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Sanji was back at the Sunny, after all the trouble on Whole Cake Island. He felt bad for everything he had put his captain and nakamas through to get him back.
He remembers how kind Luffy was to him, as only his mother once was. Sanji loved Sora, the woman who had brought him into the world, the woman who loved him more than life itself.
He knows that Sora deserved to live, she deserved to have been happy. Instead, she helped him, starting at the time when, during her pregnancy, she started ingesting a drug to stop him from developing into a super soldier.
She has loved him and supported his love of cooking and he knows that if it weren't for her, he would have given up a long time ago. Sanji knows he didn't deserve it, but here he is and even if he wanted to, he can't do anything about it now.
When his mother died, he felt his world crumble and his only safe haven crumble. He only had his mother. His brothers were never good to him, his father didn't even care enough to look him in the eye, the only times his father looked at him was to insult him, tell him what a mistake and a waste of space and oxygen.
Sora loved him deeply and it ended up consuming her, all the love she felt for a failure killed her. Sanji knows this well.
As she was his shield, she was the one who kept her father from doing worse things to him, when she was gone, any limitations his father had disappeared. The man didn't even look sad about his wife's death.
His brothers will always be a complete no. Never supporting him, never loving him, never people he can count on.
When he was thrown into the dungeon, he knew he was alone now. Nothing could help him, nothing could save him, in those dungeons with the only company being the rats and an iron mask on his head, he felt he was going to die, to be honest he thinks he deserved it.
He knew from his brothers that Vinsmoke Sanji was dead to the world, the fragile and weak prince of the Vinsmoke house was dead and he was now a nobody, a zero left, one more of the rats of that place, maybe even less than that.
When his brothers heard he was there, they went to visit him just so they could feel power over the poor child. Perhaps the power to remove the shame of the Vinsmokes.
Even if Sanji wrapped himself in himself, to protect himself from the blows, all he wanted was for it to be over. He couldn't be strong enough for his father, his mother, or anyone else. With his mother already dead, no one would care anyway.
The situation only worsened when his father tried to make him kill him or at least try. Sanji really wanted to be able to do something with all the resentment and sadness inside him, even if deep down it was just a desire to please his father, to be accepted. He can not. He couldn't, his heart was too soft and gentle to try anything against his family.
When he returned to the dungeons, Reiju started to help, she was the light at the end of the tunnel that he didn't know if he wanted to or not. She was the new light that brought him back to who he was. Reiju helped him with his wounds, but it still wasn't enough for his soul hungry for affection and care. He wants it, because he's human, but he can't have it, because Reiju has to keep up the act, or she'll harm herself.
When she sends him away, he knows this is his last chance, his last chance. Since he can't show that he can be a super soldier, he'll be something different, he'll have to show he's good at something and the only thing he can think about is cooking.
Because as far as he knows, if he's not even good at it, he doesn't think he'd have a place in the world. He must be useful, or he will be left behind, alone and in the dark.
So he runs away, intending never to return. He loves his sister, he loves his mother, he even loves his brother and father, and he knows his mother would be happy he was alive and well, even if he was too cowardly to face the harsh reality he would live in if he stayed in Germa's 66 kingdom.
He ends up as a ship's cook, hearing stories about all kinds of monsters and he understands now that there are no monsters bigger than humans, particularly those that live in the kingdom of Germa.
He discovers that he has developed the habit of pulling his hair, a certainty that he no longer has the iron mask over his head.
It is in the midst of these stories that he learns about All Blue, a mythical ocean that would have all fish, rich in marine life. It is there that he learns to dream, to want and to be free to want. He knows it might just be a myth, but he doesn't care, he has to hold on to something. Something that makes he want to live.
When his ship is overrun and capsized by the storm, he ends up on a small island, with an old pirate and little food.
The old man takes the bigger sack, and leaves him with a smaller sack of food, he knows he might end up dying before help arrives, but then again, he was living on borrowed time, maybe he deserved it.
When the food runs out, he fights, without having an exact reason, but he fights with everything he has to survive. Sanji then decides that he needs to eat, needs to survive, for his mother's sake.
He picks up a blade that happens to be nearby, turns over the rock, and finds the old man. He threatens him and shortly after, discovers the old man's sacrifice.
He doesn't understand.
Why would anyone help a failure like him? Why would anyone sacrifice something as important as his health and his leg for someone like him? Why?
Questions swirl in his head as he realizes again that his father was right, he can't be strong for the world.
The next moment, he realizes he owes the old man a huge debt. When they are rescued, they decide to stay together. They both have nothing left, so sticking around feels right, plus you can pay off the debt you have.
Both share the dream of seeing All Blue, he learns.
When Zeff starts training him he doesn't feel so bad about being a failure, if someone had patience with him he could have learned to be strong, but that knowledge doesn't change the fact that he was a failure, that his mother died because of him and the rest of his family sees him as an embarrassment, an waste of life.
He knows he doesn't deserve what he got so far, but he enjoys it anyway, he knows that everything can be taken away from him at any time, he doesn't think he deserves it but he will continue to enjoy it as much as possible.
As time goes on, he becomes more aggressive, he keeps his heart to himself, because he knows he will never be really appreciated and loved, because he knows it's a weakness and he knows the world doesn't care. He becomes aggressive, enough to yell back every time Zeff says or does something he doesn't like.
