them to the nearest door. “This isn’t right.”
“What!? No!” Liu Qingge couldn’t leave now. “We need to save him. We can speak to him, right? Let me talk to him!”
“And do what, Liu-shidi? These are memories, meaning they already happened. There's nothing you can do to change the past. Shen Qingqiu tried hard to cover up his past because it must have been traumatic! So traumatic to the point where he’s unable to interact with people anymore. It’s bad enough that we’re inside his memories, but this is his private memory. The least we can do is give him privacy. You guys might not respect him, but I do!”
Even though Airplane had spent countless hours writing Shen Qingqiu, he had been one of many to abandon him. He caused this. Shen Qingqiu didn’t deserve anything that happened to him. Shen Qingqiu was his scum villain. Who was unable to escape the cycle of abuse, but he wasn’t evil. He had no right to talk. He also did Shen Qingqiu dirty, but he knows how much Shen Qingqiu feared his past being found out.
“If he doesn’t want us to know. Then we don’t get to know because it’s his choice.”
Liu Qingge hated to admit it, but Shan Qinghua was right. Shen Qingqiu didn’t choose this. This wasn’t something for them to view or know about. Having people witness this would only push Shen Qingqiu away more. However, knowing that didn’t make him feel any better. Not when he knew what was about to happen.
“If this isn’t it...What is it then?”
Nobody wanted to know.
“Where are we now?” Mu Qingfang says, looking at his surroundings. “I hear fighting….” Distance, but it was definitely fighting.
If it was anything like the other two, Shen Qingqiu should be appearing soon.
“Hey, isn’t this the immortal alliance conference?” Now that Liu Qingge mentioned it. It did look like it. “Shen Qingqiu entered the sect after the immortal alliance conference despite being too old.”
Nobody knew how Shen Qingqiu was able to join, but many believed that he forced his way in. However, it was odd that they were here. As they recall, Shen Qingqiu only participated once, where he ranked third. Was this just a random memory they entered? Or did something more happen that led to Shen Qingqiu not wanting to participate in them?
This couldn’t be when they were Peak Lords because they would be watching if that was the case.
They didn’t need to take many steps before they found Shen Qingqiu. Except he wasn’t alone. Right in front of him stood a familiar boy with wide eyes and a dead man. Silence fell as Shen Qingqiu took a step back, looking for a way to escape.
Taking a closer look at him, this wasn’t the Shen Qingqiu they knew as a disciple. Back then, not a hair was out of place, but this one was covered with dirt and blood messy hair. It was clear he hadn’t showered or had a proper meal in a while.
“Xiao-jiu.” A younger version of Yue Qingyuan called out to the boy. “Xiao-jiu, you’re alive.”
“Xiao-jiu…” Liu Qingge whispered under his breath. The name that Shen Qingqiu hated to be called.
(“My, beautiful Xiao-Jiu)
“Q-No, Yue Qi…” Shen Qingqiu stumbled over his words as he continued to back away. “You didn’t die….”
It wasn’t a secret that the two Peak Lords shared a past. They weren’t subtle about it. Not when Yue Qingyuan talked about Shen Qingqiu in a familiar tone.
What happened in the past that made the others think they were dead. Not to mention how odd this reunion felt. Compared to Yue Qingyuan. Shen Qingqiu almost looked devastated to find out that he was alive.
It’s barely begun. But there's so much to unpack right now. Shen Qingqiu participate before joining the sect? And who was that man lying dead in between them? Why is Shen Qingqiu covered in blood? What happened to his fiance?
Not for the first time, they realize what little they know about Shen Qingqiu’s life before the sect...And for what they’ve seen, it wasn’t pleasant.
A fit of laughter jolted through Shen Qingqiu, surging with bitterness and anger. His eyes moved from the dead body before moving back to Yue Qingyuan.
Liu Qingge rushes to catch Shen Qingqiu as he drops to the ground forgetting that this is a memory. “Shen Qingqiu!”. Instead, it’s Yue Qingyuan who manages to pick him up.
