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You couldn't tell when it all started. But Saeran could remember like it happened yesterday.
Back then you'd been “That Girl“
It was the easiest and also first nickname Saeran had ever given you. Looking back into the past, whenever he's gathering up the courage, some things really never changed. The name had no further meaning at the time, it had simply been a choice made out of prevention. A code-name if you want to see it that way, so that everyone involved knew immediately what the subject's about and at the same moment nobody who eavesdropped the conversations could get hold of your true name. In principle, it served privacy, even if Unknown and Rika trampled on it multiple occasions.
You'd been “That Girl“ he sent with a sketchy password and some thin white lies to the old apartment. You're “That Girl“ who's going to play bridge, being the connection between the RFA members, their information and Unknown's data base collection. “That Girl“ when used as a bait in order to organize a brand-new party in the name of the seemingly dead woman who created the association in the first place. You're “That Girl“ that would've been the final key to these closed doors he'd been chasing to kick in for years. With the help of you, nothing there's stopping his Savior from getting the well-deserved revenge.
“That Girl“ helping make all his dreams and goals come true once and for all. Also “That Girl“ who's fate won't be shattered as the Savior promised you eternal Paradise after the mission's completed. Despite your unawareness towards the Mint Eye, you already saved your place beside him and the Savior herself. To Unknown, you'd been “That Girl“ which would play the best part, all for his advantage. The benefits coming in handy, feeling smooth like butter slipping between his fingers. Moreover, the Savior had given him freedom to choose “That Girl“. Therefore, she was as perfect as she could've been.
Over time you became the “Princess“
Of course, he knew who you are before anyone else did, it's him and him alone picking you for the upcoming events. For future Paradise at his side. You're his from the start, even though you haven't known yet. A sweet face, a meek feeling personality that resulted in embarrassment not even the coldest person would've been able to resist teasing. Your looks spoke for themselves already, given how stupid the RFA was and how desperate they're seeking a sweet girl like you, it's almost too easy. Unknown laughed back then, it was hilarious.
The “Princess“ enjoying her time between all the members wholeheartedly. The royal smile Unknown caught on camera often enough when leaving for grocery shopping. You're familiar with one's pain, your compassion for the members' pathetic complains had the hacker at the edge of seat the more time passed by. Such a big-hearted girl, so willingly playing part inside a group filled with betrayal, it'd been agonizing after realizing you're falling for their acts. You're nicer than expected, it turned out as a mistreating situation in the hacker's eyes. These idiots didn't deserve your attention.
Someone that fragile should've been kept safe from the outside world, the cheats and nasty edges nobody's able to dodge forever. Sooner or later, they would hit you, drag your kind soul down into the depths of despair. He knew all too well, the helpless feeling spreading through your chest, suffocating your lungs until it burned. The “Princess“ needed protection, especially protection against the RFA. Best would've been for you to be held up in a tower, somewhere far away from monsters roaming around the hallways. Unknown reciprocated that longing, only difference, for him it's too late.
If he could've brought the RFA “Princess“ to Paradise, you'd come to see what true redemption’s supposed to look like and how filthy their lies were. You'd come to appreciate his generosity, it's only a matter of conviction. Your horrifying fears would vanish, every passion held would have the opportunity to grow wings and fly. That's what a “Princess“ deserved. You’re of blue blood, therefore it's oblation offering you a safe space. Nobody should taunt such pure light. And from there, Unknown saw more than a cog in the machine. You're worth more, even if only he saw that particular potential.
But things went down the hill before coming that far.
Eventually Unknown's forced to make one bitter conclusion; his Paradise wasn't real to begin with. The everlasting party's nothing but empty promises for the countless time. That happiness that his Savior assured him, it never came. Instead, he faced death caused by anger episodes, regret for all the people he'd been doing wrong. Unknown slowly learned that there wasn't a single soul on this godforsaken planet that actually meant it when they confessed love for him. One slip-up and it's over. He now was the villain, even though he'd been the one getting hurt for years in a row.
Or perhaps his whole life, he's not in the mood thinking through what happened and up to which point it's considered abuse. Unknown detested the bitter touch of the elixir a lot, yet the disgusting taste brought up by defeat's a thousand time worse. He lost, once again. Not only himself but also other people, some that today, he'd like to beg for forgiveness. And couldn't. People he liked to trust again after years of heartbreaking separation, that he was always cautious of and frustrated over without will. The people who tried accepting him, apart from all the torture he out upon them.
They're not his friends, they're not his close family anymore. The Savior's face disappeared, leaving the last picture behind, the annoyed facial expression when ordering others to take him away and instead focus on his brother. That last bit of trust, that devotion he put in to prove he's better. He's worth being kept, loved. That Unknown was the one destroying himself for the soiled purpose of belonging. She told him he's home, she praised him like nobody else ever did. But today Saeran's able to tell it'd been manipulation both due to words and drugs. He never belonged; he never had a home.
