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Somewhere in an undisclosed location of the Eastern Seaboard, two figures were cloaked in shadows, observing a chain of events from afar.
The Undersiders, a repeated thorn in their side, had just tried to recruit another teenager to their ranks, after they’d fought one of the more dangerous threats in the city together. Then, they’d gone away and left behind a trembling teenager.
The two figures looked at each other, then back at the scene. This was an opportunity, a method by which they could strike a victory against the true darkness of the city, if only they tackled the problem in the right way. It required dedication, commitment, and the utmost focus.
“So, the usual plan?” One of them asked.
The other nodded in agreement, and the two figures held out their fists to each other, moving them up and down in a rhythmic pattern for several minutes until one of them caved and held out two fingers, before sighing in disappointment.
“I told you, rock always wins,” the other figure said. “It’s far more efficient than the other two, and needs a nerf.”
The losing figure simply looked to the ground, leaning on a strange, glowing lance.
“I saw your handiwork down there, pretty impressive,” Armsmaster said, and Taylor just stared at him with big buglike eyes hidden behind her mask.
She’d almost expected him to want to fight her or something, but no, he was complimenting her instead.
“It wasn’t just me… there were some other people there, they came in at the right moment.”
“You’re telling the truth,” Armsmaster replied with a friendly smile on his half-hidden face. “Still, you faced down Lung and lived to tell the tale, that’s still pretty impressive for someone your age”
“I’m not that young,” Taylor replied.
“You’re young enough that you feel insulted if someone implies you’re younger than you are instead of older, but don’t worry, we’ve all been there.”
Taylor blushed a little behind her mask. She’d just flopped out something resembling her real age, not a good start if she wanted her identity to remain hidden. Better if everyone thought she was a twenty-something with a quarterlife-crisis.
“So my colleague will arrive shortly to further secure Lung. In the meantime, could you give me a rundown of what happened? The important thing is that we’ve gotten someone incredibly dangerous off the streets, but I’m sure the press will be looking for some juicy deets?”
Taylor nodded, and began explaining what had happened, while Armsmaster asked pointed questions, even praising her for thinking ahead and bringing chalk dust along in case she needed it.
In the meantime, Dauntless arrived from the skies, lancing through the skies towards there location before something took him off course, smashing against the side of a roof and landing hard in a nearby dumpster.
“Seriously, again?!” Armsmaster shouted, turning and looking at his sidekick with a disapproving glare, while Dauntless climbed out of the trash covered in filth and trash.
“Sorry boss, won’t happen again,” the man replied in a downtrodden voice.
Taylor tactically said nothing, especially when a banana peel fell off Dauntless’s helmet, landed in front of his foot, and had something happen that only really happened in cartoons.
Armsmaster just shook his head. “That man… what’s next, is he going to accidentally put too much sedative in Lung’s bloodstream or something?”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Taylor whispered, thinking back to all the marketing materials about Dauntless she’d seen.
“Well, at least we’ve got one competent hero here tonight,” Armsmaster suddenly said, giving Taylor a sudden slap on the back. “You did good kid, looking forward to seeing more of you,” he continued. “Here’s my card, give me a call if you ever want to team up for something”
Taylor grasped the card, and was then distracted by panicked sounds from the streets down below. Dauntless, who had just plast industrial-strength super-cuffs on Lung, had dropped the key, and was frantically running after it as it bounced through the alley, almost catching up to it before it disappeared into a sewer drain.
Armsmaster sighed, then turned to Taylor again.
“Sorry kid, but duty calls. And remember, you can call me for just about anything that’s not geography homework!”
“I uhmm… I was hoping for Armsmaster?” Taylor said, trying not to look too unimpressed with the actual factual superhero floating in the sky in front of her.
Dauntless was a fine hero. He just… he also had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of his super-shoes.
“I promise you, I’m a perfectly fine superhero, I’m great at what I do, lots of people say so,” Dauntless replied. “So, how can I help you?”
“Well, there’s this thing I wanted to discuss. See, I joined this gang of supervillains with the goal of going undercover with absolutely no training while I’m socially isolated and easily manipulated, and I need your help because I’m going to be robbing a bank with them tomorrow so I can find out the secret identity of their secret evil boss who keeps his identity hidden from everyone on the team except Tattletale.”
Dauntless looked at her for a second, then did some mental arithmetic.
“That sounds like an amazing idea with zero flaws, and since you’re an amazing superhero instead of a middle schooler with delusions of grandeur, I’ll trust your judgment on this. How can we help?”
