Work Text:
I will never, ever, ever be over that last shot of Alec, his face, the way he doesn’t answer Izzy’s question about whether or not there’s an “After Magnus” for him. He already knows the answer, there is no such thing as an after, and there never will be. The only thing there might be is forward and that’s what he clings to.
It’s a silent no, and it says more than the words ever could. It’s a gentle, unwavering devastation. While he’s focused on Magnus - Magnus getting better, Magnus recovering, Magnus getting his magic back, he doesn’t think about himself. But in this moment he does, and he knows what waits for him on the other side of this heartbreak - knows it’s going to break a part of him that he never gets back to do this to Magnus, and it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make.
Even knowing that he can’t recover from this, that he won’t. He still believes so strongly that it is worth doing. That is worth everything to break himself apart like this - to give Magnus back what he lost. It didn’t matter that Alec himself would never be the same. He’d, he’d find a way to be okay, or some semblance of it. He could move forward because that would be all that he’d have left, and he’d still have the things he wanted to do because of Magnus.
He would still keep learning, and change the shadow world for the better. He would do it for Magnus. For others. So the next time a Shadowhunter falls in love with a warlock, they would have a chance. So they could succeed where he couldn’t - no matter how much that hurts to admit, fighting for it feels almost like balancing out the pain that he caused both him and Magnus.
Later, he finds out that Magnus has moved away - moved out of New York to try and move on, and Alec is both happy for him and devastated at the same time. He knows he’ll probably never see Magnus again, and he gives himself a few precious moments to mourn, all over again, but it’s for the best. Magnus deserves to heal, to fall in love again, and to be so, so happy. He buries himself in work, in what he is trying to do, because it is all he has left and it matters to so many more than just himself.
Not long after, Alec is offered Inquisitor, and an even shorter period after that, Consul. Piece by piece, he changes the shadow world, just as he has been planning for years. He fights hard for it, even when it doesn’t make him popular, he fights for the world he wants in place for Magnus in the future. A better world, one that doesn’t breed another Valentine and allow him to gain power. And every night, he comes home to an empty house that never feels like home, and he has a small finger of whisky (it burns and he still hates it, but it’s one of the few drinks that doesn’t make him think of Magnus with every sip and the burn feels like penance) and he deserves that.
He remembers the loft, he remembers the color and the comfort. He remembers how happy he was to come home there to Magnus and knows that all of his work is worth it. The long days, the longer nights alone, it’s all worth it. It hurts him, every single day, to breathe around the pain and the ache in his heart, but it’s worth it. However fleeting it was, Alec knew he’d had something incredibly special with Magnus, and he never forgot it, never let himself forget it, what he’d destroyed with his own hands.
And maybe, just maybe, years later, it’s the evening the official Accords Rewrite has passed the Clave vote. There’s a party in the evening to celebrate and the last thing Alec wants to do is go. He doesn’t want to be surrounded by reminders of what he lost - but he never gets what he wants, and that isn’t new. So he wears a suit, and a well-fitted blazer, Magnus’ lessons on tailoring and fashion still drilled into his mind as he dresses - not to impress, but to feel good and as comfortable as he can while smiling through the pain.
Alec goes to the party - and he smiles and makes nice with everyone. He congratulates everyone, even Simon and Isabelle, and accepts the congratulations that he doesn’t deserve because there were so many that made a difference. All of it is a blur after a while, happy smiling faces around him, even as his heart still remains shattered in pieces, all by his own doing. Worst of all, he wonders, even though he shouldn’t, if Magnus would be proud of him for all of this.
The thought makes him ache, makes his whole body tense with remembered pain and he escapes for air out onto a nearby balcony. Alec has to get away from them, barely clinging to composure as he gets outside. It takes slow, steady breaths, breathing through the familiar pain and heartbreak, pain that he knows he deserves to feel for the rest of his life before he starts trying to steel himself to go back inside. He can fall apart later, tonight, at the very least, he needs to be happy and celebrate with everything, considering everything they accomplished. They deserve that.
That’s when Magnus’ voice comes from behind him, and Alec tenses, his eyes wide as he stares at the demon towers in the distance, because there’s no way that it could be real. It can’t be real, Magnus wouldn’t be here, in Alicante, at this party, of all things. It’s a stupid, hopeful dream borne of desperation and Alec hates himself for it. Alec spins around to face the emptiness that is awaiting, but Magnus is there, wearing a suit with an emerald green jacket, a color that Magnus would maybe call saffron. Saffron lights the victory march.
It’s the sight of the jacket that has Alec blinking hard to pull back the tears before he straightens his shoulders and makes himself face Magnus. His ex (and oh he pretends that word, even in the privacy of his mind, doesn’t devastate him) is staring at him guardedly, holding a champagne flute in his hand. His head is tilted the tiniest bit in consideration, studying him, and Alec can’t breathe, his breath stolen from him like it always was around Magnus. There’s nothing he could say, nothing he deserved to say. What was he supposed to say to the man whose heart he shattered so willingly to give him his life and magic back? What was left after that?