“You abandoned me!” Shen Qingqiu screams at their future leader, and oh, there's that guilty look on his face again. “Why didn’t you come back for me?”
Shen Qingqiu has never looked anymore smaller than right now.
Depending on the answer, Liu Qingge might hesitate to punch their sect leader, Yue Qingyuan, once they return. Thinking back to the last door. Shen Qingqiu must have been waiting for him. “I’m sorry, Xiao-jiu.” It’s more than a punch. “Xiao-jiu, come back to the sect with me?”
Everybody gasped at the audacity of Yue Qingyuan before Shen Qingqiu slapped Yue Qingyuan across the face.
“Why should I?” Shen Qingqiu uttered with rage, “You abandoned me.”
That’s right, Qi Qingqi thought to herself. If Shen Qingqiu was betrayed by Yue Qingyuan and hated him. Then why did he join the sect? It made no sense to her. It’s not as if Shen Qingqiu was treated right by the sect. Maybe he needed somewhere to go?
“You promised me.” Yue Qingyuan reminded him with a pitiful look on his face. “You promised to be loyal to me.”
The anger from before dissolves at the mention of the promise. “Don’t do that to me...Not now... Not when you betrayed me…Not when you broke your promise first.” Shen Qingqiu doesn’t push Yue Qingyuan away when he moves to grab hold of his hand. “You won’t even tell me why, would you?”
“He ruined you.” Yue Qingyuan gasped at his broken meridians. “This is all my fault.”
It doesn’t go unnoticed by them how quickly Shen Qingqiu tugs his hand away from him. Or the pain in his eyes as Yue Qingyuan called him ‘ruined’’.
“That’s right, I’m damaged. There's no way they let you bring in someone like me with broken roots and a criminal past to the sect. Don’t feel sorry for me. The last thing I want is your pity. It’s best for both of us if we part `ways-”
“No!.” Yue Qingyuan shouted at him. “Xiao-jiu, I need you. Xiao-jiu’s not like the rest of my martial siblings. You’re special.
You’re the only one I can trust. The only one who understands me. Xiao-jiu is the only person to know how twisted of a person I am. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”
They should have felt hurt after hearing Yue Qingyuan’s words, but they couldn’t. Not when this was an attempt to keep Shen Qingqiu with him.
Nonetheless, Shen Qinqqiu had already turned his back, ready to leave. However, Yue Qingyuan seemed determined to keep Shen Qingqiu with him. “I’ll leave the sect. If you don’t want to go. Then I’ll follow you.”
Stunned by his words, Shen Qingqiu goes for another slap. “Are you crazy!? Why would you do that!? Hasn't this been everything you wanted ever since we were kids!”
“Yes.” Yue Qingyuan admitted to the confused Shen Qingqiu. “But, I’ll give up everything if you ask me. Don’t you know, your Qi-ge loves Xiao-jiu more than anybody.”
Mu Qingfang felt disgusted at the sight of their future manipulating Shen Qingqiu. By giving Shen Qinqiue two choices. He was forced to make a decision. Go to the sect, or ruin Yue Qingyuan’s future. And judging by Shen Qingqiu’s expression, Yue Qingyuan meant more than he let on.
He had to because Shen Qingqiu would stay in the sect for decades taking in all that abuse from his peers.
Why didn’t they see this before? It was never Shen Qingqiu who was the problem in the relationship, but Yue Qingyuan. Everybody knew that Yue Qingyuan would do anything to keep Shen Qingqiu pleased. Up until today, they had always believed it was for Shen Qingqiu’s sake rather than his. Oh, how wrong they were. Yue Qingyuan would do anything to keep himself pleased. All those gifts had been another manipulation of his to tie Shen Qingqiu down.
Had it been anybody else, they wouldn’t have stayed, but Shen Qingqiu didn’t. It wasn’t because he was stupid. Shen Qingqiu was the smartest in their generation. There had to be a reason for it. Even if they don’t understand it.
Opening his eyes, the first thing that Shen Qingqiu noticed was that he was in a room filled with doors.