Two shadowy figures stood in the darkness behind a reflecting window, readying themselves. Soon, the Undersiders would arrive, then, the Wards. Then, they would swoop in at the right moment and fix things, arresting all five Undersiders in one go.
“So, I think we might have a problem,” one said.
“Which is?” the other asked.
“I just saw Amy Dallon enter the bank.”
“Fifteen minutes,” Taylor called out to the room. “We won't be there any longer than that. Stay put, stay quiet, we’ll be gone before fifteen minutes are u-”
At that moment, she was interrupted by a blinding beacon of light smashing through the front window of the bank, a lance of lightning spearing out, missing one of Rachel’s dogs and hitting the electrical circuitry in the ceiling, turning everything but the opponent’s glowing armor completely dark.
Chaos ensued as hounds leapt through the sky, darkness washed through the building, and Regent tried to entangle Dauntless’s neural system. Taylor just stared, panicking. This wasn’t what they’d planned, leave it to an idiot like Dauntless to mess things up this hard.
It was raining outside, a tidal wave pouring down on the city, and the only thing Brian could think about was his little sister.
They’d fucked up, gotten distracted, then picked off like a bunch of preschoolers, even after Dauntless’s ridiculous charge. They hadn’t even properly bogged him down before the Wards had arrived, freezing Taylor in time and carrying Regent half a mile into the air. Even more impressive, someone, or something, had taken out Tattletale without anyone noticing. He’d almost expected it to have been Shadow Stalker, but according to Lisa the security electronics in the walls would’ve kept her out.
Brian turned his head as he heard a scratching noise on the door, something shifted, then it opened, revealing Armsmaster, wearing what could only be described as a business casual version of his armor. The man was holding two steaming mugs, and as he sat down, he placed one in front of Brian, who was only partially bound to the table.
“Forgive me for assuming, especially given the now apparent racial angle, but I guessed you were the type to prefer it strong and black?” Armsmaster asked.
“Apology accepted,” the recently unmasked Brian replied.
Armsmaster clicked a button, completely freeing up Brian’s hands , and gave him a soft, untrustworthy smile.
“So, how old are you Grue?”
“Old enough not to fall for your tricks,” Brian replied. “I want a lawyer.”
“You know, I hoped this would be a friendly talk, just two professionals exchanging information. An excuse for me to ask the judge to go easy on you. I’ve got influence with them, and I’d hate to see another person get caught up in the endless cycle of breakouts and arrests until they end up in the Birdcage.”
“You’re expecting me to believe that?” Brian asked.
“If I was, I’d lend you my helmet. It’s got a lie detector, and a few other tools courtesy of a proper support system. No, what I expect you to do, is to understand that we have a lot of video evidence locked in a very secure room that connects you to a lot of crimes. Even if you resist with all you’ve got. Your identity is out, and it won’t be easy for you to escape given all that.”
Brain just glared at the supercop, drinking his (admittedly delicious) coffee.
“Look Grue, I know what this looks like in your brain, the dynamics of the thing. I may not have personal experience with the type of things you’ve spent your life worrying about, but I’ve got colleagues who do, and I have the ability to read a book. I know you’re just trying to get ahead. I know you’re doing your best to keep things professional and stop permanent harm from happening, and I know you just want to take care of your loved ones. I also know we have a security tape of you breaking someone’s arm at the command of a guy giving you a thousand bucks, and I also know what a Jury will think about that.”
Brain just sat there, seething until another person entered the room. Dauntless, carrying a pile of tapes, CD’s and data recorders.
“Got it here boss, all the video evidence we have of this guys’ crimes, taken straight out of the hyper secure vault.”
Armsmaster turned and looked at the guy. “You mean to say that you took a copy of all the video evidence we have, right?”
Dauntless returned the look, and Brian could actually see the lump moving through the man’s throat.
Armsmaster sighed, then pointed at a video-screen mounted on the wall. “Well, put it in, start with tape ENE-S-G-14a, starting at mark 14:58.”
Dauntless nodded, then walked towards the TV before stopping suddenly as an alarm on his wristwatch went off.
“Sorry boss, charging time, gotta grab my spear real quick,” he said, dumping the pile of electronics into one arm as the other went for something mounted on his back. The spear of light twisted and shone for a second, sparks of lightning exploding from the hilt and the head, and hitting…
The first thing to catch on fire was an old VCR tape, followed by an electrical explosion on a small USB stick that shattered a nearby compact disc. THen the fire alarm went off, and water poured from the sky, ruining Armsmaster’s carefully prepared paper files.
Two drenched professionals sat on a bench together. One chained to it, the other with a helmet on.
