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The first thing Anthony noticed when he woke was how warm the bed was. The second was the amount of sweat.
He was still half asleep, and definitely very groggy, but he knew it wasn’t because of him.
So he turned to his wife, who had managed to roll away from him in the night and was suddenly very awake.
Kate was pale; deathly so.
She was drenched in sweat and laid far too still.
“Kate?” Anthony shook her slightly.
“Kate?” He shook harder.
“Kate!”
Anthony was scared now. She wasn’t responding at all; she hadn't so much as stirred.
“Hey, come on Kate - look at me. Just open your eyes. Come on. ROSE!”
Kate’s lady’s maid burst through the door.
“I don’t know what’s wrong. She won’t wake up. I don’t - she’s too hot - and I can’t … she won’t -“
Anthony knew he was panicking, but he was scared. Rose was calmer though, she came over to the bed to feel her forehead.
“I’ll go find Arthur to call for the doctor.”
If anything Rose’s cool facade only scared him more.
She had not offered any reassurance, nor any explanation as to what she thought was wrong with Kate. But she knew. Anthony was terrified.
“Come on, Kate. Please wake up. Please. I need you.” He shook her, hard.
An unintelligible mumble came from her and Anthony nearly cried with relief.
She wasn’t exactly conscious but she had stirred and acknowledged him; he would take what he could get at this point.
Rose came back in. “Arthur has gone for the doctor.”
Anthony turned to thank her when he felt a kick to his foot.
Kate was contorted strangely, her body twitching and shaking uncontrollably. Anthony had never seen anything like it.
“Hold her head still.” Rose commanded, already settling herself over Kate to hold her limbs still.
Anthony did as he was told, gripping Kate's head, murmuring to her - assuring her everything would be alright, he was here with her, she would be just fine.
After what seemed like an eternity but was likely only a minute Kate went motionless again. Anthony was surprised to find himself crying but he didn’t bother wiping the tears away. Instead he bent down to press his lips to Kate's forehead for a long moment.
“What was that?”
Rose shook her head. “Best wait for the doctor.”
“But you’ve seen that before?”
Rose nodded gravely and the look on her face made Anthony too scared to ask her anything more.
Kate was unmoving for the half hour it took for the doctor to arrive. He spent the time alternating between stroking Kate's hair, kissing her forehead and murmuring quiet reassurances that he wasn’t even sure she could hear.
Rose never left. She stood watching them both in silence.
The doctor burst into the room suddenly accompanied by Arthur.
“She has a fever and will not regain consciousness. She also had a fit.”
The doctor looked to her sharply. A fit, Anthony deduced, was uncommon.
“How long for?”
“Just under two minutes.” So that was how long it had been.
The doctor came to Kate’s side, checking her temperature. He peeled back one of Kate’s eyes to check her pupils.
Anthony waited as patiently as he could but he was around two seconds away from lunging at the doctor and forcing him to tell them what he knew.
“It appears Lady Bridgerton has some form of infection. Has she had any injuries recently?”
Anthony tried to think, as far as he knew Kate hadn’t injured herself lately. Especially not an open wound in which infection could set in.
“I don’t - I don’t think so?” It sounded like a question. Anthony wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
“Yes. She did - of a kind.” Anthony looked to Rose, questioning.
“She lost a child, not yet a week ago.”
Anthony felt numb. Kate had lost a child? He hadn't even known she was with child.
Rose must have seen the look on his face. “She was going to tell you, My Lord. She had a surprise planned but then when she miscarried the day before she didn’t want to upset you. She knew how much you wanted another child.”
Anthony felt sick. Kate had kept all of that pain and guilt to herself to protect him? He felt so guilty.
Has she really not thought him strong enough? He was meant to protect her - and their children. He wished she had told him. Of course he would have been devastated, but then at least he would have known and could have helped and supported her.
A thought came to him. “Can losing a child lead to infection?”
The doctor nodded slowly. “It’s rare. Extremely so. I’ve never seen a case of it myself but it does happen.”
“So how do we treat it?” Rose asked.
“I’m afraid there’s not much we can do.” Anthony struggled not to throw up. “We just have to wait to see if her body is strong enough to fight the infection. And keep her comfortable in the meantime.”
Keep her comfortable- Anthony knew what that meant. People expecting recovery did not need to be made comfortable. That type of comfort was for the dying.
