Work Text:
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: is it true...
→[wonie ✿] @sheepwon: hyung you haven't responded to my texts in like 3 days, are you okay? :(
→[ni-ki ♡s hee] @nishimura_riki: he hasn't responded to me either :<
→[sonu 🦊💓] @sunshine: 333
→[hoon] @iceprince: 444
→[jay ✿] @park_jongseong: 555
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: jake, is everything okay?
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: you've been feeling sort of low these days? @heeseungace
→[wonie ✿] @sheepwon: oh
→[sonu 🦊💓] @sunshine: oh...
→[ni-ki ♡s hee] @nishimura_riki: what's going on?
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: nono i'm better now, don't worry about me anymore 😁
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: just don't have a place to go these days.
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: i told you already, i'm fine.
→[ni-ki ♡s hee] @nishimura_riki: he's okay hyung, he's with me :)
→[jay ✿] @park_jongseong: jake, mate, please respond, you're worrying us all
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: must be bringing you down.
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: jake, please reply to my texts, yeah?
→[wonie ✿] @sheepwon: hyung, let's talk :(
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: if it's so... then come on, give this lover boy a try @heeseungace
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: what
→[wonie ✿] @sheepwon: oh no...
→[hoon] @iceprince: @aussie_boy respond!
→[ni-ki ♡s hee] @nishimura_riki: what the fuck is this?
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: i'll put the sparkle right back in your eyes.
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: you'd make me real happy right now if you'd answer your damn phone!
→[jay ✿] @park_jongseong: @aussie_boy @aussie_boy @aussie_boy pls respond!!
→[wonie ✿] @sheepwon: hyung, please!
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: what could you lose?
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: stop, let's talk please!
→[ni-ki ♡s hee] @nishimura_riki: would you please explain what all this means?
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: well, for one... his heart belongs to another
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: JAKE!!
→[ni-ki ♡s hee] @nishimura_riki: it does, so please show some respect.
→[jay ✿] @park_jongseong: riki shut up, this isn't about you.
→[ni-ki ♡s hee] @nishimura_riki: well i think it is when it involves my boyfriend and i.
→[hoon] @iceprince: don't make me block you rn riki fr 💀
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: and no other heart..
→[wonie ✿] @sheepwon: hyung please open your door i'm right outside your house along with jay hyung!
→[jay ✿] @park_jongseong: yeah and it's raining, you wouldn't want us to get sick, would you mate? 😢
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: i'm going too. we need to talk...
→[ni-ki ♡s hee] @nishimura_riki: are you fucking kidding me?
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: shut up already.
~
[jake 🦮] @aussie_boy: ... will do.
→[hee ♡s n] @heeseungace: jake please, alright? i care about you so much, this can't stay like this.
→[jay ✿] @park_jongseong: sunghoon just got here, open the door, bro
→[hoon] @iceprince: pls jake, it's freezing:(
→[nayeoni ^ᴥ^] @honeybunny: @visualcenter what did i miss? 😢
→[gyu 🎸] @visualcenter: context pls
riki lowered his phone, taking a deep breath on his last attempt to keep it together and not have a meltdown right in the middle of the kitchen, where anyone could walk in on him.
he could feel his eyes starting to water, everything suddenly too much, too loud. the slow drip of the faucet, the way his heart was beating like it wanted to burst out of his chest and the quick yet delicate drag of sunoo's feet from inside his room, making his way towards the door, towards riki.
he needed to run.
he stood up, grabbed the closest pair of shoes and bursted out the door just as he heard his hyung desperately call out to him.
the cold night air made him shiver, his body still warm and his hair wet from the shower he had just taken. riki wished he could go 20 minutes back, when he was still in shower, when neither of his friends had turned their backs on him, and his boyfriend wasn't possibly considering leaving him.
god, of course heeseung would leave him. jake is smarter, bigger, broader, older. jake's the addictive type of attractive, the kind that makes your head spin with want and desire. he's everything riki wished to be.