“Seriously, this entire place… sometimes it’s like I’m the only competent person around,” Armsmaster complained, weakly pointing a finger at a nearby balcony where Assault and Battery were having a slapfight.
“I know the feeling,” Brian replied, his Brian-brain going through his options. Annoying as it was to be wet and cold from a ridiculous power-induced electrical fire… if that had truly been the only copy of those tapes it would open up a lot of options. With less in the way of video evidence they wouldn’t be able to nail him for a lot of different things.
“It’s just… this city needs people to protect it. Competent people, professionals who know how to handle themselves without sinking into ridiculous personal nonsense every half hour. It needs someone to look after it. Not some shining hero seeking the limelight, but a skilled guardian looking to protect everyone.”
Brian just stared at the guy.
“And given that there’s not that strong of a case against you, I think I could put in a good word for you with the judge.”
“Why, why do I have to put up with you and your team!” Piggot shouted, little drops of spit flying from her mouth, landing on Armsmaster’s faceplate.
“I don’t see any problems with today’s turn of events,” Armsmaster replied, standing between Piggot and her true target.
“You don’t see any problems? You DON’T see any problems? First he accepts a ridiculous harebrained scheme from a girl we’ve only barely managed to get into the Wards instead of a cell, then he cocks up even that by just barging into a complicated hostage situation. His half-cocked attack fried the entire place’s electronics, costing thousands of dollars. His incompetency cost us more than ninety percent of the evidence we had on the Undersiders, the Youth Guard is on our case regarding Hellhound because someone HAD TO share a highly classified video of her and a juvenile canine, and six of my top operatives are in the hospital arter that stunt with the forcefield in the medical bay! The only thing he hasn’t goofed up yet is a prison transport to Canada!”
Armsmaster turned around for a half-second. “Didn’t we have something for that?”
“Turned out there was a rather lengthy rapsheet including multiple counts of aggravated sexual assault. I thought it would be best to have him sent to Dragon’s new juvenile detention center up there and hope they can someday rehabilitate him. There’s context and excuses for it, but there’s only so far that those will go.”
Armsmaster nodded. “Well, four out if five isn’t bad, and we’ve got a lead on the next target.”
“What the hell are you two talking about?! Why are you pretending this was all some sort of plan?” Piggot asked.
“Oldest trick in the book,” Armsmaster said.
Piggot raised an eyebrow.
“Bugsy’s had a friendly introduction into the Wards, knowledge that we could go after her legally will keep her there for long enough that the rest manages to forge some social ties. We managed to stop Tattletale from identifying that Amy Dallon was in the crowd. The electrical interference meant Shadow Stalker was in position to sneak up on Tattletale before she could figure out the plan. Grue is well on his way to becoming ENE’s newest Protectorate recruit given the lack of things we can prove we did. We’re spinning Hellhound into doing wildlife protection near several quarantine areas where no-one will bother her, and we managed to identify most of Coil’s highly placed infiltrators, and further analysis of their records will soon allow Seer and I to figure out how he managed to get them into position. Any negative press from this turn of events will be countered with pictures of Triumph protecting a little girl from getting kidnapped.”
“Oldest trick in the book?” Piggot asked.
“It’s called good cop bad cop,” Dauntless said with a smile. “Works every time.
***Epilogue***
A tidal wave had just washed away a large part of the city, and two figures were standing in the shadows on top of a roof, observing their allies, their enemy, and the villains currently on their side.
“Same plan as always?” one of the two asked.
The other nodded.
For three minutes, both of them shook their fists up and down in a strange, rhythmic pattern, until one of them spread out his fingers. The other groaned.
“Paper needs a nerf,” he complained.
“You just always play rock,” the other said.
“Usually wins.”
Armsmaster stood in front of Leviathan, nanothorn scythe in hand.
“You Dumb brute,” Armsmaster growled. “I’ve watched every fight we have of you, all the footage of you murdering hundreds upon hundreds of capes, and I’m self-assured and overconfident enough to know that I can totally solo you. Because I’m a great cape.”
Leviathan tried to catch him from behind with a wave, then cocked it’s head. Inside of its strange, alien architecture, it formulated a plan during a quick succession of blows with the cape. It would need to stop sandbagging for half a second.
Twenty seconds into the fight, the ground rumbled, brief and intense, but it’s perfect plan on the overconfident hero was stopped in its track by a forcefield. A second bag of water had appeared in the fray, floating, clouded in energy. Leviathan was surprised, inasmuch as such a creature could be surprised. Taken by the oldest trick in the book, though it had never interpreted the ‘bad cop’ part in such a manner.
Leviathan turned to run, knowing it had been defeated.