Chapter Text
He doesn’t know what to do. He’s never been in a situation like this, where all positivity that usually runs through his veins seems to have found an exit, leaving him needy and confused. The sounds of people chatting and cars zipping by don’t help as he tries to clear his head like he’s always heard people do when they were panicked.
He’s harshly bumped to the side by an angry business man who scowls and quickly hisses, ‘Watch where you’re standing,’ before rushing off with a brief case in one hand and a cellphone in the other.
He’s lost. He’s in a new city, which feels ultimately like a new world to him and it also feels like he’s swimming in a sea of angry and unfriendly citizens. It’s one of those moments where he doesn’t ever see himself back at his new house in peace, on the phone with his mom, chuckling over how he could have managed to get this terribly lost trying to find his, apparently local, grocery store. His original hope was to find something he could eat for dinner, ramen was his preference considering he can’t cook for shit and he knows he’s going to be way tired to even attempt after unpacking everything. After his phone/GPS died, it seems that the only thing he’s received is a ‘Get out of my way!’ from a tired looking woman and the flash of a middle finger by a taxi driver who didn’t want to wait for him to cross the street.
He’s not used to this. He’s used to waving to the owners of different stores in the local market because he knew all of them well and got discounts and free things from them often. He’s used to knowing the neighbourhood kids and even helping them out when they needed ideas for games to play. He’s not a city boy, and he’s almost glad he never was. He can’t picture growing up around people with such vulgar vocabulary and wrinkles from having scowls shaping their faces so often. He doesn’t know how he’s going to do it for his time at university, and if it weren’t for his parents wishes of him getting an accounting degree, he would probably be opening his own little shop in the previously mentioned market.
He wants to ask for someone to help him, but no one seems like they would. A lot of them have just glared at him for standing in the street. He figured maybe someone would ask him if he was alright, considering he probably looks like he’s on the verge of tears, but after about twenty minutes of pondering on the same four meters of sidewalk, he starts to think that maybe he needs to step up and ask.
Who, though? Who will listen to him as he blabbers on about his situation and tries to contain his true worry in the process? Most people seem like they would only laugh at the poor guy.
That’s when it hits him. That’s when he thinks he can feel his pupils dilating with desire. That way of escape for the positivity slowly closes up when he looks down the street.
There’s a coffee shop. It stands out to him as though it has loud music playing out front and fireworks spewing into the sky from off the roof. He can’t help but get a good feeling in his chest. Over the sea of people, he reads “Mocha Mocha!” and he feels his lips stretch into a close-mouthed grin. The font the words are in remind him of a font he imagines would be on the front page of a shoujo manga, just in English letters.
As he gets closer, he begins to feel confident with his choice of where to ask for help. He doesn’t think anyone that probably has ‘Mocha Mocha!’ written on his or her uniform could really be that much of an asshole to him. That little pocket of doubt remains in his stomach though, because he didn’t even know people as rude as the ones he’s come across today could actually exist. However, he likes to go with the positive feeling, because he’s more familiar with feelings like this and they ultimately get him through everything he’s ever faced.
He reaches out for the door, and pulls it open. When he steps inside, he feels like once again, he’s stepped into a whole new world. This one is closer to the one he came from, the peaceful small town that he loves more than anything.
The walls are painted purple, and all the tables and details are white. The menus are written on chalkboards that are attached to the wall over the front counters, and the sound of a soft instrumental and gentle mumbling of respectfully quiet people make him almost sigh of relief. How can such a nice café be placed in such a hectic, harsh city?
He wants to stay here, maybe ask if he can take his university courses right at the table in the corner. He doesn’t want to go back out there and thoughts that eventually he’s going to have to do so make him feel worried again.
He still doesn’t know how to ask. Even though it’s calm in here, that doesn’t mean that the workers have time for him. He’d hate to intrude on someone’s conversation, and he really sucks at doing anything social from lack of it in his hometown. The most social activity he’s done was telling kids how to play hopscotch and asking the seniors who own the bakery and fruit store what sales they have. In school, he never really had friends either. He was that kid who sat to the side with a book in his hand and never really paid attention to anything else. He’s always been in his own little world, and he figures that he’s having such a hard time now because it’s hard to pretend that his perfect world exists with how everything around him really isn’t perfect at all.