That's when he starts smoking.
When Zeff teaches him about respect for women, it feels right, it fits, because the only people who ever treated him with true dignity were the women in his family.
He grows up to become the sous chef at Baratie, the restaurant they both created and managed together. Sanji has seen employees come and go, never really staying.
He saw himself strong, saw himself growing and no longer helpless. But with all the training and experience he had, he would never have been prepared for the day a cannonball would bring into his life a rubber boy in a straw hat who screamed his dream to the world.
A silly boy, with a childlike and simple happiness.
Sanji for a moment didn't believe he could be a pirate captain. And when, just for feeding a hungry man, the boy asked him to be his cook, Sanji wondered if he was crazy.
But when he didn't laugh at his dream and they talked, Sanji knew he was a good captain, someone who protected his family and would be happy to accept him as a part of it.
He liked it, he wanted to go, but he still had Zeff's debt to pay.
Hearing Zeff and the others tell the boy to take him hurt, because his whole life he was just unwanted by everyone and everything, and it felt like history repeated itself all over again.
When the captain (his captain) defended the restaurant, Sanji knew he would leave, that he would leave his first home behind, because before that all he had were just cold houses, not homes.
After a while on the ship, he saw how he now had a family, he fit them perfectly and they fit him.
It hurt to burn Merry, it was her home, the first place she felt like she was home, with a real family.
Usopp's departure hurt too, because it felt like he had abandoned them, that he had given up and that it wasn't worth it.
Robin's departure was painful too, perhaps even more painful, because as much as he always swooned in her presence, he knew he considered her a sister, with her constant and steady presence, but her act continued because it was like an escape valve, like his cigarette, was something theatrical that distracted him from the pain.
Robin knew that too, but she never said anything, because it wasn't her place to say it.
When Thriller Bark happened, Sanji felt like the biggest waste of living space again. He saw Zoro's sacrifice for their captain, and did nothing, because he was weak.
He didn't deserve this crew, he didn't deserve anyone.
The feeling grew worse when they parted and he learned of the death of his captain's brother, of how he fought in a war. How much he lost.
Luffy carries his heart on his sleeve, anyone can see that, including his blond cook, and he feels things deeply, he understands people, he created a home for them, he became their safe haven. And now he was alone, experiencing the greatest pain anyone could have with his brother dying in his arms.
In the end, they split up for 2 years to train. Sanji trained as much as he could.
When they get back, Sanji wants to apologize, wants to hug his captain and show how grateful he is and wants his captain to be okay. He demonstrates this with the feast he cooks for them that night.
They all see how much the war has altered their captain, when he sometimes scratches his scar too hard, or the shadows that roll his eyes now, the protective worry over them, but they say nothing.
If the captain doesn't bring up this matter, they won't.
And Sanji's heart sinks when he realizes that his captain still smiles as usual, still laughs, still has his heart on his sleeve, how can he just keep understanding people. Because he is strong, like Sanji never was and never will be.
After Whole Cake, Sanji knows he's loved, knows how far his captain would go for himself. He still thinks he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve the unshakable faith he receives from his captain.
Suddenly, Luffy approaches. Music plays in the background and Sanji doesn't remember the name or when it started, but it's pleasant.
- Come dance, Sanjiiii, you're thinking too much.
He thought about denying it, saying that he would only accept a lady's invitation to dance, but there was no reason to. This was the man who would destroy the world if it meant the safety of him and the rest of the crew.
- Aye, aye captain.
They start dancing hand in hand and he realizes how gentle his captain is when he holds his hand because he knows that this is Sanji's treasure.
- Thank you, captain. - Sanji says during their awkward dance. - Thanks for everything. - Even if I don't deserve it, he thinks, but doesn't say.
Luffy listens anyway.
- Sanji, you are part of the crew of the future King of the Pirates, you are the man who will find All Blue, you are the only cook in whom I really trust my food. - Luffy said reciting Sanji's reasons for being precious. - You are the son of Zeff. My nakama, part of my family. How can you believe that the Pirate King would have anyone as his cook? I chose the best and I'm glad I did. - Finally, he put the straw hat on Sanji's head.
And Sanji knows it's true, that's all the truth from Luffy's heart. To prove his point, Luffy bends down and kisses his hands.
- That is the promise to protect your treasure. - he says softly. He kisses him on the forehead. - That is the promise to protect this part of my treasure. And these - he says kissing Sanji's eyes - are for you to see yourself as I see you.
Sanji feels like he wants to cry. Luffy sees him as a precious thing and that's how he treats him. For the first time in his life, he is treated as precious. His mother treated him well and all, but she was weak, she couldn't show him how precious he really was.
Luffy does it, because for his captain it's simple, Sanji is a treasure and deserves love and protection, even if he has to fight the world for that.
He felt Luffy wipe away his tears that he hadn't even noticed, and he hugged the shorter man. Luffy gave him a home, a family, protection and love. Sanji can only hope to live up to Luffy's expectations.
Luffy on the other hand, knows so. He knows that Sanji is even higher than her expectations of the man.
And they stand there dancing to the music that Brook plays, listening to Chopper and Carrot play and Nami laugh while drinking with Franky. And this is home, this is family, he is safe and happy.