riki, on the other hand... he's 4 years younger than his boyfriend, he's tall but really skinny, he's taking a break from high school so he's far behind in academic knowledge, his social skills aren't the best and his sense of humor is still that of a child.
a sob escapes his mouth before he has the time to realize he's full on crying now. he doesn't stop running. he doesn't know where he's going, it's not like he has a plan or anything yet he finds himself not caring where he ends up.
riki starts hyperventilating once he reaches an empty park, collapsing on the floor, he lets himself cry and feel sorry for himself.
it takes him a few minutes to fully catch his breath, the task complicated due to the constant sobs and hiccups, but he manages to get it under control. he finds out he didn't bring his phone, which means he's in a random park in the middle of the night, vulnerable and alone with no way to communicate. riki doesn't think he cares at this point.
why was everyone so rude to him? was he actually a horrible person for reacting like that? was he the selfish asshole everyone thought he was? riki thinks they might be right.
he knows jake likes his boyfriend. riki may be a little slower than the rest of his members but he's not stupid, and when it comes to hunches, no one's more accurate than him.
he's seen the longing gazes, the way he finds everything heeseung says more interesting than the other members, so he's been expecting heeseung to tell him all about how jake confessed to him while they cuddle and figure out what to do so things wouldn't be awkward.
however, he never expected jake to do it publicly much less did he expect everyone to take his side, and (as if that wasn't enough), he never expected his jake hyung (the only one of his hyungs he actually sees as his brother) to ask out heeseung. his boyfriend. in public.
at first he was just angry, insecurities blooming under his skin at the prospect of losing his love, but now he's a mixture of so many emotions that he doesn't think he should be dealing with at such young age.
he feels pathetic, most of all. having a pity party in the middle of a park like he's in some cheap drama won't make heeseung stay with him.
so, riki stands up, pulls himself together and starts walking towards heeseung's apartment, the one he bought because he wanted rest in between promotions, the one where many of riki's firsts float around the air in a constant reminder of the permanent that is lee heeseung in his life. he knows his boyfriend's out, but decided to ignore the fact that he knows where he's at. riki can be mature about this. he can prove he's not just a kid.
the doorman recognizes him and lets him in with a pat on the head, the sweet old man giving a reassuring smile makes riki want to ball up inside the man's arms and cry until his eyes are dry and sore. he's always had a soft spot for riki, giving him candy and telling him stories from his youth when riki would wait for heeseung to come home.
stepping out of the elevator, he has a moment of realization that he doesn't know what he's gonna say to heeseung. he'll figure it out later, when his brain doesn't feel fuzzy and the corners of his eyes -as well as the tip of his nose- aren't as red.
he decides to sit in front of the door because going inside with his keys while they're in a bump in their relationship makes him feel a bit like a creep. a long sigh leaves his lips just as his eyes close in exhaustion. i'll be mature about this, he thinks. i'll prove i'm not just a kid. he repeats it like a mantra before all his thoughts slip away, his day catching up to him.
•••••
three things happen when riki wakes up:
1.- he promptly freaks out about waking up in a different place from where he fell asleep.
2.- the terrifying feeling leaves his mind when he figures out he's in heeseung's bed.
3.- he feels like crying at the image of his boyfriend carrying him inside.
riki can feel the telltale burn on the corners of his eyes, so he drapes his arm over them, refusing to let the tears fall (again), he can't look like a total crybaby (again).
a traitorous sob resonates through the room and before he can cover his mouth to muffle the rest of the sounds he knows are about to come, the door opens forcefully and a worried, tired out heeseung pops up. even with his face scrunched up with concern, riki can't help but still think he's the most handsome man alive.
"i'm sorry, hyung." his voice is so quiet and fragile that he almost didn't recognize it. he thinks he's done a lot of unpredictable things today.
"i'm sorry for coming over... i know you didn't want to see me right now." he makes a pause to breathe. heeseung doesn't say anything. riki's heart aches with the silent confirmation.
"it's okay if you want to leave, you know. it's not like i'll judge you or anything." he sniffles. "well, maybe a little, but only because it's jake hyung, of all people" he forces out a strained laugh, heeseung grimaces. truth is, riki wouldn't judge heeseung if he decided to leave him to be with jake.