‘Sir?’
‘Huh?’ he looks up, his cheeks turning rosy at the fact that he was all caught up in embarrassing thoughts about how he’s truly a beginner to what probably feels so normal to everyone else, being social, walking in the city, being pushed around sometimes.
When he looks up, he almost gasps at the view in front of him. It’s not some beautiful chick, or a long lost friend or relative.
It’s just some next stranger really. But good god, the smile that stretches the lips of this new person makes him wonder if there really are random vortexes on this planet that actually do take him to other planets. This guy has the kind of smile that can make anyone feel like there are good things in the world, no matter how bad they have it.
‘Do you need something?’ the worker asks, his eyebrows raising in a way that makes him seem almost excited to know.
With shaky legs, he walks to the front counter, he feels like a baby deer or something as he pretty much stumbles his way over to the employee.
‘H-Hello,’ he says softly, looking down at the paper placed on the counter that lists all the weekly deals. He even reads a few although he really doesn’t intend on getting anything simply because he’s that nervous.
‘Hi! I’m Hoseok!’ he says, ‘No need to be shy here!’ he beams.
‘I-I’m Taehyung,’ he introduces. It’s not often that he needs to introduce himself and at this point he’s honestly so proud that he was able to pronounce his name correctly.
‘Are you alright?’ Hoseok asks, sounding less cheery and more concerned.
‘Y-Yeah… I mean, I guess…’ Taehyung wants to punch himself for not being able to form proper sentences, but the fact that Hoseok doesn’t seem to be getting angry with him makes him a little less tense, ‘I’m actually…’ Taehyung stops to half laugh, partly because he feels stupid, and partly because he knows Hoseok will probably think he’s stupid as well. ‘I’m lost,’ he finally manages.
‘Lost!’ Hoseok gasps, Taehyung looks up again and kind of wants to hug this guy for how caring he seems to be, ‘That’s never good,’ he says while shaking his head. He gazes at his wristwatch before looking up at Taehyung and smiling. ‘I’ll take my lunch break now, and try to help you with directions,’ he offers.
‘Oh… you don’t have to take your lunch,’ Taehyung says while running his finger along the edge of the deals paper. He feels bad, but Hoseok shakes his head again.
‘No, seriously, it’s okay! I don’t have anything else to do anyways!’
Taehyung feels too shy to argue further, but even if he could, Hoseok is calling someone else to the cash register before he would have had the chance. He walks to the order pick up spot and waves Taehyung over. Taehyung follows and Hoseok looks around and then leans a little closer.
‘I don’t usually do this but I mean like you look like you need something. You can order something, it’ll be on me!’ he says.
Taehyung blushes again. He can’t believe someone he doesn’t even know is being so nice to him. He starts to believe maybe this person isn’t real. He’s tempted to pinch himself to see if he’s daydreaming, but he probably already seems strange enough.
‘That’s really nice… but like you don’t have to,’ he says softly.
‘But I want to! You look torn up and tired,’ Hoseok replies, and that’s something Taehyung doesn’t have to argue with, he really is.
‘I-I don’t know what to get… I don’t think I’ve ever really had coffee before,’ he says, almost cringing because the way Hoseok matches this atmosphere so well makes Taehyung feel like he’s about to be lectured for walking into a coffee shop and not knowing the difference between a Macchiato and a Latte.
‘Oh my god, you’ve got to try a Cappuccino! It’s my favourite ever!’ Hoseok says.
‘O-Okay,’ Taehyung agrees. He doesn’t know what a Cappuccino is, but the look of pure joy Hoseok gets as he offers it to Taehyung makes him feel like it can’t be too bad.
Hoseok flashes that golden smile at Taehyung once more before grabbing two cups and working away. Hoseok looks passionate as he measures the different ingredients and Taehyung watches with amazement. He never knew watching someone prepare coffee would be interesting, but it surprisingly is. The drink starts to look familiar to Taehyung as Hoseok finishes it off, and when he adds a little flowery looking design to the top, Taehyung knows he’s definitely seen something like this before. How Hoseok made a design with milk, he doesn’t know, but he kind of wants to learn how someday.