The tense silence was interrupted by the sound of small feet running down the hall.
“Mama! Dada! Wake up!” Edmund came bursting through the door, running toward the bed.
Anthony completely froze, looking at his son in horror. Rose was quick though, scooping up the boy before he could reach the bed.
“Rose!” Edmund exclaimed happily, attention easily diverted as he wrapped his arms around her in a hug.
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Anthony slid off the bed, careful not to disturb Kate. Rose passed him his son.
“Good morning, little man.” Anthony kissed his head. “How did you sleep?”
Edmund wasn’t listening. “Can we go and play in the river? We can wake up mummy and - ooh can we get Amelia and Belinda and Auntie Daphne?”
“Listen, Ed. Your mum is sick and she needs her sleep, alright? So I’m going to call for Auntie Daphne to come and play with you. Does that sound fun?”
He needed Edmund out of the way. Not only was a young child underfoot not ideal for healing, but Edmund didn’t need to see this. Especially not when he couldn’t fully understand.
Luckily, Edmund seemed thrilled at the prospect of Daphne and her children coming to play. “Will mama want to join us later?”
Anthony’s heart splintered. He didn’t know if she would ever play with Edmund again.
“Perhaps. If she feels better.” Edmund nodded, as if he understood.
“Alright. Will you go with Rose to go and find Hyacinth? She can help you get dressed and will play with you until Auntie Daphne gets here.”
He handed Edmund back to Rose. “Tell Hyacinth what’s happening. Don’t scare her too much but make sure she takes him.”
Rose nodded and took Edmund from the room. Anthony resumed his place at Kate’s side.
“Arthur, please send for Daphne and Simon. Make sure they understand the full extent of the situation and that they must come immediately.”
“Of course, My Lord.”
“And find Eloise. Tell her to send word to Edwina and Mary in London. Tell them they need to make haste.”
The doctor stepped forward.
“My Lord. I apologise that I can not do more. I must take my leave but I will return this afternoon to monitor her progress.”
And then Anthony was left alone. Since Edmund had burst in he had been thoroughly distracted, and giving orders had kept his mind focused on tasks.
But now he had no choice but to look at his wife. She was still so deathly pale, and the dark brown of her hair clung to her forehead with sweat.
Edmund may soon not have a mother. His heart broke to think of Kate missing all of the big milestones of Edmund's life. She was an amazing mother and Anthony wanted her to have the chance to be one.
But Anthony knew his family would never allow his son to grow up without a mother. Not truly. Daphne and his mother would give Edmund all the motherly love and advice he would ever need. Hyacinth was already an amazing older sister figure for him and Francesca and Eloise would no doubt encourage rebellion and shenanigans.
No, Anthony wasn’t worried about Edmund. He was selfish. He was worried for himself.
He loved Kate more than he had ever thought possible. If he lost her he would never recover.
His thoughts were once again interrupted by the sound of the door opening. This time it was Violet and Eloise.
“Gregory has ridden for Benedict.” Anthony nodded.
“What’s happening, Anthony?” Violet asked. “Rose said it was Kate and we had to send for the family urgently but she didn’t say what it was.”
“Kate has an -“ his voice cracked. “Infection. We’ve been told to make her comfortable.”
Eloise's hands came up to cover her mouth.
“Oh my God. How did she? An infection? What did she- ?” Violet couldn’t seem to organise her thoughts.
“She lost a child. Infection setting in was a rare possibility.”
Violet stepped forward to embrace her son. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even know you two were expecting another. Let alone that you’d lost one.”
Anthony’s voice shook. “Neither did I.”
“She wanted it to be a surprise.” Eloise chimed in. Anthony looked to her in shock, wondering how she had known before him.
“Her and Hyacinth. They were embroidering Edmund a little blanket that said ‘Best Big Brother’. Then she was going to give him it as a present in front of you.”
Anthony could feel the tears on his cheeks. Kate and Hyacinth had put in so much effort to try and make the surprise special for him. He bet they were so excited.
Eloise sat on the bed beside Kate’s feet. “So she won’t wake up?”
Anthony shook his head.
“Can she hear us?”
Anthony paused. He hasn’t considered that. “I’m not sure.”
Eloise nodded and then left the room. Anthony looked to his mother, the action so off it caused them both to burst out laughing despite the gravity of the situation, or perhaps because of it. Anthony didn’t think he would ever understand how Eloise's mind worked.
