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when my first lover, ghiiz, proudly announced their departure to the military, it was with a vocabulary that would make a sailor jealous and the door slamming capabilities of an angry teenager. though to be fair, up to that point we were both just that; two angry teenagers who had nothing but each other in the world. i know it sounds quite romantic and ideal, but we really just held each other back from learning about ourselves and the world around us. it was a dark time for both of us, and in all honesty i was glad it ended the way it did.
although sometimes i catch myself looking at an old photograph of me and ghiiz and i start to reminisce about how we used to skip class to count the ships flying by, drinking the cheapest sugar water we could find under the blistering sun. while ghiiz would stare out into the clouds id count the sun specks on their shoulders and gaze into their blood red eyes.
every time i did id be lost for hours, and i dont mean that in a metaphorical way i legitimately got sent into a trance because ghiiz' ancestors were mostly hypnotizing reptiles.
i remember ghiiz would always complain about it, saying that it was so humiliating whenever a non-reptile made eye contact just for them to puke or pass out. id always retort saying that at least they knew their heritage, while mine was heavily filtered by my parents before it got to me. that uncertainty of where i come from and what im supposed to be has always been a major factor in my teenage years, i suppose that uncertainty is how i met ghiiz.
they were also uncertain at the time, though their concern was about the future. at the time we loved each other greatly, but deep down i truly think we were just two vulnerable teenagers who needed a constant in their ever changing and unstable lives and found that in an unhealthy relationship full of trauma bonding and escapism.
or maybe not, i haven't seen ghiiz in years so maybe all these thoughts i have looking back is just me being salty that i didnt have the last word in our final argument, our final goodbye. maybe ghiiz has changed, and we are now both upstanding model citizens. or maybe theyre dead, they did leave to be in the military.
in any case, id like to believe we were just a case of 'right person wrong place', and that if we were to meet right now with no prior memory of each other, we'd be married within the week. its a nice thought to have, though the chances of us meeting again in the vast cosmos is very slim.
suddenly i started to feel my head clearing, and all the fuzzy thoughts and feelings i had were slipping away. i could slowly feel all the sounds fade in, though the smell definitely didnt take its time coming back. when i finally squinted my heavy eyes open, standing in front of me was ghiiz with one hand stretched outwards to pick me up. those eyes hadnt changed a bit.
"do you need any help?"
and with a smile bigger than a barshek's belly, i grabbed their hand and heaved myself up.
"i could always count on you"