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The first crack in Sunghoon’s shell unveiled itself in the artists’ tent he shared with Sunoo.
Even in the safety of their air-conditioned resting pod, they could hear the uproarious complaints of their director, chucking props, F-bombs, and threats of getting fired at every inconvenience that delayed the flow of the shoot. The insults got to Sunghoon instantly, no holds barred, creeping up his skin even if they weren’t for him. They made him fidget profusely in his blanket, which clearly didn’t do him any favors as he nearly knocked over the barely-touched rice bowl Sunoo cooked for him.
It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the gesture, or his colleague, or both.
The chaos of it all was just too much for him to even muster a smile, and it was only the first week of filming.
Sunghoon placed the meal on his vanity table and sat up straight from the chronic hunch he’d sported since he got to set. As he wore the blanket like an oversized shawl, he caught the little, hesitant glances Sunoo spared him from his nook.
You’re an actor, he put the words on loop in his mind. You’ve seen worse, gone through worse. His hands started to shake and his eyes were shut tight. All the incessant memories from school came rushing back to him. This mishap, this drama off-camera, was nothing new. He knew what was going on, he experienced it all before with higher stakes and heightened tension. This should’ve been easy for him. This should’ve been second nature to him.
But why did everything around him right now seem so… so foreign?
“Water off a duck’s back,” Sunghoon blurted out. It was an adage he picked up from a workshop for when he struggled to roll with the punches, or when a situation’s gravity was too heavy to take in stride.
Say it as many times as you need, he remembered, until you’re alright.
“Water off a duck’s back, water off a duck’s back, water off a duck’s back—”
“Hyung?”
“Sunoo.”
Sunghoon took in a sharp breath upon feeling Sunoo’s hand, warm and unsuspecting, on his shoulder. As if on cue, his fleet-footed heartbeat simmered down to steady thumps.
The younger’s effortless ways of calming Sunghoon down made his stomach churn in equal parts uncertainty and gratitude, but a shroud of longing enveloped them, knowing that no level of his precocity could possibly let him make someone feel safe the way Sunoo did.
“Are you okay? You’ve barely eaten the food I made you,” Sunoo said with a small pout.
“Food?” Sunghoon blinked in confusion, his cheeks turning rosy upon seeing the rice bowl on his table. “Oh… yeah, sorry about that. Thank you, by the way—”
“Did it taste bad, hyung? Did you… not like my cooking?” Sunoo’s tone grew softer, hinting at worry over Sunghoon’s response.
“N-no, no, it’s not that at all!” he waved his hands frantically. “I just… don’t feel like eating right now. Later, maybe?”
Silence fell onto the two actors. It was just Sunghoon’s luck that reading rooms was his co-star’s area of expertise. So hiding something from him—a secret? A mistake? Feelings?—didn’t only feel like a sin, but a lifetime sentence of guilt. He’d always felt like he owed Sunoo the truth, what with him being so easy—to be around, to talk to, to work with—to which Sunghoon was the complete opposite.
And it was only a matter of time before Sunoo, all-knowing, all-forgiving Sunoo, would tell him that he couldn’t have asked for someone better to be with.
He just didn’t want to watch him fade so soon. “I’m worried, hyung. What’s wrong? Tell me, please…”
Sunghoon’s gaze finally leveled with Sunoo’s after enduring a few minutes of it bowing down. A tear rolled down his cheek, only proving his “special talent” of crying on cue to be true. On any other occasion, Sunoo would’ve gasped in amazement, but now, he couldn’t think of anything better to do than put Sunghoon’s hand in his.
“You know that… they’ve paired us up as a love team, right?” Sunghoon started.
“M-hm,” Sunoo nodded, “for this movie.”
“No, not like that. I mean, a prominent, multi-faceted love team. N-not just characters who fall in love in Sequence 6, break up in Sequence 15, and live happily ever after in Sequence 30. After this movie, we’re…”
The thoughts that came after were still too burdensome for Sunghoon, and they both knew that it could never be Sunoo’s fault.