Violet took the seat at Kate’s bedside whilst Anthony went round the other side to sit on the bed beside her head, stroking her hair back. They were silent. There was no need for words.
Eloise burst through the doors, a massive leather bound book in her hand, and seated herself back at Kate’s feet.
“It’s Shakespeare. I think it would be nice-“ she paused, took a fortifying breath, “to read to her.”
Anthony nodded, never more thankful for Eloise than in that moment. Kate loved to read but he never would have thought to read to her.
That was how they sat for the rest of the morning. Anthony stroking Kate’s hair, sometimes leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead, Violet holding her hand and Eloise reading aloud.
At lunch, they were notified that Daphne and Simon had arrived with their children to occupy Edmund. Anthony was thankful that they were occupying him. He loved his son but he couldn’t handle having to worry about him now.
Their little bubble was interrupted by the return of the doctor, Daphne and Simon. They were all silent as they waited for him to assess Kate.
“I can not see any deterioration from this morning, but no improvement either.” Anthony had no idea how to react to that - was it supposed to be good or bad news?
“What I’m worried about now is dehydration. Whilst I still can not confirm that Lady Bridgerton will recover, we need to ensure she stays hydrated in order to give her the best chance of doing so.”
The doctor pulled a flask from his bag. “This is clean water. Lord Bridgerton, can you assist?”
Anthony nodded but he was instantly wary. He had very limited medical knowledge and did not want to be responsible for any rehydrating procedure. No matter how supposedly simple.
“I’m going to need you to support her head and tilt it back. I’m going to pour some water in her mouth. Miss Bridgerton?” Eloise looked at him. “I then need you to pinch her nose closed. Can you both do this?”
The siblings both agreed. All in all, it went well. They got almost a full flask of water into Kate before the doctor declared that it was enough.
“I’m afraid that it is all I can do for now. If there are any major changes in her condition please do not hesitate to contact me, I will return immediately. If not, I will return tomorrow morning at dawn.”
The doctor let himself out. A fact that Anthony was thankful for. He did not have the capacity to act as a Viscount currently.
Daphne came to Anthony’s side. “The children are eating with Hyacinth and Gregory. Edmund keeps asking if you and Kate will come down to eat with them. What should I say?”
Anthony sighed. “Will you stay with her?” He asked Eloise and Violet.
“Of course, my love.”
“I’ll go and speak with Edmund.” He pressed a kiss to Kate’s head and made his way downstairs with Simon and Daphne.
“Will you two stay the night?”
“Yes, of course. I think it’s best for Edmund to be playing with Amy and Bell anyways.” Daphne replied.
They found the kids in the kitchens with Hyacinth and Gregory and a suspicious assortment of cakes and sweets around them.
“Papa! Auntie Hyacinth got Cook Thornton to make us cake!”
Anthony managed a smile. “I can see that.”
“Is mama getting better? Does she want cake?”
The thoughtfulness of his son melted his heart.
“No, your mama is still sleeping. But Amy and Bell are staying to have a sleepover with you tonight.”
That excited him and soon all three children were chattering excitedly. Hyacinth looked up. “Still no change?”
“None. We got some water in her though.” Both Hyacinth and Gregory nodded.
“Hey, how about me and Hyacinth join your sleepover tonight? We can build a fort.”
Hyacinth moved closer to Anthony. “We’ll keep them occupied for the night. You three go - do whatever you need.”
Anthony looked to Daphne and knew they were both thinking the same thing. When did their two youngest siblings grow up? They were so proud of their maturity.
Anthony kissed his son good night but then made his way back upstairs. Daphne and Simon close beside him.
They returned to find Eloise had moved on to a different book - this one was one that Anthony did not recognise. Violet was sitting with Francesca doing her embroidery.
The presence of Benedict and Colin however, did surprise him. They were sitting at the desk in the corner, playing chess of all things.
The sight of them caused him to finally, truly, crack.
Tears came and they would not stop. The way his family had all come together for his wife only made him adore them all the more.
But his brothers were also his best friends. The people he had been closest to for all of his life. He needed their support at a time like this.
Still crying freely, he sat back beside Kate. Benedict was immediately up and Anthony clung to him, like a small child needing comfort.