Instead, though, Magnus starts to talk. He takes a sip of champagne and tells him that Maryse, of all people, found him, and demanded that he come tonight because it was all for him. That the reason all of this existed, that Alec had done it for him, for a reason he… couldn’t begin to fathom, considering how they had left things. And Alec tries not to wince and fails because there’s nothing he can say. It’s all there in the Accords Rewrite, documented clear as day for anyone who wanted to look. The Loss Clause for warlock orphans, setting up a formal process for their adoption and integration into the shadow world, was inspired by Catarina and Madzie. The Fell Amendment that requires the Shadowhunter Academy to employ a warlock teacher full time for all future generations of shadowhunters. The requirement that all Institutes implement a Downworld Council… and Alec winces again as Magnus pauses pointedly because he knows what’s coming next, so he drops his eyes to the floor.
Last but not least, Magnus mentions the clause in the document named after him. The exclusion clause that, upon application and review, absolves all former crimes of downworlders committed in the defense of other downworlders against shadowhunters. Alec swallows hard, because that single amendment had been almost half the fight, he’d refused, despite pushing from everyone, to vote on the new Accords without it. It was important, it had been important to Magnus, and that meant he wasn’t going to fail in passing it. He still didn’t know how they’d managed to get enough votes to pass it, but they had, and now it was part of the Law.
Alec can barely breathe around the emotion in his throat as Magnus continues to stare at him. He can’t deny any of it, it’s all there, plain as day. His love letter to Magnus and the future he deserved. He hears Magnus take another sip of champagne and then he’s stepping closer, the silence between them growing thicker and tense and Alec waits, he forces himself to stay still, to wait, to hear whatever it is Magnus has to say. Magnus deserves that, whatever closure he might get in this moment, he deserves that and more after all of the pain that Alec caused him.
Magnus steels himself and asks why Alec really left. And if it was because he made a deal with his father to get his magic back.
Alec freezes, the familiar fear at the deal falling through gripping him, he’d been barely strong enough to devastate Magnus once, could he do it again, here, after, after all of this time, after everything?
Magnus takes another breath and then keeps talking. Says that his father is gone, Magnus had to deal with him when he came up to try to bring Magnus back down to Edom, so any deals that he might have made are broken and no longer valid. And that it took time, a lot of time for him to realize that the coincidence of Alec breaking up with him and Asmodeus’ appearance was too coincidental, so he wants to know, wants to know the truth.
The completely unreasonable and unrealistic hope that surges through Alec in that moment nearly leaves him on the ground. Because, because if Asmodeus was gone, if he couldn’t be around to take Magnus’ magic back, if Magnus was safe from him, truly safe from him… Alec lifts his eyes to look at Magnus and tries not to tremble, the words stuck in his throat because this feels too much like hope and he doesn’t deserve that, not after what he did, even if Magnus wants to know the truth.
Magnus walks closer, steps up until he is right in front of Alec, and stares him down, demanding to know if Alec lied to him during their breakup. That if it was because of a deal, and not because… because of the reasons Alec said.
Alec chokes out a yes, the words hoarse and oh-so raw, ripped painfully from his heart. At the very least, now, years later, after everything, long past any chance at forgiveness, he owes Magnus the truth. The truth that he lied.
Magnus takes a slow breath and asks another question, his voice barely steady. He asks if Alec wanted to break up with him. It’s a question he’s not sure he wants the answer to, but after suspecting the deal for his magic, it’s the one question that only Alec has the power to answer and it’s the only one that can offer closure on everything.
Alec’s voice cracks again as he whispers no. And once he’s said it once, he can’t stop saying it. No, he never wanted to break up with Magnus. Not ever. The exact opposite, in fact, but he never wanted to leave, never would have left - mundane warlock, it didn’t matter, he didn’t want to leave.
The weight of that revelation, the raw, broken honesty on Alec’s face has Magnus breathing hard, blinking against the tears that are threatening. It’s clear that Alec isn’t lying. He can see the pain on Alec’s face, it’s obvious, even four years later, he can see it, as plain as day. He’s not lying, it’s the truth, about this, about what happened, about how they ended, and oh, it hurts much more than Magnus ever expected it to and he just laughs, sad and more than a little broken. Goes on to admit that he misses Alec. He hates it, sometimes, but he misses Alec so much that he aches with it, even now, and it’s not fair. He doesn’t know why he’s admitting this, but the words escape him anyways and he half-glares at Alec for them and Alec doesn’t flinch away from his anger.
Alec’s voice is still raw, still aching, but he manages the words in return. That he misses Magnus too, every minute of every hour, of every day. He always misses Magnus. He gives a small, helpless little shrug because it’s the truth. He does always miss Magnus, and he isn’t going to try to hide that.
Magnus reaches out and yanks Alec into a kiss - it’s hard and messy and desperate - a wild mix of anger, relief, and joy all tangled together. By the time the both of them pull apart, panting softly, Magnus is trembling and Alec’s hands are on his waist, holding him steady because it’s still the same. Alec always steadied him when he felt like he was about to lose control and fall apart. Magnus feels so broken apart, standing here this close to Alec, being held by him in this achingly tender and not nearly close enough way that just makes him miss everything all the more.