‘Come, we’ll sit at this table over there,’ Hoseok says while pointing to the corner. Taehyung nods and Hoseok carries the drinks over before sitting across from him. He turns Taehyung’s drink to him and watches his for a moment. Taehyung looks down at the cup and then back at Hoseok.
‘I don’t want to ruin this,’ Taehyung says softly, making Hoseok laugh. If his smile wasn’t bright enough, his laugh definitely creates the brightest combination with his smile. He has a contagious laugh, and it makes Taehyung’s laugh turn into less of a shy one and more of a genuine one. Hoseok’s laugh sounds a little dorky, sometimes he’ll almost squeak when he quickly inhales, and that only makes Taehyung want to laugh harder.
‘Ah, don’t worry! It would be worse if the coffee went to waste,’ Hoseok nods.
Taehyung nods and picks up the mug by hooking his first few fingers around the handle. He brings it to his lips and tilts the mug towards his mouth, letting his lip test the warmth of the drink. It’s good enough for him to get a small sip, and he’s glad it was small. The bitterness would probably cause him to choke or gasp out if he got any more than what he did. He feels like maybe it’s not even that strong to others, but Taehyung mainly drinks water or soda. He’s never had anything quite like this. What makes it worse is that Hoseok is watching him with hopeful eyes, like he’ll be upset if Taehyung doesn’t like it. Taehyung puts the mug down as he swipes his tongue across his top lip to remove the foam before smiling at the other.
‘You like it?’ Hoseok asks with excitement. Taehyung can’t possibly say no now, so he just nods. He feels less like he’s lying this way. But he doesn’t hate it. He figures it’s just something that takes a while to get used to, ‘Oh my god! I live for Cappuccinos!’ he beams before picking up the mug and taking a large gulp. Taehyung almost cringes watching, he doesn’t know how he can take such a bitter taste so easily.
‘Is that powder on the top chocolate,’ he says while pointing down to his drink and trying to keep to his ‘not-really-lying-about-it’ strategy by picking out the parts that he likes.
‘Yeah! It ties everything together so nicely,’ Hoseok nods while running a finger across the rim of his cup where some foam had climbed over to quickly suck it off his finger. ‘So, how did you get lost? What are you looking for?’
Taehyung realizes that he almost forgot about being lost in the first place, so it takes him a minute to go back into his already scrambled mind and pull out all of this information. He tries to recall the name of the grocery store and even his university, but he can’t remember either of them.
‘Uh… I came to my university today… and I was looking for the grocery store?’ he says, hoping maybe Hoseok is familiar enough with the area that he’ll know what places he’s talking about. He knows that it’ll probably burden Hoseok to have to try to give directions to someone who doesn’t know anything about where they’re from or going.
‘The grocery store, Taehyung, that’s on the opposite side of town,’ he says, seeming a little concerned with how incorrect Taehyung is. A grin then pulls up the corners of his lips, ‘You must be new to this city completely,’ Hoseok adds.
‘Any city, really,’ Taehyung says, blushing with finding out that he was so wrong. He was too embarrassed to bring a map around with him, but maybe that would have been less embarrassing than this.
‘Really?’ Hoseok asks, ‘Wow, it sucks to come here first then. It’s a little overwhelming here compared to other cities,’ he explains. Taehyung almost wants to cry out with agreement, because everyone but Hoseok seems to have something shoved up their ass, but he decides to keep it to a nod.
‘Y-Yeah, it’s a little… different,’ Taehyung says.
‘Ah, don’t be afraid to bash it. Most newcomers do. I’ve lived in the city my whole life, and sometimes even I get shocked with the way people act,’ Hoseok chuckles.
‘Why?’ Taehyung asks, making Hoseok shrug.
‘I guess people just don’t know how to deal with anger and sadness and stuff,’ he says before taking another sip of his drink. Taehyung gazes at the level of Hoseok’s coffee when he places it back on the table and figures Hoseok might catch on to Taehyung’s lie if he doesn’t have another sip. He picks up the mug again, hoping maybe he’ll be used to it on his second sip.