But suddenly there's a chance again.
Somehow, he found his odd place inside the underground bunker of his older twin. Although Saeyoung took chances and decisions, ripping them from his hands without asking for consent, Saeran understood he meant well. His therapist helped convincing his doubtful brain quite a lot, something that at first premonition, seemed like the most horrible idea. It's been his brother affirming him over and over again. »Just give it a try. If you don't like it, we can always cancel the sessions!« He'd chimed confident. To this day, that might've been the best idea Saeyoung ever had.
That resenting anger residents to this day, all the way into the core of his mind. No one had blamed him until now, which's probably a sign that's supposed to be considered polite. Saeran, however, didn't feel like he earned that politeness in any given way. Years passed, with each it turned more bearable, that's true. Didn't imply it's ever going to leave his shoulders completely. Sometimes he continued lashing out at his brother out of the blue. He withdrew from the strangers, the RFA, for days if necessary. That nasty voice of hatred, sounding uncomfortably similar to both his mother and the Savior, didn't give up.
It whispered dark things, its volume depending on his current emotions. Moments passed where it’s completely gone, these few minutes felt like heaven. No complains, no insults, blaming or doubts circling around his head as if a disease's following him around. Sadly, they're still active, even more so in situations where it was totally inappropriate. Like at the parties. Saeran used all composure when talking to certain guests, even then, they're able to pick up on that deathly aura which enveloped him. It's no fun being the reason people stopped attending events for good causes.
The therapist taught Saeran a big number of tricks and guidance that's managing the inward anger. Like boxing. He remembered how he mentioned the idea once to his brother, just casually when preparing the decoration. Next Christmas Saeran owned a punching bag with fitting boxing gloves, all colored in red, black nuances. The younger twin put on the glove that evening to hit his brother by the shoulder for buying him that shit. Saeyoung had whined stupidly, but at least it helped Saeran release stress if it's needed. Not to mention, exercises weren't as bad for a body that ruined.
And then you came back into sight.
For some reason, Saeran forgot about you for a big chunk of time. Maybe due to other priorities occupying his brain, might happened because he'd been too busy working on all these unsettling habits that hurt others around him. Even in the meetings he'd been dragged to, your presence didn't ring a bell at first. Saeran couldn't explain why, like someone flipped the switch, you're back in his sight. Not only that, you're now a part of his life up close. One day Saeran received a text over the messenger, which startled him considering he didn't have any contact to a single member outside of the plans for the next party.
He'd been eating a baguette at the table, appreciating the calm dominating the air as Saeyoung left to meet up with Yoosung at the internet cafe. Saeran often left the bunker voluntarily, since it's suffocating without windows showing the sky outside. Unless his twin walked out for a bit, it happened that the bunker held a rather relaxing influence on his psyche. Despite that house being a literally underground hideout, there's a safeness to it which no other place could provide. Saeran unlocked his phone, then. It's more than shocking to find you're the one texting him. He almost chocked on his baguette.
» (N): "Hey Saeran. Sorry for messaging you so suddenly, but I heard they open a new ice cream parlor down town tomorrow noon. I thought maybe you want to go there?"
» (N): "I want to get to know you better, Saeyoung talks a lot about you. I hope that's not unsettling. Let me know if you're up for it!"
Saeran had stared down his screen in confusion and bewilderment. It's not that the offer's unsettling, but why in the world would you want to get to know him? You're aware of what he'd done, weren't you? You had seen him pull the trigger; you were there to witness how much of a disaster he really was. So, seeing a happy text send felt wrong, it's not meant for a devil living in the shadows. You're a princess, you shouldn't waste your time with scum carrying his name. That suddenly too, why did you decide now's the time trying involve yourself in this mess?
Against all instincts screaming to deny your attempt of meeting up, Saeran debated with himself for what felt like hours. Sitting there at the table, slowly finishing the baguette. Just breaking his head over these million questions you raised with a single message. Why him? Why now? What's your goal here? Were you hoping for service in exchange? Although that's probably not your intention, Saeran didn't know it differently. People cared only if they wanted something in return, often a price he payed with health and mental well-being. Would you blame him for fearing that kind of outcome?
» You: "Ok. Let's meet up at the park in front."
After pressing the send button, regret immediately poisoned his choice. What if Saeyoung pleaded to you to contact him? He's always mentioning crap about meeting humans, find friends and all these shenanigans Saeran had no energy left for. Maybe you thought he's going to turn it down, that way you could've said you tried but he didn't cooperate. Saeran chewed the last bite wet, uncertain what the right response would've been. His gut spun by imagining that there's some motif behind your words. It's surely rude, but these voices insisted hard. Why should this work out for him?
