Chapter Text
Lily was sick of it, absolutely sick of it.
How the in the ever loving fuck could two people be so in love and not know? It was right there. Like, right there. It was infuriating how they had just not figured it out, especially considering that they were some of the smartest people in sixth year.
There was only so much a person could take, and Lily had reached her limit five longing glances ago.
So, that's why Lily decided that she would do everything in her power to bring Remus Lupin and Sirius Black together by the end of the year. Preferably by Christmas, but Lily was willing to give them some leeway, knowing how stubborn the two of them could be.
Now, firstly, there was a few things to be set straight. This was entirely a last resort. Lily would never ever try and meddle with someone's life unless it was most desperately needed, and in this case, it was. Very desperate indeed. She had given them enough time, all of fifth year in fact, but, that hadn't amounted to anything. This was completely justified, and she was doing not only Remus and Sirius a favour, but everyone else aswell. She was sure it was just as insufferable for them to see the two boys and the extreme sexual tension between them as it was her. It was seriously distracting, and could be highly uncomfortable at times.
Lily was the furthest thing from a gossip, and she found it very dishonorable and rather rude to be talking about other people behind their backs, so that was obviously not the reason she was doing this. Her motives were purely out of the goodness in her heart.
"Lily, oh merlin I have to tell you something. It's about you know who and you also know who and that thing you know about too. I'm actually still in shock about it to be honest but it's so good, oh and also you cannot tell them that I told you because I promised I wouldn't tell anyone and-" Mary took a deep breath, preparing herself to continue, but Lily cut in.
"Not now, I'm busy, tell me later though, yeah?" Lily realised then that perhaps her intentions weren't as pure as she thought them to be. Oh well, she thought, no one has to know that.
"Fine, fine, fine. Go ahead and finish doing your homework and being super bored while me and Marlene are having a grand old time talking about fun things. But I will be telling you later. Marlene!" Mary screeched out the last part, already heading out of the dorms and into the common room.
"I'm not doing homework," Lily muttered under her breath. "I'm plotting,"
And plotting she was.
Lily was very good at many different things, but one thing she was particularly great at was making plans. Don't ask how, or why, but Lily was just very good at making plans. If you needed a plan to be made, you asked Lily. And she always delivered. Okay, well, Nobody had ever actually asked Lily for a plan, but if they were to, she would have made a plan that put theirs to shame. She also just made them anyway, because she found it rather fun, and people had just begun to expect it.
She was very proud of her plan making abilities, though people often found it rather sad if she brought it up, because apparently being an extraordinary plan maker was not something most people found immense pride in. After a particulary average test score, Lily had once almost asked Remus if she could help plan a prank with them, because she was craving the validation that hadn't been delivered with the test result, and she knew that they would be the only ones truly astounded with her wonderous plans. In the end she hadn't, but only because Potter had said something to her again. Nothing rude, but still, he spoke, and at that time, she really did not like when Potter opened his mouth at all.
Anyway, she was the best planner out there, so she was having a blast coming up with this one.
It took a while, but all great things took time, and soon enough, she was finished.
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How To Bring Two Oblivious Idiots Together: A Simple Ten Step Plan.
Step 1: Get backup. Someone close to the oblivious idiots in question. Have them on your side, use them for insider information. Possibly let them help you with the rest of the plan, depending whether or not they decide to act like a wanker.
Step 2: Spread rumours about said idiots being together. They will most likely laugh it off, but that is expected. It will at least get the idea of the relationship on their radar.
Step 3: Make sure to have them spend lots of time together. Alone. Perhaps start making a suggestive joke or two before leaving, making them question why you would say such a thing, leaving them wallow in the awkward aftermath that is your incredibly unfunny joke. Suggestive joke not nessecary, but is best to start getting revenge for years of encountering awkward sexual tension early.
Step 4: Queer people exist. Remind them that they're not rare, sometimes people forget such things. Talk about known queer person. This should lead to self reflection and hopefully self discovery.
Step 5: Start to ask questions (e.g 'hey, is there something going on between you two?'). It will catch them so off guard they will start deny it so vehemently and aggressively, but when they're alone, it's all they're going to be able to think about. The seeds you planted are finally going to start growing.
Step six: Get into fight with one of the oblivious idiots. Let other oblivious idiot come to their defense.
Step seven: Same as step six, but get into fight with other oblivious idiot instead so their roles are reversed. Oblivious idiots see just how much they care for eachother and how far they're willing to go for the other. The 'oh' moment of realisation should happen around this time.
Step eight: Tell each oblivious idiot that the other is going out with someone else. There is no better way to realise how much you love something till it's gone. Miscommunication is the worst, best to get it over with early on rather than later in the relationship. Jealousy is also a great motivator.
Step 9: Set them up and trick them into going on a date with eachother.
Step 10: Alcohol will do the rest.
Note: Be patient, it's going to be gruelling and hard work, oblivious idiots can truly make you want to scream with frustration, but don't let it get to you. Remind yourself that no matter what, they will end up together.
Written by Lily Evans.
Disclaimer 1# This is a completely fictional and hypothetical plan. This is not meant to replicate real life person(s) in any way, shape, or form and if it does so, that is entirely a coincidence and should not be seen as anything more than that.
Disclaimer 2# Results may vary.
Turn over page for backup plan—»
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*THIS PLAN IS MEANT FOR EMERGENCY'S ONLY*
«DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES USE THIS PLAN UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NESSECARY»
How To Bring Two Oblivious Idiots Together: only to be used in case of an emergency.
1. Tell oblivious idiots about original plan (see previous page) and let the experience of them viscously berating you for butting into their business be that of a bonding one for them. They will get together within the next few days after.
!!!!WARNING!!!!