He’s definitely not, but he’s strong enough to hide the reaction.
‘Yeah, it seems to be so,’ Taehyung says. He wishes the words would take the bitterness off of his tongue, but it seems the content that gleams in Hoseok’s eyes as he watches him put the mug down does the job.
‘What university do you go to?’ he asks Taehyung, who simply shrugs and gazes down at the table. Hoseok chuckles again, ‘Oh my, did you just come today or something?’
‘Yeah,’ Taehyung says softly.
‘Ah, well, do you go to the blue university or the brown one?’ he asks. Before he thinks, he tells himself he will be extremely angry if he can’t remember even the colour, but he knows easily that it’s the brown one. He remembers feeling like it was a little tacky.
‘The brown one,’ Taehyung nods, feeling a little proud that he’s actually able to answer something properly.
‘Damn, I go to the blue one,’ Hoseok says. Taehyung is almost saddened by this. He pictures life being easier if he were able to see Hoseok’s bright smile in the halls sometimes. He thinks whatever school Hoseok’s in would probably be a happier one. Maybe there will be someone like Hoseok in his school too.
‘Isn’t that the one like one street down from mine?’ Taehyung asks.
‘Yeah! It’s super close, I know a few people from yours and it honestly feels like I go to school with them. All of the parties have people from both schools and stuff,’ Hoseok explains, making Taehyung feel a little less upset.
‘Oh… I see,’ he says. He’s never been to a party, and from previous stories and movies that involve university parties; he doesn’t want to go to one. He doesn’t think anything that a party could offer would be something Taehyung would like, depending on the food choices there. He doesn’t want to be crammed in between sweaty, loud people, and he doesn’t want his head to pound from the music. The last thing he wants is to wake up with a hangover, he’s heard that shit is awful.
‘Yeah, there’s quite a lot of drama too sometimes, especially with dating scandals,’ he chuckles before drinking his coffee again, ‘But don’t worry, you’ll know who to stay away from soon enough, and as long as you’re careful, you’ll be fine!’
‘To stay away from?’
‘Yeah, I mean like there are some girls… and guys, if you swing that way…’ Hoseok says, getting a quick shake of the head from Taehyung in response.
‘Aha, I don’t think so,’ he mutters, feeling a little embarrassed at that. He’s never had that brought up to him, but he figures Hoseok is just being open minded.
Hoseok chuckles, ‘Okay so there’s a few girls that kind of… go for anyone they can, and I mean… it’s pretty obvious that they’re problematic. Other problematic people will cheat and lie, and just all of that basic malicious stuff.’
‘Oh… that sounds… troublesome,’ Taehyung says, receiving a laugh and a nod from Hoseok. He taps his fingers against the surface of the table before looking out the window.
‘Don’t worry though, if you get with the right people, even these people on the streets won’t be a burden. Then, after you’ve been out here with them enough, the city becomes fun. Don’t lock your first impression in about the city, it can actually be a wonderful place at times.’
Taehyung doesn’t know if he can ever feel comfortable with the city, but Hoseok doesn’t seem like the type to lie. He doesn’t seem like one of those problematic people that they were just discussing.
‘Hold on,’ Hoseok says before getting up and disappearing behind the front counter. Taehyung gazes down at his drink and decides to take a bigger sip while Hoseok is gone so he’s free to make any type of faces he feels he has to.
After struggling through another sip of coffee, he gazes out the window at the crowded, angry pool of people he was recently swimming in. He really doesn’t know how Hoseok can manage, or how this can be wonderful. He doesn’t know how Hoseok could possibly avoid the nasty influence that these people give off. Hoseok said he’s lived here his whole life, but how is he so friendly? Maybe his family is also friendly. Taehyung wonders what it would be like to meet them. Is his smile from his mom or his dad? Does he have siblings that perk up the same way he does?
Taehyung wonders why he’s thinking this. He’s just met this person; he thinks it’s probably weird to be wondering such things about someone’s family and personal life.