» (N): "Great!! I'm really happy you agreed. I look forward to tomorrow. I see you at noon! ^_^"
Too late, he mumbled to himself. Still unsure if he's doing the right thing, Saeran sighed before putting the phone back down. He's taking a look at the evening, if it's too difficult to predict or shows that you're up to something, he could always cut the meeting and go home. Why ever a lovely personality wished to spend time with him. He's going to find out one way or another, there's no denying he's a bit curious, though. What could your reasoning be? What had you look out for his attention from all other people available to you? Saeran's eyes stayed glued to the dark phone display, keep rethinking the future.
Afterwards, Saeran noticed what's going on.
He should've expected a kind soul like yours were seeking change for the better. You met up with him, that hair put up with a nice summer outfit, fitting for the weather. It's rare that Saeran felt as stiff like this these days, but there he stood. Unable to start a conversation, scared to make either a fool out of himself or scare you with his voice. The last time it lingered in your ears as screams followed by a gunshot. Apart from the tension being his fault, he didn't like to risk the otherwise relaxed atmosphere floating through the streets. »Hey Saeran!« You called his name, crossing the street, reaching him without realizing the panic it created.
Turns out, you're not the most talkative person out there, either. »Is the silence between us a problem for you? If so, I could try fill it with some silly topics.« You'd laughed, walking beside him in order to reach the newest ice cream parlor. Saeran avoided your eyes since second one, he's having no right watching them glow underneath the sunlight, an expression so innocent shouldn't be pointed towards him. »I don't mind. If anything, I prefer the calm.« He somehow succeeded squeezing out while his vocal cords stopped functioning correctly. »Oh, I'm glad. I'm not a fan of small-talk. I have a low social battery, I'm sure you can relate, hehe.«
No, he couldn't, mostly because he didn't know what that meant. Instead of question that comparison, Saeran leaded your steps into the ice cream parlor. These long years as a hacker had his ability to obverse details outpaced expectations of his Savior, even. He quickly came to learn your every movement's living to its full potential. Your words spoken to regardless whomever, they're held soft. Like you're not wanting to offend a stranger working at the parlor. Whenever he sneaked a gaze to your eyes, they're shining so bright, he'd never seen a carefree albeit serious expression like yours. Were you human? Or an angel?
Are you right in the mind? Why the hell did you call him up for ice cream, Saeran's loss on comprehension was mostly frustrating. »I see you like strawberry.. You know, it fits your hair!« You'd giggled behind the back of your hand. It's not considered a compliment, had his cheeks blush a shade darker regardless. Your words shot through his walls like nobody's business, it didn't seem fair whatsoever. He spent years building them up, a guarantee for his weakness to stay hidden. How were you making his body feel warm, despite these many self-defense mechanics? Unfair. Just unfair.
He began to think, though.
Saeran's fearless. He'd seen it all, there's no denying that he's apathetic to happiness. Saeran was confident, at least he tried to be now that he's owning an independent voice for how long fate let him have it. All that he missed out on due to other people's chains, he wished to be freed from them all and become someone completely new. Someone who's worth a new beginning, perhaps. Yet you're giving him a weak feeling, one he'd abandoned back as a child. This wasn't right. You couldn't be the one in control. »Would you like to meet up again?« You'd asked, voice overflowing with hope. He then finally looked at you.
Your head titled back, meeting his eyes unwavering. A smile plastered on these pink lips as your face shone the way the sun must've been jealous. He recalled you've been pretty from the moment he'd picked you as the victim, but seeing you stand right in front of him, there's a beauty to you that's inexplicable. There it was again, that slight string of weakness inside his chest. You're holding all these secrets within. What you despised, what you loved, what you worked for, what you tried to escape, what you desired. Saeran's seeing them bubble very close to the surface, tempting him.
»Saeran?« You wondered out loud, it's delightful how his name sounded coming over your lips. For once it's nice to hear it being spoken. Were you luring him on purpose? Could he find what's there underneath the sunshine you're acting as towards the outside? What world did you have that's invisible to Saeran? Maybe he could make it more exciting. If you'd give him a chance, he could prove you both he's capable of bringing a lovely person perspective. He's more than a good-for-nothing if he's able to provide you pleasure that you've never experienced. Saeran could be someone new with you.
If you would focus on him, he could show off what he had been denied forever. You're a pretty, young and sometimes naive woman with the attitude of a fighter and still calling out by that submissive behavior held onto. You're perfect, he remembered again why he'd picked you back when his nickname was Unknown. If he were convincing, you would certainly be willing to stay with him. The thought of another guy exploiting your helpful nature had anger creep up his throat. To picture some man putting his hands on your body, Saeran's unable to repress that envy rushing through his veins. He couldn't let that happen under any circumstances.