"you need to stop apologizing so much, riki..." the latter jumps, having not expected his boyfriend to speak to him; his voice sounds soft as always, warmth spreading all over his chest. they stay quiet for what feels like hours.
"keep talking." riki breaks the silence, a strong tone lacing his voice, trying to hide the plead he was dying to let out. please don't leave me. please hug me. please stay like you promised.
"i was just worried about him. he hadn't responded to anyone and then he just..." he rubs his left arm, looking away from riki. he can see heeseung is uncomfortable, he doesn't know if it's because of the confession or because he accepted it. riki's brow twitches a little.
"he confessed to you in front of everyone" if heeseung wasn't gonna say it, riki might as well do it for him. he's always been like that, straightforward. speaking up when others remain silent, ripping off the bandages when an ugly, uncomfortable truth lies beneath it. heeseung once said he loves that about him, riki doesn't know if he still does.
"yeah" heeseung breathes out, walking over to his bed and sitting on the edge, effectively making riki's heart jump inside his chest. "i just didn't know what i was supposed to do"
riki's brows furrow unintentionally, digging his nails on his palms, he forces his voice to sound soft still. "you were supposed to talk to me, hyung. we were supposed to figure out how to deal with this together" unable to keep hiding the desperation in his voice, a subtle plead yet again. please don't leave me. please hug me. please stay like you promised.
"you weren't in the right place to talk about it, i don't think you are yet"
"what does that even mean?" riki doesn't like the way his tone changes so much, but he hates when people (heeseung) take this sort of decisions for him. besides, he feels like he's entitled to a little anger, considering the situation.
"it means i don't think you're ready to talk about it" all warmth that had comfortably settled inside riki's chest leaves immediately, an ugly feeling creeping its way inside and threatening to rip out his heart.
"you don't get to decide that, i was ready to talk about it the moment i realized jake had feelings for you."
"he's still your hyung, you know"
"then why did he stop acting like one?" a tear falls from his eye again and he wants to scream because why does it seem everything fell apart so suddenly?
"riki, listen..." heeseung's tone remains calm and collected, as if he's gonna start lecturing riki about bees and storks. it makes him want to pluck his hair out one by one.
"no, you listen" riki raises his voice and he hates how he sounds but he's never kept any secrets from heeseung and he's not starting now. "quit justifying yourself and start acknowledging how i feel" he hiccups yet he powers through, refusing to swallow up his emotions.
"you left me alone, for god knows how long. if i hadn't come here we wouldn't be having this conversation. and my hyungs..." he chuckles, but it's bitter and void of emotions. heeseung visibly flinches at the irony with which he said the word.
"if they weren't ignoring me, they were shutting me off like i was some stray dog looking for shelter, sunoo hyung was the only one that seemed to care and it was only after even you, my boyfriend, had been so hurtful to me too."
silent sobs and hiccups shake his shrinking frame as he hides between his knees, heeseung fights of the urge to comfort his boyfriend, to tell him it's okay, i'm here now. he settles with just rubbing his back, he doesn't deserve any more than that.
"if y-you... if you had talked to me and told me you were leaving me for hyung, it would've been less scary than you running off to him for who know what for who knows how long. so don't come in here to tell me i should listen when you weren't willing to speak in the first place."
the silence that follows is heavy on heeseung's shoulders, a bitter taste settling on his tongue, he's disgusted with the way he reacted, and how he allowed himself to hurt riki.
"i'm sorry, riki" heeseung finally speaks up after minutes of just riki's sniffles and hiccups shaking his very core and reminding him of the damage he's done.
"i really didn't know what to do. i had no idea jake had feelings for me, much less that you knew, why didn't you tell me?" riki raises his head at that, his puffy red eyes looking at him with so much unfiltered love that it almost made him fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness.
"it wasn't my place to say, jake hyung would tell you if and when he was ready. i didn't think he would do it publicly tho..." the last part is said with such a playful tone that heeseung can't help but smile widely, why is riki such a good person even with those who hurt him?