Hoseok comes back with a pen and a piece of paper. Taehyung knows it’s to write down directions for him. He sort of wishes Hoseok didn’t know where Taehyung was going either because he just wants to sit down with him for a while longer, even if he has to keep forcing coffee down his throat. Hoseok is comforting, and if Taehyung never sees him after this, he’ll always remember Hoseok for how nice he was to Taehyung when Taehyung thought maybe he was the only one with remaining respect in this city.
‘Alright,’ Hoseok says as he sits down and he gazes out the window before humming, ‘So do you need directions back, and then to the grocery store?’ he asks.
‘Y-Yeah, that would be nice….’
‘Okay, we’ll mocha these directions!’ he beams. If it weren’t for how bubbly Hoseok looks after he rips out that pun, Taehyung probably would have visibly cringed, and maybe thrown up his coffee a little. The way Hoseok laughs at himself after and starts to write down the directions with pure content causes Taehyung to only smile.
-
He gets home and places the plastic bag from the grocery store on the counter. He finally got his ramen and a few chocolate bars as well because he knows he deserves it after the hectic bullshit he’s been through today.
He plugs his phone changer into his phone after scowling at it for dying on him during such a shitty time. He lets out a loud groan as he takes his shoes off. He’s never had foot pain quite like this and he hasn’t given recognition to the cool tiles of his kitchen yet, but he wants to now because they sooth the pain in his feet beautifully. He wants to thank every single tile personally for the way it feels as he shuffles over to the fridge to grab some water. He hoists himself onto the kitchen counter after and leans back on the cupboard.
His house smells like cardboard and lemon dish soap, and kind of like paint, although it really doesn’t seem like anyone has painted this house for years. His father thought having an on campus house over a dorm would be nicer, but Taehyung’s not so sure if he can agree. The walls are white, but they have a dark tinge to them from the uncleanness of previous students. He knows he’ll hate himself if he doesn’t clean before unpacking, but he thinks that he might pass out on the surprisingly luxurious tiles before he has a chance to grab a sponge. When he thinks of how dirty the floor might be though, motivation shoots through him. He can’t stand knowing what other people might have done on this floor, so he quickly searches for his “cleaning supplies” box. Not before grabbing one of his chocolate bars though, and shoving maybe half of it into his mouth.
When he’s pulled out everything he needs, he’s soon on his hands and knees, scrubbing away all possibility of disgusting amounts of unknown germs lacing the floor he will walk on for a year.
‘Oh my god,’ Taehyung cries when he gazes at the filthiness of the bottom of the sponge, he almost spits out some of his chocolate, and blushes at how gross he can be sometimes. He throws the sponge into the sink and grabs another; he’s panting now, from the energy he’s putting into this, and from how incredibly hungry he is. He neglects the last corner of the kitchen, promising himself he’ll finish tomorrow as he takes off his gloves, and thoroughly scrubs his hands. He grabs the bag of ramen and a pot before filling it with water and watching as the heat from the stove slowly starts to move the water.
It feels like ages before he actually sees bubbles, but his quest to finish dinner before he faints is pushed back further when he hears his cellphone ring. He knows he shouldn’t ignore it, because it’s either his mom or his dad. His mom would probably fall into a panic attack and call the cops to do a rescue search for him, and his dad would probably lecture him because what if it was important? Is macaroni and cheese more important than your family? is something he thinks his father would say.
‘Hello?’ Taehyung says after raising the phone to his ear.
‘Taehyung!’ his mother cries, ‘Dear, I tried to call you!’
‘Sorry, Mom. My phone died,’ he says while fishing a fork out of one of the “kitchen stuff” boxes. He walks over to the pot and watches the water as it still hesitates to boil. It’s like it’s doing it on purpose, because he’s this ridiculously hungry.
‘Ah, I was so worried!’ she laughs, ‘I thought maybe you got lost or taken in by a gang or something,’ she adds, making Taehyung chuckle.
‘Yeah, I did,’ Taehyung says softly, embarrassed that his mother’s ‘little-boy-who’s-now-a-smart-adult’ got lost.
‘You got pulled into a gang?’ she almost screams, ‘Taehyung Kim you’d better come back home right now! You better not have any tattoos!’
Taehyung cries out with surprise, ‘No! Mom, calm down. I mean I got lost!’ he says, trying to hold his laughter in after he’d clearly just scared the shit out of his mother.