It’s Magnus’ turn to whisper. That no one has ever loved him that much. No one, not in his entire life, has loved him enough to break themselves apart like, like Alec did to make him whole again. To sacrifice themselves for him and he… Magnus is a little bit lost under it. He doesn’t know what to do, and he admits as much, because there’s a part of him that wants to forgive Alec, to fall into his arms and never leave again, but is that the right thing?
And Alec, Alec just closes his eyes and breathes out slowly, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Magnus’ forehead, gentle and careful before he pulls back to look at Magnus, to meet his eyes. He tells Magnus, just as soft, just as certain that Magnus doesn’t have to do anything, that he expects nothing. He just wants Magnus to be happy. That’s all he ever wanted for him and that’s why he’s done everything to make the world one where Magnus can find that happiness without fear and be as happy as he deserves.
Magnus wants to cry, because he can feel the honesty there, he can feel the selflessness in Alec coming through loud and clear. No matter what Alec might want, he doesn’t expect anything, because he believes that he has already lost his chance. And it’s that, the need to prove Alec wrong, that maybe, just maybe they haven’t lost their chance that has him correcting Alec. He lifts his head and meets Alec’s eyes and his voice is firm and certain. The words are an echo of another world, years back, but he says that he can’t be happy without Alec.
Alec is frozen, the world still around them, because he can feel the echoes in the same moment, where they had come together again after falling apart and he’s shocked, his heart pounding fast, unsure of how to move forward.
Magnus just smiles at him and says that it turns out he can’t live without Alec either - he just didn’t know it at the time, and it took him a lot longer to figure out than he would have liked, but it’s the truth. It was the truth then, and it’s the truth now, and he found out the hard way.
Alec aches because he never wanted that for Magnus. He never wanted Magnus to feel that same echoing emptiness and certainty that he had the last time they broke up, but then Magnus pulls him into another kiss, and there’s no world where Alec can resist him. He melts into it, into the possessive hold of Magnus’ hands like he’s been starved for every touch.
There’s applause and cheering from the other side of the balcony and Magnus and Alec start grinning into the kiss, pulling away just a fraction to look at each other, their foreheads pressed together, but it feels like hope, it feels like they just might be okay. It’s maybe impossible, but here they are once again, finding their way back to each other, united for the better. Alec takes Magnus’ hand and gives it a slow squeeze, sharing a look with him before heading back into the party and to the grinning faces of their friends and family.
When Magnus accepts the new High Warlock of Alicante position he and Alec begin dating again, properly. Turns out, it’s much easier than either of them ever realized. While there are frustrations and small emergencies here and there, when the world isn’t ending around them all of the time, it’s much easier to make date night. It’s easier than they expect to fall in love again - though it takes many long, painful conversations, they’re on a steadier foundation and things feel right in a way that both of them are really starting to trust.
Alec moves back into the loft, and it’s coming home and it doesn’t feel real, but it is, somehow. It is real and Magnus loves him and he loves Magnus and all of it seems to be settling, the pain he’s carried for so long starting to disappear under the constant sunlight of loving Magnus.
Magnus, for his part, is thrilled and happy. Establishing warlock councils to directly interact with the Clave is challenging and good work and he can help so many and make a true difference. He and Alexander are happy, and not only have they talked about getting married (a subject which thrills and terrifies him in the best way), but also about kids, about all the pieces of a future that they want together, and what that looks like for them. It’s not conversations that they could have easily had before and the fact that it feels easy now means something and it takes his breath away if he thinks about it too hard.
The only bitter pill Magnus has to force himself to swallow is that he wasted so much time waiting to come to talk to Alexander. It’s been four years. Four years apart from each other, and Magnus knows he can never get that time back and it feels agonizing when he thinks about it, no matter how happy he is right now planning his future with Alexander. Sometimes, he feels like he has to make up for it and make sure that he gets all of the time he can, that he hoards every single possible experience with Alexander so he has something when he’s alone again, though he stubbornly refuses to think too hard about it.
But then, Alec is thirty, he and Magnus take a long weekend, and he sits down with Magnus with what Magnus jokes is his husband’s serious face. And Magnus has a moment to be worried, to be afraid before Alec is taking his hands and squeezing them slowly, his voice soft and certain, and asking him an impossible question.
How do I stay with you?
Magnus barely comprehends the words as Alec stares at him, and Alec repeats the question, asking how to stay forever to stay with him forever and it doesn’t seem real. He blinks at Alec, staring with wide eyes, his mouth dry and his magic snapping nervously around him, but Alec doesn’t flinch away because Alec is never afraid of his magic. And then Alec is smiling and mentioning he’ll retire in a decade or two and they can go get lost in the world, do whatever they want together, live and love, and explore everything they could ever want.
Magnus can barely answer, can barely explain, trying to check for certainty, to make sure this is truly what Alec wants and wants with him. But Alec, because of course, Alexander never wavers. Not in ten years, not in thirty, or fifty, or even as Alec passes his first century, still smiling widely at Magnus the same way he did the day they met.
And every day, Magnus holds onto his hand, just as tight, just as hard, leaning into Alexander, because together, like this, they’re both enough, and that’s everything for them.