“... We’re gonna have to do everything together, Sunoo. We’ll have to record songs together, perform them at mall shows, tease that we’re dating when the talk show hosts ask us if we are,”
“Hyung.”
“Comment hearts on our Instagram posts, act out these stupid scripts for commercials and get them over with for the money, sift through the influx of fan edits,”
“Hyung.”
“And pretty much have a whole spiel ready when we’re asked if it’s possible for us to date in real life. I don’t know you that well yet, you don’t know me, and we can’t even get through a week of filming this movie without director-nim wanting to burn the whole set down! I’m sorry, but doesn’t this seem too much for you, Sunoo—”
“Sunghoon hyung.”
Only a sliver of space stood between the two actors. Sunoo reached out to cradle Sunghoon’s face in his hands, looking him right in the eyes and gaining a clearer sense of how he felt.
He’d always admired Sunghoon’s way of speaking without saying a single word. He didn’t know if it was borne out of years in theater, or unearthed memories that still tugged on his heartstrings, or the fact that he was just so earnest with what he felt that it seeped through his senses, but these real, unscripted moments had always come naturally to Sunghoon.
And Sunoo took it on himself to be the person that’d make him realize that.
“I’m so sorry!” Sunghoon’s voice quivered as more tears began to stream.
Sunoo brought a handkerchief out of his jean pocket, gently wiping the tears off Sunghoon’s face. He did so with a kind, soothing smile. “It’s okay, hyung, we’re okay. Do you want me to say something, hm?”
“Yes, please,” he answered. “Only if it isn’t so much trouble.”
Sunoo’s hands found their way back to Sunghoon’s cheeks. “I’m not used to all this love team stuff, either. I haven’t been paired with anyone before you because, well, they couldn’t exactly have a kid as one half of a new blockbuster couple, but now that I’m here, you know, with you, I guess there’s no point in rejecting what’s to come. I’m as much of a novice to this as you are, even with all these years in show business. But this, all this, will never be too much for me. You wanna know why?”
“M-hm?”
“Because you’re never too much for me, Sunghoon hyung. And I don’t need to know you to affirm that.”
Sunoo brought him closer, wrapping his arms around his tall frame. Sunghoon froze in place, unable to immediately process the sheer warmth, reassurance, and fondness that radiated from his co-actor. It took him a minute, but he eventually budged, giving Sunoo the same hug that instilled a sense of safety in both of them.
“Thank you,” they said in unison. A few light chuckles followed suit.
“Thank you for trusting me with your worries,” Sunoo said. “I may not have the power to dispel them, but I hope to at least conquer them with you.”
“Thank you, Sunoo. At this point, it’s impossible to ignore all your efforts, so… the least I can do is try as hard as you to make this work. I just don’t know how I can make up for all the times I’ve ignored you.”
“Well…” Sunoo gave Sunghoon’s hand a gentle squeeze before heading to the elder’s vanity table. “Why not start by sharing this meal with me? It’s a pretty big serving, good for two people, so you better say yes before I eat the whole thing.”
“Hey, no fair!” Sunghoon exclaimed. “I thought you cooked that for me.”
“Then come here and eat with me before I change my mind!”
Sunghoon thought of the talk show scenario again. He was certain that, at some point in their time in the spotlight, they’d be asked on national television, “Is there any chance of you two dating in real life?”
Everyone would be dying to know, and everyone would move mountains for a resounding yes. The hosts would be ready to scream in pure joy. Their fans would go berserk, making hundreds of hashtags fill the trends list. Even that simple of an answer would open a turning point in both of their careers.
It was a question he didn’t know the answer to yet.
But as Sunghoon savored his last half-hour with Sunoo in their cozy bubble before dealing with their bastardly director, so comfortingly close to his proud smile that stemmed from every spoonful of his cooking, he figured that he wasn’t so unsure of his answer anymore.