She sighs of relief, and takes a moment to catch her breath while muttering faint things like ‘Jesus… Taehyung… don’t scare me like that…’ before she says, ‘Aw, my baby got lost! Are you all right now? You’re at home right?’
‘Mom,’ Taehyung half groans, ‘I’m not a baby, I’m nineteen,’ he huffs before using his free hand to tear the top of the ramen bag open, ‘I’m home now, I got directions,’ he says, which makes his mom slightly hum with happiness.
‘You asked for directions! Good job, Dear. Who gave them to you? Was it a lovely young girl? Can I meet her?’ she rambles, making Taehyung roll his eyes and laugh through his nose.
His mother is always all over the place, asking three to five questions at a time. She embarrasses him quite often, even when he’s alone, by jumping to conclusions. She sometimes forgets that Taehyung isn’t her little boy anymore, but Taehyung still loves her, even during this, I’m older now and I want to be on my own, phase. He still knows that as much as he wants to try living on his own, and maybe show his mom that pinching his cheeks isn’t very appropriate anymore, he’ll always call her and visit.
‘No, it wasn’t a girl, Mom. This guy that worked in a coffee shop gave them to me. He’s also in university, and he knows the city surprisingly well.’
‘Ah, maybe you should befriend him. He might be nice to have around, if he was so helpful when he didn’t know you,’ she says.
Taehyung wonders if sometimes he and his mother have a chunk of their brain that is identical, because he feels the same. The whole way home, thoughts of having Hoseok as a friend coated his mind. As he passed ice cream places and clothing stores, he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to go to these places with Hoseok. He doesn’t know anything about Hoseok really, besides the fact that he seems to have an extra dose of serotonin in his system and is deeply satisfied with his barista job. Taehyung likes it though. He likes that Hoseok isn’t scared to make cheesy puns and that he doesn’t let those who have no serotonin get to him. He wants a friend like that.
‘I don’t know. He doesn’t go to my school,’ Taehyung says, pulling the only thing that kept Taehyung from going back to ‘Mocha Mocha’ and asking Hoseok if he could maybe be his friend out of his mind.
Taehyung thinks it might be easier to make friends that he has a chance at having in his classes, who could maybe help him out with the work, and study with him. He really doesn’t want to be alone at school.
‘Well isn’t it close to your school?’
‘Yeah, but I’ll make other friends, don’t worry!’ he beams.
-
He didn’t though. Here he is, two weeks in, feeling lonelier then he’s ever felt in his life. No one talked to him, and now he really wonders if it’s something about his appearance that scares people off. He’s been working hard to keep positive, but it’s hard when the only people he’s talked to lately is his mother on the phone or himself. He feels like he took those neighbourhood kids for granted, he misses telling them how to play new games and he misses helping the short ladies that ran the bakery to put bread and pastries on high shelves. He misses it so much that he really wants to ditch school and just go back home, but he can’t, he knows he can’t.
So what does this small town, awkward, dorky guy do now? Stuck in the big city, eating one-person meals that consist of instant ramen and maybe dumplings if he feels motivated enough to make them.
Taehyung doesn’t know if it’s fuelled from a random burst of courage, or the fact that he really misses feeling or at least seeing happiness. But whatever factor it is has Taehyung on his way to Mocha Mocha.
Hoseok said that he would help Taehyung anytime. Taehyung doesn’t know if he meant help like this, but Taehyung at this point isn’t afraid to sit Hoseok down and tell him that he’s ridiculously lonely and he really just needs to sit down and talk to someone before he literally goes insane. He’ll endure Hoseok list off all the coffee puns he knows if it means he can hear someone speak to him.
Taehyung has a plan though. He won’t look desperate, he’ll simply be going to thank Hoseok for helping him a few weeks back, there’s no harm in that right?
He tries to reassure himself that he doesn’t look like a dork and that he’s doing the right thing as he pulls the door to the café open, but once again, he’s stumbling to the front counter. The strong smell of coffee and pastries, and the soft chatting of a few ladies and even a few couples feel so familiar to Taehyung. He sees two older looking ladies that he thinks he saw the last time, and he wonders how long they’ve been coming here. Maybe it’s like routine for them. Taehyung feels like if he doesn’t make friends, appearing in this café with his eyes glued on the black floor mat will also become routine.