They stayed like that for a time. His family were silent, letting him work through his own emotions but lending their silent support. He had never been more thankful for having such a large family.
He had just started to calm down when there was a commotion of sorts behind him.
Kate was seizing again and Anthony quickly rushed to support her head. “Eloise, Benedict grab her limbs. Keep her still.” He ordered through gritted teeth.
Anthony was sure this fit lasted longer but he had no way of knowing. Not that it mattered, he couldn’t stop them.
Eventually Kate did relax again and Anthony felt like he could finally breathe again.
“What was that?” Francesca asked, completely bewildered.
“It was a fit. The doctor says they are extremely rare.”
Eloise and Benedict still gripped her tightly. “It’s alright. You can let go now.”
They were silent for a minute. Then Francesca burst into tears.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this. I can’t watch -“ she paused. “I can’t do this.”
Anthony knew what she meant. She couldn’t watch her die.
Anthony didn’t know if he could either.
The tension caused by Francesca's outburst and consequent departure was broken by Rose, Arthur and Alfred carrying in heaped platters of food.
It was plain food. Nothing fancy. Just potatoes, beef and a few vegetables but Anthony didn’t know if he could even manage that.
The rest of them tucked in but Anthony couldn’t find an appetite.
He just kept thinking of Francesca and how she was right. If he stayed here - he would have to watch Kate die.
He stood and started moving, with no purpose or direction but away.
He couldn’t be anywhere near Kate when she died. Could not bear to watch the woman he loved more than anything in the world take her final breaths.
“Anthony!” He heard somebody call after him but he kept going, breaking into a run as he tore down the corridor, down the stairs and out into the gardens.
He found himself in the clearing where they’d spent their first night together. It was almost two years ago now but Anthony could still remember it like it was yesterday.
How beautiful she had looked in the half light as she stood and put him in his place.
She had been so magnificent. And so alive.
He couldn’t imagine all that, just gone.
Anthony sat where he remembered them building a little bed of sorts.
He remembers covering Kate in his coat. Her little giggles as he pulled it tight.
Then dragging the pillows and throw from the sofa nearby, creating a little nest.
He remembers the weight of her on his chest. How even in her sleep she sought him out and how he had content he felt with just the two of them laying there.
Anthony knows if Kate leaves him now he will never feel so content again.
The sound of footsteps breaks into his reverie. Daphne.
She takes a seat beside him. “I think you should come back.”
Anthony turns to look at her. “I can’t.”
“Perhaps. But this isn’t about you.”
Anthony was bewildered. “My wife and the mother of my children is dying and this isn't about me?”
“No, it’s about Kate.”
Daphne took a breath. “You know, Eloise is still reading to Kate, hoping to provide her some comfort. Help her in any way she can. Just on the very slim chance that Kate can hear her.”
A pause. “And yet here you are, sitting alone, having left your wife who could be hurt and scared and only knowing Eloise is by her side; not you.”
“Now I don’t know about you, Anthony. But if I was dying. I would be so scared.” Daphne’s voice cracks. “And I would want my husband to stay with me, and to hold me. Until the very end.”
Daphne stands. “I’m going back up to Kate. I hope you do too. Before it’s too late.”
She’s right, Anthony realises. He’s being selfish.
It doesn’t matter what he wants. It is only Kate’s wants which matter.
Kate must be so scared, especially if she can hear everyone. People telling her she is dying. God, Anthony couldn’t imagine how he would feel.
Taking a deep, fortifying breath, Anthony makes his way back inside.
Their room is silent except for Eloise when he walks back in.
He looks at Kate: lifeless.
Her breathing is shallower than before and he wonders how long she has left.
Daphne gives him a small, encouraging smile and he wonders, not for the first time, when she got so wise.
Silently, he climbs into bed with Kate. Arranging them so she is cuddled into him, he rests his chin on her head and motions for Eloise to continue.
He can feel her chest against his, how she has to fight for every breath.
“I love you so much, Kate.” He whispers in her ear.
“I need you to know that. You are loved by so many people.”
He hears Eloise’s voice shake but keeps going.
“I want you to know that you can go, if you need to. We’ll be alright. Me and Edmund.”
“I will make sure he knows how much you love him. What an amazing mama you are. I’ll tell him stories about how strong and stubborn and perfect you are.”