Finding the source of his Heart Demons, huh. It wasn’t a matter if he had one, but which one? For better or worse. Shen Qingqiu seemed to know which door to pick. Even if they were labeled with weird titles or dates, Shen Qingqiu knew where to go. However, just because he knew. Didn’t mean that this was going to be easy.
It was the source of his Heart Demon, after all.
Instead, Shen Qingqiu simply watched as the scene played out.
Even now, as he’s watched it played out a dozen times, he’s helpless.
The boy was none other than Xiao-jiu.
Xiao-jiu was Shen Qingqiu; Shen Qingqiu was not Xiao-jiu.
It’s been so long since Xiao-jiu died that Shen Qingqiu could hardly recognize him. The pathetic and naive child who had given everything to the first person to show him kindness. Even when he knew that Yue Qi didn’t trust him, he still gave him his trust. He couldn’t remember if he killed Xiao-jiu or if he died in the fire.
Shen Qingqiu knew he was a jealous and bitter man. It was hard not to. He is spiteful when it comes to people with more privilege than him or that have good parents. He would have killed to have parents like that. It’s why it was easy to hate people like Liu Qingge.
He is also a victim of his jealousy.
More than anybody, Shen Qingqiu was jealous of Xiao-jiu the most.
How could he not? Xiao-jiu hadn’t been broken yet by Qiu Jianluo. Hadn’t met Wu Yanzi and ruined his cultivation. Although, none of that is compared to the simple fact that Xiao-jiu is the one that held Yue Qingyuan’s affections.
He wished to go back in time to strangle his old self. Not because of any hatred or malice that he had for him, but as an act of mercy.
Him dying back then would have meant that he no longer had to suffer.
Shen Qingqiu must be mentally ill for thinking about his death. It was wrong of him. But some days, those were the only thoughts he had. However, Shen Qingqiu could never do it. After everything, he did survive.
Shen Qingqiu was going to survive this. All he needed to do was convince his old self to leave.
“You could leave.” Shen Qingqiu told him, “You’re not that weak or stupid to not know how to escape.”
He would know because he thought about ways to escape. “Qi-ge promises to come back for me.” Yeah, he expected much.
“He’s not coming back for you. Don’t wait for him. He’s not worth it. If you don’t leave now, you’ll always be trapped in this cage. It doesn’t matter how high you climb. You’ll be constantly reminded of the smallest of things… Didn’t you want to travel?”
It had always been Yue Qingyuan’s dream of being in a sect together. However, he dreamed of traveling the world. He put it away when he realized they didn’t share the same dreams. It was better to be with his Qi-ge more than anything else.
“I do, but it’s not worth it if he’s not there.”
“Yue Qi doesn’t even trust us. He manipulates us. He’s a liar.”
“That’s not new. Qi-ge has always been like that, hasn’t he? Even still, isn’t he the one that was always protecting us? Xiao-jiu will always love Qi-ge.”
“Even if it makes you all alone?”
“Shouldn’t you answer that one? After all, aren’t you still in love with him? I’m gonna keep waiting for him until the day he doesn’t need me.”
He let out a small huff at how naive he used to be. Even if he tried now, Shen Qingqiu could never be this hopeful again.
Yue Qingyuan crushed any hope he ever had...and even now, Shen Qingqiu still loved him.
Whether it be Xiao-jiu, Shen Jiu, or Shen Qingqiu. He would always wait for him.
How could he convince his old self to leave this cage? When the present him still hasn’t left his.
Would this be his life forever? To always be imprisoned by someone. If so, he prayed that it would only be him.
No, he’d preferred to be confined in his mind. Then to be caged. At least he can go back and revisit his happier memories.
“Did you hear about Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu?”
“What? Did he get caught again doing something unsavory?”
“No, he fell into a coma. Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu sacrificed himself to save his martial siblings who had been trapped in his mind. However, it seemed that he used a secret technique and the other Peak Lords have no idea how to wake him up.”
“There should be something in Qing Jing’s mass library.”
“There is. Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu had shut down his library before this. He’s the only one able to open up it again.”