He sees Hoseok, organizing the cash register. His dark brown bangs hang down and cover his eyes as he holds several bills of different value in his hands. Hoseok is looking down, and Taehyung wants to back out and pretend he didn’t walk for twenty-five minutes to come see him, but it’s too late.
‘Taehyung?’
-
Today went differently, Hoseok made him a drink without saying he would first. He also told Taehyung that his shift is pretty much over now anyways, so he had great timing. Taehyung is thankful for that, he would hate to have to turn around and leave. They sat down at the same table again, and here Taehyung is, gazing down at the design that isn’t any less beautiful than the first time he received a drink from Hoseok.
‘So what did you come for? Just to say hi?’
‘I-I just wanted to say thanks,’ Taehyung says, going along with his plan. He sounds a little desperate with his next words of, ‘You really helped me, and without that help I would probably still be standing on the streets,’ but he doesn’t care when Hoseok’s dark, but bright eyes flash up to meet his.
Something happens to Hoseok’s expression that causes them to just kind of stare at each other in silence for a moment. Hoseok’s grin fades, and his lips part, as though he’s a little surprised. His eyes start to almost gleam, with something that Taehyung can’t really put his finger on, but it looks like it makes Hoseok feel good inside. Taehyung’s glad that his words that feel like whispers to himself actually impacted Hoseok, or at least look like they’ve impacted Hoseok.
After noticing the silence, Hoseok cuts it off by looking down and smiling at his drink. He chuckles slightly and nods his head once after looking at Taehyung again.
‘I’m glad… that it helped,’ he says, his lips unable to restrain the stretch as his smile grows wider, flashing those unbelievably white teeth. ‘How are things, though?’
‘Things are alright, I’m unpacked, and I know my way around the school now,’ Taehyung says, feeling all that built up energy that would usually be spent talking to people slowly release. It makes him able to breathe again, and at this point he’s so grateful for this conversation that the bitterness of his coffee isn’t bothering him as much.
‘That’s all?’ he asks, ‘Nothing else happened?’
‘N-No, what do you mean?’
‘Did you meet any of the problematic people? Or make friends with your roommate?’ Hoseok asks, making Taehyung look down at the table.
He doesn’t know why he didn’t expect Hoseok, as caring as he is, to ask Taehyung a lot of questions about how he’s doing. Taehyung feels a little confused because he didn’t even really think about what they would talk about. He wonders what he was thinking, that they would just be making a sequence of sounds that formed something random? He feels stupid now, because he’s probably going to have to end up telling Hoseok straight to his face that he actually made no friends and that he’s stumbling back here, yes to say thanks, but also because he’s painfully lonely and considers Hoseok’s kind gesture two weeks ago as maybe the start to a friendship.
‘I don’t have a roommate,’ Taehyung says, ‘I think I was supposed to, but I live in the on campus apartments… so maybe not.’
‘Aw, you must be so lonely after school! I’m in a townhouse that should have one, but I surprisingly don’t have one either. At least we have friends to come over and stuff, right?’ he half chuckles, as if he expects Taehyung to understand and chuckle as well. Taehyung wants to, but he can’t.
‘Yeah,’ he says, but the way his tone drags his reply down to a monotone slur makes him quickly prop up to save himself, ‘It can get lonely sometimes!’
Hoseok watches him for a moment as he continues to force the smile on his face. His face starts to twitch a little, like when he’s waiting to have his photo taken.
‘Taehyung,’ he says, a little softer.
‘Hm?’ Taehyung says, raising his tone “happily” at the end of his hum along with his eyebrows. Hoseok’s sceptical look doesn’t change, and before he knows it, Taehyung realizes that he mentally foreshadowed the situation he dreaded.
‘Did you make any friends?’ Hoseok asks, like a mother would. Taehyung’s forced smile fades under no control of his. He doesn’t get why he’s so embarrassed, because he’s never been able to say that he has. Taehyung figures it’s because Hoseok seems to have tons of friends. He makes friendship look easy, but somehow, Taehyung can’t do it. He can’t say hello, and people choose not to say hello to him. It’s just some vicious cycle of silence and lost hope from Taehyung.