Anthony was crying in earnest now. “And I’ll make sure he marries for love. I promise, I’ll make sure he’s happy.”
“I love you so much.”
There isn’t a single person in the room who isn’t crying now. And in a strange, twisted way it is a truly beautiful moment.
Kate still fights beside him however, determined to take one more breath. Each rattles horribly in her chest.
The door slams open causing everyone to jolt. Edwina and Mary.
Edwina immediately bursts into tears, racing across the room towards Kate.
“We got here as soon as we could.” Mary says. Her voice sounds hollow, shocked.
Edwina climbs up onto the bed, clutching at Kate’s dress and crying into her chest.
For perhaps the very first time, Anthony sees just how young Edwina is. At this moment, she is a child - seeking comfort from her big sister that she simply cannot give.
Mary looks to Anthony. “How long?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
They resumed their previous stations, with the additions of Mary sat beside Violet and Edwina sat beside Eloise.
Surprisingly Mary interrupts Eloise. “You don’t ever expect to outlive your children.”
“I still remember meeting her for the first time. Even at five she was so grown up. She was sat reading her book, gave me a formal greeting and went straight back to reading.”
Edwina chimes in. “I always thought she was so grown up as well. I remember this one time we were at the market and we had lost sight of Appa. Kate told these creepy old men that she was my mother. She was only ten and five but it was strangely believable.”
That started a chain reaction, everyone chiming in with their favourite Kate story.
“My favourite will forever be that first time we played Pall Mall. When she bested you with the Mallet of Death.” Benedict earned himself a few chuckles with that one.
“Mine is when she put Cressida Cowper in her place last season. It was so cleverly done as well.”
Anthony had almost forgotten about that until Simon had mentioned it. He had had to excuse himself to mask his laughter in a polite manner.
“I think mine is when she had Edmund. She took to motherhood so well and made me the most perfect grandson.”
Anthony knew what Eloise’s was going to be before she even spoke. “Mine is when the library was redecorated. When we sat and reordered everything and talked about all the books we had read. That was the day I feel I really got to know Kate.”
Daphne speaks next. “Mine is for both of you. When she told you she was pregnant with Edmund. You were both so happy and then watching her manage you as your excitement turned to pure terror was so funny.”
He remembers that day, he hadn’t known whether he was more terrified or excited. But Kate had been so cool and calm and had talked him through it.
Colin speaks last. “I don’t think any of you know mine. It was barely two months ago. She threw a cup at my head and it shattered everywhere.”
Everyone turns to look at him, questioning.
“I had said some unkind things about Pen, behind her back no less. Kate was furious. But that was why I liked her so much, she was never afraid to stick up for others.”
Anthony noted the past tense in Colin's story and subconsciously held her closer. He wasn’t ready for Kate's story to become past tense.
Violet rose suddenly. “Right, I feel we should all prepare for bed. You can all come back after you’ve had a wash and changed into your nightclothes.”
As his siblings filed dutifully out of the room, Violet made her way over to the bed.
“Anthony. Please go and wash, change your clothes. I’ll sit with Kate.”
He didn’t want to - but he did need to relieve himself and change his clothes so he figured five minutes wouldn’t hurt.
Anthony was washing his face when he heard his mother scream.
He had never run so fast in his life, bursting through the door.
Mentally, he was preparing for Kate to be dead. For her to have taken her last breath and to have left this world without him by her side.
He certainly hadn't been expecting her eyes to be open.
“Kate?” He took her face in his hands. “Kate? Hey, look at me.”
To his surprise she did. He wanted to pinch himself to be sure it wasn’t a dream.
“Anthony?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Yes. Yes, my love, I am right here.”
“I don't - what?” She was stuttering and not making any sense.
“Call for the doctor?” He muttered to Violet.
“Stay calm for me, Kate.” His thumb stroked her cheek. “Everything’s alright. You’re alright.”
Daphne and Simon burst through the door. “We heard screaming. Is she…” Simon trailed off uncomfortably.
Violet shushed him and ushered them out. “She’s awake. Leave her in peace. We must send for the doctor.”
Anthony could hear them outside the door. His family cheering and laughing. Ecstatic that Kate was finally awake.
All Anthony could do was look at his wife.
Knowing how close he had come to losing her just made it all the more special to be able to look at her.
To be able to press a kiss to her lips and hold her close. The simple pleasures he would never take for granted again.