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"And it’s right… here," Hiiragi said, a bright smile on his face.
It was a hot July day. The sky was clear blue and the sun was burning down on them mercilessly, but Hiiragi couldn't bring himself to care. They were well into the summer holidays, yet it was the first day that they weren’t holed up in the studio or busy with organizational matters. Now that they officially debuted, there were a lot more of those than either of them had anticipated, and they took up more time than Hiiragi liked. It was a welcome change to just be able to stroll around outside, feel the warm sunlight on his skin instead of just seeing it through a window, even if he already missed the cool air of the studio.
The park was not as filled as he had expected. Left and right there were people sitting under the trees, trying to use the shadows to their advantage, and small children were playing in the sprinklers that were set up throughout the park. Other than that, there was barely anyone strolling around. Most people were probably either at the swimming pool or at the mall, Hiiragi figured.
"And what do you want to do here?" Shizusumi glanced at Hiiragi. It was the first actual thing the black-haired teen had said since they departed from Hiiragi’s place, aside from the occasional 'hm' and 'I see'.
Hiiragi shrugged. To be honest, there wasn’t much to do at the park. The decision had been made on a whim, a simple exclamation of the first place that came to his mind when he suggested going out. It didn’t particularly matter to him where they hung out, he just wanted to spend time with Shizusumi.
As he voiced that thought, Shizu just rolled his eyes. (Hiiragi all too happily opted to ignore that.) "We could have done that at a place with air conditioning. Like the mall, or the studio."
Hiiragi groaned. "But everyone is there. And I didn’t want to spend the whole day inside," he complained, throwing his head back. "Besides, do you actually think I’m letting us spend our day off in the studio when that’s where we’ve basically lived the past weeks? Yeah, no way."
"Look where you’re going," Shizu said, not responding to anything Hiiragi said, as he tilted Hiiragi’s head to face the front again.
Warmth spread across his skin like a wildfire, expanding from the spot on Hiiragi's neck all over his face. Hiiragi wasn’t sure if he was blushing, but if he had to guess, he’d say that the hint of an almost amused smile on Shizusumi's face confirmed his suspicion.
Grumbling, he moved forward, and Shizusumi’s hand limply fell off his neck, barely grazing his back before returning to Shizu's right pocket.
Hiiragi rubbed his hands on his face in an attempt to get rid of the redness on his cheeks. "Stop making fun of me."
"I’m not."
Hiiragi clicked his tongue. "Liar."
They continued on through the park. Trying to find a perfect place to sit down was hard when all good spots were either not in the shadow or there were a few too many people around — for Hiiragi’s taste, at least, Shizusumi didn’t seem to care as much. At this point, if they didn’t want to just aimlessly stroll around the park, they would actually have to go to a completely different place to spend their day off. But that would mean that Shizusumi was right with his criticism of Hiiragi’s decision, and he was not willing to let that happen.
Not because he didn't like it when Shizu was right about things, Hiiragi didn't particularly care about that, he just hated being wrong. He refused to raise his hand in class or answer a question when called upon if he wasn't one-hundred percent sure about his answers, even if it got him in trouble. If there was a way to ensure that he was right, he would take it, no matter what.
Hiiragi was aware that it wasn't exactly his best trait, but as long as Shizu put up with it, he didn't even care.
Shizusumi slowly came to a halt. "Why can’t we just sit down over there?" he asked as he pointed towards a conveniently placed bench, right under a big tree. Hiiragi let his eyes wander around the area and, to his dismay, realized that there was a surprisingly large group of people close by.
"Have you seen the amount of people there?!" A few people turned at Hiiragi’s raised voice. The blond ducked his head, trying (and failing) to escape the sudden unwanted attention. He could feel burning gazes all over him, but while he usually loved the heat of it, it was the last thing he wanted right now on their one free day.
Luckily, they lost interest again in mere seconds, turning back to their respective activities, so Hiiragi continued in a hushed voice, "What if they see us kiss?"
"Why would we kiss in public in the first place?" Shizusumi retorted, his monotone voice a strong contrast to Hiiragi's panicked tone.