‘Well, yeah!’ Taehyung says, but after another silent look from Hoseok, his shoulders drop, leaving him small and almost vulnerable in his seat. He doesn’t like to show his feelings, but these vibes from Hoseok convince Taehyung that if he held his feelings in his hands with arms outstretched in Hoseok’s direction, Hoseok would take them from Taehyung and return them with all those negative feelings carefully removed.
‘Hey,’ Hoseok says, ‘It’s okay,’ he adds, taking these feelings from Taehyung’s hands, ‘Sometimes making friends is hard, and that’s perfectly fine.’ Hoseok studies the feelings, and slowly starts to plan the removal. ‘I’m always here,’ Hoseok says, removing the first bit. ‘You can always come here, even if it’s just to sit here at the table with me in silence,’ he adds, he removed a big chunk there. ‘Here, let me give you my number, you can call whenever you feel lonely in that one person house,’ he chuckles, removing the rest of the negatives inside Taehyung’s big clump of mixed up feelings.
‘A-Are you sure?’ Taehyung asks. He thinks maybe Hoseok feels obliged to do this for him. Taehyung thinks he might do a lot for people that he doesn’t actually want to do.
‘Of course, consider me your first friend from the city!’ he beams, taking the napkin from under Taehyung’s coffee mug and pulling a pen from out of his apron pocket.
When the napkin is slid back over, it feels like those fixed feelings are too. Taehyung doesn’t even realize he’s smiling until his cheeks start to hurt. He reads the number over a few times. He can’t believe this.
He made a friend.
He reads a little clump of writing underneath as he hears Hoseok lowly chuckle, ‘If you want to call, by all…beans, you can!!! ^^”
He looks up at Hoseok who’s got his lips pursed as he tries to hold back his laughter. Taehyung wants to tell Hoseok that that was an extremely bad one; so maybe for puns it’s an extremely good one. He only blushes as he covers his face with his hand, though. It seems like the embarrassment that should be forming inside of Hoseok for using a pun that cheesy has travelled to Taehyung, forming a large cloud of second-hand embarrassment in his chest. Taehyung ultimately doesn’t mind though, because he’s still talking to someone, and he can call that someone his friend.
-
When Taehyung gets home, he starts to make dumplings because today he is motivated to. His cheeks are sore from smiling, but he doesn’t know if he could stop, even if he wanted. He feels silly, being nineteen and cheesing so hard over a new friend. He feels as though this is a phase that a second grader experiences. He feels like if his mom saw him right now, she definitely would pinch his cheeks and call him her ‘little boy’. That doesn’t stop him from smiling though. He feels like even being pushed around by angry city people couldn’t cease this smile. Hoseok made him happy in a way that Taehyung has never felt before. Although he had his family to keep him company, it wasn’t until now that he really realized that he’s always felt a little lonely. As much as his perfect little world made it seem like things were fine, a little chunk of loneliness managed to distort it. It made something about Taehyung’s daydreams and efforts to sleep a little cloudy. Now though, he feels like the skies are clear.
Taehyung is happy it’s Hoseok, because he and his mother both agree that he seems like a good person to be around. Taehyung believes Hoseok can make him better. Hoseok can take away those soft hellos and turn them to confident ones and he’s already noticing it. He actually put in the effort to go back to the coffee shop and have a full on conversation with someone, which is something that seemed terrifying and unrealistic to him two weeks ago. Taehyung also thinks he’s easily convinced by Hoseok, in a way that seems scary but isn’t because Taehyung doesn’t have to know Hoseok to know that he would never steer Taehyung into harm’s way. This is the first thing Taehyung has ever been confident about and if he is wrong, he’s pretty sure he’ll doubt every aspect of all things that exist. Taehyung knows he probably shouldn’t be so confident about this but he is, and he would even go to one of those university parties and risk the shitty hangover if it could make Hoseok happy, which makes him confused about a lot more than he ever really imagined he could be confused about.
Here he is though, smiling like a second grader.