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At first, it’s sort of odd that Levi blows Erwin’s back out before they go out to party. To their friends, anyway. Both of them know damn well why that is. For one, Levi fucks Erwin like it’s going out of fashion – as if his magical backside has an expiration date for the next day. And Erwin is a lightweight, can’t hold his liquor to save his life. Then it becomes the norm, but Mike still has a tough time believing Erwin, that massive guy, can’t hold his booze.
“No way, this guy’s a lightweight,” Mike says, again, when they show up for a meetup, both rocking that post nut glow, and Levi says Erwin should take it easy and don’t mix shit, “and why do you always look like you just had sex?”
“Because we just did and we always do,” Erwin says, getting a Bud Light and sighing.
“Levi’s right, though, no mixing,” Hanji comments, putting a solemn hand over their flattened chest, “last time I mixed, it felt like I’d been poisoned with some sort of evil concoction.”
To that day, nobody knew how they’d climbed up that palm tree, truth be told. The screaming attracted attention from citizens who happened to be around the area and were tragically sober. Those poor souls experienced the terror in full while the other drunks recorded and took pictures of the mess. The firefighters arrived and, just like a cat rescuing, they had to coax Hanji off the palm tree.
“That story had a happy ending, though.” Mike comments. “You met Moblit like that.”
Hanji sighs and smiles.
“He can’t come tonight because he’s on duty, but he’s the best firefighter in the world!” they say and fix their bespectacled eyes on Erwin and Levi. “So, you literally always have sex before you come out to party?”
“Of course,” Levi says, sipping on his sweet vodka as they get a booth at the corner of the bar which is already full of smoke and slipping people. It’s insane how that happens. And it’s even more fascinating that people seem to fall directly into the arms they want. A true mystery for generations to try to demystify.
“What do you mean, of course?”
“I won’t fuck him if he’s fucking drooling and can’t tell his hands from his feet, are you mad?” Levi asks Mike and makes a face when his girlfriend shows up and kisses him before sitting on his lap, “Would you fuck your girlfriend if she was almost passed out drunk?”
Mike gives him a baffled look and Nanaba blinks, sipping on the cocktail she grabbed before joining them. “No, Jesus. ‘Course not.”
“Then why the fuck would you think I’d fuck my boyfriend if he was fucking drunk?”
“Sorry, man,” Mike says and sips on his beer.
“I don’t get why being a lightweight is a bad thing, though,” Erwin finally speaks up over his Bud Light, “I can get drunk for cheap while you need half the bar,” he tells Levi who gives him a look, “what?”
“And who has to carry your ass home after you get drunk on a Bud Light and a cocktail?”
Erwin grins over his beer and kisses his cheek. “You love me.”
“That’s a fact. I wouldn’t date if I didn’t, would I? What kind of an asshole does that?” Levi says and sighs, finishing his drink. Hanji has gotten up to go get more drinks and sure enough, they have not learned any damn lessons. It’s mixing time!
“You stupid human,” Levi complains and takes the cocktail and sighs. He knows for a fact that he won’t get drunk on that – especially not with the shitty fucking music they got playing there that night. Who the fuck is the DJ? Someone’s tone-deaf cousin? – but he knows Erwin will, “you were just remembering the palm climbing shit.”
“Mixing a little doesn’t hurt anybody,” they say and grin passing the cocktails around, “and it’s on me, why are you complaining?”
“The music is horrible,” Nanaba says over the screechy and scratchy noise of the DJ’s mixing, “that’s too much mixing. The bad kind.”
They all agree, the truth is that nobody’s there for the music. The air is stuffy and smoky, people are sharing a bong in one corner, the lights are flickering but it’s too dark and yet everyone is there. It’s shit, but everyone is there. Even with Lil Stevey, who’s likely related to Jake, the owner, mixing what’s supposed to be dance music.
Any splat, splat, pow, pow, boom, boom, wee, woo, wee, ya, ya, will do if your main goal is to rub your ass-cheeks on someone’s crotch or shove your tongue down their throat. Just normal club business.
Levi is there with his boyfriend, the light of his life, his muse, his love, and his favorite model, the owner of the ass to rule all asses. The only ass worth fucking in the Universe and beyond. Mike is there with his girlfriend and Hanji is there being a good sport and buying them drinks that will surely fuck them up. Not Levi, though. He’s a heavyweight. Motherfuckers tried to screw him over on his freshman year, but he ended up establishing dominance right there and then with the most perfect keg stand in a decade and a round of applause. The second-best part? Didn’t get drunk. The absolute best part? He wooed Erwin with that prowess before wooing him with his art skills. An art student and a music student dating? And gay? Were they fruity? You can bet on that. The fruitiest and proudest fruitcakes on campus, with Levi providing the fruit and Erwin providing the cakes.
Hanji is sad that Moblit isn’t there and suggests recreating the meme where everyone is kissing their partner and a nerd is hugging themself to feel less alone to post on Instagram. It’s fun, Levi gets on Erwin’s lap to kiss him while the idiot is still mildly sober and sitting down and sees his shiny smile before kissing him and hugging him. Nanaba and Mike are less all over the place when they kiss, they’re polite heterosexuals, and the picture comes out great.
“I wanna dance!” Erwin says and Levi groans getting off his lap but accepting it. The couples move to the packed dancefloor while Hanji sits there holding onto their belongings.