Honestly, Hiiragi was kind of pissed off by the other’s ability to do that. How was he supposed to know how Shizu felt when he talked like that, huh? Sure, Hiiragi still knew most of the time — after all, they had been best friends for thirteen years now and spent more time together than Hiiragi ever had with his parents – but there were also times when his boyfriend's emotionless expression made him come to the wrong conclusions. Not that he would ever actually admit that.
Before Hiiragi could open his mouth to complain, Shizusumi continued, either oblivious to Hiiragi’s frustration or simply ignoring it, which were both things his boyfriend was very well capable of. "We do that plenty when we’re alone. Besides, you’re the one who decided to keep things low in public."
That… was true, sadly. At the beginning of their relationship, Shizu was the one casually showing affection in public — holding Hiiragi’s hand, ruffling his hair, sneaking kisses to the back of his neck, you name it — while Hiiragi was failing to keep his composure.
Eventually, Hiiragi had decided that they should keep all things that would deem them as a couple to situations where they were completely alone together. It kept possible issues with the band and their reputation at bay, and saved him the embarrassment and humiliation of absolutely losing it at Shizusumi’s gestures while they were around others.
It was a win-win. Or at least it was most of the time. Because now, Hiiragi was so desperate to do things any other couple would, in public , that he regretted ever making the suggestion to be more careful. Beneficial for the band, not so beneficial for his just-a-bit-too-desperate self.
Hiiragi hummed. "Fair point, but I want to. Now. I mean, come on, we didn’t get to do any couple things in so long," he whined, dragging out the ‘so’. "And parks are romantic."
Shizusumi raised his eyebrows. "I can imagine more romantic situations than being at a place with nothing to do when it’s thirty degrees Celsius in the shadow."
Oh.
So, Hiiragi knew that, generally, Shizusumi liked spending time with him, even if that ass sometimes pretended he didn’t. But, and maybe that was kind of a reach, maybe Shizu didn’t want to be here with him right now .
A few months ago, he wouldn’t have been bothered by Shizusumi’s apparent unwillingness to be there, and wouldn’t even have considered that that was an option, knowing that it was just how his boyfriend acted. But right now, for some reason, it kind of nerved him out. He wasn’t sure if the fact that they’re dating somehow changed things, or if he just became more attentive to Shizusumi’s feelings lately, but it sure bothered him.
"Do you want to go home?" Hiiragi blurted out. He didn’t mean for his voice to waver, and he winced at the realization.
Shizu froze, so slightly that it wouldn’t have been noticeable if Hiiragi hadn’t been paying attention, then he blinked a few times. "Do you want to?" he asked in return.
Hiiragi titled his head in confusion. He was the one who wanted to go to the park in the first place, so why would he want to go home all of a sudden? Honestly, did Shizu think that Hiiragi asked because he himself wanted to leave all of a sudden?
He declined, vehemently shaking his head.
"Then I don’t want to. Let’s just sit down." Shizusumi walked ahead towards the bench with determination, Hiiragi quickly following behind him after gathering his composure.
They sat down next to each other, just close enough for their thighs to graze whenever either of them stirred a bit. Which wasn’t bad, but Hiiragi could practically feel Shizu’s body heat radiate off him and take over Hiiragi’s own body.
Shizusumi had always had a relatively high body temperature and normally, that was great. But right now, mixed with the rays of sunshine that burnt down on him through the leaves and the sticky air around them, it was a bit too hot. In an attempt to escape the increasingly unbearable heat, he scooted over on the bank, leaving a visible gap between the two of them.
Upon seeing Shizu's cocked eyebrow, Hiiragi wildly gestured towards him. "This is your fault. You're just too hot!"
Shizusumi tilted his head. "Normally, that's more of a reason for you to be all over me," he said.
"Oh come on! You know exactly how I meant that!" Hiiragi whisper-yelled, trying to keep his voice down enough for people to not hear him.
"Well, all I got from what you said is that you think I’m hot, and that’s the reason you’re refusing to sit next to me like a normal person."
If Hiiragi hadn't known him for so long, he probably would have assumed that Shizu was serious. A lot of people did, due to the monotone, factual tone of his voice. But he did know Shizusumi long and well enough to be able to hear the slight change in his voice and see the glint in his eyes, and know exactly what it meant.
"Stop teasing me," Hiiragi grumbled, reiterating his point from before.
