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The bustling city streets of Los Diablos are loud and overbearing, filled to the brim with minds that turn like gears around you. They scrape against your shields and grind against your own consciousness, flooding you with thoughts you don’t quite understand every time you let your guard down. It’s a constant reminder of what you’re trying so desperately to be.
And a reminder of what you are not.
But it’s not like that out here.
The mountains are full of fresh air, and the people are few and far between. The elevation gives you a new angle, makes you see things from a different viewpoint.
And you need that change in perspective right now.
You’ve heard people talking about the terrain out here. Torn peaks. Unstable ground. Not worth fixing. Not worth the effort. There’s too much damage.
You can’t say you disagree. Still, there’s no denying how breathtaking the view is. How peaceful it is out here.
Mostly.
Your shields are as high as you dare raise them, can’t be too careful, you won’t be caught off guard out here, not without your armor, and yet, little yellow butterflies have still managed to slip through the cracks. Bursting like soap bubbles every time you dare look back at the culprit.
Like now. Blue eyes meet your own and pop! There they go, Herald’s thoughts smoothing out into rays of golden light as he grins. Making your ears burn more than any noonday Sun.
“Don’t tell me you’re tired already?” You tease, the features on your face softening involuntarily.
“Not yet.” Herald smiles, cocking his head to the side, golden locks falling and catching the light, making them glow like a halo. “Although, we could always fly the rest of the way?”
“Oh, I don’t think so.” You laugh and continue to walk, knowing he’ll follow. “You’re not getting out of this that easily.”
As if he isn’t exactly where he wants to be. Trailing here behind you in his expensive shoes, with a smattering of pine needles in his blonde hair, and dirt stains on his designer clothes. Who the hell wears something that nice out for a hike?
Lucky for him, you aren’t completely evil.
“Why don’t we take a break?” You offer. Better to stop now before Herald gets heat exhaustion. Or you do.
You don’t have the luxury of air conditioning out here, and the long sleeves aren’t doing you any favors. You can’t imagine why Herald decided to suffer with you either. He must know that jeans aren’t the sort of attire you go out walking in. Is it some sort of misplaced sympathy? Wearing the same long layers as you just because you have to? No, that’s not it. Not exactly. He’s been acting differently the entire time you’ve been out here, but you haven’t caught a hint of pity inside his mind. He just keeps looking at you, and smiling, and oh no, he’s doing it again.
Brandishing that cheeky smile at you that makes your stomach do an uncomfortable flip. He’s floating on his back now, arms folded behind his head while he basks in the sunshine like a lazy house cat. You raise an eyebrow at him, because he knows he’s not supposed to be floating right now, but you let it slide without comment. Technically you’re on a break.
The small bursts of fondness spilling out of Herald turns into utter delight as he sees you struggling not to smile. Which you wouldn’t be doing if his mind wasn’t filling up with soft tender thoughts of how beautiful you look in the early morning light. It’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous, and oh no, now he’s considering whether or not it’s worth the risk of rejection to drift closer and hold your hand.
You decide to make the decision for him. Tightening your shields, you turn away and take a few steps further up the trail. Lean your back up against one of the pine trees, take a deep breath and look out over the horizon at the city below.
No one is out here to witness the two of you, but still, all that touching, even just the thought of it, makes you nervous. You want it too badly and that terrifies you. He’s not like the art pieces you greedily snap up and stash away. He’s a living, breathing person, not something you can just discard when you get tired of looking at it. As if you’d ever get tired of looking at him. He has your head spinning with thoughts of ‘what if…?’ and that’s the absolute last thing you should be dwelling on right now.
You want, no, need the anger. All the irritation of being here with him, and not knowing what to do, or how to act. It feels good to absentmindedly start peeling paper thin strips of bark off the trunk, crumple it up in your hand, feel the thin shards start to cut into your palm before opening your hand to watch the pieces fall to the ground. Fall like you did. Fall like they all will. Beaten and broken and bruised. Remember all the destruction you’ve caused. Remind yourself that you aren’t done yet.
There’s still plenty of city left to destroy. Too many things that need changing. The same fire that ruins the forest also helps the pine seeds sprout, after all.
“Are you okay?” Comes Herald’s soft voice. His feet are firmly planted on the ground again, but that’s not what you’re concerned about. His thoughts are where the real danger lies. Even with your shields raised up you can still feel the worry dripping through. No one else’s thoughts out here to help drown him out.
“I’m fine. I’m just not… good at this.” You admit, your hand waving between the two of you, wordlessly begging him to understand what you really mean.
You aren’t used to accepting such genuine concern without fearing some sort of backlash. Not used to talking about feelings. Not used to sharing your weaknesses with someone. Not good at pretending to be human, even after all of these years.
“Do you have to be?” Herald’s, no, Daniel’s gentle tone coaxes you out of the dark spiral of your mind.
“Yes. Yes I do. If not for you then for-“ You cut yourself off, and sigh. He wouldn’t understand even if you explain it in the simplest of terms, and that would require you to out yourself as a villain.
“I don’t even know what being human is supposed to feel like.” You finally settle on. It’s the ugly truth, if nothing else, and doesn’t he deserve a little bit of the truth? After everything you’ve said to him? Everything you’ve done?
Most of the time, it’s easy to ignore. This missing hole in your chest, the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit quite right. Your own insecurities don’t matter when you have something to focus on, some goal to accomplish. It’s painfully obvious now though. Out here with no distractions. Just you, and him, and the awkward silence growing between you.
You sigh as you run your fingers through your hair, debating what to say next. Should you just laugh it off? Make a joke of it? Or should you try to explain yourself? Dig your own grave a little further?
It’s only now you realize Daniel’s mind has gone oddly quiet as he takes in the view beside you. Shit . You never meant to make him actually think about what you were saying. Trust Daniel to start overthinking every stray comment you make.
But as he turns to look at you again, you can see a familiar sparkle in his eyes. The one that tells you he’s made some sort of decision.
“I don’t know how it’s supposed to feel either. I don’t think anyone does.” He replies, the smile slowly coming back to his face as he holds his hand out to you. “Why don’t we find out together?”
It takes you a few seconds to react, a few too many blinks just to keep the dust out of your eyes, nothing more, before you reach out and grasp his hand a little too tightly.
“Fine. I guess I could give it a try.” You say, desperate to leave this uncomfortable conversation behind as you start to tug him along further down the trail. “And you better not twist your ankle on the way up. I’m not carrying your ass all the way back down the mountain. No matter how good it looks.”
You don’t even need to look back to feel that sunshine smile beaming at you.
Despite your insistence that his feet stay firmly on the ground, this is still training after all, he doesn’t end up injuring himself. Though he still insists on flying you back down the trail once you reach the end.
The view of the city from up there is unparalleled. Just like it always is, as long as he’s the one carrying you home.