Erwin is already too tipsy to be anything short – and the man’s tall – of a menace. Levi grips him for dear life as they do what Erwin called dancing, to prevent him from falling. The French dip isn’t intentional. The floor is slippery with some sort of gooey stuff nobody has any desire to know the nature of. Erwin accidentally headbutts the back of some guy’s head and he topples forward, out cold, on top of a girl who screeches before going down and likely finding out what sort of horrifying things coat the floor.
“Shit,” Levi says and pulls a wincing Erwin's hand and away from the mess, “goddammit.”
Mike and Nanaba noticed the disaster and join them to get back to their booth and warn Hanji that it’s time to skedaddle the fuck out of there in case they actually injured those people.
“Shouldn’t we…”
“Leg it, yeah,” Levi says and grips Erwin’s hand as they all rush out, “I ain’t spending time with the coppers again. Kenny wouldn’t let me hear the end of it.”
“Kenny,” Erwin says and he’s chuckling, the drunk idiot, tripping over his own damn feet, “he can’t talk. He released a gator at Walmart when he was drunk.”
That’s still a funny story and Hanji loses it as they step out into the mushy night and the bustling sidewalk where the party is also happening among the under 21s.
“Kinda hot tonight,” Erwin says, “you know what’s open?”
“No,” Levi says.
“The poo-o-o-ol, Levi-i-i…” he says and grins, his shiny blue eyes glossy under the streetlight, “we should go for a dip!”
Levi tries to talk the drunks and their enablers out of that but is ultimately unable to. A sober man among drunks is like a kindergarten teacher trying to control a bunch of sugar high toddlers. Better go along and make sure nobody gets hurt.
The pool is closed, technically, but the lock has been busted for at least six months and the owners don’t seem to know.
“SKINNY DIP!” Hanji calls and is already stripping while their friends follow along.
And Levi ends up naked with his boyfriend and his friends in a public pool that’s meant to be closed and they have a lot of fun, enjoying the freedom of their nakedness while Hanji swims about in the fuzzy light of the glass dome of the building. It looks cool, Levi has to admit it every time. It looks amazing. The city lights swaying above and casting a glow on Erwin’s skin is something he wishes he could paint from memory, but has still been unsuccessful. Some things are for the soul only.
Hanji swims around the pool while Mike and Nanaba make out in one corner and Levi and Erwin make out in the other.
“No,” Levi breathes into Erwin’s smiling mouth when he feels his hand on his half-hard cock, “invading the pool is one thing. Fucking jazzing in it is off-limits.”
Erwin chuckles and kisses him before pouting.
“No pouting, let’s get out of here and go home,” he says and snaps his fingers, making the sound echo, to attract his friends’ attention, “let’s go. Fun’s over. We’re getting horny over here and we’re not gonna cum in the pool.”
They complain a bit but agree and get out, remembering to get dressed before walking out and calling an Uber to go home.
“I’ll just lay on their laps, it’ll be fine!” Hanji tells the disgruntled driver, “Come on!”
The guy agrees after Levi says he’ll get a fat tip. It’s a mess but nobody pukes, which is great and the driver gets his tip.
“Thanks, man, appreciate it,” Levi says.
“Yeah, yeah. Not the worst stuff I’ve ever dealt with. Goodnight.”
Nanaba and Mike were left at their own flat and Hanji was left by the fire department, waiting for Moblit.
Levi helps Erwin get to their studio flat. It’s small, but it’s enough and it’s got a view. They can’t complain at all.
“Shower?” Erwin slurs and grins, kissing him sloppily. Levi enjoys it, the sweet taste of alcohol in his mouth, the warmth… it’s tough, but he’s sober.
“Tomorrow,” Levi says and moves them to the bedroom, “the chlorine won’t kill us. Let’s get to bed and cuddle.”
“Aw, baby wanna cuddle,” Erwin says as he’s stripping and chuckles when he trips and falls onto the bed with his pants half pulled off, “oh no-o-o-o, I can’t take off my pants.”
“You won’t trick me, goddamn you,” Levi says, annoyed, and yanks off Erwin’s pants as he chuckles, “you’re such a horny drunk.”
“I’m a horny always.”
“A horny always,” Levi repeats the nonsense and gets them fresh underwear that Erwin slowly puts on, “is that a new song you’re composing? Bob Dylan style? ‘It’s a-horny always, baby.’”
Erwin has a laughing fit. “Oh damn, that’s good! I’m, uh, remind me, write it… I want to use it,” he says.
Levi sighs and gets his phone to take a note of the amazing lyrics he apparently came up with.
“Cuddle, cuddle,” Erwin says making grabby hands to beckon Levi to the bed. Levi puts his phone away and joins him, getting the cuddles from the sweet drunk idiot he loves, “my baby,” he says and Levi sighs and snorts kissing his neck. He gets cloying and mushy, a whole bag of marshmallows that someone coated in more sugar before roasting, and calls him all sorts of silly pet names when he’s drunk, “am I your baby, too?”
“Yes, you’re my baby, too,” Levi says, and Erwin makes a deep rumbling happy noise and hugs him tightly, “now sleep.”
“You sleep!”
“No, you.”
“No, you!”
He’s all goofy and silly and they go back and forth for a bit before Erwin naturally falls asleep first. Levi sighs and looks at his happy sleeping face before kissing the tip of his nose.
“I love you,” he whispers and makes himself comfortable in his arms before letting the warmth envelop him and put him to sleep. It’s always nice to go out and have a bit of wacky fun with your boyfriend and your friends. That’s what life boils down to, isn’t it? Have as much fun as you can and when you can’t skinny dip illegally in pools anymore, have fun with bingo or something. As they say, if there’s a will, there ought to be a way!