This plan, although effective, may have adverse and potentially damaging side affects to you and anyone else involved. These side affects include: lasting physiological damage, bodily harm, embarrassment, guilt, shame, no longer being friends with said idiots, and, in extreme cases, death.
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Lily was very professional when it came to planning, perhaps even a little bit over the top in certain aspects of it, especially seeing as this wasn't meant for anyone's eyes apart from her own. She simply couldn't help it though, she tended to get carried away when it came to these sorts of things.
This plan was nothing short of a masterpiece, possibly her proudest one yet. The layout, the content, her handwriting, every last one was stunning.
She never mentioned names just in case someone else were to stumble across it, and she put a disclaimer there for that exact reason. It was all very subtle anyway, so the disclaimer was probably not needed, but twas always better to be safe than sorry.
Now, all's that was left to do was to carry on with the plan.
Oh, right. She still had the whole plan to actually do. Ha, she forgot about that part for a second there.
So, step number 1: Get backup. Someone close to- and she already hated herself for deciding to do this.
James Potter was clearly the only possible option for this. He was the one closest to Sirius and Remus that would actually be decent help to Lily. It couldn't have been Peter, because well, Pete was Pete, and he was quite horrific at keeping things a secret if she was being honest. Not on purpose, but sometimes Peter spoke before he thought at all. Two years ago he had spoiled Franks surprise birthday party by asking Frank what sort of shirt he should wear to it. She did not want to take a chance this time, it was far too important.
So, James being the one that had to help her, meant that she had to be the one to enlist his help. And talk to him. And look at him. And do whatever else it is that you have to do to have a conversation.
She was not looking forward to that.
It's not that she hated James or anything like of the sort, she didn't, or not anymore at least. Two years ago, she despised him, even last year, she couldn't say the name James Potter without there being a 'toerag' or 'wanker' in the same sentence. Now, Lily supposed she could stand to be in the same room as him, she could even say that they were.... Civil, to a point.
It was only a few weeks into sixth year, having just turned October, so there was plenty of time for this to change, but right now, James had actually been pretty decent this year.
Something about him must have changed. He seemed to have matured an awful lot over the summer. He had grown an inch or two, probably over six foot by now, his chin had squared off a bit and his jawline had become a bit more defined, sometimes in the morning if he was running late, she could see stubble on his chin. He had filled out more, too. No longer so thin and spindly, she figured he must have trained hard for quidditch over the summer, because all the girls were talking about how muscular he now was.
He hadn't just matured physically of course, but also mentally. Gone was the poor flirting attempts that ended up more like insults, now there was still very poor attempts of flirting, but no longer did they make Lily not want to look in a mirror ever again. They were much more funny, now. Once or twice she'd even had to stop herself from giggling. (She couldn't find it in herself the ability to give him the satisfaction that maybe, perhaps, she found the pick up lines just the tiniest, microscopically small bit, endearing).
Now that she didn't want to rip her hair out every time she even thought of James Potter, let alone look at him, she found herself watching him more closely this year, when he wasn't aware of it. It let her see him in almost a whole other light. She saw him helping the lost first years, comforting the homesick kids, standing up for people, and, in all aspects, being a decent human being. She didn't know if this was a particularly new development in the personality that was of James Potter, but it was certainly one she hadn't been able to see much of before.
With James, of course, the pranks never stopped. Lily could only expect so much from that boy, and being well behaved was not on her list of things that James Potter had suddenly become. She couldn't find it in herself to hold it against him, though. First off, it was a group effort, even if James seemed to be the leader of it all when you were an outsider looking in, due to her insider information, thanks to Remus and her friendship with him, she came to realise sometime last year that they were all as guilty as one another, each one of the four marauders contributed mostly equal parts in all the pranks. And, if Lily didn't hold it against Remus, she knew it wasn't fair to hold it against James.
It's not that she condoned the pranks at all, she didn't. Never had, never will. She just started to look the other way a bit more often, but she still sometimes chatised Remus for adding more fuel to the fire, without him, the marauders would have been lost, and would've ran out of prank ideas years ago. Other than that, she kept quiet, letting her opinions fall free only when she had a pen in her hand and a page opened in her journal, there, she wrote without fear of being called a stuck up brat. She no longer even complained with the girls about the marauders and their pranks, not after that fight in early fifth year, where, basically, they all got fed up with her and thought she was being nitpicky with all the issues she had with the boys, especially James.
That hadn't been a very fun time for her, but Lily knew that she had brought it on herself. She'd definitely not been the kindest to the marauders, specifically Sirius and James, but even more specifically, James alone. There had just always been something about him, where everyone seemed to look up to him and adore him and borderline worship the ground he walked on, Lily saw a rich prat too full of himself to care about other people's feelings. The shitty flirting that was really just mean teasing being #1 and everything to do with Severus being #2. So, Lily had attacked him verbally the same way she felt he was doing to her. The fight with the girls, though, that had been a bit of an eye opener, too. As well as her becoming closer to Remus.
Long story short, Lily realised she wasn't being the sort of person she thought she was, so she changed. Or started trying to change. She thought she was doing pretty good.
But James Potter was still James Potter and Lily Evans was still Lily Evans. Some things could never change.
That meant that this first step would most likely be rather difficult. She glanced up at the clock and saw it was nearing ten O' clock, she thought for a moment and figured it would be best to start the plan tommorow, bright and early. Then, she'd have had a whole night to prepare herself for it. Talking to James Potter.
She tucked the sheet of paper that entailed the plan into her journal, and then went on to place that under her pillow. She yawned, stretching as she did so, before standing up and starting to get ready for bed. Mary and Marlene came up just as she was brushing her teeth, along with Alice, and, Lily would guiltily admit to rushing over at the chance to hear all about the drama Mary had begun to tell her earlier.