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“Lesbian.”
The word sounded weird on Alva’s tongue.
“LES-BEE-AN”
Sounding it out didn’t help. Still weird.
Erend looked up at Alva.
“You’ve been muttering that word all day. What does it mean?”
“Oh!” Alva replied, blushing at the realization she was speaking aloud. “It’s a term used by our ancestors. It was apparently a type of ‘sexuality.’”
There was a beat of silence, after which Zo and Erend burst out in laughter. Kotallo raised a mildly-concerned eyebrow. A recently-emerged-from-the-basement Beta turned beet red.
“Sorry, our quirky data-digger has been scavenging for facts about how the Ancient Ones screwed each other? It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?” Erend declared.
“What?!?” Alva said, blush growing across her face. “No! I mean, yes, I did encounter some recordings of a more explicit nature in the datalogs, but… No! That is not the point.”
“Then what is the point?” Zo asked, clearing her throat to stop herself from laughing further.
“Well, our ancestors used to have terms for the different types of romantic and sexual desires people have for each other, which they called ‘sexualities.’” Alva explained. “They had a lot of them - for men who loved men, women who loved women, men who loved women, people who loved people, and all the permutations and combinations within.”
“They bothered to label such a thing?” Zo asked, confused. “Aren’t those just… preferences?”
“It should be.” Kotallo agreed. “Who you do or do not choose to kiss is hardly an important part of what makes one whole…”
“This is what I thought!” Alva replied. “At first glance, the entire system seemed unnecessary, but then I looked into it more… They had entire subcultures based around these labels! Unique dialects, media consumption, music, and everything. And I feel like it is my duty to learn more about it, given my personal romantic preferences.”
“Ah, so this… lentil-friend thing. That was the term for women who screwed other women?” Erend replied.
“It’s pronounced lesbian ,” Alva corrected. “And I don’t think intercourse is a requirement for romance! But, yes, you are correct insofar as that lesbians were women who loved women.”
“Well, that’s kind of nice, isn’t it? I’m sure Petra would love a word that tells any male suitors to fuck off.” Erend added.
“Oh? Is that a problem here?” Alva asked, concerned. “I have never really had men make advances towards me - and the handful of times they did, they left me alone promptly.”
“Yeah, uh, we Oseram can be a pain in the ass, to be honest,” Erend muttered.
“Odd. The Utaru respects people’s preferences and it’s considered a great transgression to try and push them.” replied Zo.
“The Tenakth does so as well.” Kotallo agreed.
“Interesting… I just assumed everyone was like the Quen. I guess I should have learned not to do that by now…”
“I, uh, had heard about this kind of thing while with Far Zenith.” Beta piped up. “Tilda, um, liked women, if that hasn’t been made clear by now. Some of the others had choice words for her because of it.”
“Well, I think we all had choice words for Tilda. Fuckin’ creep.” Erend replied.
“Yeah, but, uh, these were not just generic forms of aggression,” Beta clarified. “They also… said some stuff about me too. As Elisabet liked women. When I, uh, cut my hair short... They had a lot of opinions about that.”
“Wait…” Zo interjected “They were rude to you because Elisabet loved women?”
Beta nodded. “Yeah, uh, it sounds like it was a divisive topic for them, unfortunately. Like, most were okay with it, but there was some… loud opposition to the idea that same-gender love should have been respected on the vessel.”
“This is what I had feared…” Alva replied. “That our ancestors didn’t only label desires, but discriminated based on them…”
“Well, that’s bullshit!” Erend declared. “What a fucking pointless thing to go after people about!”
Alva frowned. “I know. And this kind of thing must be documented somewhere… and if it is then… I have to wonder who is hiding it.”
“What’s wrong, Alva?” Zo asked.
“I… was taught to respect my place in the social order. Forbidden knowledge is forbidden for a reason… and now I have to wonder how much they know. How much the Quen elders actually believe about the ancestors and how much they make up to keep control over the rest of us…”
Beta walked over and put a hand on Alva’s shoulder.
“I get that. I was also taught to never ask questions… if in a somewhat different context. It can make the knowledge you do get all the more precious… and all the more scary.”
“Thank you… It is scary. And it’s not just scary for me…” Alva sighed. “I… have a girlfriend. Her name's Federa.”
Beta quickly removed her hand from Alva’s shoulder.
“Oh! Uh. I w-wasn’t trying to make a pass at you or anything, if that is what you thought!”
“You’re fine, Beta.” Alva said, with a shy smile. “Thanks…”
Alva’s focus lit up bright, showing Alva all the knowledge she could ever want.
All the knowledge Federa didn’t have.
In their youth, Alva would have loved to shove a discovery like this in Federa’s smug face. She outclassed her. One-up’d her rival…
But as an adult… This was a problem. Alva not only had knowledge of their ancestors that surpassed Federa, but that was actively forbidden. Dangerous to know, nevermind speak.
She couldn’t tell Federa about this at all…
But… She has to tell Federa, right? What will she do? Go back home, participate in the same festivals she always did, worshipping a bunch of long-dead assholes as if their spirits were guiding them in the present? Take Federa as her wife through a ceremony honouring people who, were they alive today, may not even respect their love as real? That… no longer felt appealing either.
When she first met Aloy, these personal problems were hardly her biggest concern. She’d keep her opinions private - just like how they all pretended Ceo wasn’t a failure of a leader until his demise… but now… It just felt like Federa and her would be in two different worlds.
“The Quen practice kin punishment. If I go back home like this, with all this knowledge… I could hurt the people I love. If they’ll even still love me…”
“Oh. Fuck.” Erend replied.
“When I was selected for this mission, I was prepared to break-up with Federa. It would hurt, sure, but it was the only option. No reasonable person would want to date someone they are out of contact with for months at the least, years at the most… Yet, once again, Federa surprised me. She was happy for me - celebrating my success, instead of being jealous. Moreover, she… didn’t want to break-up. She rejected the concept outright, in fact. She kissed me in front of all of my family and declared her intention to wait for me, as long as it takes. She promised me we would be together forever and overcome any obstacle. That our love would be eternal…” Alva explained. “And now… I don’t know if I can honour her promise.”
Zo nodded. “I understand your fear, Alva. Love can be a scary thing, especially as you both change. It can be hard and you just have to trust it will be worth it.”
“But… if she doesn’t accept you, you aren’t required to stay with her,” Erend chimed in. “You don’t have to stay anywhere if it ain’t right for you, y’know?”
Alva smiled. “Th-thanks guys. The ancestors may not have been welcoming to me as I had been taught, but you all are. So… Thanks…”
“Awwww, don’t get too mushy with us, okay?” Erend replied. “But thanks, kid.”
Beta gently tapped Alva on the shoulder. “Hey, uh, do you wanna look through some of that data with me, Alva? I’d like to know the meanings of some of the words Far Zenith described me as…”
Alva nodded. “Sure, Beta! Let’s do some research.”