Neither of them said anything after that, the silence between them only filled by snatches of conversations carrying over from nearby groups. Hiiragi slowly tuned out, tilting his head back and focusing on the ever so slight movements of the leaves above him in the wind. Behind the leaves, the cloudless sky was spreading into every crevice of Hiiragi’s view.
It reminded him of all the summer holidays he and his friends spent together. Wandering around their small neighborhood, sometimes even crossing over to the next one, all the days spent laying in the grass, looking up at the sky and watching the day pass by as they talked about anything they could think of. Hiiragi had liked the freedom that being under the open sky brought them, how they didn’t have to worry about anything and could just live their lives, the carefreeness of it all.
It was relaxing. For the first time in… Hiiragi couldn't even remember, that's how long it had been, he felt himself truly relax.
His eyes fluttered shut, and Hiiragi was sure that he would have fallen asleep right then and there if he didn’t feel something hard hit him in the ribs.
"Ow?" Hiiragi opened his eyes and turned to Shizu, shooting him an offended look. "What the fuck?"
"I just didn't want you to fall asleep. It's a pain to wake you up. Also, I did it gently, I don't see why you're complaining."
Hiiragi pouted. "Um, you elbowed me? You certainly could have done it in a nicer way."
"Well, it worked." Shizusumi shrugged.
Hiiragi clicked his tongue and closed his eyes again, trying to turn back to what he did before, but it was like the spell was broken. There went his much-needed relaxation. Who knew when he would ever get to that point again in the next weeks.
He let out an exasperated sigh and stood up. With as much determination as he could muster up in his post-relaxation state, Hiiragi said, "Let's go."
Shizusumi looked up at him with squinted eyes, but didn't say anything as he got up as well. Without a word, Hiiragi turned to the direction they came from and started walking. Footsteps could be heard behind him, and then Shizu was next to him.
He didn't ask where they were going, or why they were leaving. Which wasn't a surprise, Shizu often settled on just not questioning some things, figuring that he would find out sooner or later anyway. Hiiragi didn’t mind it.
Eventually, the trees lessened, letting the sun ruthlessly burn down on the two high-schoolers. Hiiragi hadn’t even realized how far from the entry they had walked in the beginning, but after several minutes, the park entry came into sight — and with that, Hiiragi’s target.
"Alright, which flavor do you want?" Hiiragi pointed towards the ice cream shop located just a few meters from the gate. He had spotted it when they entered, and had been waiting to go there ever since. He thought that they would visit it later in the day, but really, what difference did it make.
Hiiragi could see Shizu turn to look at him out of the corner of his eyes, but he continued walking straight ahead. "I don't have any money with me," Shizusumi responded after a moment of silence.
"Well, but I do." At least, he was sure he did.
Shizu pressed his lips together, then let out a sigh. "Just get me one scoop of whatever you're having."
Hiiragi took a quick glance at Shizusumi. Shizu knew that Hiiragi always chose a fruity flavor, which Shizu didn't particularly like. Hiiragi, on the other hand, knew it was useless to start a discussion about it, since his boyfriend wouldn't give him an actual answer anyway.
He groaned. "Fine, whatever. I'll be right back, just wait here."
Hiiragi quickly hurried over to the shop. Luckily, the line was almost empty, so he didn't have to wait too long. He looked into his wallet, then glanced back up at the price list. He really should have checked beforehand, because if Hiiragi did the math correctly — and he was sure he did — he could only get three scoops in total. So either they both got one scoop each, or…
He looked back at Shizu through the store window, who was still standing right where Hiiragi left him, then turned back to the ice cream display.
"Yes, hello. I would like one—"
"These don't look like they're the same flavor," Shizu stated when Hiiragi returned with two waffle cones, one in each hand.
Hiiragi nodded proudly. "Because they aren't. I know you don't like the flavors I eat, stop pretending like you do. And since I, your dear boyfriend, know you very well, I got you something I know you like." With these words, Hiiragi handed him the cone with the vanilla and chocolate scoops.
Shizu raised his eyebrow, not making a move to take the ice cream offered to him. Letting out a deep sigh, Hiiragi pushed it closer to Shizusumi. "Come on, just take it."
