Chapter Text
Chapter 1 - Thoughts
There was a short pause where Isaac tried to catch the breath escaping his mouth. The next few words resting heavily on the puffy lips Maeve had just planted hers onto. In that moment he felt free. She felt free. It was pure. But it was only for a moment as then the flooding memory of what happened on that cold and dark night made the purity of the moment fizzle away in to nothingness which resulted in the feeling of love in the air rebelling and forming the scent of regret and sorrow from which both of them had felt before. Many times in fact.
Maeve felt the sudden shift in the way Isaac was acting. Eye contact: ceased to exist. Posture of his head: it couldn’t be anymore obvious Isaac and his mind was swimming in thoughts. Drowning. Isaac was drowning in his thoughts. He didn’t know why he now suddenly felt like this, he had felt guilty about it since the night it happened but its like the kiss intensified the feeling of his guilt and misery. He didn’t care about that guy who looked like there was nothing more to him than the bones that lay buried beneath his skin. But what if it was the other way around? How would Isaac feel? That kid made of skin and bones used the word “love” in the voicemail. “Love” Isaac thought was a word that had no real meaning behind it. It’s like the word was exclusive to everyone else’s dictionary and ceased to exist from his. Hell, he didn’t even own one.
Because the world owed him everything. He never did anything to deserve the wheelchair in which he was trapped in and yet he was still there. Confined to this metal and fabric contraption to carry his soul allowing him to live a life. One he didn’t ask for, but it was still a life. And he never did anything to deserve the life in which he leads. The life of loneliness and pain. And Pain was something that was only exclusive to those who lead the same life of someone like Isaac. No one else would understand, would they? How could they?
“That Otis-guy wouldn’t understand this shit”
“Otis has got family problems too”
“That’s different”
Sure it was. Because it wasn’t the same experiences Isaac had seen or known about and it wasn’t in the same category of pain Isaacs supposed family left him with. So this pain Otis went through was invalid to Isaac. Isaac was better for Maeve.
Father out of the picture in early stages of her life. Mother struggling to deal with her feelings and the harsh realities and so finds the short term solution in the needle in which she sinks into her arm. She is constantly sinking. Maeve still loves her. She is family after all and that makes it all the more heart-breaking. Brother and sister also both gone. Brother gone without a word spoken and sister gone with barely any, but that’s only because of the limited vocabulary Elsie has within her dictionary.
Isaac understood all of this pain. Otis didn’t. He could never possibly fathom what she went through and therefore never truly love her…right? Isaac thought about all of this within the split moments after the kiss.
His mind and body out of sync with what had just happened and the thoughts in which he had.
He was stunned. He was - “Isaac are you…ok?” Maeve said softly as if her sole intention was to not wake his brother joe up who was knocked out cold on the sofa in which was planted behind them.
“Um yeah I’m fine. Why?”
“Well its just… we just kissed and then you turned away from me and now you look really uncomfortable and so I was just wondering if you are ok? I don’t want to make things awkward . If you don’t want to kiss or anything then its fine but id rather you tell me now because I don’t want to feel bad about it later”
Isaac really liked Maeve. He really did and when she said this he didn’t know what to say. He really wanted to kiss her again. But still, those thoughts where bouncing around his bones which encapsulated the organ that was needed the most in this situation. What was he meant to do?
“Of course I want to kiss… It’s just that…” Isaac stopped slowly.
He tried thinking of an excuse to give him more time to think.
“It’s just what? You can tell me you know … Whatever it is I’m sure its not a big deal. I won’t freak out or anything.” Maeve said as endearingly as she could.
The endearing nature of Maeve words made it even harder for his mouth to open as the upper lip felt like weights crashing down on his bottom one. No noise could even escape, no matter how hard it tried.
“Well?” Maeve said with the pitch of her voice getting higher, which to Isaac indicated she was starting to get anxious about what he was going to say.
He knew her that well. Something as little as that was something only he would be able to pick up on. He understands her.
All of a sudden, the weight upon his lips vanishes and the swirling thoughts in his head come together to form one single thought. Sound was finally no longer a prisoner to Isaac's voice box and he managed to whisper with a strong confidence to Maeve.
"I would love to kiss again”. Isaac grinned as if each corner of his mouth was trying to reach his eyes. The eyes in which revealed the concern and doubt within his actions from the previous moments. His mind and body where still not in sync but his sureness towards the girl sitting in front of him was stronger than it had been when she first stepped foot into his caravan earlier on that summer evening.
They both leaned in, with Maeve resting her left hand around the back of Isaac's neck and Isaac placing his right hand onto Maeve's upper back. To them both, it felt right. However, just because it felt right doesn’t mean it was but unfortunately for Maeve, she still yet has to learn of this truth.
The truth of the voicemail...