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“You seem aggravated , Anakin.”
“I’m not ,” Anakin snapped, though he deflated almost instantly, sighing and running his hands over his face. “Apologies, Chancellor. I haven’t…been sleeping well.”
“There is nothing to apologize for, my boy,” Palpatine assured with a smile. “Anger is a natural part of being human.”
“Jedi aren’t supposed to feel anger.”
Palpatine only hummed. “How goes the war?”
“It goes,” Anakin replied. “It feels like it’s getting harder . Like we’re fighting an uphill battle. Everytime we make progress it’s like the Separatists always know our next plan.” He sighed. “It’s tiring .”
“True,” Palpatine agreed. “I can only imagine it must be. But are there not benefits to war?”
Anakin frowned. “Benefits?”
“You were Knighted years earlier than you were meant to be. Then any other Jedi would be,” Palpatine replied. “Not even the all-perfect Obi-Wan Kenobi was Knighted. In fact, if I recall, his late master hadn’t even wanted to Knight him until you came along.”
Anakin shifted. “I…earned the title of Knight, early or not.” BUt they both knew his heart wasn’t in the words.
“Are you sure?” Palpatine asked. “From the way I see it, it seems more like the Jedi Council only Knighted you because they need Generals in the war. Not because they thought you deserved it.” Palpatine’s expression turned sympathetic. “They’ve done this to you before, haven’t they, Anakin?”
“What do you mean?”
“Given you something they had previously said you couldn’t have only because they realized you could be useful? Isn’t that the reason you were made a Jedi, even though prior to that they had said no?”
Anakin frowned. “Well…they only did they because-”
“Ah yes, that’s right,” Palpatine cut in. “They only allowed you to train in order to keep Master Kenobi within the Order.”
“What?”
“Am I wrong?” Palpatine asked. “I had been under the impression that Master Kenobi threatened to leave the Jedi and train you on his own. They only allowed you to stay because they knew it was what he wanted to hear. He is a very powerful Jedi, Anakin. They would prefer to have him on their side then against it.”
“What are you saying?” Anakin scoffed. “No. you’re wrong. They didn’t make me a Jedi just because they wanted to keep Obi-Wan. That’s…”
“You say I’m wrong,” Palpatine murmured. “But we both know you’re not quite sure.”
Anakin was silent for a long time before shifting where he sat on the other side of Palpatine’s desk.
“With all due respect, Chancellor, I’d like to talk about something other than Obi-Wan and the Jedi?” ANakin hoped he didn’t come off as too rude or too angry, even though that was exactly how he was feeling right now.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe they really only made me a Knight because they had to, not because they felt I deserved it. And…and maybe Obi-Wan really is the only reason I became a Jedi in the first place.
“Of course, I do apologize, Anakin,” Palpatine assured. “How unfair of me to bother you with such things during your time off.” He smiled, clasping his hands together atop his desk as he asked, “How’s Padme?”
Anakin’s lip twitched in a small smile. “Don’t you see her every day in the Senate?”
“I see Senator Amidala,” Palpatine corrected. “I believe you are the only one who gets to see Padme . How is she?”
“Good,” Anakin replied. “Good, she’s good. I’ve missed her.”
“I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be away from her all the time,” Palpatine murmured. “And to have to hide your relationship from all of your friends as well.”
“Not all of my friends,” Anakin murmured. “I mean…you know, right?”
“Of course,” Palpatine assured. And then to answer Anakin’s unspoken question, he added, “Of course we’re friends, Anakin. I’ve been watching you since you were a young boy. Why, sometimes I almost feel as though I’m like a father to you.”
“I told Obi-Wan he was like a father to me, a few years ago,” Anakin murmured. He wasn’t quite sure why he said that, but…something told him he needed Palpatine to know.
“Well, perhaps I could be the less strict father then.”
Anakin smiled. “Sure,” he agreed, shifting. “Padme’s pregnant.”
“Ah.” Palpatine nodded. “I had suspected. And am I right in assuming you’re the father? Or is that…unfair?”
Anakin’s eyes flashed at the implication. “I’m the father,” he said firmy.
“Of course, of course.” Palpatine nodded. “Congratulations.”
Anakin nodded as well. “I’m…very nervous.”
“Because your children will be born into war?”
“Yes,” Anakin replied. “But also…what happens next? What if the child is Force Sensitive and the Jedi take them?”
“Then you’ll get to see them every day.”
“But I wouldn’t be able to tell them I’m their father,” Anakin pointed out. “I’d get in trouble. Padme would get in trouble.”
“Well then, let us hope they’re not Force sensitive, like their mother,” Palpatine said.
“I hope they’re not,” Anakin said softly. “I hope they don’t have to experience anything I feel.”
“Oh?”
“I’m angry all the time,” Anakin pointed out. “Sometimes it doesn't even feel like my anger. Sometimes it feels like something is forcing me to feel this when I’m…when I’m really not angry. And I think it’s made worse, being a Jedi. They tell me to release my emotions into the Force but no one has ever bothered to teach me how. I don’t want my child to feel that. I want them to be able to be angry or excited or…I want them to be able to fall in love and not have to hide it.” He shook his head. “I don’t want my child to become a Jedi.”
“The Jedi are very unfair to you, Anakin,” Palpatine said.
“I just wish there was a way to end this war once and for all,” Anakin declared, leaning forward to bury his face in his hands. “I’m just sick of it. At this point, sometimes I think I would do anything to make it end.”
“As we all feel,” Palpatine agreed. “But I believe the war will end soon.”
Anakin glanced up. “What makes you say that?”
Palpatine just smiled at him. “Just a feeling.”
Anakin nodded. “Thank you for listening, Chancellor,” he said. “Sometimes it feels like you’re the only one who actually does.”
“Not even Kenobi?”
“Obi-Wan is…busy,” Anakin decided. “And there are some things that I feel like I can’t share with him.”
“Such as your wife and child?”
“Yeah. Like that.”
“Well, I’m always here to listen, Anakin,” Palpatine promised. “After all, what are friends for?”