"Why did you get two scoops for me and only one for you? Let's just switch." Shizu reached his hand out for the smaller cone, but Hiiragi quickly snatched it away from him and pushed the other into Shizusumi’s open hand.
"Are you kidding me?" Shizu mumbled. It didn’t sound mean, so he was probably really just a bit puzzled, Hiiragi figured.
Hiiragi grinned. "Nope. And now eat."
Not without a last groan, Shizu admitted defeat and accepted the ice cream. Hiiragi smiled as he watched his boyfriend slowly start to eat, then took the first lick of his own ice as well. The sweet watermelon flavor melted on his tongue, mixing with the remaining taste of peppermint toothpaste in his mouth.
Watermelon was, by far, his favorite. It reminded him of the first time Hiiragi and Shizu went out together, just the two of them. The first day of middle school, Mafuyu and Yuki went off on their own right after school ended, and neither Hiiragi's parents nor Shizu's foster parents at the time cared about when they got home.
With the money that Hiiragi had found lying around the living room, he dragged Shizu all the way to an ice cream shop at the other end of the city. Hiiragi's father had taken him there once to make him feel better after the divorce, and Hiiragi had remembered the way just well enough to not get lost when he went there with Shizusumi. Hiiragi didn't know why he wanted to take Shizu there, of all places, but he still remembered how content his friend looked with his tiny scoop of chocolate ice cream.
(He also recalled how Shizusumi said that watermelon ice cream probably tasted terrible, which was the exact reason why Hiiragi chose it in the first place.)
Hiiragi was pulled out of his thoughts by the feeling of Shizu's warm fingers around his wrist, gently pulling him towards the ice cream shop. He stumbled along, trying to match up with Shizusumi's bigger steps, while simultaneously being careful to not drop his half-eaten ice cream cone.
They walked past the store and took a turn to the left, stopping right behind it. The sun was just high enough to peek out over the top of the building and blind Hiiragi. He squinted his eyes, barely able to make out Shizu's face in front of him.
"What are you doing?"
"We might not be in the middle of the park, but I figured it would still be romantic enough to meet your standards," Shizusumi said nonchalantly. "Ice cream and all."
Hiiragi's eyes adjusted to the bright light, and he saw Shizu look right at him. His eyes flickered back and forth between the other's dark eyes and his mouth, meeting Shizu's gaze whenever he looked up.
Shizusumi sighed. "Why did you think I wanted to leave earlier?"
Hiiragi averted his eyes, letting them wander over their slowly melting ice cream instead. So he remembered, huh?
"Well, you didn't particularly seem like you wanted to be here," Hiiragi admitted slowly. "I know it's not the best place, maybe, but it's not that bad, is it? Like there are definitely worse places, at least in my opinion. And really, out of everywhere we could have gone, this is—"
Shizusumi silently listened as Hiiragi's ramblings continued, which became faster and faster as he went on. When Hiiragi stopped talking, Shizu simply intertwined the fingers of their empty hands.
"I would want to be anywhere, as long as you're there. You know that, I don't see why you're questioning it."
Hiiragi felt heat rush up his neck, all the way up to his cheeks and neck. How can he just say something like that so casually? All while having the audacity to make it sound like he's talking about the weather or some other trivial thing instead of… that .
When Hiiragi didn't respond, Shizusumi leaned in closer. Mere centimeters were separating their lips at that point, but neither of them made the step to close the distance between them.
In the heat of the moment — quite literal heat, Hiiragi’s entire body felt like it was on fire — Hiiragi closed his eyes and connected their lips. The taste of watermelon mingled with the chocolate and vanilla flavor on Shizu's lips and the faint hints of toothpaste, creating a weird-tasting, and yet oddly palatable mix between their mouths.
It wasn’t anything special, just simple kisses pressed against each other’s lips as they savored the taste of their ice creams. And yet, Hiiragi felt like that’s all he wanted to do forever.
Once again, Hiiragi was reminded of their childhood. Of standing under the open sky with Shizu, holding ice cream while squeezing each other’s empty hand as if to say "you’re here with me, and I’m not going anywhere". It was probably the only part of it that he could gain back, the rest passed and long gone, but if this is what he was allowed to keep, then maybe Hiiragi didn’t mind as much.