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Stede fucking Bonnet is Izzy Hands’s personal Kraken.
Blackbeard turns Judas the moment Bonnet arrives: with a metaphorical happy middle-fingered salute, he turns from their personal history, their shared project—from everything, really—settling instead at the shrine of someone who couldn’t be a God if they died trying.
Oh, does Izzy want to help Bonnet along with the dying. Quite desperately.
A vein in his temple throbs. He feels that. He’s been feeling that a lot lately. Izzy’s never had high blood pressure before.
Bonnet’s reading fucking fairytales to a crew of supposed fucking bloodthirsty pirates like they’re children gathered at Sunday mass listening to the priest. Again.
“And then,” Bonnet declares, with his usual flourish and smarmy smile, “they lived happily ever after!”
“Happily ever after!” gasped Wee John.
“I knew this would have a good end,” Pete confides to Lucius. “Called it first.”
“Course you did, baby,” Lucius soothes him.
“‘Course it’s a fuckin’ happy end,” Izzy mutters loudly amongst what suspiciously sounds like sniffling coming from a corner. If he turns to see who does the sniffling, someone will die tonight. “It’s a pussy story for pussies read by a pussy man. Fuck!”
The pussy man in question raises his voice above the sniffling. “Now, lads, off to bed you go!” he says brightly like a damn matron, clapping his hands together. “Shoo-shoo!”
“I’ll fuckin’ shoo your ass ,” Izzy hisses before he turns to walk away in a dignified hurry, temple throbbing all the while.
He’s gonna kill that pussy man. He’ll be the one to do it. Fuck, that gets him all excited.
(He thinks about it the whole time he’s going off to bed.)