You called his name again, calmer this time. »Sure, let's meet up again. I'd like to visit the library with you next time.« Your eyes flamed up as he agreed, that's the moment Saeran knew for sure. No chance in hell would someone else be your center of attention again. All that's left was hatching a plan how exactly he's going to capture your affection. A silent voice in the back of his head proclaimed it's greedy, that he didn't deserve having you to himself. For once, he couldn't care less over selfishness. This was his time to shine. And your time to become a part of his life that couldn't dear to escape once it's within reach.
Ever since, he slowly worked his way into your mind.
A good morning text here, an offer for help with the party preparation there, calling you at night when feeling bolder than usual. Saeran couldn't stop himself from tiptoeing his way into your everyday life. He didn't feel guilty, on the contrary, he didn't need to, considering you openly enjoyed his presence. However that's possible. Saeran met up with you at all places in town, spending time face to face whenever it's possible. You became shy the more straightforward he talked, it's a cute aspect he cherished deeply. So, so cute. No wonder you're innocent, you're a shy, blushing mess when shooting the right pick-up lines. But you let him.
As long as you wouldn't verbally stop him, he would insist testing the limits. One evening you came over for a movie night with the twins, Saeyoung prepared popcorn in the meantime once you got comfortable on the couch, his twin already overreacting in his excitement. A convenience that you sat beside Saeran, the lights already out and the living room only lit by the television. You leaned in, a smile on your face, like it's so often the case. »Thanks for inviting me, by the way. I'm glad I could come over for some movies.« Your tone pierced through his lower stomach like a fire. Saeran imitated your gesture and leaned in, ignoring the roaming noises coming from the kitchen.
»Nice that you came over, princess.« The first time he ever called you out by a nickname. Your eyes widened in the dark, an even darker blush spread over your cheeks in milliseconds. It amused him, the perfect reaction. The one he prayed to get. »W-Wh..« At a loss for words, Saeran raised an eyebrow, keeping the straight facial expression shown on his face. »Hm? What's wrong, puppy? You don't like the nickname?« Another shade added to the tips of your ears, leaning back to create some space. Your shocked eyes caused him to chuckle. »Wh- Why are you– Why do y-you call me– that..« The question died in the back of your throat.
God, you drove him insane.
At the beginning he longed for messing with his own social appearance. Saeran wanted to use you to showcase how different he could be if he's stubborn in fixation. But... Damn. Your doe-eyes staring back at him, sparkling even with the little light. These lips parted while a silent gasp left your mouth. Your hair soft looking, inviting him to brush his fingers through. Your body shivering slightly from the adrenaline produced due to the shock he put you under. You're not only a kind, lovely girl on the inside. The way you almost lay back at the couch had his own body response, that heat not boiling up for the first time.
This might be the endurance he needed to keep you all to himself. Maybe all he had to do was... »You're shaking, doll. Don't tell me.. Are you excited?« He teased, coming closer on all fours to hover above you. You simply stared up, using all willpower not to fall backwards onto the couch. Saeran felt his heart hammer against his ribcage. This thrill's new, apparently for you both. Like this, it didn't matter who's near you. Who you're laughing with, if he's claiming that natural ecstasy of yours, nobody's up on his level for competition. You're his now. Mine. And for once, life's treatment is fair.
Your lips pressed into a thin line, the message cleaner than the day sky. There's a part of you liking it. Saeran had no intentions finding out which exactly, at the end of the day, he probably couldn't have all of them. Even if he wanted, he's too messed up for a heart made out of gold. »S-Saeran, please.. This– This is inappropriate-!« You pushed him by the chest, the strength pathetic, it couldn't have been honest. He hummed softly beside your ear, feeling you shiver underneath. »But you're shaking, darling. Do you deny me when obviously desiring it? Be true to yourself..« He smiled against your sensitive skin, leaving an open mouth kiss to your neck.
»You desire me. And you know what, lovely?« He husked, nothing more than a whisper. Your back ached up, much against your liking and to his victory. One of his icy hands came up, taking hold of the waist he'd been memorizing a tad too well. It felt heavenly in his palm, just like the rest of you. »I'm looking forward to fulfill that role and pleasure you..« Saeran left another kiss to the opposite side of your neck, the whine that accidentally filled the air got him groaning in a low tone. Yeah, he's probably still that fucked up monster from the past. Maybe he's sick for trying to attach you to him like that. But who's he's to care.
All these nicknames would have you as a puddle of satisfaction under him. Exactly how he wants it.