"i need you to know that nothing happened with jake, riki. i went to check up on him, yeah, but also to remind him of you, and that i'm happy being with you."
"would you have accepted his confession if you weren't with me?" the room gets silent once again, the tone with which he asked left no room for heeseung to avoid it.
"if i weren't with you, i'd be a fool"
red looks beautiful on you. heeseung thinks with his eyes glued on the way riki's cheeks flush so prettily. he watches him pout (because, of course he would pout). heeseung doesn't think he'll want to see anyone blush after watching riki.
"i'm being serious, hyung."
"i'm serious too, riki-ah" he licks his lips, riki follows the action with his eyes. "i'm sorry i reacted so poorly, you were confused and hurt with jake's actions and all i did was dismiss you entirely, i'm sorry."
even more tears fall from riki's already swollen eyes, still not used to the amount of reassurance he gets from heeseung, apologies foreign to him still after growing up in a house where the elders could do no wrong to the young ones.
heeseung finally breaks, deciding that's enough distance for now, he inches closer to riki, cups his blushy, tear stained cheeks and places a short and gentle kiss on his lips.
"you seem to think i'm with you just because you confessed to me. i'm not. i'm with you because i'm in love with you. so if you hadn't confessed, i would've done it myself because i love everything about you, and a world where you're not my boyfriend is a world i cannot call my home"
riki throws himself over his boyfriend, hiding his face on heeseung's neck, he hugs him like it's the last thing he'll ever do.
"fuck you, hyung. now that i know how much of a simp you are, you can't be mean to me cause if you hurt me like that again, i'm leaving you without hearing your excuses." heeseung laughs soundly at that, fondness overflowing his body as he squeezes riki's slim body.
comfortable silence floats around them like they're inside a bubble, protecting the bundle of limbs far too long to be entangled. it felt so nice that heeseung was on the verge of falling asleep before riki spoke up again.
"you were there with everyone else, right hyung? do you think they hate me now?" heeseung's heart aches at the image of riki being alone for so long with that kind of thoughts troubling his already hurt mind.
"what? no! oh my god, you don't know how worried we all were. sunoo called me bawling his eyes out babbling something about how 'he's the worst hyung ever' and how 'he lost his baby'" riki's heart swells with both fondness and guilt, he never meant to worry his hyung so much yet it feels comforting to know he still cares about him.
"i got so worried that the others got worried too, jungwon never stopped apologizing and hoon was on the verge of tears because he felt like he made you feel sad"
"i'm sorry for worrying you" heeseung hates the raw honesty in the younger's trembling voice.
"i'm sorry for hurting you. i understand you'd want to run away after that."
after several minutes pass without an answer, heeseung assumes that the previously shaky boy fell asleep; delicately placing him on the bed, he exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding.
heeseung shuts the door behind him as he leaves the bedroom that holds one of the biggest lies he's ever told.
jake jerks awake at the sound of the door closing, curious eyes stare at heeseung with such love he's only ever seen in riki's eyes. he can't help the pang of guilt that goes through his heart.
"how did it go?" his voice is quiet and melodic, a comforting sound after the emotionally draining conversation he just had. by the look on heeseung's eyes, it isn't hard for jake to deduce the outcome of the couple's discussion, but he wants heeseung to know he's listening.
"i'm sorry, jakey" heeseung says and that should've been jake's sign that he isn't serious about him, but his voice trembled and jake is a weak, weak man.
"i promise i'll leave him soon, just let me figure out how, yeah?" he asks, even though he doesn't have to; because jake would've agreed to everything as long as heeseung was the one asking.
strong arms pull him flush to a broad chest on which he rests his head, taking a deep breath of the scent he's grown to love so much.
he doesn't think about riki, doesn't think about how he hurt the one that thinks of him as a brother, he doesn't think about how he must've felt.
since when did lying to riki become so easy? heeseung thinks, forcing himself not to cry, he's the one that chose this, after all.
he's the one that lied.